


Changeling

by RandomSlasher (Randomslasher), Thuri



Category: Scrubs
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-29
Updated: 2007-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-02 14:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 165,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomslasher/pseuds/RandomSlasher, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thuri/pseuds/Thuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a wildly AU story with fantastical elements based on Thuri's 2005 NaNoWriMo writing project. It begins late in season three, before Carla and Turk's wedding, and from there follows the characters as they face the Change, a strange, magical phenomenon that is turning ordinary humans into half-human creatures from fantasy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Perry Cox had definitely been having a strange week.

To start off, there'd been the odd murmurings about the mysterious symptoms suddenly appearing, apparently at random, around the world; odd talk of mutations (or perhaps hallucinations, as Perry found far more likely). He'd ignored it at first, of course. Everyone had. But the reports were getting clearer, and there'd even been a few photos. Grainy, Bigfoot-Loch Ness Monster style photos, sure--but even Perry was starting to wonder. Either this was the oddest conspiracy since crop circles, or something very, _very_ strange was happening.

Then JD had vanished.

At first he'd at least rearranged his shifts. Nervous Guy had been covering for him, to Perry's eternal irritation, but early last Monday, neither JD nor Doug had appeared for the scheduled shift. Perry had called Doug first, who insisted JD had never asked him to cover--then tried Elliot, and finally Turk, before he called JD himself.

He'd gotten no answer. He hadn't really expected one.

Tuesday the same thing had happened. And Wednesday.

By Thursday, JD was officially declared missing, and the rest of his shifts were removed from the board. Perry had spoken briefly to the police, who, upon learning JD was a fully competent 28-year-old doctor, snorted and said "We'll keep our eyes open" with barely hidden disdain. Perry knew they'd suspected JD had just flaked on them, and run off with some girl or something.

Perry knew better. JD was more responsible than that, whatever else Perry might say or think about him. And by Friday, Perry was getting downright worried.

Turk and Carla were worried too, as was Elliot, but without JD there, and with the growing number of frightened people appearing at their hospital complaining of odd (and usually imagined) symptoms, they didn't have much time to look for him. Instead they waited, not knowing if they should be afraid or angry, and settling on quietly hoping for any news. It was understood that unless something new came up, they would not mention him. His absence was very nearly a physical presence anyway, and they knew the moment they took too long to think about it, they would be unable to focus on anything else.

So they waited. And, secretly, feared the worst.

Alone in his apartment, Perry sat back on his couch and sighed, idly flipping through channels on the television. Unverified reports and sightings of strange creatures filled the news stations, and he rolled his eyes, uninterested. He was still surfing, looking for either boobs or some kind of sport, when there was suddenly a knock on his door, loud and frantic.

He jumped, sloshing scotch over his fingers, then stood with an irritated frown. Who on earth--?

Then, suddenly, a terrible thought entered his mind: What if it was the police, with bad news about JD...? If they'd found the kid alive, they would just have called--to come to his door it had to be _bad_.

He thunked his glass onto the coffee table and hurried toward the door. Once there, he unbolted it and threw it open without even bothering to check the peephole, trying to prepare himself for the worst.

It wasn't the police. But it _was_ so unexpected that for a moment, all he could do was stare.

JD stood before him, dripping wet and shivering. He wore a tattered trench coat that hung nearly to his feet, clutching it tightly around himself. There was something odd in the way he was standing, too--bent forward, he appeared to be trying to counterbalance a weight of some kind. There did appear to be a lump under the coat. A backpack, perhaps, carried under the coat to protect it from the rain?

None of that could explain the look on JD's face, though. He was pale, and there were dark shadows under his eyes, which were haunted and frightened.

Perry, struck speechless for the first time, simply stared, and after a moment JD broke the silence himself.

* * *

"Can I come in? I need help," JD said, teeth chattering. Dr. Cox looked like he'd seen a ghost, and JD supposed in a way he had. But he couldn't think about it, couldn't let Cox start to talk, or he'd lose his nerve. Lose his nerve, and end up God knew where. The cheap hotel he'd hidden out in for the last week wasn't any kind of a refuge, and he was starving, already thinner than he had been.

Cox didn't reply, but wordlessly stepped backward, and JD moved in out of the hallway, hesitant. He could see all the signs of an approaching rant: the furrowed brow, the clenched jaw, the finger brushing his nose before he crossed his arms.

This time, though, JD knew he could head it off. "I...I have something to show you." His voice was soft, as calm as he could make it, and he dropped his battered duffle, shrugging the dilapidated coat off his shoulders. He wore no shirt beneath it, and water dripped down his bare chest, but that wasn't what made Cox gasp, and he knew it.

The wings started spreading as soon as the tension was released, and JD winced as the muscles he'd held so tightly clenched extended and stretched, nearly filling the small room. Gray and black feathers cast a shadow across Cox's face as they blocked the lamp.

"I didn't know where else to go..." he said softly, then waited for Cox's reaction with bated breath, lip held fast between his teeth.

Perry's face was a mask of disbelief; he was aware his mouth was hanging open, and that to say the least, he didn't make the most dignified picture. He couldn't care less. JD's wings--for there was no doubt they were attached to the young man's back, and that he had control over them--were gigantic, the feathers a dark mottled grey and black with white undersides. The feathers were shedding droplets of rain onto the hardwood floor; seemingly of their own volition, the great wings twitched, flapping ever so slightly and sending more water flying into the air. Even that slightest of movements stirred a breeze strong enough to send papers scattering to the floor.

"Sorry," JD muttered, pulling them in self-consciously. Folded, they lay along his back, barely visible over the top of his shoulders and hanging halfway down his calves; Perry was further amazed at how compactly they could be folded.

He realized his mouth was still hanging open and snapped it shut, then swallowed, taking a tentative step forward. "Are... are they...?"

"Real?" JD said dully, then snorted. "Yeah. Unfortunately."

Perry shook his head slowly, moving toward JD as though afraid to startle him. In truth, he was feeling rather startled himself.

JD was watching him, eyes dark with fear and worry. "Don't be afraid," he said quietly, voice pleading. "Please. It's still me, I promise."

Perry, who had been staring at JD's wings again, snapped his eyes back to JD's face, and suddenly softened a little. He realized why JD had hidden, why he hadn't wanted anyone to know--they'd have him locked up in a lab somewhere in a heartbeat, if the media got wind of this. He also realized what trust JD was showing in him, and felt oddly touched.

"Right," he said after a moment. "I know, I'm just a little... surprised."

JD quirked his lip into a half smile. "Yeah," he replied. "You and me both." He shivered, wings shuddering with the movement and making him stagger a little. Perry lunged forward and grabbed his arm, steadying him, and JD looked up, sheepish. "I... haven't quite gotten used to the weight yet," he admitted.

Perry nodded. "Can you... you know..."

"Fly?" JD supplied, and Perry nodded. JD shook his head. "I don't know. I haven't tried. I've had a hard enough time hiding these in the first place--the last thing I need to do is wind up in the hospital because I broke my neck in a crash landing." He sighed, curling his arms over his stomach. "Besides," he said, "right now I don't think I'm strong enough. These things use muscles I never really developed, and a few I'm pretty sure are brand new." _Not to mention the fact I'm starving_ , he added to himself, but didn't voice the thought. It didn't take his medical training to know the scant food he'd risked going out for wasn't enough to support his huge wings, and definitely not enough to supply all the energy it'd taken to grow so much new bone and tissue.

It became a moot point a moment later anyhow, when his stomach suddely growled. Loudly.

Perry stepped back, releasing JD's arm, and looked him over critically. Now that he was over his initial shock, he was beginning to notice things he hadn't before. Like the way JD's collar bones stuck out sharply, or the way he could count each of his ribs. The absence of the soft padding JD'd once had at his belly and on his sides. JD had gotten way too thin in far too short a time, and Perry didn't like it one bit.

Not to mention the fact that he was still dripping wet, wearing jeans that were sopping and muddy, and shoes that weren't much better off.

"Okay," Perry said, snapping out of his stupor and moving to take JD's sodden coat from his trembling fingers. "Okay. First things first. We need to get you dried off and in clean clothes, then I would imagine we need to get you fed." He rolled the coat into a ball and tossed it onto the tile of the entryway; they could clean it later. Or get a new one, and throw that one into the garbage where it belonged. "Where have you been, anyway?"

JD shook his head. "Hotel," he muttered, shivering. Perry watched with raised eyebrows as the wings unfurled a little, moving to slip themselves over JD's shoulders like a cloak. When JD realized he was watching, he cringed self-consciously, and the wings slid back into place, once more folded along his back.

Perry snorted. Maybe he wouldn't even _need_ to replace the trenchcoat. He turned away and headed for the bathroom to get JD a towel.

JD watched him go, toeing off his shoes as close to the door as possible. He wanted to just sink down onto the couch and sleep, but he wasn't about to sit on any of Cox's furniture until he'd stopped dripping. His mentor seemed willing to help him, but JD didn't want to do anything to accidentally piss him off, just in case. He knew how precarious his own situation was.

As if to drive this point even further home, the TV suddenly switched to a news report. He couldn't see the screen from where he was standing, but he didn't really have to. Not when it was talking about new pictures coming out, a report of a riot in Philadelphia, and the body of a Changeling, as the news was calling them now, actually found and examined.

JD hugged himself tighter, wings once again enfolding him defensively. JD felt his lips twist wryly. Lot of good they'd be, if someone came after him...especially in this state. They'd get in the way before they'd help him.

By the time Dr. Cox returned with a towel and a handful of clothes, JD had sunk down to the floor, sitting with his knees to his chest, wings half splayed on the floor around him. He scrambled up, blushing. "I didn't want to get your couch wet..."

"For God's sake, Newbie, it'd dry." Perry tossed the towel at him, again steadying JD when he swayed standing up. Looking the kid over again, the older doctor wondered how much of JD's unsteadiness was due to the weight of his wings, and how much was malnutrition and sheer exhaustion. "Dry off, and I'll cut slits in the back of this sweatshirt for you," he ordered. "We'll see if we can't get it on around those things."

JD started using the towel as Perry went looking for a pair of scissors, and was hesitating over his jeans when the older man came back. "Believe it or not, Felicia, I've seen one before," he said, nodding at him.

JD blushed, but stripped off his jeans and boxers, scrubbing the towel over his skin. And then his feathers, moving as carefully as he could to avoid upsetting anything in the apartment. By the time he'd finally finished drying off, Cox had finished with the sweatshirt. JD tugged the sweatpants and socks he'd brought on his own, but just looked at the shirt, chewing his bottom lip.

"Need a hand there?" Cox offered, looking amused.

JD blushed. "Yeah, I think so..." he admitted shyly. "Um, thanks."

Perry made a dismissive gesture, moving forward. Between the two of them, they got it on, and JD sank gratefully--if awkwardly--down on the couch, trying to keep his wings as tight against his back as he could. Perry kept staring at them. Not that JD really blamed him, he'd stared enough himself. "I think this Changeling thing might be more than a rumor," he offered, shifting and resettling his wings again, to keep from squishing the feathers.

Perry chuckled. "I'd say it's a possibility we're definitely going to have to consider," he agreed. "Just relax, Newbie, I'll get you something to eat."

"Thank you," JD murmured, and Perry vanished into the kitchen. JD sank down onto the couch, huddled in the too-large sweatshirt, eyes drifting shut as the combination of warm, dry clothes and feeling of safety enfolded him for the first time in days.

He was half-asleep by the time Perry returned. But the smell of soup roused him soon enough, and he gratefully ate it, having to remind himself to go slowly. "God, thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," Perry replied, watching him eat, his face carefully inscrutable. "How long ago did this start?"

"About a month," JD replied between bites of bread soaked in what was left of the broth. "I had an odd itching around my shoulder-blades, and then they just sprouted. But they stayed small, until about two weeks ago, which was why I had Doug start covering my shifts. And then I panicked," he admitted, blushing again.

Perry nodded slowly. "You had us pretty worried," he said, voice light, but JD paused and looked up, surprised. Dr. Cox, worried? About _him_?

But he could read the truth of it in the older man's eyes, even though they wouldn't quite meet his.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his now-empty bowl, wondering if it would be impolite to ask for more. "I was scared."

Perry nodded, then stood and took the empty bowl from him. JD was dithering about whether to admit he was still hungry when Perry returned, bowl refilled, and offered it to him along with another chunk of bread. JD accepted both, making a small noise of gratitude.

Perry watched him as he devoured his second bowl, thinking he might very well have to open another can, if the kid kept inhaling it like that. But from the looks of him, he needed it and then some. He'd started with soup, knowing it to be easier on an empty stomach than some of the other things he had in his apartment, but when JD fell asleep he'd have to go out to the store and get him something a little more substantial.

Suddenly, he thought of the others--Elliot, Turk, and Carla. They needed to know JD was okay. But he knew if he called them they would want to see him, and Perry couldn't have that, either; JD had come to him in confidence, and he knew if he'd wanted his friends to know where he was he would have called them himself. He hesitated. "I need to make a phone call, let the others know you're all right," he said, "but I won't tell them you're here, if you don't want. I'll say you called me from a pay phone, or something."

JD paused and looked up, hearing something more to the words in Cox's voice. "It's that bad?" he asked, incredulous. "What did they think happened?"

Perry shrugged. "It's a crazy world right now," he said. "This stuff about the riots, and the Changelings--and you just vanishing? We didn't know what to think. But we feared the worst."

JD's eyes widened. "They--they think I'm _dead_?"

"Like I said, we didn't know what to think," Perry said. "But it was definitely one of the possibilities on our list."

JD bit his lip, eyes going distant. He never thought his friends would have cause to think--jesus. He closed his eyes, rubbing his brow. "I--yeah," he said. "Call them, but--don't tell them I'm here?" He looked up, eyes imploring. "I just... I don't think I'm ready for _everybody_ to know about this yet. I want to get used to this myself before I start letting my friends know."

Perry studied him a moment, then nodded, getting to his feet and heading for the phone.

JD finished the soup, setting the bowl aside, wondering if he should ask for more. He knew he could eat it and happily, but it would probably be a good idea to give his stomach more time to adjust to having food in it again. He half-curled a wing around himself, eyes closing as he listened to Cox. He was talking to Carla, who didn't seem to be satisfied with what he was telling her. JD smiled wryly, glad he wasn't the one on the phone. Carla would get him to tell her where he was in moments.

He yawned, distracting himself by watching Cox through his lashes. The older man was speaking softer than JD was accustomed to hearing, reassuring Carla again that the kid was all right, and would come back when he could. The kid. There'd been a time JD would've loved it if Cox had called him that...And anything that wasn't a girl's name was an improvement, after all. But he'd missed even that, hiding out in the hotel.

Didn't have to, now, though. JD didn't know what would happen next, what he'd do about his new appendages, but he finally had some kind of hope again, sitting here warm and fed and comfortable, for the first time in a week. He realized, blinking, that Cox had stopped talking, and looked up. "What'd she say?"

Perry'd hung up the phone and turned to tease JD, let him know he was in trouble, but the words had died on his lips. The kid was curled around himself, looking small in the too-big borrowed clothes. And the wings... Perry found he kept blinking, expecting them to disappear. But they didn't, and as JD sat up more, they shifted in response to his movement, seeming to automatically relax a bit when he wasn't thinking about them. "She said 'Bambi'd better get his ass home, if he knows what's good for him.' But she seemed relieved to know you're safe," he answered.

JD smiled, before yawning again. He eased his shoulders as he yawned, and the wings extended, knocking over a stack of books. "Shit!" he blurted, scrambling to gather the fallen books. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to..."

"It's okay, Newbie." Perry shook his head, amused. JD'd always reminded him of a newborn colt, all spindly limbed and awkward. Add in the wings he seemed to have less control over than Perry'd first assumed, and the kid was a walking disaster.

"They don't always go where I want them to," JD offered, wings now held tight against his back once more.

"I'd offer a piece of sage and comforting reassurance, such as 'I'm sure you'll get used to them', but to be honest, we didn't really cover management of new limbs in my med school classes."

JD giggled. "Mine either," he groused. "Though it looks like we're going to have to do some rewriting in a lot of those text books, huh?"

"I'll say," Perry agreed, moving forward again, circling around to look at the wings from behind. They were darker, on the backside--sleek, and completely dry, even though JD's hair still stood out at odd, damp angles. "They shed water," he commented, almost to himself.

"Yeah," JD replied, twisting around to try to look at them too. "Pretty well, actually, which is nice, since it's been raining for almost four solid days." He shivered involuntarily; though he usually enjoyed it, this particular rain had felt somewhat ominous, as though the earth itself were in rebellion. Of course, that could have been a side effect of the fact that he'd been cramped in a dingy hotel room, scared shitless, starving, and trying to figure out what he was going to do now that he was a walking freak of nature.

Perry reached out, then hesitated. "May I...?" he asked, uncertain. The physician in him was curious as hell, and wanted a closer look, but he didn't want to be rude; after all, these were JD's _limbs_ now, odd as that seemed, and he didn't want to just start poking and prodding without permission.

JD nodded, slowly and carefully extending one wing a little to allow Perry better access. Perry circled, reaching out to curl his fingers over the top of the wing and squeeze, though he did so gently. JD didn't seem to mind, though, so he did so again, trying to feel out the structure of the bone underneath. "Bones don't seem to be hollow," he commented after a minute, reaching out with his other hand to follow the line of the wing until the bone ended, just before the primary feathers sprouted forth. "Makes sense; the rest of your bones aren't, so if these are to be strong enough to lift you..."

"I'd noticed that," JD said, and Perry suddenly recalled that JD was a doctor, too. Somehow, he'd forgotten that, ridiculous though it seemed--but right now, JD was something out of a fantasy novel, and it was easy to forget that two weeks ago, he'd just been another resident. "There's more muscle in them than in bird's wings, too, I think."

He'd spent his time in the hotel room trying to read up on birds--they'd had an internet jack, and he'd brought his laptop. He was afraid to leave, but at least he could try to figure out what he was going to do. "And they're larger than angel wings, I noticed. At least the ones in those old paintings."

Perry snorted. "They're not aesthetic, then," he replied, moving around front and bending the wing gently to see how it folded. "Those angels in most of those old paintings couldn't really fly anywhere, with wings that size."

JD nodded again. "These take a lot of chest strength to control--part of the reason I can't very well, yet," he admitted, feeling sheepish. "But my muscles are developing. Quickly, actually--I think it must be part of the... Change." There was no better word for it, really.

"Mmm," Perry said, releasing the wing and stepping back to squint at it. Then he shook his head. "Well, I'm not exactly sure what to tell you," he said. "As far as growths go, you could've done worse, I suppose." It was true, too. Odd and out of place though they were, the wings were beautiful; sleek even in the dim light of Perry's apartment, and colored to match JD's hair. He wondered if that was a coincidence, or if it would be a trend with other Changelings.

Well. There'd be no way to know, not until the hype died down and people regained their senses, so they could come out of hiding without fear.

"All right," he said, drawing a deep breath. "It's late, and I really don't think there's any more we can do tonight." JD held his breath, suddenly terrified Dr. Cox would make him leave--but the older man continued: "I'm not sure how you sleep with those things, but I'm betting the couch isn't the best place."

JD shook his head, slowly; he'd already noticed that much. The wings were bulky, and the couch back and arms didn't allow him room to stretch them comfortably. Perry frowned for a moment, then nodded, coming to a decision. "Right," he said. "You take the bed, then, and I'll stay on the couch."

"But...!" Whatever JD had been expecting in terms of hospitality, this certainly went above and beyond. "Dr. Cox, I can’t--I mean, I can sleep..."

"What?" Perry interrupted. "Sleep on the floor? Sorry, Lindsay, not happening--you need to get some actual sleep. You don't look like you've managed that in a few days."

"No," JD admitted reluctantly. He'd been too afraid to sleep, and usually when he finally did, it was fitful, brought on by sheer exhaustion but still not entirely restful. That, and he kept rolling over on his wings awkwardly, which never failed to wake him. "No, I haven't."

Perry nodded. "Fine. Then you're sleeping in the bed. I'll take the couch."

"We could..." JD shut his mouth abruptly, realizing he was more tired than he thought, if he was about to offer to share a bed with Dr. Cox. Not that he didn't _want_ to--in fact, he wanted to very much--but he _didn't_ want to get tossed out on his ass, and crisis or no crisis, admitting to a homosexual attraction to his attending was likely to get him pushed out the door very quickly. "We can figure something out, tomorrow," he finished lamely. "Like an air mattress, or something..."

Perry found himself wondering at the source of the blush that suddenly swept up JD's face, but let it go for now. "Do you always babble when you're tired?" he asked instead, tugging JD up and leading him into the bedroom.

JD nodded absently, pulling his wings tight to fit through the door, absolutely longing for the huge bed in front of him, the sheets and blankets still tangled across it. _It'll smell like Perry_ he thought with a slight smile, not questioning his sudden--if internal--use of Dr. Cox's first name. "Yeah, I do. Babble when I'm not tired, even," he added with another yawn. "Dr. Cox...no one else will come here, right?"

Perry shook his head, shaking the blankets out a little and trying not to wince when one of JD's wings brushed a lamp as he unconsciously stretched them with the yawn. "Jordan's at her mother's, Jack's with her, and the bedroom door locks. From the inside. I sleep on the couch often enough if there's something good on TV, Newbie."

JD relaxed a little more. "Thank you. I can't...I just...thank you. I didn't know who else I could trust with this."

Perry pushed him gently toward the bed. "Get some sleep, kiddo." He watched as JD stretched out on his stomach, the impossible wings stretching out on either side of him, and shook his head. That many feathers shouldn't be attractive. Neither should the kid's ass. Perry shuddered, berating himself even as he pressed the button latch on the door and closed it behind him, leaving JD to his rest. Only one the kid could trust? Trust to do what, lust after him secretly? God, he was a sick, sick man.

JD inhaled deeply, smiling at the scent of Perry all around him, and, for the first time since the wings had grown too large to hide, fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry sank down on his couch and stared blankly at the TV set. He was aware there were images flickering across it, but he was also pretty sure that, if coerced under torture later, he would not be able to recall what they were; his mind was a million miles away.

Or, more accurately, his mind was about thirty feet away--in his locked bedroom with his protégé.

His _winged_ protégé.

Jesus.

He brought his hands to his face and pressed his fingers to his pounding temples, rubbing them in slow circles as he tried to figure out what to do. Taking care of JD had been easy, when he was awake, because Perry was able to restrict it to short-term: get him dry. Get him clothed. Get him fed. Call the others, let them know he was alive and safe but in hiding.

But now that JD was sleeping, Perry's mind began to race forward, and he was coming up with far more questions than answers.

JD couldn't leave. Not right now. That was as certain in Perry's mind as anything, because he'd seen what happened to some of the changelings, particularly in the larger cities, when the mobs of angry, frightened people got a hold of them. And there was no way in hell he would risk letting the kid get hurt.

But he couldn't stay here forever, either, cooped up in Perry's tiny apartment with those huge, unbelievable wings of his. He'd go insane, and he'd probably take Perry with him. Not to mention the fact that those wings, if they were anything like normal human limbs, would begin to itch for some exercise after awhile. Perry had seen the relief on JD's face when he'd finally been able to stretch them, and even though the young man couldn't exactly control them yet, they were clearly powerful--meant to be used.

_Jesus._

JD would have to leave the city. There was nothing else for it. He couldn't stay; it was simply too dangerous. That Perry would go with him was not even something he called into question: Wherever JD ended up, he would have to have someone who could easily go after food and supplies and whatever else they might need.

He sat back, lowering his hands and releasing a sigh. That was it, then. Perry would call the hospital, give Kelso some excuse or another, and he and JD would flee; find somewhere remote where they could stay until things calmed down. He would have to call Jordan at her mother's, too, and let her know what was going on, or at least give her a good enough excuse that she didn't come looking for them. She and Jack were already planning to visit for at least two or three more days anyway, so with any luck Perry could be well out of town before he called her; the last thing he wanted was for her to come looking for him. Right now, it just wasn't safe.

That was it, then. They'd load up a car--Perry would rent them an SUV or something, because his Porsche certainly wasn't going to cut it--and in the morning they would leave.

Crazy though it sounded, Perry felt enormously better to at least have a plan, even if it wasn't the greatest ever. His eyes focused once more, and he realized the television was still on breaking news reports: sightings of Changelings, riots, panicked, over-flowing hospitals. He frowned, reaching for the remote and clicking the TV off.

 _Maybe I won't call Kelso after all_ , he thought grimly. With the state of things as they were, and one doctor already missing, Kelso would accept no excuse; it might be easier to just disappear. He'd tell Jordan and Carla--the two people who might actually worry if he vanished--but other than that he would leave no trail. It would probably even be better to go ahead and _buy_ the SUV--he could go in tomorrow and trade in his Porsche, and pay the difference with cash. Yes--no paper trail, either.

He snorted, feeling rather like a criminal planning to evade the authorities. But in a way, he was, wasn't he? Well, not a criminal, of course, but he was certainly being evasive. And to be honest, he wasn't exactly sure _why._ But he knew--knew with every instinct in him that made him a good doctor--that JD could not be found like this. Not now. Not yet.

Not until the world calmed down again.

* * *

JD slept himself out, too exhausted even to dream, and woke feeling slightly hung over. It took him a few moments to remember where he was. But the spicy and distinctly male scent in the sheets, along with the relative quiet, brought memory back to him, and he smiled slightly, stretching. And winced, when a glass on the bedside table fell with a crash as a wing brushed it. _As if I wasn't already clumsy enough..._

He pulled his wings in tight and pushed himself up. It was dark outside, but rain still slid down the windows. He squinted at the clock, wondering if he should risk waking Perry up. But he was hungry again, too hungry to easily fall back asleep, and the older man hadn't seemed to mind taking care of him earlier...

His belly gave a loud growl before he'd decided, and his body let him know in no uncertain terms that it wanted him to visit the bathroom, as well. Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he groaned and got up. Opening the door very slowly, he listened for all he was worth, in case Jordan had come home early, or Carla had dropped by to try and get more information out of Perry.

But everything was quiet. He breathed a sigh of relief, going about his business in the bathroom, before trying to sneak into the kitchen.

* * *

Perry sat up, startled, when he heard the glass fall; he froze, momentarily disoriented, wondering if Jordan had brought Jack home and he'd knocked something over.

But when he saw the oddly shaped silhouette creeping down the hall toward his kitchen, the memory of the night before came rushing back to him. He glanced at the clock, noting it was only about four in the morning; he frowned. "JD?" he asked, rubbing his face. "What're you doing up?"

JD jumped and spun toward him, then cursed as his wings jarred a framed photo on the wall. It did not fall, though, and JD's relief was so palpable that Perry almost smiled.

"I'm... I'm sorry," the young man murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you. I'm just..." he paused, and in that moment his stomach gurgled. Loudly.

Perry raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?" he supplied, and even in the dimness Perry could see JD flush sheepishly. Perry swung his legs over the side of the couch and stood. "How long has it been since you actually ate a decent meal?" he asked, moving toward the kitchen. "Besides the soup from earlier, I mean."

JD cringed. "I'm... I'm not sure," he said. "I've been mostly living out of vending machines. I brought a loaf of bread to the hotel, and some peanut butter, but I ran out pretty quickly." He gave a half-shrug, looking embarrassed. "I've been... hungrier than usual," he offered.

"And eating less," Perry finished. He shook his head, moving toward his freezer. There should be a frozen pizza or two still in there, if he recalled correctly... "Well, it looks like we'll have to play a bit more catch up than I'd first suspected," he said lightly, pulling out a large double-pepperoni and extra cheese pizza and setting it on the counter. He pushed the button on his oven to get it pre-heating, then went to his pantry and grabbed a bag of Doritos, tossing them at JD. "Eat those while we wait for this to cook," he said, nodding toward the kitchen table.

JD sat, looking at once embarrassed and grateful. "I'm really sorry I woke you," he said again, opening the bag and gratefully starting in on the chips. "And that I broke a glass, in your room..." He sighed. "I think these things should be about done growing, but I'm still not always sure where they are. Kind of like the summer I finally got tall."

Perry nodded, rather impressed with how quickly JD was putting away the chips, though it didn't seem to interfere with his talking. How long would they be stuck hiding out? He supposed he'd better get used to it. "Don't worry about it, Newbie, Jack destroys things all the time."

JD nodded, still chewing. Perry looked both distracted and sleepy, and he again regretted waking him. He couldn't quite bring himself to regret having come to the older doctor's place, though. He was finally getting help, and just the opportunity to talk about the Change, have someone else see it, and still treat him as himself...He found he was cherishing every girl's name in a way he never would've expected. "I think I won't be as hungry, once it's finished...But I guess I'll still need more food regularly than I did before, now that there's more of me. God, I feel sorry for the centaurs...I wonder if they'll have two stomachs..." His brow furrowed, and he trailed off, lost in his own mind for a moment.

Perry didn't interrupt him for once, recognizing the signs, and tried not to dwell on it himself, though part of him was fascinated by the thought, and wondered just how medicine might change by the end of this. It would eventually be something to think about, since the Changeling phenomenon was obviously quite real. But not right now. Right now, they had more immediate issues to deal with. He pulled himself away from the useless, meandering thoughts, again going over his plans for the next day, for their escape.

JD finished the bag of chips almost absently, finally pulling himself from his daydream. He tipped the last few crumbs into his mouth, very carefully relaxing after. He could cause serious destruction in this kitchen if his wings got out of control, and he wanted to keep it to a minimum. "Dr. Cox?" he asked, voice soft. "What...what are you going to do about me? I shouldn't stay here forever, you might be in danger if someone finds out..."

"Gosh, Stephanie, thanks for pointing that out," Perry said, but his voice was gentle. He thought for a moment, then said slowly, "I think you're going to have to leave the city. Jordan's family has a cabin in the mountains that's about four hours from here. I figure you can hide out there for awhile, at least until things settle down."

JD nodded, wings drooping unconsciously. He didn't much care for the idea of staying alone--he was a naturally social person, and he knew he'd get lonely, and fast. Hell, the week at the hotel had been a kind of torture for him, and there had at least been other people around, even if JD barely spoke to them. But out in the woods...? He shuddered.

"Okay," he said after a moment. "I... thanks, Dr. Cox. I really appreciate it." He was silent for a moment, watching as the timer for the pizza ticked itself down, and wondering if maybe after he ate it, he would finally feel full. "How am I going to get out there?" he asked after a minute. "I left the car with Turk and Carla. I don’t think I should go back for it..."

Perry shook his head. "Not if you ever want to escape," he said, one eyebrow going up as he remembered Carla's demands that Perry cut the crap and tell her where JD was. "I figured I'd take the Porsche in today. It's only a few years old--I should be able to trade it in for something a little more... accommodating." The last he said with a wry smirk, looking over at JD's wings.

JD frowned. "Trade in the Porsche...?" he asked, confused. "You're giving me a car?"

"Absolutely _not_ ," Perry said. "Why would I do that? I'm coming with you, Newbie."

JD felt his heart rise hopefully, but he masked it. "To... drop me off?" he asked.

Perry sighed, bringing one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "No, kid--I'm going to stay with you."

JD's eyes felt like they were going to pop out of his head. "You...you are?"

Perry glared at him. "I can't very well leave you alone like this, can I?" he returned. "Lord knows what sort of trouble you'd get yourself into. You were only alone a week and you nearly starved yourself."

"I...I guess," JD replied, unable to hide a soft smile. Cox was coming with him? To stay? "Are you sure? How're you gonna get the time off? It won't be easy to convince Kelso, especially not as bad as things are getting...And you'd have to tell Jordan, if you're going to use her place..." He bit his lip again. He'd come to Cox for help, but he wasn't sure now if he really had a right to put the other doctor in this position. "I don't want to mess things up for you. Maybe I should've stayed at the hotel..."

"Oh for Christ's sake, Newbie, shut up, will you?" Perry said, rolling his eyes. "I know how to handle Bob Kelso, and my ex-wife when it comes to that, and I'm not going to have you going all boo-hoo because you're making things tricky for me. If I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't, end of story. But you're clearly not going to be able to manage this on your own, if your track record holds, so I'm going to have to take over, or hear about it afterwards."

JD relaxed as Cox started ranting, knowing for certain now that the other man didn't mind helping him, even if it would mess things up for him. But the almost gentle comfort he'd been getting, since arriving, had disconcerted him. Things were back to normal, now, and he almost smiled, watching the timer tick down, stomach growling again before the pizza finished.

That Cox had it out of the oven, sliced, and in front of him without a break in his ranting was just an added bonus, JD decided, gratefully digging in. Least he wouldn't have to worry about putting on weight for a while...God knew he needed to just now.

Despite himself, Perry was impressed at how quickly the pizza vanished under JD's hands. He shook his head, glancing out the window, where the graying horizon told him the sun was coming up behind the rain clouds. He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly five; there was time for a few more hours of sleep before they began to prepare themselves for their trip.

"All right, Newbie," Perry said when JD finished. "Will that hold you until breakfast?"

JD nodded, blushing. "Yeah. I... thanks, Dr. Cox."

"If you thank me every time I do something for you, this is going to get very tedious, _very_ quickly," Perry scowled. "Let's just leave it as a standing assumption: I'm saving your ass, and you're grateful."

JD smiled and looked down, but nodded.

"Good," Perry said. "Now, it's early, and nothing is open just yet; I'm going to go back to sleep. You should try to do the same."

JD nodded again; now that his stomach was full, he _was_ getting sleepy. "It's like being a newborn," he mused aloud. "Eat, sleep. Eat, sleep."

"As long as I don't have to change your diapers," Perry muttered. JD laughed, and in spite of himself, Perry smiled.

"Go to sleep," he instructed. "In about three hours we start packing."

JD nodded, not pointing out that he didn't really have anything to pack. Just the battered duffle bag full of clothes and things he'd grabbed from the apartment before disappearing, and that was already sitting just inside the door. He yawned, but kept his wings from stretching too much, before pushing himself up and heading back to the bedroom. He fell face first onto the bed, and was asleep in moments.

* * *

This time, he did dream. All through his sleep, JD could feel himself flying. But not like the dreams he'd often had, soaring unsupported through the air, looking down. No, this time he could feel his wings beating, feel the stretch and burn of muscles along his chest and back, feel the wind whistling against him, but somehow not chilling him. And his eyes could focus further, spying out things on the ground, far beneath him as he swooped and dived, before climbing high into the air again, laughing for the sheer joy of flying.

He woke to the sound of the apartment door opening, his stomach again achingly empty. And, he realized as he took stock of himself, his wings had grown still larger. _Just great. When are they going to_ stop _? I'm having enough trouble balancing with them now..._

Indeed, he stumbled when he got up, finding himself abruptly on the floor. "Ow. Shit."

Perry, out in the hallway, heard the crash and the muttered curse. He opened the door, then sighed, leaning down and grabbing JD under the arms, hauling him bodily to his feet. "This isn't doing much for your sense of balance, is it, Grace?" he said. "Look, I took the liberty of buying you some clothes. I tried to get shirts that would be a little too big, so they'd be easier to cut down and fit over your wings and good God, are they bigger?"

JD winced, stretching one gingerly; it only unfurled about halfway before the tips hit the wall. "I think so," he said with a sigh. Then, abruptly, he frowned. "Wait--when did you buy me clothes?"

Perry looked abashed. "I... I couldn't sleep, so I ran out to Wal Mart," he admitted. "I bought you some breakfast, too--I'll hold off on the camping gear until I get a bigger vehicle, so I don't have to load it twice."

JD nodded, and started to say thanks, but at a quick glance from the older man, snapped his mouth shut again. "What'd you get for breakfast?" he asked instead, hopefully.

Perry shook his head. "Lord, keeping you fed is going to be tricky," he muttered. "Follow."

JD obeyed, and stepped into the kitchen to find three large McDonald's bags sitting on the table. "Breakfast sandwiches, hash browns, pancakes, coffee, and orange juice," Cox told him. "Probably a good ten thousand calories in those bags, so hopefully it'll hold you until lunch."

JD laughed, only slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, hopefully," he agreed, digging in. He unwrapped a sausage egg mcmuffin and took a huge bite, moaning gratefully.

Perry frowned at him, considering. JD had only been there for a few hours, but his wings had grown a significant amount. He wondered if JD's malnutrition had had anything to do with their halted development. He shrugged internally, amused to find himself making those observations, but unable to stop--the medical mind within him was quite curious, and he stored the observations mentally, knowing they might eventually be worth something.

He turned and began digging through his cabinets as JD ate, pulling out any food that was easily transportable and piling it on the table. Later, he decided, he would stop by his storage unit and get his camping gear--lightweight, sturdy pots and pans, a bunsen burner, a tabletop grill, and a basic set of dishes that all stacked neatly inside one another. He'd not had much call to use them in some time, but for once he thanked his pack-rat nature that had kept him from getting rid of them once he'd stopped hiking as much. They would certainly come in useful now; he wasn't sure how well the Sullivans had kept the cabin the last few years, and this way they'd be prepared if they didn't have heat or electricity.

Once all the pre-packaged food he had in his apartment was out on the table, he grabbed a pen and a notebook, and sat across from JD. He clicked the top of the pen, tapping it against the notebook. "What will we need?" he mused aloud. "Besides more food, obviously," he added, noting that JD was already through four sandwiches and was currently devouring a hash brown.

JD flushed. "Um. First aid kit?" he suggested.

Perry considered, then made a note. "I've got one in my car already," he explained, "but I want to make sure it's still got everything in it. And I might stop by the hospital and pick up a few things as well--you're not allergic to penicillin, are you?" When JD shook his head, he nodded, and added that to the list. "Couldn't hurt to have some on board. Then we'll want gauze, ace bandages, surgical tape, Tylenol, surgical thread..."

JD raised his eyebrows. "You planning on going mountain biking out there or something?" he asked, amused.

"No, Abbey, but I don't imagine the first few times you try to use those things will be particularly pretty," Perry replied without looking up from his list.

"Touché," JD mumbled, opening the box of pancakes and pulling the paper tab off the top of the small plastic tub of syrup. "Okay, what about camp gear?"

"Got some in a storage shed. I'll pick it up after I trade in the Porsche."

"Sleeping bags?"

Perry did look up this time. "It's _Jordan's_ cabin, Newbie," he said. "There are beds. And cable TV, last time I was out there, though I imagine she'll have had it disconnected by now. She doesn't go up there much anymore, not since..." he trailed off, suddenly looking sad. "Not since Ben died."

JD, about to ask why they needed camping gear if the cabin was such a palace, shut his mouth again. He wasn't sure what to say, so went back to eating, slightly amazed he actually managed to put it all away. But even after he'd devoured the last hashbrown, he checked the bags again, just to make sure he hadn't missed something. "Ben said you used to go hiking a lot," he offered softly after a moment, playing with the straw in his orange juice. "I guess you kept your old stuff?"

The other man nodded, going back to his list, and JD shifted, wanting to spread his wings and knowing there wasn't room. "Will the electricity be hooked up, still? If not, we'll need flashlights, lanterns, candles...that kind of thing. And it probably wouldn't hurt to take some books, or something, so we don't kill each other when we get bored...Or so you don't kill me, at least," he amended, smiling slightly.

Perry snorted, and added books to the list. "There's electricity, but I don't know if it's still hooked up, which is why we're packing all this gear," he said. "It'll also serve as a back-up, in case we lose power--it's still early enough in the year that there are occasionally bad storms up there. I'm bringing my cell phone, and it's fully charged." He tapped the pad with his pen, thinking. "If I recall correctly, there's a DVD player too; when I go out later, you should look through my collection, and pack up anything you think you might want to watch. Actually, you might just pack it all--there's no telling how long we'll be stuck out there, or how often I'll be able to go after supplies."

JD nodded, glad to have a suggestion for something to do while the older man was out taking care of the logistical issues. He snorted to himself, amazed still that Perry was going to trade in his Porsche for him. _Yet he won't give me a hug,_ he mused, and bit back a grin. The man had an odd way of showing affection.

Perry noted the grin and lifted an eyebrow. "Just what could possibly be funny?" he asked.

JD thought fast. "Um...that I'm still hungry?" he offered, then realized that while it drew the attention away from the fact that he'd been dreaming about that hug yet again, it didn't do much to relieve the already-incredible burden he'd been. He winced, wishing there was some way to take it back or convince Perry that he was joking, but at that moment, JD's stomach growled. Loudly.

Perry raised his eyes to the heavens. "Will I ever be happy when your wings stop growing," he said. "Because honest to God, Newbie, I don't know how much longer I can _afford_ you, eating at the rate you are."

JD knew it was a joke, but he felt his face flush nonetheless. He looked down. "I have money," he said softly. "In an account... I can pay you back."

Perry shook his head. "Kid, I'm a doctor," he said. "And a relatively frugal one, for the most part. I've got money. I was just kidding."

JD winced, crossing his arms over his stomach in an attempt to muffle the gurgling. "I know, I just... this _is_ ridiculous. I've eaten more today than I used to eat in a week. When will this _stop?_ "

Perry tilted his head, studying JD's wings. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I would think relatively soon--but they'll have to be pretty big to carry you."

"I guess they are going to be functional, then," JD said, not sure if that made him feel better or not. He supposed if he had to have wings, it _would_ be nice to get to fly. He'd daydreamed about it often enough, anyway.

Perry shook himself. "Well, I got that food out for our trip, but I can always get more," he said, waving a hand at the bags of chips and boxes of cereal, granola bars, and Twinkies on the table. "Eat until you're full, then we can try to _keep_ you that way."

JD nodded, reaching for a box of granola bars. "Got anything perishable left? I could probably polish it off and you won't have to worry about it going bad..." He found himself hoping that the Change wouldn't come over Perry, while they were gone. And not just because he needed the other man to shop for him. But because there was no way they'd be able to keep both of them fed, if they were Changing at the same time... "And I guess I'll just keep hoping I'm almost done..."

Perry nodded, getting up again and raiding the fridge, setting an array of take-out boxes and other bits of food on the counter, watching as JD dug into them, shaking his head. The kid had really been living on bread and peanut butter for a week? "I don't know what kind of wingspan you'll have, but I don't think they could get much bigger, and still let you walk, and that wouldn't make any sense."

"Because this whole thing's completely logical already," JD retorted, mouth half-full.

"It is, though. They match your coloring, your chest is changing, too, to support them...They'll stop before they overpower you."

JD sighed, and swallowed. "That's something, I suppose. Still not sure how I'll be doing my job, with these things. But then I'm not sure I'll ever get to get my job back, either," he added pessimistically. "Though if it's happening to everyone... Think Kelso will go half-snake?"

Perry laughed. "That would be poetic justice, wouldn't it?" He smiled, and shook his head. "I don't know if it is happening to everyone, but if it does, I hope you're done and adjusted before it happens to me." He shook himself. "All right. Eat, then pack the DVDs--and any books you want, too. There should be some empty cardboard boxes in the last room at the end of the hallway. I'm going to go out and deal with our transportation."

JD nodded, not wanting to think of Perry Changing. It seemed much more disturbing than what had happened to him. Then, deciding he didn't care if Perry got annoyed with him, he said, "And... thank you."

Perry just smiled. "You're welcome, kid."

* * *

Perry ended up with an Explorer. Though it pained him a little to sign over the title to his Porsche, he knew for their purposes it was next to worthless. He decided on the SUV so quickly the salesman gave him an odd look, but he ignored it. He drove the large vehicle--black, with silver trim, leather upholstery and tinted windows--out of the lot, never looking back. Then he made the rounds, picking up the things on his list. The storage shed obviously hadn't been visited since it had been filled, which was a good thing, because he was able to track down his camping gear pretty quickly. He stowed it in the back of the vehicle, then went back to the grocery store, preparing to load as much as he could into the SUV. The rate JD was eating, they would need it and probably more. He also went by the bank, taking $2,000 from his account in $50s. He'd give it to JD in case of an emergency; wings or no wings, most people still took cash.

By the time he got back to his apartment, it was after noon. He opened his door to find JD sitting cross-legged on the floor, going through a stack of CDs.

He looked up and smiled when Perry entered. "Figured I'd get some music packed too," he said. "You know, they kept releasing albums after 1985..." But he was still smiling, wings half spread on the floor behind him. "I got everything else packed already," he added, nodding to the boxes by the door. "And Jordan called, there's a message on your machine. So did Carla. She wanted to know if I'd called you again." He shifted, looking guilty. "I should probably call her and Turk soon..." He shook his head, and went back to looking through the CDs.

"Wait 'til we're far enough away she can't track you down," Perry suggested, looking at the stack of boxes. Not too many, he could make them fit with everything else. "Ready, then, Newbie? Everything's in the car, including enough food to hold you for a day or so, at least."

JD scooped up the rest of the CDs, dropping them in the box beside him, and nodded. "Ready. And I'm actually not too hungry right now. It might be tapering off, a bit. Unless I fall asleep and they grow again," he added, rolling his eyes. "I'm just going to use the bathroom."

While he was gone, Perry listened to Jordan telling him she wasn't coming back yet, but that she and Jack were fine, and Perry shouldn't worry. Perry frowned, honestly not having planned to until she said that, but it reminded him too much of the message he'd left Carla earlier to explain his absence from work, and he couldn't help but wonder of the Change was starting to spread.

But Jordan would tell him, surely--he was a doctor, after all, and wasn't that why JD had come to him?--so he shook it off, and listened with a cringe to the next message: Carla, ranting about him not telling her everything he knew. JD _would_ have to call her, and soon; he doubted she would be satisfied until she'd heard the young man's voice.

JD returned a few moments later, coat wrapped around him, though it did a poorer job than last time hiding the bulk of his wings.

"All right," Perry said, nodding as he stooped to pick up the rest of the boxes. "Let's go."

* * *

JD found sitting in the SUV to be more difficult than he'd imagined. Even with the seat completely reclined, he had to shift and rearrange his wings several times before getting them to a place where they weren't being pinched, but where Perry could still see out the back. "God, this sucks," he groaned, shifting again carefully. "How long a drive did you say it was? Maybe I should just lie down in the back..."

"It's four hours, and settle, Newbie," Perry replied, wondering if they'd survive the trip. Of course he couldn't leave JD alone, but four hours next to the squirming, starving fledgling was going to be a trial he wasn't sure he was up to, just now.

"I'm trying," JD replied, holding still for a few minutes, before shifting again. "They're all achy...God, I'll be glad to get to stretch out, when we get there." He felt stuck, wanting to extend his wings all the way, but knowing he couldn't, not for a while yet. Though not particularly claustrophobic, he was beginning to understand people who were in a whole new way.

"At least it's not the Porsche, right?" Perry reasoned.

"God, yes," JD muttered, shifting again. "There will have to be a whole new market for vehicles, after this whole Change thing."

Perry silently agreed. "Look, just--try not to move too much, and once we get into the mountains, we'll pull over and you can stretch, okay?"

JD nodded, trying not to pout. Hell, Perry (and when did he start thinking of him like that, anyway?) had already done more than JD would ever have expected from him. He'd gone to the older doctor hoping, at best, for a place to crash for a few nights and some food, but Perry was actually literally rearranging his life for him.

He turned his head to the side, studying the older doctor surreptitiously as he tried to get comfortable. Why _was_ Perry doing all this for him, anyway? It was the question that had been bouncing around inside his head ever since Perry had first told him they'd be going away, but he hadn't paused to examine it too closely, somehow afraid that if he did, this would all dissolve around him, and he'd wake to find himself back in the hotel room, starving, freezing, and utterly alone.

But he wasn't. He was sitting (albeit uncomfortably, but that was the _least_ of his troubles), fed, in dry, clean clothing, next to the person he had always trusted above all others to fix things, when they got out of hand.

He realized he was smiling; Perry glanced at him. "What?"

JD shrugged, smile growing a little at the grouchy tone in the older man's voice. "Just... wondering why you're going to all this trouble for me," he said.

Perry turned away, gripping the steering wheel and staring resolutely forward. "I'm trying to drive, Newbie," he said. "Can we save the heart-to-hearts for the interstate?"

JD smirked, but let it go, and he did not speak again until they'd left the city behind them, and had turned off onto the road that wound up into the mountains. JD watched the trees as they passed, staring up between their boughs to the relentless gray sheet of clouds that still covered them, even out here. It made him feel decidedly gloomy, despite having Perry with him--as though he'd never see the sun again.

He turned to glance at the older man, who was still staring resolutely ahead. He wondered if he was allowed to speak yet. "Dr. Cox?" he said, tentative.

Perry sighed. "Yeah, Newbie, what is it?"

JD smiled. "Can we talk yet?" he asked. "I'd say the roads are pretty empty; it'd probably be safe to engage in conversation."

JD would later find it ironic that those were the last words he spoke before the deer suddenly darted out in front of the vehicle, making Perry swear and slam on the brakes. The vehicle began to swerve, hydroplaning on the wet pavement, and despite Perry’s efforts, it skidded off the road and slammed into a pine. JD, who hadn't been able to comfortably fasten his seatbelt, found himself being propelled through the windshield, great wings coming up automatically to shield him from the glass. Then he was flying through the air, flapping awkwardly before landing with a painful thump on the pine needles.

He stood, quickly, trembling with shock and adrenaline, but he didn't seem to be hurt. He stretched each arm carefully, then rotated his legs, before flapping his wings experimentally. He winced as the right sent a jab of pain down to his shoulder--sprained muscle, he decided, recognizing the symptoms clearly even if the appendage and muscle itself was new.

He shook his head to clear it, looking back up toward the road and the SUV, some several dozen yards away from where he'd landed.

The headlights were on, and the wipers were still going full blast, but that was all JD could make out through the rain. He hurried forward, moving toward Perry’s side of the vehicle. "I guess I spoke too soon, huh, Dr. C..." he trailed off when he reached the vehicle, however, the sheepish grin melting from his face to be replaced by a look of horror. He grabbed the door handle and tore it open. "Dr. Cox!"

Perry was still buckled up, but there was blood running down his face from a large gash on his forehead where he'd obviously hit the steering wheel--for some reason, the airbag had not deployed. The older man's eyes were closed, and he did not respond to JD's voice.

He was unconscious.

JD stood, staring in horror as the rain began to pick up around him, echoing through the pine trees and on the metal roof of the SUV.

What was he going to do now?

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

The shock only lasted a few moments, before JD’s training took over. It wasn't hard to get to the medical supplies Perry'd laid in for them, and he did know what he was doing, even if treating Perry was completely surreal.

Ignoring the pain in his right wing, he wedged himself between the open door and the car and spread them both wide, giving himself a relatively dry area to work in. Checking Perry over as carefully and thoroughly as he could, he found nothing immediately broken. Hoping and praying that he had, in fact, just been knocked unconscious and had nothing more serious than a minor concussion, JD took care of the gash, cleaning it carefully and putting a pressure bandage in place to stop the bleeding. He dug through the things they'd brought, wishing there had been a sleeping bag in with the camping things. But there was a tent, which he jury-rigged across the windshield, before climbing back inside the SUV.

Some careful maneuvering got them both into the back seat, and the heat on higher. JD didn't know much about cars, but the damage--aside from the broken windshield--didn't seem as bad as it should have been. The car was still running, at least, though he couldn't drive it while it was raining this hard. He wasn't sure he could anyway, with his wings, but he at least could have tried... He settled for leaving the headlights on. Wings or not, he couldn't turn down any help that might come their way, just now.

No help came immediately, though, and he sat in the half-dark, only turning the dome light on long enough to stitch the gash on Perry's forehead. He spoke to the older man softly all the while, urging him to wake up. All the things that could be wrong floated through his head, and he was internally panicking, by the time a car passed them.

It didn't stop.

Neither did the next one.

Just when JD was close to really losing it, Perry's cell phone rang. He nearly hit himself in the forehead, wondering how he could've forgotten the other man had had it on him. He eeled his hand into Perry's front pocket, trying not to think about what he was almost touching, and pulled it out. Jordan. Well, it would be, wouldn't it? He picked up.

"Perry! It's about time you answered. Listen, we have to talk. I come home to find you and you're gone, and so's half your stuff and there are these rumors and Jack's..."

JD cut her off. "Jordan? It's JD, and Perry's in trouble." He paused, then, and couldn't help himself. "Wait, what about Jack?"

There was a pause. "JD? What the hell are you doing with Perry's cell phone?"

JD cringed. "I... I came to him for help with... um, with something," he said.

"Well, where _are_ you?" Jordan's voice was almost hysterical, which scared JD more than anything else had this entire week.

"We're...um, about two hours from the city," JD said, glancing over at the still-unconscious Perry. "I'm not sure exactly, but we're... heading for your cabin."

Jordan swore. "Why the hell are you all the way out there?" She demanded. "Look, DJ, I know you've got some schoolgirl crush on my ex, but this was a really bad time to drag him away from his family. Jack's got these weird...these growths on his back, I don't know what they are, and he won't stop crying, and I don't--"

"He's hungry," JD interrupted wearily, closing his eyes and passing a hand in front of them. Jack. It was happening to Jack. _Shit._

"What?"

"He's crying because he's hungry," JD said. "Look, the growths--they're wing buds, okay? They don't hurt coming in, but they take a lot of energy to grow, and he's going to need about three to four times the food he would normally eat."

" _Wings_?" Jordan's voice was astonished. "My son is going to have _wings?!"_

JD made a frustrated noise. "Listen, Jordan, now is not the time to cover this, okay?" he said. "I told you, there was an accident, and Perry's been hurt. He's unconscious. I need you to--"

There was a sudden crack, and JD yelped as a bolt of lightning struck a tree not three hundred yards from where they were parked. The lights in the SUV flickered, then died, and for a few moments JD sat in darkness, covering his ears against the roll of thunder that followed the bolt.

When it passed, there was a moment of unnatural stillness, before the rain on the roof registered in his ears again, and the lights flickered on, and he remembered the cell phone in his hands.

He brought it back to his ear quickly. "Jordan?"

Static.

_"Shit!"_ He looked down, and saw the words _Signal lost_ on the display of the phone.

"No, no, fuck, no, don't do this to me..." JD pulled the antenna up, shook the phone, hit it, and finally threw it on the ground in frustration. _Fuck_. But at least Jordan knew they were headed for the cabin, and knew how far they'd gotten. No matter how freaked and upset she was, she wouldn't just leave them stranded...

But God. Jack. Growing wings. No. No, it wasn't fair. _I'm an adult, I can figure out how to handle this, I can protect myself if I have to , but Jack...he's only a baby. This isn't fair!_

He sat in the dark, taking Perry's hand, somehow not surprised Jordan knew about his crush. He'd tried to hide it behind the mentor thing, of course, but he'd actually been surprised anyone bought that. Now was not the time to dwell on it, though. He curled his figners around Perry's wrist, automatically taking his pulse. Slow, but strong. "You're gonna have such a headache when you wake up," he murmured, talking to keep his own spirits up. "And probably yell at me, for my suture job...I think Jordan's on her way. She knows where we were heading, now, and she'll make sure you get taken care of..."

He swallowed hard, wondering what she'd say, when she arrived and saw him. "Fuck, I wish you'd wake up, Perry. I'm freaking out here..."

For the briefest of moments, he felt Perry's fingers move in his, but after a long, hopeful moment decided he must have imagined it. He wanted to cry, he was so disappointed. "Please, wake up," he said, gripping the older doctor's shoulder lightly, resisting the urge to shake it. "Please. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

He was so caught up that when the cell phone rang again, he nearly jumped out of his skin. He lunged forward, snatching it up, and flipped it open.

"Jordan?"

_"JD?!"_

_Carla!_

"Yeah," he said, nearly sobbing with relief at the sound of her voice. "God, Carla, hi."

"JD, where the _hell_ have you been?!" Carla's voice was high-pitched with worry. "We've been so worried about you, and I--we--where _are_ you?!"

"I'm... I'm not really sure," he admitted. "I'm with Dr. Cox, and w--"

"I _knew_ it!" she shrieked. "I knew he knew more than he was letting on! JD, you let me talk to him, you tell him I'm going to tear him a new--"

"Carla!" JD interrupted her. "I can't! He's hurt, okay? We... we got in a wreck, and he won't wake up."

"Wanna bet?" came a grouchy voice from beside him.

JD very nearly dropped the phone again. "Dr. Cox!"

"Is he awake? Let me talk to him, JD! Let me--"

"Carla, look--call Jordan, tell her to send help if she hasn't already. She knows where we are. I gotta go."

He thumbed the call end button and dropped the phone, scrambling down to kneel next to Perry. He took his hand in his once more, a trembling smile on his face, tears making his vision a little blurry.

Perry's eyes had still been shut to this point, but his brow was furrowed. At JD's touch he opened them slightly, squinting. "What _happened_?" he murmured.

"We hit a tree," JD managed, squeezing the other man's fingers for a moment, trying to keep himself from breaking down in sheer relief. "I went through the windshield, and you hit your head on the steering wheel...You've probably got a concussion, and whiplash, at the least, but nothing seems to be broken. Jordan called, while you were out, and she knows where we are." He hesitated, biting his lip. He didn't think Perry really needed to hear about Jack, first thing. "She should be sending some kind of help..."

Perry's eyes focused on JD, looking him over. "Through the windshield? You're telling me you went through the windshield of my brand new car?" He paused, wincing a little as he shifted himself carefully. "You okay?"

JD nodded, surprised that it was his health that Perry'd fixed on. "Yeah...Yeah, I think I sprained a wing, but otherwise I'm fine. Just wet. It's still raining pretty hard. I'm hoping you took the usual way to the cabin? I told Jordan we were about two hours out..."

Perry nodded, then froze. "You... you did _what?_ "

JD frowned. "I told her we were two hours out?"

Perry sat up, grabbing the seat in front of him when that gave him a dizzy spell, but shook it off, staring at JD in horror. "You told her to send help?" he said. "What were you thinking?"

JD looked affronted. "You were unconscious," he said. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not in the best of shape here--we've got a vehicle with no windshield that's plastered to a tree, I've got a sprained wing and you're certainly in no condition to walk anywhere, not to mention it's Noah's freaking Ark out there."

"JD," Perry said, moving forward to grip the younger man's shoulders, "They can't find you like this. God, do you have any idea...?" He released him and sat back, closing his eyes against the pain in his head. God--if only he could _think_!

"I was scared," JD said softly. "You were hurt, and I had no way of knowing how badly."

Perry sighed. "Yeah--look, kid, it's not your fault, but we need to stop her before she sends the cavalry, okay?"

JD nodded, handing Perry his phone. The older man flipped it open and hit a button, then brought it to his ear. "Jordan--yes, it's me. Yes. I _was_ unconscious, I just woke up--look, it's not his fault, okay?" There was a pause, and JD watched Perry's face carefully, wishing he could hear the other side of the conversation. "Did you call an ambulance yet?" Another pause, then Perry slumped with relief. "Good," he said. "No, I don't need one--I'm fine, JD did a good job. Listen, Jordan," he said. "I'm taking him to your cabin. We've... got some problems, and..." he trailed off, and whatever joy JD had felt when Perry had praised his first aid melted when Perry's head suddenly snapped toward him, eyes widening. "He _what?_ "

JD closed his eyes briefly. _Oh, no._

"Jordan, you--you're sure?" Perry said, and his voice sounded a little desperate. After a moment, he closed his eyes, bringing his hand to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay," he said softly. "Yeah, okay." A pause. "I love you, too."

JD ignored the pain that shot through him at those words, watching with trepidation as Perry lowered the phone and flipped it closed. There was a long silence, punctuated only by the ever-present sound of rain on the roof. Then Perry raised his eyes to JD's.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said softly. "Why didn't you tell me about my son?"

"Because I didn't think it should be the first thing I said, and you've been awake for like, a minute?" JD replied, biting his lip. "I was going to, and then you started yelling at me for getting you help. I didn't get a chance, Per--Dr. Cox, and I didn't want to just blurt it out..." He realized to his shame that he was close to bursting into tears. "And I could've hidden, when they got here, to take care of you. I didn't know how bad it was, and fuck...I wasn't gonna risk you dying over me. I'm not worth that." He did start crying, then, ducking his head and trying to hide it. But the last hour, after the last week, after this whole fucking _month_...it was all too much, and he couldn't help himself. "I'm sorry..."

The phone rang, then, before Perry could say anything, and they both stared at it for a long moment, before Perry picked it up. "Yeah. Yeah, Carla, he's with me. No, it's not that bad, he just got scared. Carla..." Perry turned his eyes heavenward, holding the phone away from his ear, and JD couldn't help smiling a little, hearing Carla lay into him. She'd already switched to Spanish, but the bit he remembered from high school wasn't nearly up to translating whatever names she was calling them.

"Carla, this isn't a good time...fine." Perry held the phone out. "She wants to talk to you."

JD swallowed, and took it, trying not to sniffle. Still, he couldn't help be a little grateful for her timing. "Hey, Carla."

"All right, he's awake, so talk. Where the hell have you been, and why haven't you called us?"

JD huddled in further on himself, knees coming up to his chest, his uninjured wing instinctually curling around his body to wall him off from the outside world. "It's...complicated."

"Oh no, Bambi, that's not going to work on me. I want answers, and I want them now. Do you _know_ what you've put Turk through the past week? What you've put all of us through?"

"I'm sorry," JD breathed, trying to push the tears away again. "God, Carla, I'm so sorry..." And he couldn't help it. He started sobbing, nearly silently, phone slipping from his shaking fingers as he buried his face in his arms, unable to stop himself. Distantly, he heard Perry pick it up.

"Listen, Carla," Perry said quietly, "now isn't the best time, okay? The kid's had a really rough week."

"Oh, _he's_ had a rough week?" Carla said, voice shrill. "We thought he was _dead_ , or don't you remember that? God, I ought to..."

"What you ought to do is give him a break," Perry snapped, cutting her off. He looked over at JD, who was still sobbing, face hidden, and lost all patience with the nurse. "Carla, I'll call you back, okay?" He flipped the phone shut without waiting for an answer, then moved forward and knelt in front of JD.

"Hey, kid," he said, putting his hands on JD's shoulders and pushing him up so Perry could look into his face. "You're okay."

JD drew in a sharp, sobbing breath. "I know," he managed. "But it's so much, it's everything--these stupid wings, and Turk, and Carla, and Elliot and you and Jack, and I just want to go home, and I'm scared and I thought..." his face crumpled and fresh tears sprung to his eyes. "I thought you were hurt badly, and I didn't know what to do, and I've just made such a mess of everything..."

Perry sighed and moved forward; JD wrapped his arms around the older doctor's neck, lowering his head to Perry's shoulder and trying to stop crying. Perry's hands rested lightly on his back, under the dripping feathers, apparently heedless of the fact that he was getting soaked once more.

"Come on, JD," he was saying, patting his back a little awkwardly. "I'm here, okay? I'm fine. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm scared," JD whimpered, not caring if he sounded weak or girly. He figured if he ever had reason to cry in front of Perry, well, everything that had happened to him in the past week--hell, the past _month_ \--certainly qualified.

Perry closed his eyes, thinking of his son--barely a year old, and facing the Change. He swallowed, fighting the fear that wanted to rise in him; he'd heard of people not surviving the Change, and Jack was so young...

"Hey," he said quietly, pulling away to look JD in the face. "I'm going to need your help."

JD sniffled, but calmed himself a little. "Yeah? With what?"

"Jordan's bringing Jack," Perry replied. "She's gonna come trade out vehicles with us, then go back into the city and run interference with the board, so that, heaven willing, we'll both have jobs when we get back. And... well, you know more about growing wings than I do. Will you help me to look after him?"

JD rubbed his eyes, and nodded. Helping someone else...he could do that. Hell, it gave him something to focus on, to pull him out of his own head. "I...yeah. Yeah, of course I will. You know I like Jack. And he'll be fine, Perry," he added. "We'll make sure he gets plenty to eat, and he'll be fine." He wasn't certain he was right, but he sounded like he was, and he knew Perry needed to hear it.

Perry nodded, ignoring the kid's continued use of his first name, and drew back, settling himself back onto the chair. "Good. Now pull yourself together, Carol, or your mascara will run."

JD almost giggled, wiping his eyes again, shivering a little. The rain was still pounding down around them, and every now and then the sky outside lit up with a flash of lightning, but none came as close as the first. He shifted, hissing a little as he moved his injured wing, but got himself under control, the tears and worry and panic all pushed back again. "How do you feel?" he asked after a long silence in the dark, broken only by the growling of his belly.

"I'll be fine," Perry replied. "Now eat something, before we get wild animals answering the mating call of your stomach." He wasn't actually sure how fine he was, but knew it wasn't serious, at least, just painfully inconvenient. Goddamn deer...

JD blushed, and--moving rather painfully himself, now, as bruises he hadn't noticed before started to stiffen him up--shifted around enough to get to some of the boxes in the back, pulling out a box of twinkies. He found his water bottle on the floor of the front seat, somehow still full, even though he'd left the sport top open, and settled down to eat. "I should probably call Carla back," he said softly, after a long while spent in silence but for the crinkle of wrappers.

"Yeah, you probably should," Perry agreed. "She'll already be using your balls for earrings, from what she said earlier, but I suppose if you wait longer she'll make it worse."

JD surprised himself by snorting softly. "She'll have to get more holes in her ears then. She's already wearing Turk's..."

Perry grinned, relieved to hear JD joking once again. Not that he didn't have enough going on to cause him to break down, but it had been just...wrong, to see the goofy, almost perpetually cheerful young doctor brought so low. "This _is_ Carla we're talking about," he said, and found the phone, handing it over. "Don't tell her where we are, Newbie. I wouldn't put it past her to come after us."

"Couldn't if I wanted to," JD replied with a half-shrug. "I don't know." He dialed Carla's cell, settling in to get yelled at with a lighter heart.


	4. Chapter 4

JD'd gotten Carla to calm down, but it had taken some time. Eventually, though, she'd handed him over to Turk, which was somehow even more difficult; his best friend was quiet, but JD could hear the remembered pain and worry in his voice, and it made him feel terrible. In the end, he'd just confessed to the Change.

"You... you _what_?" Turk had said, voice rising a little in disbelief.

"Yeah," JD replied. "I've got wings. Honest to God, angel-with-a-harp-and-a-halo wings. Crazy, huh?"

A moment of silence, then, "Dude--just a little!" Turk's voice softened. "I see why you hid, but man, I do wish you'd felt okay coming to us. It's not like we'd've turned you in to Ripley's or anything."

JD sighed. "I know, man. I'm sorry. I just got freaked, I guess."

"Can't fault you there. Look, we're not going to tell anyone. And if there's anything we can do to help..."

JD swallowed, surprised at how choked up the simple statement made him feel. "Thanks, man. And... tell Elliot, I guess. I don't want her to worry. But no one else."

"Hey, don't worry, buddy. Carla can keep a secret when it really counts."

JD grinned, then giggled when he heard Carla yelling at Turk in the background, and Turk's harried response: "Baby, I didn't mean anything by it--well, you _do_ gossip! Uh, JD, I have to go."

"Sounds like it," JD laughed. "Talk to you later."

"Bye. Take care."

JD flipped the phone closed, still giggling. Perry, sitting across from him, felt the corner of his lip tugging upwards--it was nice to see JD feeling more cheerful. Honestly, he wished the kid had realized sooner that he didn't have to face this sort of thing alone. Surely by now he trusted them?

Only then did it occur to him to think it odd that JD had come to him first, not Turk.

JD looked up, noting the way Perry's eyebrows had drawn themselves together, and the way his eyes were half-hooded in that certain way he had when he was working through something in his head. "What?" he asked, feeling oddly shy. He still couldn't quite believe he'd broken down so completely, and all but thrown himself into Perry's arms, when the older man had offered them.

"Can't figure you out, Newbie," Perry replied, looking him over, expression not changing much. "You and Gandhi spend your lives joined at the hip...and you didn't go to him about this."

JD opened his mouth, and then closed it again, face turning thoughtful. "I didn't even think to," he admitted slowly. "It got to the point where I couldn't hide them at home, and I ran." He fell silent again, looking down at his hands, trying to ignore the headache behind his eyes. "Turk and Carla would've tried to help me," he said suddenly, as if Perry had said they wouldn't, though he hadn't spoken. "They would've done everything they could..." But he hadn't even given them the chance. And really, the only one he'd thought of going to, in those dark days alone in the hotel, had been Perry.

"They would have," Perry agreed, still watching him. "But you came to me."

JD sighed. "Yeah, I did. I...I love Turk; he's my best friend. We're like brothers and Carla's the older sister I never had. But I guess I...I trust you more, with serious shit." He smiled wryly. "You don't have to tell them that, though."

"Nah, it makes sense," Perry said, shrugging. "I mean, when you're in serious trouble, you don't run to your brother or your sister, do you? You run to Daddy."

"Ugh. Not _my_ dad. He was useless, anyway, the last person I'd trust with something serious. And anyway, I don't..." JD shook his head, shrugging a little and wincing when it moved his wing. "I don't think of you like that, at all. I mean, sure, you're a little older than me, and maybe there was a little bit of that, just at first. But not now. I look up to you, Perry, but you're not really a father figure to me. Sorry," he added, wondering if that was a disappointment to the other man.

Perry shrugged. "No skin off my nose, Ginger," he said with a grin.

JD smiled back, and soon a companionable silence settled over them. JD shifted, trying to get comfortable; his wings were making that doubly difficult now, since he could not hold the injured one in as tightly against him as he would have liked. Perry had leaned his head back against the window and closed his eyes; JD found himself watching him, and the memory of seeing him strapped to his seat, bloody and unmoving, suddenly flashed before him. He swallowed audibly, fighting the panic that tried to rise within him, and shook his head sharply.

_He's here, you idiot. He's fine. Calm down._

But that wasn't the problem, was it? The problem was that JD had not, until now, realized just how precarious his position was. Had not really stopped to think about what he would do, if Perry were no longer able to help him--or what he would have done, if Perry had refused to help in the first place. JD _didn't_ see him as a father; hadn't for some time, in fact. But how he _did_ see him was a whole lot more complicated than JD had first assumed.

His own words from before rang through his ears: _"I wasn't gonna risk you dying over me. I'm not worth that."_

As frightened as he'd been for his own sake this last week, he suddenly realized that, in that horrible ten minutes after the accident, he'd been far, far more frightened for Perry's.

And it didn't end there, either. JD huddled closer in on himself, biting his lip. The Change killed people. He knew that, had heard it on the news again that morning, waiting for Perry to return. People were being found in their homes, in seedy hotel rooms, marks of mutation on their skin and terror on their faces. JD wasn't sure why it hadn't killed him, but he had an idea. When the Change had taken him, he'd been scared, sure, but turning into something out of fantasy wasn't complete anathema to him. He'd spent a great deal of his life imagining he was something other than himself, after all, and fantasy was an old friend. He'd been scared of the reactions of people around him, of the danger he was in, but not of the Change itself. Not really.

But Perry? How would Perry take being turned into something else against his will? Perry, who spent so much time sculpting his body to be exactly how he wanted it. Who needed control over himself and the situations he was in. Who, for all his issues, knew himself better than anyone JD'd ever met. How would he react, if his body turned against him? And what if it was that fear, that _rejection_ , that was what was killing people?

JD didn't even want to think about it. It was hard enough to imagine how Perry was going to deal with Jack's Change. His own...

_Maybe it won't happen to everyone. Maybe he'll escape it. Maybe whatever it is will be smaller, easy on him...God, please...Even if I can't have him, no one should have to lose him. He's too good a man, please..._

It took JD a long moment to realize he was praying to a God he usually wasn't sure actually existed.

* * *

Perry had nodded off by the time the truck pulled over to the side of the road behind them; JD shook him awake gently.

"Perry," he whispered. When the older man simply groaned, JD said it louder. "Perry!"

"What?" Perry's voice was grumpy; his head was killing him, and the Tylenol he'd taken earlier wasn't doing much to take the edge off.

"Is that Jordan's truck?"

Perry opened his eyes and twisted around, frowning. "Truck?"

JD shrugged. "That's what it is, and it's definitely stopping."

Perry's frown deepened. "Newbie, stay down," he said. "Do _not_ move until I say so, got it?" If it was some well-meaning passer-by, Perry would thank him and send him along. Right now he wasn't going to let anyone get near their vehicle unless it was someone he knew he could trust.

When he climbed out of the driver's side door, however, his eyes opened wider, for it _was_ Jordan who hopped out of the driver's side door of the beat-up old Ford, complete with attached camper.

"Since when do you own an F-150?" Perry said, skipping the preliminaries.

"It was Ben's," Jordan replied, and her voice only faltered a little on her brother's name. "He left it to Mom. I decided it might be easier to haul Birdboy around in."

"Ah. Where's Jack?"

Jordan jerked her thumb toward the truck. "Car seat in the back. Eating. Still."

Perry snorted. "That's about par for the course," he said. He saw Jordan peering over his shoulder, and glanced back to see JD peering tentatively out from the still-open driver's side door. "Come on out, Newbie," he said.

JD hesitated, but Jordan moved forward. "Come on, DJ, let's see these things," she said, impatient. "Jack's are already almost as long as his arms, and I'd like to know just how much bigger I can expect them to get."

JD snorted, but obeyed, hopping out of the battered SUV. He winced as the movement jarred his injured wing, but at Perry's nod, he stepped forward, out of the relative darkness of the shade. Gingerly, he spread his wings to their full span, wincing again as the sore muscle pulled. It was a relief for his left wing, at least. And they'd grown, still more, to a nineteen-foot span at the least. He hoped this was enough; he couldn't imagine that they wouldn't lift him, now...

Jordan's expression didn't change much, but he could see the tightening around her eyes, and pulled his wings back in with another little wince. "I don't know if they're done, yet," he offered. "They've grown since this morning..."

"Right. Well, Jack doesn't have feathers, at least. But he's going to need a bigger crib." Her voice was tight, but steady. "All right, Per, get in the truck and go check on Jack. DJ, show me what we're moving over."

JD smiled a little, guessing she was keeping Perry from hurting himself, and giving him the excuse to do what he wanted at that same time. He led her around to the back and started to help haul their various boxes into the truck bed, grinning to see the plywood platform that rested on the sides of the truck, leaving an open space above the cargo area. A sleeping bag was already on top it. Ben must've camped in the truck more than once.

They got everything from the SUV into the truck, and JD climbed carefully into the bed, pulling the sleeping bag partly around himself. He scooted up and smiled at Jack through the pass-through, reaching a hand down to lightly stroke the boy's cheek. Jack didn't let go of his bottle. "Hungry, buddy? Me too."

Perry snorted from the driver's side. "I don't know how on earth we're going to keep you two fed," he muttered, starting up the truck then glancing at Jordan, who stood next to the SUV. She'd called a tow truck as JD moved the rest of the boxes into the back of the Ford, and was going to accompany it back to the city before calling them and taking her own car out to join them in the cabin.

"Thanks, babe," Perry called, waving to her as he shifted the truck into gear and pulled back onto the road.

JD had had his doubts about Perry's fitness to drive, but was glad he'd kept them to himself. He knew he couldn't do it, not with the wings in the way, and Perry wouldn't risk Jack for anything, so he must be fine. He turned a little to watch Jordan and the SUV disappear behind them, before going back to fussing over Jack. Ever since Perry and Jordan had hired a nanny, he hadn't gotten to baby-sit nearly as much, and he missed it.

"We'll manage food, somehow. It's gotta slow down sometime, and I think Jack will be better off than me...He didn't spend a week starving." JD was so caught up in the boy, he didn't realize what he'd said aloud.

"Starving, huh Newbie?" Perry asked, raising an eyebrow.

JD flushed. "Why do you think I finally came looking for help? I hadn't eaten anything other than a couple Twix bars for a day...I didn't think I was going to last much longer, and I knew anyone taking a close look at me would know what was going on..." He pulled his hand back from playing with Jack, stretching out as much as the camper shell would let him. "And I'm eating something like five times or more as much as usual...That cuts the three weeks that starvation usually takes down by a hell of a lot." _Huh. Wonder if that's why some people aren't making it...?_

Perry frowned at this new information. If that were indeed the case, then it probably explained why the Change didn't happen to everyone at the same time. Quite simply, there wouldn't be enough food to feed them all. He wondered if it would effect everyone, or if there were some who were simply too old. He hadn't heard of anyone past thirty being affected--but then, it had only really begun a few weeks ago.

_Or maybe it's that none of them survive long enough for the Change to really manifest itself._

Perry swallowed, glancing at JD and Jack. If that were the case... if the Change killed anyone a little older... would it kill him? If it came over him, out in the wilderness, and his body couldn't handle it, would there be anything JD could do? What about Jordan?

And... what would become of Jack?

Perry swallowed, feeling a swell of fear in his heart for his son. But then JD, who'd been making faces at the child, suddenly blew a raspberry, and Jack began to laugh hysterically, waving his feet with delight. JD's laugh echoed it, and a quick glance at the young doctor's face made some of that fear melt away.

_He wouldn't just leave him. Of course he wouldn't. Newbie's a good kid, and besides, Jack adores him._

Still... he cleared his throat. "Newbie, I... I need to ask you something," he said softly.

JD heard the change in Perry's voice, and frowned, turning to look at him. Though Perry kept his eyes on the road, JD could tell he was trying to muster the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to say. That gave him pause--since when did Perry Cox not voice whatever crossed his mind?

"Yes?" he said quietly after a moment, when it was clear Perry wasn't going to speak without prompting. "What is it?"

Perry was silent for a long time, and JD returned to teasing Jack, when the child had started to fuss at him, clearly unhappy about being ignored. But finally, the older man spoke, his voice softer and more serious than JD'd thought he'd ever heard it. "If this thing... If I don't make it, I need to know you'll look out for Jack. Get him back to Jordan, make sure he's taken care of. Make sure he's safe."

JD felt his heart clench slightly, but he nodded immediately, his tone matching Perry's. "Of course. God, Perry...you don't have to worry about that. You didn't even have to _ask_. I'll protect him, make sure he's safe, no matter what it takes. But I won't need to," he added, turning back to the boy and making another silly face. "Because you're not going to die."

"You don't know that," Perry answered, though he'd relaxed a bit, and still more when Jack laughed again. "This thing kills, and all the Changelings I've heard of are younger..."

JD snorted. "Yeah, because we're stupid enough to go outside and get caught...Look, I don't know what's causing this, but I know what it's done to me. And my guess is that some people are dying from starvation, because they're too scared to leave their houses, and don't have enough food on hand. Some of them...Some of them are probably rejecting what's happening to them, so deeply that they cause the conflict in themselves. We've both seen what determined patients can do to themselves--in terms of both recovery and deterioration--no matter what we try to do to intervene. If that gets turned against the Change...It's no wonder they look terrified when they're found."

He hesitated, trying to shake off the mood his own words was creating, wishing again that the damn rain would go away. But he pushed away a longing for the sun and went on. "You're flexible enough that that shouldn't be a problem, and we know you're going to need to eat a mountain of food, and can prepare for it, even if it hits you out here. And I know I'm probably not your first choice, but you will have a doctor on hand," he added dryly.

Perry glanced at him, and his grin was wry. "I could do a lot worse, Newbie," he said softly. "Whatever else you may be, you're definitely not a bad doctor."

JD felt a rush of warmth fill him, and he couldn't help but smile, looking back down at Jack, who was now preoccupied with chewing on the corner of his blanket. JD raised his eyebrow. "Hungry still, are we?" He scooted back and reached for the bag behind him, where Jordan had told him he could find more formula. She was going to be bringing more to them--and Jack could eat some solid foods, thank goodness, because what she'd brought would last maybe a week. If that.

JD prepared the formula, slightly awkward on his stomach, but soon handed the bottle to Jack, who accepted it eagerly and began suckling.

"Maybe his will grow faster," JD mused aloud, "Since he's smaller, and younger. I wonder if age affects growth rate?"

"It might, depending on the proportions for a child," Perry replied, distracted from his own thoughts by the question, his mind once again working at the medical puzzle the Changelings posed. "They might stay smaller, for a bit. Can't think he'd be flying before he can walk, so they don't need to hold him yet..."

"Hmm, true..." JD frowned, as Jack wriggled, pushing against the straps to keep his back away from the car seat as much as he could. His shirt was riding up, giving JD his first glimpse of the boy's wings. "I don't think his are going to be like mine. They look more...well. Insect like, not really like a bird's at all. The framework's not all there yet, but it's nothing like mine looked at first."

JD stroked a hand lightly over Jack’s back, but didn't touch the wings, just rubbed lightly at the skin around the spot where they started. Jack pushed back against his hand, making a pleased noise and blowing a large spit bubble, before again attacking his bottle.

But JD frowned, scooting himself further up, pulling Jack's shirt up higher and taking a closer look at his back. Ridges were growing, four of them, in long parallel lines all the way down the boy's back, from the base of the wing to disappear into his diaper. And JD couldn't think what they could possibly be for. "Perry...How close are we, now?"

"About an hour," Perry responded, then glanced at JD again, frowning. "Why?"

"Jack's got...something, on his back. Ridges, kind of, going from the wings down. It doesn't look dangerous, and he's fine, but I thought you'd want to know, and if you want to stop and see for yourself..." JD wasn't about to keep _anything_ he discovered about Jack from Perry a moment longer than he had to.

Perry bit his lip, glancing sideways, then shook his head. "No," he said. "I don't know what I could do about them anyway, not here on the side of the road, and as long as they're not bothering him...no," he said again, with more conviction this time. "Just--keep an eye on him, and if he starts acting like he's in pain, let me know?"

JD nodded immediately, feeling the same rush of pride he usually felt when Perry trusted him with something important. It was accompanied by another feeling, though--one that was more tender than any such pride he'd felt before. He knew it was because he himself cared for Jack, and would have watched out for any such sign even if Perry hadn't asked him to. It was also because he understood what trust Perry was showing in him, to have turned over the care of his son. It was one thing for Perry to ask him to be a sort of guardian in the event that Perry himself could not be, but to defer to JD's judgment when he could easily pull over the truck and see for himself?

 _He_ does _trust me,_ JD thought, a delighted smile planting itself on his face and refusing to budge, despite their circumstances.

Jack, who had finished his second bottle, seemed perfectly content; his eyelids were drooping, and he was starting to nod. JD smiled, rubbing the child's back a little; he giggled when Jack suddenly belched.

"Count it," he said automatically, then grinned when Perry nodded curtly.

"That's my boy," he said, then gave JD a small wink. JD laughed, softly, shifting again to settle in for the rest of their long drive.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

It was something closer to an hour and a half before the cabin came into view, and JD's eyes widened. It wasn't really a cabin, more of a house, and he had to again remind himself that money was basically no object for the Sullivans. Perry pulled the truck into the garage, killing the engine and JD sighed in relief, eeling his way out, swaying and only just catching himself when his feet hit the ground. He was sore, exhausted, and massively hungry again, but knew Perry had to feel worse.

"What d'you say we eat and get some sleep, and leave the rest of the unpacking until tomorrow?" he asked, watching Perry free the now awake but sleepy-eyed Jack from his car seat. He thought of offering to hold him, but knew his balance wasn't really up to it. And Perry's seemed to be. JD was starting feel like more and more of an idiot, for panicking over their wreck.

“You look dead on your feet, Cindy, and I’m not much better, so yeah... We’ll go with your plan. Grab some food and formula? We’ll see what’s still on in this dump...”

JD nodded, grabbing a couple grocery bags, and the baby bag. He tossed it over his shoulder without thinking, and winced when his wing was knocked to the side. “Stupid overbalanced painful useless things,” he muttered to himself. He shook his head, irritated, and began to follow Perry into the house--then paused, the hair on the back of his neck prickling.

He spun, quickly, peering into the woods behind him. He'd thought... he could have _sworn_ he felt someone watching him...

Hesitant, he took a few steps forward, squinting and trying to focus on the shadows, but he couldn't see anything for sure. Perry chose that moment to stick his head out of the garage. "You coming, Bethany?"

JD jumped, and the spell was broken. "I... yeah," he said, following Perry into the house. And felt his jaw drop open, gaping.

The door from the garage led to a large country kitchen, dusty, but beautifully decorated. Across the breakfast bar was a huge living room with a large fireplace and a picture window (not to mention a big-screen TV). The view was incredible, even in the rainy grayness of the fading day outside. It looked out onto the valley, trees and fields and a creek immediately visible, and more trees fading off into a misty grey fog. “Jordan calls this a cabin? You could fit my whole apartment in this room...”

Perry, who was moving toward the couch, just snorted. JD followed, dumping the food and formula on the counter, and running his finger through the layer of dust. The clean streak it left revealed a black Formica top made to look like marble, with white veins running through it. "Needs a good cleaning, though."

Perry raised his eyebrow as he settled Jack onto the couch and knelt before him, intent on checking his son's Change. "Well, you're kind of a walking feather duster right now, aren't you?" he said. "Should be no problem."

JD made a face at him, then came around the bar, squatting next to Perry as the older doctor turned his son around and gently lifted his shirt, revealing his back.

"That's... nothing like mine was," JD said, and there was a note of worry in his voice. "Perry--what _is_ that?"

Perry had no answer for him, running his big fingers with utmost gentleness across his son's back. The wings were, as JD had said, much more insect-like than bird, a delicate tracery of framework connected by a mottled film. But it wasn't the wings he was concentrating on; rather, it was the ridges JD had mentioned before. They started at the base of each wing, a matched pair, running in parallel lines down to just above the small of his back. "I don't know, Newbie."

JD bit his lip, looking over Perry's shoulder. "They're closer together, than they were before. And the dip between them's bigger. I wonder..." He trailed off, squinting at Jack's back.

"Wonder what?" Perry's voice was sharp, and startled JD from his reverie.

"Sorry. Just...his wings look almost, well, fairy-like, and some fairies can put their wings away, when they're not using them. Maybe he's developing wing-slits?"

Perry chuckled. "I can't believe I'm saying this after a suggestion like that, but... yeah, that would make sense. And would be rather handy--these don't look terribly sturdy, do they?"

JD shrugged. "Mine didn't either, at first," he said. "I'm willing to bet they'll be stronger than they look, once they grow in."

Perry sighed, lowering his son's shirt and getting to his feet. "Time will tell, I suppose," he said. "But heaven help me when the two of you both have functional wings. Jordan and I may need to hire you as a permanent nanny. Someone will have to be able to catch him."

"You could hook him to a tether," JD joked, extending one wing and nudging Perry with it before he even realized he'd used the appendage for the gesture. He drew it in quickly, feeling a little self-conscious, but the physician in him noted that he was beginning to become unconsciously aware of the wings at last. "Or you could just grow a pair of your own."

Perry shook his head. "We'll see, I suppose," he said, but secretly, he fought back a surge of panic--what if his Change, should one overcome him, was something that would separate him from his son? He'd heard of a few people turning into mermaids...

JD nodded, going to make Jack some formula, as the boy started gnawing on his own fist. "Suppose we will...I wonder if there's any kind of genetic component? I watched the news all morning, and there was some report that identical twins seem to have the same Changes. I wish everyone would stop panicking, so we could figure this out. I suppose I should call home, find out if my family's okay..."

He shook his head, settling on the edge of the couch and giving Jack his bottle, smiling softly down at him. "But anyway. If there is a genetic component, then I'd imagine wings are pretty likely for you, since Jack's got them." JD grinned widely. "Dr. Cox, stalking the hospital hallways, with huge fairy wings..."

"Watch who you're calling a fairy, Newbile-one," Perry growled. "You might have wings, but you can't escape with them just yet, so try not to antagonize me."

JD just chuckled, turning back to Jack, who was now suckling happily at the formula. "Still," he said. "Would that be weird? If all three of us ended up with wings? You wouldn't need me as a nanny after all..." he trailed off, the thought making him feel so disappointed that he had to remind himself that thus far, Perry _didn't_ have wings. He shook himself, then grinned up at Perry. "Or maybe you'll be one of the centaurs," he continued, completely ignoring the warning glower Perry shot his way. "I could see that too. A stallion, maybe."

"Shut it, Newbie," Perry said, keeping his attention on Jack. "He's really packing it away, isn't he?"

"Just like his Uncle JD," JD said without thinking, meaning it to be a joke, but realizing it might not have been a terribly appropriate one; Perry had taken him in, sure, but JD could hardly start calling himself family. And calling himself Uncle--well, that was awfully insensitive, wasn't it? Ben would have been Jack's only uncle, and JD had already proven he couldn't take his place at Perry's side. Not that he truly wanted to replace him or anything, but it would have been nice to be able to call himself Perry's friend.

"You just got awfully quiet there, Cynthia," Perry's voice was quiet; JD started from his thoughts to find the older man watching him.

"I...that was awfully presumptuous of me," JD said softly, easing himself back carefully until he was sitting on the floor, moving away from Jack. "I'm sorry. I mean, I really like Jack, but you and I aren't even exactly friends, and I shouldn't've...shouldn't have said something like that. I'm sorry."

His stomach picked that moment to growl hollowly and he groaned softly, dropping his head to his knees before pushing himself up and heading over for the food, trying to ignore the fact that Perry hadn't said anything yet. He looked over at Jack, and sighed. Ben would've been a great uncle. Would've been having a blast with this whole Change thing, too, teasing them all and making it a game. JD'd barely known the guy, really, but he couldn't help but miss him.

How must Perry and Jordan still feel?

He was still standing at the counter, suddenly feeling very near to tears (though he suspected exhaustion was largely to blame for that), when he heard Perry's soft voice again: "Ben really liked you, you know."

He started badly, almost knocking over the jar of mayonnaise he'd just pulled from the box. He turned; Perry was still looking at Jack, but when JD moved he turned toward him and offered a small, sad smile.

"I... I liked him too," JD said softly. "I mean, I--I didn't know him long, but...I did."

Perry drew a breath and let it out slowly, then stood, turning to face JD. "I think," he said quietly, "that if Ben could have chosen anyone to pass the Uncle torch to, it would have been you."

"You...you do?" JD swallowed hard when Perry nodded, wishing he was less tired, less hungry, less sore. God, he wanted to sleep for a week... He shook himself a little, concentrating on Perry once again. "I don't know if you're right, but..." He heaved a sigh, turning back to fixing himself a sandwich. "I really like Jack. And I'll do everything I can to live up to that. I promise."

He fell silent, chewing on his bottom lip, wondering what exactly was going on here. Perry'd completely turned his life around, for JD. Of course, now that Jack was Changing too, he probably would've gone to hide out anyway, but still. Perry'd started out on this to protect _him_.

But hadn't argued, when JD'd said they weren't friends.

Perry frowned, seeing JD was still upset over something. "Newbie?" he said. "You okay?"

"No. Yeah. God..." JD pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if the headache behind his eyes was from the crash. But he'd remembered it being there earlier. "I'm sorry. It's been a long day, and I'm still hungry, and I'm just...being a girl."

And wasn't he just? Bad enough he couldn't shake the hopeless crush he had on Perry, he'd already resigned himself to the fact they'd never be together like that. But here he was not even really able to appreciate how incredible the older doctor was being, just because he hadn't said they were best friends forever.

"It...it means a lot to me, that you'd trust me that much, with Jack, when I know I..." JD sighed, relaxing again and meeting Perry's eyes. "When I know I'm hardly your favorite person."

Perry folded his arms across his chest, studying JD in solemn silence for such a long moment that JD began to squirm, uncomfortable. "You're right," he said after a long moment. "You _are_ being a girl."

JD sighed, and turned back to the counter, finishing his sandwich. "That's hardly anything new, is it? I'm the most god-awfully girly guy anyone's ever met, I know..." Damn. There were the tears again, pushing at the back of his throat, making his aching eyes sting. _Jesus, could this get any more pathetic? I need a nap. And to do something for my wing..._ It ached, a low, deep throb that wouldn't let him get comfortable.

Perry saw him flinch, and stepped forward. "How's that wing holding up?" he asked gently.

"It hurts," JD replied shortly, gripping the counter until the urge to cry faded again. "I can't seem to hold it so it doesn't, and it keeps moving..." He took a bite of his sandwich, chewing more forcefully than necessary.

Then nearly choked, when he suddenly felt Perry's hands on the injured wing. He twisted his head around, eyes wide, but Perry ignored him, working his hand over the bone and muscle structure of the wing beneath the feathers. He reached up past the joint, and squeezed a little. "That hurt?" he murmured.

JD shook his head. "N...no," he said. "It hurts when I move it."

"Show me," Perry said.

JD obeyed, stretching the wing slowly, then stopping when he had it partially extended. "There," he said, biting back a grimace. "That's about as far as I can take it."

"And folding it?"

JD pulled it in as far as he could, but he couldn't tuck it in as tightly as he could the other.

Perry nodded. "Range of motion's a bit compromised, but not terribly," he said. "I think if we give you an anti-inflammatory and get it in a sling of sorts so you're not supporting its weight, it should heal up pretty quickly."

JD opened his mouth, then closed it again. They were falling back on the doctor thing, then. Well, fine--it was where they were most comfortable, wasn't it? "I think we just brought Tylenol," he said.

Perry shook his head. "No, I have some samples of celebrex in one of my bags." He smiled wryly, tapping his head. "Over-prepared, that's me. It's in the truck; I'll be right back."

He pushed past JD into the kitchen, walking toward the garage door. JD lowered his eyes, reaching for his sandwich, but paused when, at the door, Perry turned back to him. "Oh, and Newbie?"

He looked up. "Yeah?"

Perry studied him a moment longer. "Of course we're friends, you idiot," he said, and his smile, though brief, was genuine. Then he was out the door.

JD gaped after him for a moment, finally shaking himself when Jack made a series of fussy noises from the couch. He felt himself grin, going over and picking the boy up, bouncing him a little after he burped. "Your daddy is something else, you know?" he asked, giggling when Jack bounced himself, seeming to agree, before curling up against JD's shoulder.

He went back to eating one-handed, not wanting to disturb Jack, who seemed to be drifting off again. And needed a diaper change, from the smell.

He was halfway through changing Jack when Perry came back in and paused in the doorway, watching them. JD wasn't making faces as he usually did, though Jack looked so close to sleep the boy probably didn't notice. Instead, JD was watching him with a soft, slightly awed smile, lightly stroking a chubby cheek when he finished, before picking him up once more, cradling him close.

JD had to stop himself from jumping out of his skin and shaking Jack, when he looked up and saw Perry watching them. "Hey..."

"Hey," Perry replied, moving forward and nodding at his son. "He's out?"

"Almost," JD replied, shifting so Perry could look into Jack's face as it rested on JD's shoulder. Perry swallowed. JD, with his unlikely wings, looked almost angelic, and Jack was sleeping in his arms so trustingly. The two of them looked like something out of a renaissance painting. The backdrop of the relatively modern mountain home, and the fact that both JD and Jack wore modern clothes, did not seem in any way to detract from the impression; rather, it made them both seem more vulnerable. Neither of them deserved to be dumped into this situation, but both were handling it so well--and, apparently, had already formed a strong kinship because of it.

"He's ready for bed, I think," JD said after a moment, and the spell was broken.

Perry nodded. "So I see." He took the drowsing child from JD's arms and moved to settle him on the couch. "Celebrex on the counter," he said. "Then we'll see about getting that wing bandaged."

In the end, they discovered the most comfortable binding was to pull the wing in tight and wrap it--first to hold it folded, then to hold it in place against JD's back. This they did by winding several ace bandages over JD's chest and shoulder like a seatbelt. When they'd finished, it made a slightly awkward picture, but JD was able to relax the muscles in his wing and allow the makeshift sling to support it instead.

"Much better," he sighed, smiling his thanks.

Perry nodded. "That should take the stress off the muscle," he said. "And the celebrex should help with any swelling. You'll just need to keep it bound for a few..." he trailed off, realizing he'd been about to suggest the recommended time for a sprained arm or ankle, but that he actually had no idea how fast a wing would heal. Noting JD grinning at him, he shrugged, spreading his hands sheepishly. "A few however long it takes until it feels healed, I guess," he said. "You're a doctor; you make the call."

"Actually, I'm a resident," JD corrected him, though he was preening inside.

"Close enough, Newbie, and you're already more talented than half the morons out there who've been practicing for years," Perry said, waving a hand dismissively.

JD couldn't hide his grin, at that, but tried to keep it from being too goofy. "I've had good teachers. And no social life, so I spend it studying," he added, taking up his forgotten sandwich again, already making a second as he chewed. God only knew how many he'd need before he felt full. At least his wing had stopped twinging at him.

"Does that fireplace work?" he nodded at the slate hearth, that looked big enough to roast a pig in. "If the rain's not going to let up, it'd be nice to have some extra warmth...I suppose it's gas, though, and that's probably disconnected..." Jordan had somehow added a call into the electric company and had the power turned back on before they'd arrived, but the gas would, he was sure, require a visit from a tech. "Dude, it might even snow..." His eyes went wide and he shuddered a little. Of the many, _many_ things he didn't miss about Ohio, snow was near the top of the list.

Perry raised his eyebrows. "You're the pampered one, aren't you?" he said. "The Sullivans might be spoiled rotten, but even they didn't do _everything_ automatically. You're looking at the genuine article here."

JD lifted his eyes. "Oh? Do we have anything to burn?"

Perry turned, glancing toward the sliding door on the far side of the room. "They used to keep a wood pile at the side of the house," he said. "I'll go check--you, in the meantime, can take that shovel and bucket and start emptying out the old ashes."

JD obeyed, and a short time later heard the door open once more. He looked up, then chuckled--Perry had stacked into his arms so high JD could only see the top of his curly hair over them. He scrambled to his feet and hurried forward, taking half the load from him and moving to set it on the brick mantle.

"Thanks," Perry puffed. "I saw some starter logs in the garage--I'll go grab a couple. You see if you can find any matches."

JD nodded, and began searching through cabinets. He finally found a box in a small cabinet over the fridge, and stretched up to pull them down. By then Perry had returned and begun arranging the logs in the fireplace, stacking the smaller ones in a lattice over the starter log that would allow plenty of oxygen through. He took the box of matches that JD offered, nodding gratefully, then struck one and tossed it on top of the starter. They watched as it slowly caught and began to burn; Perry replaced the screen and nodded, getting to his feet. "We'll keep an eye on that," he said. "The wood's pretty dry, though--it was under a lean-to next to the shed, and covered with a tarp, thank heaves for small favors. And in the meantime I think we need to figure out the bedroom situation."

"Oh?" JD asked, mouth half full. Of his fourth sandwich, by now.

"There's two, but the last I'd heard Ben had all his things packed in the extra while he was off traveling the world..." Perry shrugged, pulling himself up and going off to check. JD followed him, still munching.

There were two bedrooms, a large master with a king-sized bed that JD looked at longingly for a moment, before opening the door Perry indicated for the other room. "Uh...yeah. He didn't move it." There were half-unpacked boxes all over the room, their contents spilling into the few corridors left. There might have been a bed in the mess, but JD honestly wasn't sure. He felt himself droop a little, at the thought of having to clean it all out before he could sleep. "I can make the couch work, and you and Jack can have the bed..."

Perry just gave him a Look, before closing the door and heading back to the living room and the fire. "If I wouldn't let you sleep on the couch at my house, Newbie, what the hell makes you think I'll do it here?"

JD shrugged. "Wishful thinking? You need a good night's sleep, and Jack will be more comfortable with you in the bed..."

Perry closed his eyes, a frown on his face. "It's a king sized bed," he said finally. "So here's the plan: Jack sleeps between us. Tomorrow we clean out Ben's room. And this is never spoken of again."

JD raised his eyebrows. "You want me to--?"

"Look, it only makes sense. You can't sleep on the couch with those wings. Jack isn't sleeping on the couch; he rolls too much. And I'm not sleeping in a different room than Jack. So: where else does that leave us?"

JD opened his mouth, then closed it again, unable to come up with a good answer. Honestly, it _did_ make sense. And much as he didn't want to admit it, they didn't have many other options. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to sleep in the same bed as Perry--he was afraid he wanted it just a little too much.

But Jack would be there. And the thought of the child made a protective sort of love swell within him. It would be all right. They were just... making the best of an awkward situation, that was all.

 _Besides_ , he reasoned sourly, _once Jordan gets here I won't have to worry about getting ideas. She'll clear off Ben's bed herself before she'll let me share with Perry again._ He could wish she didn't seem to know how he felt...but she obviously didn't see him as much of a threat, either. Settling on the floor in front of the fire, eyes closing, he knew he wasn't. Perry'd never want him...

He shifted, as Perry continued to move about the place, bringing in more grocery bags from the truck (they'd decided that, unseasonably cool weather notwithstanding, they'd better go ahead and bring in all perishables), making small, domestic noises behind them. JD knew he should get up and help--should probably make Perry sit down and do the work himself--but he couldn't seem to find the energy to get up again, now that he was sprawled out in front of the warm fire, Jack sleeping on the couch beside him.

He did open his eyes then, smiling at the little boy, who'd rolled himself over onto his stomach. His wings were moving with every breath, making small motions beneath his shirt, and JD couldn't resist reaching out and lightly stroking his hair, his plump little fist. So sweet...Who would've expected he'd fall in love with Perry's child? But he had.

"Hey, Newbie." Perry's voice was soft, and JD looked up to see the older man watching them, his face inscrutable. "Bed's got sheets and blankets, again. Come on, let's get some sleep. This'll burn down and leave coals for tomorrow on its own..."

"Mmm, okay," JD agreed, pulling himself up. He stretched carefully and yawned, scrubbing his hands through his hair, which hung lank against his forehead. Ugh. He needed a shower...which would be another whole new, fun thing to figure out. He'd been making do with sponge baths, but desperately wanted to actually feel clean again.

Perry scooped Jack up gently, and they went into the bedroom, each carefully taking the edge of the bed. JD toed off his shoes, and dropped his jeans without thinking. But Perry didn't comment on his blush, and he settled himself in, left wing hanging off the side of the bed as he stretched out on his stomach. "Comfy."

Perry nodded, barely biting back a sigh of relief as muscles weary with tension finally began to relax. He sighed, settling on his back; his head ached dully, partly because of the gash across his brow, but partly, he knew, because of the stress of the day. First leaving, then the wreck, and JD's injury, then Jack's Change... yeah, this was certainly one day he was happy to be finishing.

He felt JD shift slightly, and glanced over to see that the young man had edged a little closer to Jack, eyes half-lidded as he smiled at the sleeping child. Perry felt an answering smile curve on his lips, before closing his and falling swiftly into sleep.

* * *

It was still dark, when soft noises woke JD. He started to push himself up, blinking in the light of a bedside lamp, only to see Perry already awake, holding Jack and giving him a bottle. The younger man couldn't help smiling as he settled back down, watching them. He shifted a little--the strapping on his wing felt somehow too tight, now--but didn't say anything, not yet. He wanted to enjoy the moment, the illusion it created. Of being a part of the family, a bigger part of Perry's life...

He sighed, shifting once more, trying to push the thoughts from his head. He really needed to learn not to lust after the people he definitely couldn't have.

"What's the matter there, Newbie?" Perry asked quietly, but still startling JD. "Panties bunching up on you?"

JD's mouth twisted into a half smile, and he sat up. "No...I think my wings grew again. The strapping's too tight..."

"God, kid, if you keep eating and growing at this rate we're going to run out of food and space in a matter of days..." He bounced Jack a little, tickling his foot and making him giggle.

"I'm...actually not hungry," JD replied in surprise, pulling his knees to his chest and watching them, a soft, slightly goofy smile on his face. "Maybe it's done?"

"Let's hope," Perry replied. "Given that between the two of you, you're eating enough to sustain a third world country."

JD snorted. "It's like taking the growth from childhood through twenty in about a month," he said. "It's no wonder you have to eat just about that much."

"And no wonder a week of malnutrition made you lose that much weight," Perry said softly. JD heard the shift in his voice and glanced at him; the older man didn't look up from feeding Jack, but after a moment he said, "JD... you cut that too close. You're a doctor; you should have known..." he trailed off. "I want you to promise me," he said, drawing a breath and finally looking up, voice stern. "That you'll never do anything like that again. I told you once not to be afraid to come to me with things that are truly important, and I still mean that."

"I did know," JD replied, just as softly. "That I was dying, I mean. Or close to it, at least. I thought I would, you know, when they started growing so fast...It was one reason I took off. Figured either the Change would do me in, or someone would notice and then Turk and Carla would be in danger, too..." He shifted, and started undoing the strapping around his chest, awkwardly, but managing it. "But it hadn't killed me so...I risked going to you." He smiled wryly. "Figured I had nothing left to lose, if you couldn't help. Already thought it was probably over..."

Perry stared at him. "So you were just ready to give up?" he said, keeping his voice low for Jack's benefit, but there was an unmistakable edge to it. "That's not like you, Newbie."

"Maybe not," JD replied, carefully stretching his wing, feeling a moment's relief when it didn't hurt. It _was_ bigger, but apparently the rapid growth had meant rapid healing as well. "But I've never lost everything in my life that made it worthwhile before, either." He looked down at his hands. "I don't know if I'll be allowed back to work. Anywhere real, at least if the Human Only groups have their way. And I'm a doctor, that's...it's just who I am. I can't imagine not doing it. Otherwise...I'm not that close to my family, and even if I wanted to go back there..." he sighed, "Ohio's not exactly likely to be super accepting, you know? And as for my friends..." JD paused, biting his lip. "Well. That's why I went to you."

Perry frowned, thinking on this for a moment. Then he tilted his head. "Don't you think these people--these Changelings--are going to need doctors?"

JD paused, looking up at Perry and raising his eyebrows. "I... I guess so..."

"Look, JD," Perry said, shifting Jack, who had finished his bottle, up to his shoulder and rubbing his back, "just because things are changing doesn't mean you have to somehow compromise who you are. I'm willing to bet you're going to be needed even more--there are going to be a lot of frightened people out there, and not all of them are going to be able to handle what's going on the way you have."

JD couldn't help grinning a little, feeling pretty much like an idiot, but then that wasn't new. "Well yeah...That's obvious _now_. I was being pretty stupid. Dude...I ran off, instead of looking for help from people I knew would give it to me...I think we can safely say my brain went on vacation. Besides, I didn't know it would happen to so many people, when I went to hide."

Perry nodded. "It seems to be picking up speed," he agreed, thinking of Jack. He glanced down and noted the child was asleep again, and carefully settled him down. "But perhaps the further theorizing would be best held until morning." He glanced at the ace bandages JD had unwound and piled at the foot of the bed. "Do you need me to rewrap that wing?"

JD stretched it again cautiously, then shook his head when the movement caused him no pain. "I think it healed itself already," he said. "I suppose that makes sense--it's fast-growing tissue, so once I stopped putting strain on it, it took care of itself pretty quickly."

Perry nodded approval, and scooted back down onto his back. JD noted a small grimace at the movement. "How's your head?" he asked softly, realizing the older doctor hadn't mentioned it since he'd awoken.

Perry shrugged. "A little sore, but I'll live," he said. "I checked the sutures earlier in the bathroom. You did a good job."

He'd said so on the phone to Jordan, too, JD suddenly remembered. He beamed, blushing. "Thanks," he said quietly. "Guess you were right--I _am_ still a doctor, even if stitching up your head in the back of an SUV isn't exactly the same as doing rounds with Kelso."

"There you go." Perry settled against the pillow and closed his eyes. "Get some sleep, Newbie. Tomorrow we're cleaning out that room."

JD wilted slightly, suddenly remembering that this--sleeping in the same room, in the same _bed_ as Perry and Jack--it wasn't going to last. But he shrugged it off. He was out here with them, wasn't he? No telling how long, either. He'd be seeing plenty of the older man, and he was sure Perry would be more than happy to let JD help take care of Jack, even once Jordan arrived.

 _Perhaps_ especially _when she arrives_ , he thought sourly, but shook that thought aside as well. All the more reason to enjoy this night while he could. He slid down under the blankets, reaching out a tentative hand and brushing the backs of his fingers against Jack's cheek. The child stirred, turning his head toward JD and making a small, contented noise; his fist uncurled, and he wrapped his small fingers around JD's index finger. JD smiled, glancing at Perry, who was watching the exchange with a small smile.

"Goodnight, Jack," JD whispered, bending to plant a small kiss on the boy's head. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he added, "Goodnight, Perry."

"Night, Newbie," he replied. "And thank you for refraining from giving _me_ a goodnight kiss."

JD chuckled, then settled down, eyes drifting closed, feeling better than he had in some time.


	6. Chapter 6

Perry awoke feeling almost uncomfortably warm.

His eyes drifted open, and he realized the reason for this right away: sometime during the night, JD had shifted, his now-unbound wing unfurling and draping itself protectively over Perry's chest. He raised his eyebrows, then glanced down to check on Jack. What he saw made his heart ache a little.

Jack had, perhaps in response to JD's movement, rolled over to the young doctor; he was now curled under the double embrace of JD's wing and his arm, happily sucking his thumb. He was not asleep, but for the first time in Perry's memory, he had not woken up crying. He looked up at Perry, never removing his thumb from his mouth, and waved his feet.

JD, who was still sound asleep, shifted, turning his head toward Jack and bringing his hand up to the child's hair; he stroked softly, and after a moment, Jack settled once more.

It was like the moment the night before, when they'd reminded him of a painting, and Perry could feel himself grinning, watching them. "How's my boy?" he murmured, voice soft and tender, a tone that only Jack was truly familiar with. The boy squirmed in response, kicking again, and JD shifted once more, stirring.

He blinked a few times, squinting a little until Perry came into focus, and then smiled sleepily. "Hey..."

"Hey. Turning yourself into a blanket, huh, Shirley?" Perry asked, his tone more teasing than accusing.

But JD blushed anyway, pulling his wings in tight. "Sorry, they just do that..." He rubbed his forehead, before yawning, and tickling Jack's belly. "You're happy this morning, kiddo." Jack gurgled and blew a spit bubble at him, making JD giggle softly. "Want me to get him fed and changed? I think that last burst of growth got me healed up from yesterday, but if you want to sleep awhile longer..."

Perry shook his head. "Nah, that's okay--I can," he said.

JD looked so disappointed, however, that Perry paused, already halfway up. "Though if you'd rather...?" he offered, mildly surprised.

JD blushed again, looking down. "It's just... you've done so much for me, and I... I'd like to be able to do something to help, to not feel _completely_ useless."

Perry gave him a look. "Useless, Newbie?" he said. "Hardly. Got me stitched up, didn't you?" He pointed to his forehead and grinned. "Won't even leave much of a scar, I'm betting."

"Yeah," JD replied sourly, "but if it hadn't been for me you wouldn't have been in the wreck _anyway_."

Perry sighed. "All right," he said. "If it'll make you feel better, go change Jack. But Newbie--this self pity thing? It's gotta stop."

"It's not self-pity, exactly..." JD pushed his hair back and sighed. "You've completely turned your life on end for me. I know you probably would've done the same, finding out about Jack, but...he's your son. And until yesterday, I didn't even know we were friends. I'm still a little...Okay. I'm still a _lot_ confused. And yeah, feeling a little guilty, too. I mean dude...you're risking your job, you sold your Porsche...I want to make sure I'm worth it."

Perry drew a breath, then released it in a huff. "Look, Newbie--I suck at this sort of thing, but... well, you're important to me," he said, coloring slightly. "I mean, Jesus--the job, the Porsche, they're just... they're replaceable, you know? You're... well, you're not." He frowned, looking irritated at himself for revealing even that much.

JD grinned, tickling Jack again to keep him occupied. _I'm important to him. He likes me!_ "Oh! All right then. I'll still be happy to take care of Jack, though. You've gotta be sore from yesterday, and we're gonna have to do a lot of work...And I don't mind. Besides, Jack and I get along just fine, don't we, buddy?"

Jack merely drooled on him, but JD decided to take it as a good sign.

Perry nodded, and JD stood, scooping Jack into his arms; the two of them vanished into the bathroom.

Perry watched them go, then collapsed back onto the pillows, almost bringing his hands to his face before recalling the stitches in his forehead; he rubbed his eyes instead. Lord. _You're important to me._ Why was that so hard? Why had that taken him three years and a brush with death to say?

Because it wasn't a new development. Perry had taken an immediate liking to JD, whether he admitted it to himself or not. The kid... he had something. Something Perry hadn't been able to identify at first, but which drew him to the kid, made him want to take him under his wing and protect him and guide him.

He snorted at the expression that had suddenly taken on new meaning. After all, JD had been the one taking people under wings lately, hadn't he? At least in the literal sense.

But he _was_ right: Perry _had_ turned his life upside-down for the kid. And though he'd known, before, that JD was important to him, he'd never realized just how far he'd be willing to go. But he'd done it all without a second thought.

What did that _mean_?

He jumped slightly when his phone suddenly vibrated on the bedside table. He grabbed it, and glanced at the caller ID: _Jordan._

He flipped it open, wondering why he felt almost guilty. "Hello," he said.

"Perry, good, you're up--listen, I've told the Board you're sick, and they're giving you two weeks of personal leave, but I don't know how much longer they'll be willing to let you take off," Jordan's voice was harried, and Perry's guilt intensified; she'd been working for him, and he'd been here daydreaming about his protégé. _I am truly a jackass._

"Jordan, I--that's... thank you," he said, shaking his head to himself. Two weeks. Well, things would hardly be resolved by then, but it might be enough time to think of a better story for Kelso than the sick bit. "What about JD?"

"He's already been officially declared missing," Jordan reminded him. "I didn't figure I'd let on I knew anything about his whereabouts."

"Oh." Right. Duh. "Yeah, that's good--thanks, Jordan. When are you coming out?"

JD walked back into the room, Jack nestled in the crook of one arm suckling a bottle happily. Perry held up a hand to keep him from speaking, pointing to the phone; JD nodded, then stood in the doorway, waiting.

"Later this afternoon," Jordan replied. "I'm getting a U-haul and filling it with food, so you guys can just sit tight until things calm down." Her voice lowered a little, and Perry heard the fear in it. "Perry, things are going crazy," she said. "I just saw on the news there was another riot--this one in Sacramento. And..." she trailed off.

"Jordan?" Perry asked, concern in his voice. "And what?"

"I think... I think my mother might be Changing," she said.

Perry closed his eyes. _Shit._ "Why do you think that?"

Jordan's voice suddenly sounded much younger; scared. "I... she's having trouble walking. Like her hips are shifting. And she's got these weird dry patches on her arms that... Perry, they look like _fish_ scales. I don't... is there a... a medical condition that could cause that, maybe?" Her voice cracked a little on a hopeful tone Perry knew she didn't actually feel.

Still--there was no use panicking her. "It could be psoriasis," he said. "And as for the walking--she is older. Might just be some form of osteoporosis setting in. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions--I'm not sure what those symptoms could be in terms of Changing anyway." That was a bald-faced lie--and a quick glance at JD told him the younger doctor knew it. But Jordan sounded relieved, and Perry couldn't bring himself to take it back.

"Yeah--yeah, you're probably right," she said, almost laughing in her relief. "She's been slowing down these past few years--it would make sense, and with all the rain, that could be why the onset was so abrupt..." she trailed off, and Perry knew she was weighing the likelihood of the explanations they'd crafted against the more likely (though far less believable) alternative. Finally, she sighed.

"I'll bring the food out," she said. "But... I'm not going to stay up there long. I don't want to risk..."

Perry agreed quickly. "Absolutely," he said. "JD and I can look after Jack as long as we need."

"Okay. Yeah, okay. I'll see you later, Perry. I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied softly, then turned off his phone and lowered it with a weary sigh.

JD ignored the accustomed stab, as Perry told Jordan he loved her, his brow furrowed. "Psoriasis and osteoporosis? Who's turning into a mermaid?"

Perry shook his head. "Damn, Newbie, you're too quick. And it might not be the Change...but Jordan's mother's having some issues."

JD nodded, shifting Jack a little. "That's why she's not staying?" _I hate the part of myself that's glad of that. God, I'm awful sometimes..._ He couldn't help it, though. Thinking of Jordan looking over his shoulder, watching him with Perry...It made his skin squirm. He knew he wasn't going to do anything he shouldn't--thought she probably knew it, too--but he couldn't help his relief, either. He did manage to hide it, at least, in burping Jack. And then wincing, and cleaning up the resulting spit-up. "Uncool, little dude."

"Uncool? Newbie, you've just been initiated." But Perry smiled a little, taking Jack from JD. "How much did he eat?"

"Entire bottle of formula," JD replied.

Perry lifted his eyebrows, incredulous. "In the five minutes I was on the phone?"

"It was closer to ten, actually"-- _not that I'm counting_ , he told himself sardonically--"but yeah. His are still growing, for sure. _Mine_ , fortunately, do seem to have stopped." He shifted them slightly, glancing over his shoulders as he extended one a little. He could not open them to their full span inside, however, so there was no real way to judge just how large they'd ended up. He folded it again and turned back to Perry. "I ate one sandwich, and mercy be praised, I'm full."

Perry nodded. "Then it's just a matter of keeping my little man here going, and we should be good." That meant that, unless the Change should decide to effect him, the food Jordan brought them today should last for quite a while. "Jordan's bringing food. A shitload, apparently."

JD tilted his head, wondering if that meant they'd be out here a long time. Truth be told, he found he didn't mind the prospect--though it would make it that much harder, after having lived with Perry and Jack, to go back to civilization and pretend he didn't care about them as more than close friends.

Perry, recognizing the look on JD's face, decided to change the subject from whatever it was that had sent JD into one of his moods again (and that _was_ happening often now, wasn't it?). "So when are you going to try those out?"

JD turned to him, startled. "What?"

"Oh, don't play coy, Gabrielle. Those babies are too big to just be for show." He shifted Jack from one shoulder to the other, then gave JD an expectant look. "When are you going to try flying?"

"Isn't there anyway I can try landing first?" JD asked, a bit plaintively. "I'm clumsy enough _walking_..." But he couldn't deny he was tempted. Incredibly tempted. He knew there was a lot of power in his wings, and longed to let it out.

"True enough, but hey there, you've got two doctors here if anything goes wrong." Perry sobered, just slightly. "And it'd come in handy, if we needed to get Jack to safety, quick..."

JD bit his lip, but nodded, looking at the protective hand Perry had curled around Jack's back, under his wings. The filmy membrane between them was starting to grow a soft, dark fuzz, and the ridges had drawn still closer together, looking more and more like slits in his back. "You're right," he agreed, shifting his shoulders. "I suppose this afternoon, if we have time and I've got energy after cleaning out the other room. Which I can start, while you eat, if you want."

"Get Jack's baby swing together, first. Jordan put it and a few of his other things in the truck."

JD nodded, crossing to the bed long enough to grab his jeans and tug them on, before heading to the garage again, automatically pulling his wings in tightly as he moved through the door. His balance problems seemed to have disappeared with the hunger.

It took him almost half an hour to set up Jack's swing, though. When it was done, he scowled at it, as though it had been deliberately difficult; Perry, who had been watching from the kitchen while Jack sat nearby playing with one of JD's shed feathers, had smirked at him.

"You made it through med school, Jacinda, and you can't assemble a baby swing?"

"Hey, it's assembled," JD retorted, folding his arms. "I was just... thorough."

"Thank God for that," Perry intoned, face a mask of mock-solemnity. "Here I was just thinking that, of all the potential dangers facing Jack at the moment, that swing certainly topped the list."

JD rolled his eyes, and ignored the older doctor, moving to scoop Jack into his arms and hoist him into the swing. Jack bounced happily, waving his arms and smiling at JD. "Bah!"

"I agree," JD said. "Your dad _is_ bad."

"Hey! So not what he said, Newbie!"

"What I heard." JD grinned. "Now--if you don't mind, could you help me with this t-shirt? I really need a shower."

Perry nodded, getting to his feet and coming around the breakfast bar, and suddenly JD swallowed, extremely nervous. He'd... had he really just asked Perry to help him take off his shirt?

And had Perry _agreed_ to it?

 _Easy, dude,_ he told himself. _If he doesn't help you you're liable to tear it, and you only have so many shirts as it is. Chill out._

But he kept his eyes firmly closed, moving as Perry directed with light nudges, as the older man carefully pulled the shirt over JD's head and around his wings.

Then suddenly froze--JD could feel it, could hear the subtle intake of a hiss of air. Something had startled Perry.

JD, wondering what on earth could take him by surprise _now_ , opened his eyes at last, and realized Perry was standing in front of him, eyes wide, drifting over JD's chest and abs.

Feeling unaccountably embarrassed, JD moved to cover himself with his arms. "Look, I don't have a lot of time for the gym, and I--"

"Newbie," Perry cut himself off, "just-- _look_ , once, instead of talking, would you?"

JD obeyed, moving his arms and looking down.

Then his own eyebrows shot up. "Oh."

He'd never been fat, but he'd certainly had a bit of pudge around his middle and on his sides, and though he did do cardio at the gym faithfully every week, he had never been one for the weight lifting. As such, when shirtless, he'd never exactly been a prime example of sculpted, muscular, masculine glory. He'd simply played the "endearing" card with whomever he hoped to get lucky by, and since it had, to this point, been women, it had worked pretty well.

But now... well, now, where he'd once been soft and rounded, he was lean, and sinewy. Muscles that had lain more or less unused before now rippled a little, defining themselves in little dips and shadows as he moved. His chest had bulked up quite a bit--not nearly as large as Perry's, but there was definition now where there had been none before. Same with his arms.

Basically, he looked pretty damned good.

He looked up at Perry and was only slightly disappointed to see the older man had stopped examining his body and was now looking him in the face. Only slightly, because the expression Perry wore was definitely an impressed one.

"Not too shabby, Newbie," he said finally. "Bit of an unexpected side effect, have we?"

"Maybe I got bit by a radioactive sparrow, and just don't remember?" JD suggested, rather hesitantly running a hand over his stomach, tightening his muscles. Holy shit, that was a six-pack. "Guess that explains why they don't feel too heavy, now," he said thoughtfully, shifting his wings slightly, giggling when Jack reached for the tip of one.

Perry swallowed, watching JD touch himself. He could only hope the kid didn't realize what effect he was having on him. "You seem to have gotten your balance back, too. Maybe that'll even be enough to save Jordan's cups and glasses."

"Maybe," JD agreed, still rather distracted by himself. He looked up after a moment and blushed. "Uh, and yeah, my balance does seem to be back to normal. The headache's still there, though," he added, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But I'll take it, for now. Anyway. Shower. Yeah..."

He turned and walked up the stairs, trying not to feel self-conscious--he could tell the older man was still watching him, and he wondered what effect the wings had on the muscles in his back. Not that Perry could see them, though, since the wings themselves were covering most of his exposed skin.

 _That'll come handy in the winter_ , he thought to himself. _Won't need a coat again. Good thing, too, since I'm not sure how I'd_ wear _a coat..._

He stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, quickly shucked his jeans and boxers and stepped into the thankfully large shower stall. Then hesitated, uncertain. Was he supposed to just... shower as usual? The wings had been wet before, and had seemed to shed water pretty well...and it wasn't as though he had a whole lot of other options. With a mental shrug, he turned on the water, then jumped out of the way when it spurted, frigid, from the nozzle. He adjusted the knob, then groaned a little as the water began to run blessedly hot.

For a time he simply stood, letting it soak into his newly acquired muscles, easing tension he hadn't realized he'd carried. God, it was amazing what a hot shower could do for you, he thought. He tilted his head back and let his mouth fall open as the water soaked into his hair, a few drops trickling down his forehead.

He finally shook himself from his bliss-induced stupor, looking around for soap. He wasn't sure how much hot water they'd have, and he certainly didn't want to run the risk of using it all before Perry'd had a chance to shower. That thought brought, unbidden, the image of the older doctor, standing in this very stall, naked, glistening with water droplets and soap suds, curls limp with the weight of the water, head thrown back in bliss as the pounding jet massaged away his weariness...

He jerked himself back to reality, shaken. He put a hand out against the tiled wall, and drew a deep breath, trying to calm his body, which had reacted wantonly to the image. He swallowed, and resumed his search for the soap.

He found a brand new bar sitting on top of the toilet, and reached out to snag it. Perry must've brought it--no! _Don't think about him right now,_ he commanded himself. _Just clean yourself off and get out of here._

Right.

He opened the soap and inhaled deeply, then groaned when he realized the scent was familiar--this was the same brand of soap Perry himself used. God, he was... he was washing himself in Perry's scent.

_Jesus._

He squeezed his eyes shut. _Focus!_

He began to lather the soap between his palms; once he'd gotten a good amount, he set the bar aside and began rubbing the suds over his chest.

The feel of his own body was foreign to him; he couldn't help but open his eyes and glance down. His abs stood out even more than they had previously, slicked with water and soap, and his nipples were peaked on the much broader plane of his chest. The feeling of those muscles twitching and shuddering beneath his hands was so unfamiliar it was almost as though he was touching someone else. Another man, which he'd dreamt about but never actually done. He sucked in a breath, and the wanton reaction he'd had to the image of Perry showering was back, full force.

He sighed, head dropping in defeat; there'd be no calming himself now, he realized, not until he'd taken care of this. He hissed as his fingers slid over a hardened nipple. Oh, god, yeah--it wasn't going to take long, either. He felt himself twitch, and slid a hand down his rock-hard abs, closing his eyes and picturing it was Perry's hand on him, or his hand on Perry, or maybe they were mirroring one another's motions on their bodies. He let his fingers drift further, past his navel; the overly-sensitized skin of his belly twitched and jumped under his touch, and he sucked in another breath, feeling his erection growing. He opened his eyes and glanced down at himself, long and flushed and damp with a combination of shower water and sweat. He swallowed, biting his lip to prevent himself from groaning, and wrapped his soap-slicked hand around himself.

 _Oh. Oh,_ fuck _, yeah..._

He began to move his fist in long, slow strokes, running his palm up around the tip before gripping tightly and pulling back down once more. God, it felt so good; amazing, even, and he kept one hand busy, exploring the unfamiliar dips and curves of his newly-acquired body. Ah, _shit_ yeah... His hips began to roll in rhythm with his strokes. In his mind, Perry was grinning at him, murmuring dirty things in his ear as he gripped and stroked, nibbling at JD's neck, squeezing his ass... he whimpered, catching his lip between his teeth, breathing hard and fast through his nose. _Jesus..._

He tried to stay slow, tried to prolong his pleasure, but he was helpless to do so; after only a minute or so, his hand began to speed up, strokes growing tighter and shorter as he felt himself beginning to climb toward his peak. "Please," he whispered to dream-Perry. "Like that-- _yess..._ "

He planted his legs a little wider and reached down with his free hand, cupping his balls and squeezing gently--and barely kept himself from crying out as he came, spurting so hard it actually hit the tile wall in front of him.

When he had finally finished, his hips shuddering to a halt, he collapsed forward, bringing his arms up to the shower wall and lowering his head to them as he tried to catch his breath.

_Oh, my God..._

A sudden knock at the bathroom door made him jump, and he bit back a startled yelp. "Newbie? Okay in there?"

_Jesus!_

"Yeah--yeah, fine!" he said, hoping to God his voice sounded more normal to Perry's ears than it did to his own, or that the older man would simply attribute it to the muffling effect of the running water. "I just--had to figure out how to work around these wings."

There was a pause, then he heard Perry say "Okay, then--hurry it up, would you? I'd like to shower, too."

 _You already have,_ JD thought, chuckling a little desperately, but just called out "Yeah, okay!" before hastily using his hand to splash water up onto the wall, erasing all evidence of his act. He lathered up more soap and quickly finished his shower, then reached back and twisted the knob, shutting off the faucet.

He dried rapidly, drawing on his boxers and jeans and trying to ignore the way his hands were still trembling from his release. His wings were another matter--in the end, he ran the towel over as much of them as he could, the resolved to try stepping out onto the patio and shaking them. If they truly did repel water the way he suspected they did, it would be the most efficient way to dry them off. He'd worry about the shirt after that, he decided.

He drew a breath, ran a hand through his hair, then stepped out of the bathroom, hoping he'd be able to face Perry without blushing so hard Perry would think he'd scalded himself with the water.

Perry raised an eyebrow at him, when he emerged. “Hope you didn’t use all the hot water to get that red, Miriam.” He disappeared into the bathroom, and JD felt himself go even redder, before he made his way outside and shook his wings out, giving in and flapping them a time or two.

He ended up on his ass as the conflicting air currents fought each other, his mouth open. _Holy..._ The lazy flapping had pushed him right off his feet, and he spread his wings again as he stood, looking them over. He’d gained, in the night, another four feet or so in wingspan, and was amazed, looking at the huge lengths, that he could pull them in as tightly as he could.

It wasn’t until he’d gotten to his feet again, stretching his wings as far as they’d go in every direction, that he realized he was being watched again.


	7. Chapter 7

Perry leaned against the shower wall, the smell of soap not completely masking the smell of sex, and he had to grin to himself, knowing the reason for JD’s strangled voice and deep blush. At least the kid had a good idea...

He’d only just wrapped his hand around himself when he heard a door slam, even over the sound of the water. He frowned, and turned the faucet off immediately. “JD?” he called, already planning for the worse.

“It’s all right,” JD answered, sounding shaken, but unhurt. “Or at least, I think it is...”

Perry's frown deepened; he wrapped a towel around his waist and left the room to find JD standing by Jack’s swing, the boy in his arms, looking shaken but unharmed. “What happened?”

JD had to force himself not to stare at the image out of his recent fantasy: Perry in front of him, wet and nearly naked and _dripping_... “I...I went outside, to dry my wings, and I...I felt like something was watching me. It was fucking creepy, and just got stronger while I was out there. It happened yesterday too, right when we got here, but it was stronger today. And I thought...I thought I saw something flying overhead. Stupid, huh?”

Perry lifted his eyebrows, going to look out the kitchen windows onto the porch. “Paranoid, maybe, but I don’t blame you there, kid.”

“It...it didn’t feel like it wanted to hurt me. Just...really curious.” JD gave him a lopsided smile, eyes absently following a drop of water as it slid down the line of Perry's neck and over his chest, down to the towel. He shivered. “But I won’t argue on the paranoia.”

Perry noted JD staring, and realized he probably looked pretty inappropriate, standing there dripping wet like something out of a bad porno. He cleared his throat and shrugged. "Well, we'll keep our eyes open, I guess, and lock up at night, but in the meantime, I'm going to go finish showering, and you look like you should probably sit down for a bit."

JD sucked in a breath. "I'm okay," he said. "I just... it was creepy."

"Fair enough. All the same, there's not much you can do in that room without my supervision, and I'm not exactly ready to dive in." He glanced down at himself, dripping little rivulets of water into the carpet, and raised his eyebrows. "Jordan's going to kill me."

Instead of calming him down, though, Perry's comment made JD's wings seem to droop a little, and a smile Perry clearly recognized as fake suddenly plastered itself across his face. "You're whipped," he said, but there was little real humor in the words.

Perry frowned. "You have a problem with Jordan, Newbie?" he asked, unable to think of any alternate explanation for the kid's behavior.

JD raised his eyebrows quickly. "No! No, I think... I think Jordan's great. A little scary sometimes, but great," he said, and Perry could hear the sincerity in the words. But there was still a line of distress between his eyebrows. Perry wondered if JD thought it would be awkward, since he'd accidentally slept with Jordan a few years ago, to have them all living under the same roof.

"Look, don't worry, okay?" Perry said, trying to reassure him. "We'll get that bedroom cleared out, and you won't have to listen to her snoring, I promise."

To his utter confusion, that only seemed to make JD feel worse, though the kid did manage a sincere smile for him. Still, he'd obviously not yet realized how much his wings were reacting to his emotions, and while Perry might've bought the cheerful act under other circumstances, the telltale droop of the large appendages told him JD was feeling anything but happy about the situation.

He decided to let it go for now, though; he was starting to get chilly, standing there sopping wet, and he was making a bit of a mess in the carpet. Sure it was just water, and would dry, but still.

He nodded at JD. "All right," he said, stepping backwards into the bathroom once more. Jack had started to bounce in JD's arms, and Perry nodded toward him. "I think he's hungry again."

JD, who'd been staring absently ahead up until then, suddenly came back to himself. He glanced at the child, then nodded. "Right."

He turned and walked from the room, and Perry could hear Jack making motorboat noises. He hoped the child could cheer JD, since Perry himself seemed to have been doing a pretty damned good job of doing just the opposite. He stepped back into the shower, sighing, and twisted the faucet on again. He passed his hand briefly over himself, but his body's reaction to the smell of JD's earlier activity had abated at seeing the younger man so miserable, and he realized he'd lost all inclination to see the act he'd started through to completion. With another sigh, he grabbed the soap, and got down to business in earnest.

* * *

JD dropped the final box with a sigh of relief and wiped his forehead, letting his wings move just lightly to stir a breeze. "What did Ben put in these boxes, anyway? Bricks? I'm gonna need another shower already..."

Perry watched the blush that spread over JD's cheeks after his word with amusement, and enjoyed the cool breeze he'd raised. There'd be some perks to having the kid around...save on fans at the least. But he sighed, laying a hand on the stack of boxes beside him. "We'll have to check, eventually, but bricks are as likely as anything else."

JD's blush deepened, and he nodded, pulling his wings in tight again. Ben had only been gone a month, and he'd seen the memories hitting Perry harder and harder since they'd arrived here. "Well, that's the last of them. Guess I'll the bed stripped down and changed, and be out of your hair at night..."

Perry wasn't really listening; he nodded absently. Truth was, he was dreading going through the boxes--Ben had the habit of saving the most obscure things, and Perry was relatively sure that going through them would be a very painful process. Maybe if it'd been longer, perhaps, but right now...

He shook himself, and realized JD had spoken. "Yeah," he said vaguely, hoping it was an appropriate response.

Apparently not.

JD felt his wings slump, and pulled them back in irritably. "I'm sorry last night was so uncomfortable..." He winced internally as he said it, knowing it was unfair, but unable to stop himself. At least he sounded sincere. "Jack's probably hungry again, too," he added, when Perry didn't even look up at him. "I'll go feed him."

He went back in the house, feeling like an ass. Perry'd been avoiding Ben's name the whole time they'd moved boxes, and like an idiot, he'd had to go and bring it up... "Idiot," he mumbled to himself, before picking Jack up again, and making a face. "You're all stinky again, kiddo. Are you just waiting for me, to do this?"

He teased and tickled and talked to the boy as he got him changed, looking the growing wings over again. The fuzz had grown in all over, grey fading into black, with flashes of red and white in gentle patterns. "You're going to kill with the ladies, dude, when they get a look at you. You can flash these wings, and that'll be it. Looks like you'll be able to put them away, too," he added, turning Jack over and checking the slits. For that's what they'd become. Gently, he ran a finger down them, and felt the muscles relax, opening slightly. "Getting shirts that fit is gonna be fun, though, if you want to take them out again..."

Soon enough he had the baby clean, and feeding, looking up at him with soft, trusting eyes. JD smiled, ducking his head down to kiss Jack's cheek. "You don't have to tell your daddy I said so, but I'm glad you're here, too, and we get to hang. Love you, little man."

He turned--then barely bit back a yelp. Perry was leaning in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, eyes soft and--dear god--glistening.

_No way..._

JD stood watching him, while Jack, unawares, slurped happily at his bottle.

After a very long silence, JD finally swallowed, and opened his mouth. "I... um, look if..." he trailed off again. "I'm sorry?" But that wasn't right, was it? He wasn't sorry--not for how he felt about Jack.

For how he felt about Perry, on the other hand...

Perry shook his head. "Why would you be?" he said softly. "For taking care of my son like he was yours? God, JD--you don't know how much of a relief that is for me, to know you'll look after him, if--" he cut himself off, and switched tracks. "Listen, something's been bothering you, and I'll be damned if I know what it is, but I somehow keep poking at it and making you look like a kicked puppy, and I'd like it a whole lot if you could just _tell_ me. What's wrong?"

JD froze, tongue suddenly feeling much too big for his mouth. Because he couldn't...no. He couldn't tell Perry, not with Jordan only a few hours away, not when he was depending on them for safety. He couldn't. "I..." And then Jack shifted, and he relaxed. Duh. That'd work. "It's a little silly. But I really liked being so close to Jack last night, waking up with him this morning...Once Jordan gets here, and I'm in my own room I won't get that again. That's all."

It _wasn't_ all, and he was fairly sure Perry knew it, but it was plausible, and true--he would miss Jack nearly as much as Perry--so JD hoped Perry would let it go.

Perry frowned, lowering his head and studying JD suspiciously. "Newbie..." he started, but suddenly there was the crunch of gravel from outside.

They both spun, looking out the kitchen window, to see Jordan pulling up in her CRV, a Uhaul hooked to the back as promised. Perry glanced at JD, then turned away without a word and headed out through the garage door to greet her.

JD lowered his head and closed his eyes wearily. Though he hadn't exactly been looking forward to her arrival, he certainly couldn't fault her timing--for now, at least, and quite possibly for the rest of the day, he was off the hook. He opened his eyes to see Jack had finished his formula, and removed the empty bottle for the child's hands before drawing him up and patting his back gently.

Jordan and Perry walked back into the house, each carrying a cardboard box, which they deposited on the breakfast bar. "Hey, DJ," Jordan said, and her smile was genuine; JD felt a pang of guilt.

"Hey, Jordan," he said, then grinned as Jack belched, loudly.

Jordan rolled her eyes. "I leave him with you two for one day..." she sighed, and JD chuckled.

"Yup. Bad influences. Perry's got him belching, I've got him growing wings..." JD paused, hoping Jordan was calmed down enough about the Changeling thing that she wouldn't take his comment amiss.

Her eyes tightened a little, but her smile didn't falter. "He seems to be handling it okay," she said, her voice rising only slightly; JD wasn't sure if it was meant to be a question or not, but he nodded.

"He is," he replied. "And I think he'll be able to hide them, when he wants to--he's grown slits on his back that he can open and close, and I'm pretty sure that's what they're for."

"Slits?" Jordan came over and JD handed Jack to her, knowing better than to get between a mother and her child, when the mother had that look on her face.

"Yeah. They're more like hollows, really. Here..." He showed her, gently teasing one of them open, making Jack giggle and squirm, obviously in no discomfort.

She nodded, but didn't answer, and JD pulled back, leaving her and Jack to have time alone together. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for her, voluntarily staying behind and being away from him... "I'll just go help Perry unload."

Between them, they had the boxes inside and spread around the kitchen in just under an hour. Jordan had been as good as her word, and the small trailer had been stuffed to the brim. Once they'd unpacked, they began to go through the boxes themselves.

"There's way too much to actually fit it all into the kitchen," Jordan said, sitting on the couch with Jack as Perry and JD worked. "But the rest of it can go in the garage, I figure."

"We'll have to label them so we know which boxes are food and which ones came from Ben's room," JD said, then bit his lip to stop himself from swearing aloud. Good God, why not just surgically implant his foot in his mouth?

"Ben's room?" Jordan said, and JD winced when he heard her voice tremble a little bit. "What about Ben's room?"

"Oh, um..." JD glanced at Perry, but the older doctor was clenching his jaw in a way that made JD realize he was not about to speak anytime soon. "We... cleared some things out, so I could um... use the bed?" he said, feeling as though he were growing smaller by the minute.

_Mr. Sensitive today, aren't I?_

"That must've been a lot of work, as tired as you both were last night. He left a lot of stuff in there..." Jordan's tone was still uneven.

JD could've shot himself, when he heard the next words that came out of his mouth. "We did it this morning, so it wasn't bad..." He stopped, wondering if he could actually hear Perry's muscles clenching, or if it was only his imagination.

"This morning?" Jordan repeated, one slender dark eyebrow rising as she looked from one of them to the other. "Where'd you sleep last night, DJ?"

_The couch! No, she's not blind, she knows you won't fit. The truck? Too cold. The floor? Perry wouldn't let you. Fuck, fuck, fuck...._

"He slept on the bed with me," Perry said, and his voice was low and even. "Where else would he sleep?"

JD's eyes widened--was Perry actually coming to his defense? Against _Jordan_?

Jordan folded her arms. "Oh?" she said, and her voice was sharp. "And how was that?"

Perry folded his right back, standing his ground, and JD wanted nothing more than to melt into the linoleum.

"What the hell does that mean?" Perry said, though his voice remained as low and calm as ever. "It was a bed. We slept in it, Jordan. Jack was there too. Christ, what did you expect? I'd bend him over and fuck him, just because we slept in the same room?"

Jordan got to her feet. "Watch your mouth around Jack," she hissed. As if on cue, Jack began to cry, clearly sensing the tension in the room. JD automatically took a step toward him, then froze as Jordan glared icy daggers at him.

"JD," Perry said, never taking his eyes off Jordan, "take Jack upstairs for a while."

JD bit his lip and swallowed, staring, wide-eyed, from Jordan to Perry; when Perry cut him a glance and nodded once, he obeyed, trying to shrink himself down into nothing as he scooted past Jordan to get to the child.

Jack raised his arms toward JD as soon as he was near; JD scooped him up and held him, as Jack curled around JD's shoulder, hiding his face. "You're okay," he murmured, circling the couch and taking the stairs two at a time in his haste. Jordan and Perry had yet to say anything else, and were still staring at one another; JD didn't wait around, but slid into Ben's room and shut the door, then sank, shaking to the bed, hugging Jack to him as he fought tears.

_Jesus, could this get any worse?_

He rocked Jack gently, patted his back, used every trick he'd learned both from baby-sitting and working with kids at the hospital, even if he didn't see babies there often. He was almost relieved, when it took Jack awhile to stop snuffling, and to start smiling and giggling again. Gave him something to concentrate on, other than the muffled voices from downstairs.

 _What am I doing? Nearly admitting to Perry how I feel, letting Jordan know he and I shared a bed...It's not going to happen with him, Dorian. It's_ not _. You have to accept that, move on, stop mooning and stop making things harder for him._

"I'm sorry, kiddo," he murmured to Jack, holding the baby's hands to let him stand on his lap, bouncing a bit now. "I know your parents are fighting, but they both love you a lot, and it's got nothing to do with you, promise. A little bit to do with me. And I think a lot to do with what's happening to the world. And maybe some missing your Uncle Ben. He was a really neat person. I'll have to make sure Perry tells you all about him..."

Somehow, JD kept himself talking, the soft flow of words to Jack keeping him calm, keeping him from thinking about what Perry and Jordan might be saying to each other. And from wishing Perry's comment about fucking him had been the truth.

* * *

They waited until the door closed, then Jordan lit into him.

"I can't believe you," she hissed. "Christ, Perry, I know you've been lusting after that kid for God knows how long, but sleeping with him?"

"Jordan, what part of 'we were _sleeping_ ' don't you understand?" Perry returned. "Jesus, the kid's been through hell. He almost starved himself to death, then I go and send him through the windshield--"

"--of the brand new SUV you got in exchange for your Porsche," Jordan interrupted, nostrils flaring as her hands flew to her hips. "When I've been asking you to get rid of that thing and get something safer for Jack for _how_ long?"

"For the love of heaven, Jordan, do you think I'm _ever_ anything less than careful when I'm with that child?" he growled. "This isn't about Jack, and you know it."

"No, Perry, it's not!" She said, moving up right in front of him. "It's about you bending over backwards for this kid when you never lift a finger for your _family_!"

Perry stared at her, stunned. "Excuse me?" he said, voice low and deadly. "Just who the hell is working his ass off sixty hours damn near ever week to _support_ this family? Who picks up overtime and double shifts so you can botox the hell out of your face and pay for a Nanny so you don't have to miss your weekly pedicures? Because it sure as hell isn't you, Jorderoo--though don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the four hours you put in every three weeks at board meetings, I really do."

Jordan clenched her jaw. "I need you right now," she whispered. "And you left me for him."

"I didn't leave you," Perry said, taking her by the shoulders. "Jordan, you have got to believe me: nothing _happened!_ "

"Not because you didn't want it to," she argued, looking petulant and more than a little hurt.

Perry sighed, lowering his hands. "Yeah. Okay, fine," he said softly. "You win. I'm attracted to him. But it ends there, Jordan. It's physical, okay? You know me--I'm always after some hot young piece of ass, but I keep coming back to yours, don't I?"

She closed her eyes. "It's not just physical," she said. "You didn't bring your life to a screeching halt just so you could gape at Hawkboy up there."

"Jack..."

"Yeah, as it happened, Jack needed to be hidden as well," Jordan interrupted. "But you were preparing to bring him out here long before you knew about Jack. Perry, you were halfway _here_ when I told you about Jack!"

Perry sighed and turned away, moving to brace his hands against the breakfast bar. "Okay," he said. "You're right. I care about him. But not like I care about you," he turned back to her. "Jordan, I _love_ you. Yeah, JD's important to me, and I guess I'm attracted to him too, but... ah, hell, if you're totally honest with yourself, you'll admit you care about him, too. I couldn't just let him starve, or get locked in a lab for the rest of his life, could I?"

Jordan stared at him, then her eyes suddenly welled with tears. "Is that what they'll do?" she whispered. "If they find Jack--Perry, what will they do to him?"

"Nothing," Perry growled, moving forward swiftly and pulling Jordan into his arms. "They won't touch him, Jordan. I promise you that. I won't allow it, and JD won't either."

"But...how can you be sure of that?" she whispered, leaning back to look up at him, eyes wide and frightened. "How do you _know_?"

"Because I will be dead before I let anyone touch a hair on that child's head," Perry said vehemently. "And JD feels the same about him, and he's promised to take care of him. Jesus, Jordan, you've see Newbie's wings. As soon as he learns to use them, we'll have a fast way to get Jack out of here, if it comes to that. And we'll protect him, keep him hidden, as long as it takes." He reached up to thumb away a tear that had escaped to trickle down her cheek, and kissed her lightly. "Okay?"

She drew a breath, then nodded. "Okay," she said, kissing him back. Then she pulled away, wiping at her cheeks with the heels of her hand before folding her arms across her ribs. "I should go apologize to DJ," she said quietly. "Hell, if nothing else, of the two of us, I'm the one who's slept with him."

Perry smirked. "There you go," he said. "I should get a turn too." Then, when she glowered at him, he lifted his hands. "Kidding! Kidding."

"Damn straight you are," she said, then sighed, and turned to head up the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

JD was almost too nervous to sit still; he was pretty sure if it weren't for Jack he'd be pacing. As it was, he tried to keep his attention focused on the child, grinning at the soft breeze from the child's idly flapping wings. "You're going to learn to fly and walk at the same time, aren't you?" he murmured, grin broadening at Jack's answering giggle. "And drive everyone insane with worry when you do. No hiding the cookies on the top shelf, not for Jack."

It wasn't that much longer, when JD heard footsteps on the stairs, too light to be Perry's. He drew himself up, smile fading in his nervousness, wondering what he should say. He was slightly proud when he didn't jump at the knock on the door, and even more surprised that there'd been a knock at all. He'd half expected Jordan to simply kick the door in. "Yeah?" he said, proud of the way his voice only shook a little.

"JD? It's Jordan. Can I come in?"

"Um...sure." JD offered her a nervous smile, when she opened the door. "Jordan, I'm sorry, I didn't...I swear nothing happened. Even if we hadn't been too tired, both of us injured, Jack there, and if Perry was interested, and I know he's not, I'd never...I'd never do anything to mess things up for you, or for Jack. I swear. I'm sorry enough about all this..."

Jordan lifted an eyebrow, looking mildly amused at JD's babbling. "What exactly do you feel for my ex-husband, JD?" she asked softly when he finally trailed off, folding her arms across her chest.

JD flushed, and looked down, not meeting her eyes. "I..." Fuck it, he had to tell her the truth. Which would be a hell of a lot easier if he was sure what the truth was _himself_. "It's complicated, and I'm not always sure," he admitted softly. "If things were incredibly different? I might be in love with him. But he's straight, and with you, so he doesn't see me like that...I guess I just count myself lucky to be his friend, and try and deal with the attraction part without letting him see it." He sighed, drawing a hand up through his hair and finally looking up into her face, which was oddly impassive. "I like him, Jordan, and I respect him. And he's important to me. But he's yours, and I'd never...I'd never do anything to fuck that up. Sorry," he added hastily, when her eyes flicked to Jack. "Mess. Mess that up."

Jordan sighed, lowering her arms and moving to sit on the other side of Jack. "JD, Perry and I... we're very different people," she said, one hand stroking through Jack's hair. The child, uninterested, made motorboat noises between them, watching his feet as he waved them in the air. "I don't know why on earth I'm telling you this, but... you should know that there's a part of Perry that is most definitely interested in you."

JD's jaw dropped, and he realized after a moment he was staring at her blankly, and Jack was trying to pull his bottom lip off. "Wait, he...what? He's straight."

"To hell with that--what does that mean, anyway?" Jordan waved her hand dismissively. "He's human, JD. And you're... charming, in your own awkward way."

"Thanks, I think..."

"Shut up. The point is..." she sighed and lowered her eyes. "The point is, JD, that you two are going to be spending a lot of time up here alone together. And while I'd appreciate it if it didn't become a habit... well, I'm not going to rip your throat out if you two... you know."

JD shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if he'd gotten a head injury he hadn't noticed up until now. Because clearly, this couldn't be real. "Did you just give me permission to do your ex-husband? God...I'd have to tell him I wanted to, and he'd probably kill me!" Except if what she'd just said was right, he wouldn't, and... _Oh God..._

"Look, you're both only human, okay?" she said again, then glanced at JD's wings and lifted an eyebrow. "Well, more or less," she ammended. Then, growing serious again, she reached out and laid a hand over JD's. "I know Perry, and I know you well enough," she said softly. "If you're stuck up here with nothing to do but worry and stew in your own sexual tension, you'll go insane. It would probably happen anyway, eventually, but heaven knows if I leave it off like this Perry will beat himself up until he drives _both_ of us away, and, well...we both need him right now, so we can't have that, can we?" She sighed, looking down at her son; JD, too stunned to respond, could only stare at her. After a long moment of silence, she looked at him again. "Just do me one favor, would you?"

He tilted his head, still not quite sure this was real, but willing to humor the fantasy, if nothing else. "What?"

"Promise me you'll never, _ever_ tell me about it."

"It's a deal," JD replied, shivering a little. "Can't promise you he won't, but I won't say a word. I swear. Ever." To _anyone_. Because what the hell would Turk say? Or Elliot? Or Carla? God, he didn't want to think about it. Too bad he couldn't have stayed in the closet about his wings, too...but those, at least, were impossible to hide, and most people did seem to think he was actually straight, if not very good at it.

"Good." Jordan leaned forward, moving to pull Jack into her lap. They'd needed this--to form a truce between them. As strange as it was, they were all sort of a family now, thrown together by this thing they could not stop, held together by their fear of it. They were small creatures huddled together for protection against a force much too powerful to stop, and they could not afford to fight amongst themselves. Jordan might not like it a lot, but if nothing else, she was smart enough to know when to compromise.

"So can you fly yet?" she asked after a few moments. "I'm betting Jack can't; his wings don't look quite done yet, but yours had better be, or you're not going to be able to walk with them."

JD shrugged. "I haven't really tried," he admitted, pleased beyond measure to be on speaking terms with Jordan, though his head was still spinning over what she'd told him. "I sort of knocked myself on my ass earlier trying to dry them off, though. They're pretty powerful."

Jordan nodded; for a moment they sat in silence, hearing the faint sounds of Perry moving around in the kitchen, presumably storing the rest of their food. Then she suddenly said, "There's a field just down the road--maybe a quarter of a mile away. We've got about two hours of daylight left."

JD raised his eyebrows at her. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?" he asked, incredulous.

She grinned. "You bet your sweet ass I am," she said. "What's the matter? Scared?"

"Yeah, a little," JD replied, his voice even. "Wouldn't you be?"

Jordan paused. "Probably," she admitted after a moment, "but you've still gotta learn. Off your ass, kid, let's go see what those can do."

JD smiled slightly and pulled himself up. "I'll tell Perry to get the first-aid kit together..." He headed downstairs, giving Jordan a moment to herself with Jack.

He paused when he reached the kitchen, feeling himself blush slightly when Perry looked up. "Hey...Jordan said there's a field a little ways away and that I...I oughta try flying before the light goes. We've got about an hour for me to practice, and an hour for you to patch me up after..."

Perry raised his eyebrows. "Do you think you're ready for that?"

JD shrugged. "I don't know how waiting would make it any easier," he said, blushing further under Perry's continued gaze. Christ, it was almost worse, knowing he might actually have a shot at what he'd dreamed about for so long... it certainly made it harder to act normal around the older doctor.

Fortunately, Jordan chose that moment to appear, walking down the stairs with Jack in her arms. "Hey, if he's got them, he might as well learn to use them," she reasoned with a shrug.

Perry snorted at her. "Easy enough for you to say--your neck's not on the line if something goes wrong." His words were said jokingly, but JD could tell from the tension in his jaw that there was some actual worry under them. The thought made him smile, warmth seeping into his heart.

"I'll be okay," he said. "I'll be careful."

Perry looked back at him, then sighed. "All right," he said. He set the last can of peas he was holding into the cabinet and shut the door, lifting the now-empty box and tossing it in the corner with the other empties. "Take us to this field of yours," he told Jordan.

JD tried to swallow down his nervousness, as they got Jack ready and took off. After all, he was built for this now, it couldn't be too hard to figure out...

The field was wide, empty, and the ground look very hard and very frozen. He swallowed hard, looking around him, wondering how he was supposed to take off. Birds just seemed to do it... Should he run first, get some momentum, like a plane? "Should've done more research..." he muttered to himself, looking back at Perry and Jordan. Well, at least if he broke his neck, he wouldn't have to worry about the sex thing...

With that cheerful thought spurring him on, he extended his wings, hearing Jordan's soft gasp as they spread to their full size. Oddly, that made him feel better, and he leaned forward slightly, trying to angle his wings parallel to the ground, and, with a deep breath, flapped hard.

For a second, it seemed like it might work.

He could feel the rush of air beneath him, could feel as his wings propelled him up, feet lifting off the ground. But he was so surprised that it had actually worked that he forgot to flap again, and moments later he came crashing back down, stumbling awkwardly, ending sprawled on his hands and knees.

"JD!" He heard Perry call, and turned to see the older man beginning to move forward. "Are you okay?"

JD nodded. "Nothing wounded but my dignity," he called back, shaking his feathers a little as he rolled his shoulders. He heard Jordan snicker, but ignored her, warmed by the concern in Perry's eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Newbie?" he called. "You don't have to..."

Suddenly, JD felt a stubbornness rise within him. Perry was trying to protect him, he knew--hell, the older man had been doing that since JD'd shown up on his doorstep two nights prior. And much as JD appreciated it, he suddenly found himself wanting to prove he didn't _need_ to be protected. Wanted to show Perry he could do this--to impress him, make him realize that JD wasn't just some helpless kid.

He turned away, closing his eyes and blocking out the self-consciousness he'd felt moments earlier. He forgot that Jordan and Perry stood watching, Jack bouncing between them; forgot everything and focused on the feel of his wings.

He stretched one, then the other, and twitched the long, sinewy tendons he could feel running through the base of the wings out toward the joint where the primary feathers sprouted forth. They moved a little, adjusting to the wind, which he suddenly realized he could feel quite acutely. The drafts and currents which had just been vague sensations before suddenly became rivers of air, flowing as plainly and obviously as though they were actual rivers. He turned slightly, tilting his wings until the draft of one filled them like sails, and smiled.

Perry frowned, watching as JD stood silently, very still. He bit his lip, wanting to move forward, to speak, but Jordan held him back. "Wait," she whispered. She'd seen the change that had come over JD's face, and she wanted to see what it led to.

JD drew a breath. _Forward momentum._ He wasn't sure if he'd thought the words, spoken them, or if they'd simply appeared in the air, some random firing if memory from an elementary biology class where they'd learned about birds. But he realized he knew exactly what he needed to do.

He opened his eyes, and drew his wings in tight with a snap--then took off running. He heard Perry's startled yell, heard Jordan gasp, but ignored them both, concentrating on the feel of the wind around him. Then, when he was running directly into a slight updraft, he sprang forward, leaping up and out with all his might--then unfurled his wings, and snapped them down.

And then he was in the air, wings moving again and again, pushing him away from the earth until he caught a stronger updraft, and let it fill them, taking him higher. His triumphant whoop was lost in the wind, as he let himself climb still higher, looking down to find he could bring the small figures below him into easy focus. _My eyes have changed, too...Dude, no wonder I'm getting headaches. Probably insanely farsighted now..._

He shook the thought off, experimenting with what he could do, still not quite believing how _easy_ it was. But whether the Change had gifted him with the knowledge when he'd thought to ask, or if the wings themselves had the instincts and he was no longer fighting them, he seemed to know just when to flap, to bank, to turn. And the freedom of the air was his.

There was one last true test, besides eventually discovering his stamina. He looked down, picking a spot on the ground, then brought his wings in for a shallow dive, unable to stifle the giddy laughter as he swooped toward the earth. He snapped his wings back out to slow himself, feet touching gently down to earth almost exactly where he'd started. He took a few quick steps, back flapping a little to halt his forward momentum, and came to an easy halt a few feet in front of Jordan and Perry.

JD knew the grin on his face was more than a little cocky, but he couldn't help himself. "I think it goes something like that?"

Then he couldn't help but laugh, because the look on Perry and Jordan's faces was just priceless. They both stood agape, eyes wide with disbelief and awe. He moved forward, taking the excitedly giggling Jack from Perry's arms. The infant had been reaching for him, but Perry was still standing in a frozen stupor. Jack giggled when JD tickled him lightly, and waved his hands to the sky. "Up!" he stated, pointing.

"That's right, buddy," he said softly. "Soon I'll teach you to do that, and you and me, we'll both be up there." He lowered his voice to a whisper, hugging Jack close. "There's nothing like it."

"Well, that... that went better than expected," Jordan finally said, moving to retrieve Jack (who had lost interest in JD and was now eyeing the diaper bag that held his formula). "I'd say we can officially mark that as mastered."

"I think so," JD grinned, and turned to Perry. The older man was still staring at him, though he'd closed his mouth, and JD felt himself blushing under the scrutiny he couldn't quite read. As Jordan gave Jack a bottle and they began walking back toward the cabin, Perry still didn't speak, and JD was beginning to wonder if he'd done something wrong. As Jordan walked ahead, he fell back, walking alongside Perry.

"Hey," he finally said, breaking the silence that he was more than ready to label 'uncomfortable.'

Perry looked up at him, and opened his mouth, then shut it again, turning his gaze back to the ground.

JD frowned. "Are you going to talk to me?" he said softly.

Perry kept his eyes fixed on his feet, swallowing hard, but finally spoke. "You... that was pretty damned amazing, Newbie," he finally managed.

"Yeah," JD agreed, trying to push down his disappointment. It couldn't take away the warm feelings of joy and freedom still within him, but it tarnished them. He should've known Perry wouldn't greet him with whoops and laughter of his own, and just a month ago, hearing him say anything about JD was "damned amazing" would've had the younger doctor celebrating for a week, but now... The words sounded forced, and Perry looked more troubled than impressed. JD found himself wishing Perry'd made a joke and called him a girl's name, instead.

He sighed, though, and decided to hell with it. If Perry Cox wasn't going to tell him what was going on, he'd ignore it like the man he was. "Guess the instincts were part of the Change...I just stopped thinking about how to do it, and I did. So we won't have to worry quite so much about Jack, now...I can get him out of here, if I need to."

JD glanced over at Perry, but he still seemed sunk in his own thoughts. _Should I ask him? Isn't fair that he gets to make me tell him what's up, and I don't get to do the same...But if I_ do _ask him, he might remember about before, and I don't care what Jordan said, telling him I want to sex him up and be sexed up in return is probably not a good idea_.

Shrugging, JD picked up his pace, catching up with Jordan. Their laughter, with Jack's sweet, high tones mixed in, drifted back to Perry as he trailed behind them.

The older man lowered his eyes, staring resolutely at the trail in front of him. The truth was, his own emotions were such a mess right now that he wasn't sure he could sort them, even if he wanted to.

The image of JD, soaring, dipping, spinning through the air in cavorts of unbridled joy... it was forever burned into his mind, and right now, he couldn't stop seeing it. Couldn't stop seeing the way those muscles rippled with every flap, even through the fabric of his shirt, or stop recalling the raw power in the wings that, until now, he'd merely dismissed as a symptom of a troubling new disease. But watching JD whoop and twirl, he couldn't help but think this Change wasn't all bad.

_Nothing that made JD look like that could be all bad._

And there was the other part of the problem. The crux of it, actually. As he'd watched JD, as he'd seen him land softly, a grin on his face, still breathless and slightly flushed from exhilaration and exertion, he'd realized something: that while he truly loved Jordan, and would do just about anything for her, he was not truly _in_ love with her.

Rather, he was--had just abruptly fallen--head over heels in love with JD.

And he had no idea what to do about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Perry and Jordan were sleeping together.

Probably just sleeping, but JD couldn’t turn his imagination off at the best of times, and this was no different. He could see them in his mind’s eye, wrapped around each other, kissing and bickering and just generally being in love. Normally, it would have put him in a bad mood, or at least depressed him, but the situation at hand was far from normal.

Jordan had told him he could sleep with Perry. What was she, insane? He couldn’t see how it could possibly happen. Perry cared for him, yeah, he’d been able to tell that from his worry about the flying, not to mention the way he'd been taking care of JD ever since he'd gone to the older doctor for help.

But surely JD would know if it went further than that. Surely he'd have noticed. Wouldn't he? After all, he _did_ spend most of his time hanging onto every gesture, every word or touch or glance that might indicate even the barest scrap of affection.

Of course, as soon as he'd realized what he felt for Perry, he'd been watching _himself_ so carefully around him that he supposed it was possible he might’ve missed something...

No. No, she was just batshit. That was all.

But... what if she wasn’t?

JD heaved a sigh, pulling himself up and punching his pillow around a couple times, before settling back down again. It was weird, not being able to sleep comfortably on his back. Well, that wasn't entirely true--he _could_ , if he spread his wings a little, but he had to stay pretty still, because rolling around equaled discomfort. And he wasn’t used to sleeping on his stomach, or keeping his wings back enough to sleep on his side.

But that wasn’t why he was restless, and he knew it. He groaned, getting up and padding down to the kitchen for a glass of milk. He wasn't sure it would help, but at least it would give him something to do, waste a bit of time before he had to go back to bed and try to convince his mind to shut up so he could fall asleep.

The moon was nearly full, shining down outside, the rain clouds actually gone. It hadn’t been raining when he’d gone flying, either, he realized with a little jolt. The sky had still been overcast, but the rain had finally stopped. Now even the clouds were gone, and it was perfectly clear, with the moon lighting up the forest around them.

If he’d been more awake, he probably wouldn’t have done it. But the night sky was so beautiful, the light so bright, and he was so restless...

Going back to his room--Ben’s room--only long enough to tug on his jeans and shoes, he snuck carefully back downstairs, slipped the glass door open and stepped outside. Judging the distance between the house and the tree line, he nodded to himself, closed his eyes to check the air currents around him, and, with another running start, took to the sky once more.

The fierce, primitive joy he’d first felt that afternoon filled him again, as his wings beat back the force of gravity. He let the combination of the thermals and his own powerful muscles carry him high into the air, moving quickly and freely above the dark house below him, the woods, all of it. As the ground receded beneath him, he felt himself pulling away from his worries, his uncertainties, his fears; they all seemed to slip away as he turned himself over to the pure physical act of flying. He stopped thinking, simply riding the air currents, circling higher and higher, until the air was too thin, and then diving, fast and hard, for the sheer joy of it.

Bungee jumping paled in comparison.

Finally, exhausted and sheathed in sweat, JD dived a final time, skimming the grass in the yard and landing lightly. Though the gray of the horizon told him dawn was swiftly approaching--he'd been flying for hours, he realized with some startlement--the house was still dark, and he breathed a soft sigh of relief. Part of him had worried one of the others would wake and find him missing...but he couldn’t have resisted the midnight flight, no matter how cold and tired he was now.

He snuck inside, skipping a shower in favor of not waking anyone, and dried himself off with a towel before rebuilding the fire. Once it was burning cheerily again, he settled in front of it with a mug of cocoa, watching the flames dance through half-lidded eyes.

* * *

Perry found him there, sound asleep, a few hours later.

He stood in the doorway, arms folded, and frowned as he studied the younger man. The sun was just coming up, and the faint light was filtering in through the curtains, landing in a swatch across part of JD's bare back and one of his large wings. The wings themselves were spread haphazardly, sprawled as gracelessly as was JD himself. A half-empty mug of cocoa sat near his elbow, and the fire had died down to mere embers, but it was clear it had been built sometime after Perry had last stocked it after dinner.

Perry frowned, a half-forgotten dream flitting to his mind: The moon, wide and shining, and stars--and a small, dark silhouette against them, swooping and diving gracefully.

He was beginning to suspect it had not been a dream.

He moved forward, and noticed JD was shivering; without thinking he pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over the young man, tucking it gently around him. He froze, eyes wide, when JD suddenly stirred, but the young man merely sighed, tugging the blanket closer, before settling down again, a soft smile on his face. Perry felt an answering smile tug his lips, but it was terse, worried.

He'd hoped, somehow, that what he'd felt for JD yesterday had been a fluke; that the sight of the kid soaring through the sky against the backdrop of the mountains, whooping for joy, had simply been so astounding that he'd misinterpreted his awe and wonder, falsely labeling it love. He'd avoided JD after they'd returned home all the same, keeping the conversation restricted to polite exchanges over the dinner table and excusing himself early, claiming he had a bit of a headache before vanishing into his room.

 _It was just a momentary thing,_ he promised himself, as he paced across the carpet, too nervous to even read or watch a movie. _Tomorrow he'll just be Newbie again, and this will look really absurd, and I can have a good laugh about it and be done._

But things had not changed. He'd fallen asleep with Jordan in his arms but found himself dreaming of JD, and now, crouching in front of the younger man who was all but drooling in his sleep, he realized his feelings had not faded. If anything, they were stronger.

_Shit._

When Jordan came down, a bit later, she sighed to herself, stopping, as Perry had, in the doorway. Damn. She was losing him. And she couldn't stay and fight for him, not when her mother needed her. And not, she realized, when she wasn't entirely certain she wanted to. She'd spent so much time fighting; fighting to win Perry, then fighting to keep him, then just fighting _with_ him... and she realized wearily that she was tired of it.

She also realized with some surprise that the thought didn't upset her as much as she thought it would. Yes, she loved Perry. And Jack was her whole world. But somehow, watching her ex-husband turned lover as he gazed at his protégé, she didn't feel angry the way she thought she would. Truth be told, she wasn't even all that sad.

She'd seen the look on Perry's face, when he'd been watching JD fly. It was there again now: a quiet wonder, an aching longing, and the stunned look of someone who'd just realized the dull, mundane thing they'd been looking at day after day was not so dull or mundane after all.

Jack's imploring bouncing brought her back to herself, and she went into the kitchen, to fetch the formula Perry had gone for in the first place.

Meanwhile, JD slept on, unaware he'd become the center of attention for the other members of the household.

When Jordan came back from the kitchen and cleared her throat, finally making her presence known, Perry jumped to his feet, coloring. "Jordan--I'm sorry, I, uh..." Got distracted? Well, certainly he had, but it was pretty damned obvious why, and he wasn't sure how it would help him any, to admit to that.

"Yeah, save it, Perry," she said, and though her words were harsh, her voice was gentle. "I have eyes."

Perry slumped, biting his lip and glancing down at JD again. "I... I don't know what to say," he said quietly.

Jordan shrugged. "Not much you can say, is there?" she replied, shaking the bottle before giving it to Jack. Then, turning toward him, she said, "Perry... I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. I do. I'm not mad. To be honest, I'm not even all that upset."

Perry turned, lifting an eyebrow at her. "You're not?"

She shrugged. "Not really any point to it, is there?" she replied. "Not like there's much I can do to change it."

Perry swallowed, closing his eyes, wishing he could forgive himself as easily as she had. God, it was bad enough to be attracted to the kid, but to be in love...

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

Jordan smiled, a little sad. "And that's the last thing you should have to be," she said.

"I know, but..." Perry paused when JD shifted again; glancing at Jordan, he jerked his head toward the stairs, and she nodded in agreement, heading back up to their bedroom. Perry cast one last glance at the still soundly-sleeping JD before turning to follow her. They'd have to have this out, but... not where JD could possibly overhear.

It would be hard enough without the audience.

It was only after the sound of the bedroom door closing met his ears that JD finally opened his eyes. _He didn't mean for_ what _to happen?_ He pushed himself up, wondering just what he'd overheard, what they'd been talking about. Not the Change, surely-- _no_ one had meant for _that_ to happen, and it was ridiculous to even _consider_ it had somehow been Perry's fault... What, then?

He shivered, pulling the blanket closer, and shook his head. No way to find out, and better to pretend he didn't know anything.

Shaking himself again, he built the fire back up, enough to warm the room further, before heading into the bathroom. At least he could take a shower, now. And work off his other tensions again, more than likely. The dreams he could remember had been full of mating on the wing, and he was almost surprised he hadn't simply climaxed in his sleep.

* * *

Jordan left early that afternoon.

"You boys play nice now," she said out the window of her Honda, waggling a finger at them. "And I don't want to come back and hear you've taught Jack any more bad habits."

"Hey, I didn't teach him to belch," Perry protested. "He came by it honestly!"

JD just grinned, waving to Jordan as she backed out of the drive. Now-- _now_ , surely, Perry would speak to him. He'd have little choice, because there was no one else here but Jack, and JD knew even Perry needed more stimulating conversation than "Up!" and "Bah." The older doctor had barely said a word to him since yesterday afternoon, after the flying, and JD was utterly at a loss as to what he could possibly have done.

Unless... unless Jordan'd had a conversation with Perry similar to the one she'd had with him yesterday, and had revealed JD's feelings to him...?

But no. No, surely even _Jordan_ wouldn't do something like _that_. That would be just... mean. No, they might have their disagreements, but she wouldn't do that to him.

Would she?

JD turned toward his mentor, who was still staring straight ahead, watching as the little CRV disappeared around a curve in the road. Once it had, he turned away without saying a word, and began to walk back into the garage.

"All right, enough--what did I do?" JD asked, frustrated. "Will you just tell me, so I can be sorry and you can yell at me, and it can be over? Because the silent treatment is going to get really fucking old really fast." He closed his mouth again, wondering where the hell he'd gotten the guts to say all that.

Perry looked at him, startled--then sighed, shaking his head. "You didn't do anything," he said softly.

"Then why won't you talk to me?" JD's voice was just as soft. "Why won't you even look at me? It had something to do with the flying yesterday, didn't it? Did I scare you? What? God, Perry...you yelling I can take, but this is..." His shoulders hunched wings drawing in protectively around him.

Perry stared at him, opening his mouth, then closing it again after a moment, helpless. What was he supposed to say? _Sorry I haven't been talking to you much, Newbie, but the truth is I just fell in love with you yesterday, and you see, I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with that, so I'm doing what I always do: I'm ignoring the problem. That okay by you?_

JD waited for a moment, but when it became obvious Perry wasn't going to answer him, he sighed, slumping a little. "Never mind," he said wearily. "I'm sorry, I...fuck, you don't owe me anything, not after everything you've done for me. Look, I... I'll listen, if you want to talk about whatever's bothering you. But I know you won't, so...I'll go feed Jack, and leave you alone." He shook his head, turning away, muttering, "Don't know what I was thinking..."

Perry bit his lip. "Newbie, wait--"

JD stopped, but didn't turn. Perry drew a breath, a thousand possible explanations running across his mind, but none of them sounded even halfway plausible. Finally, he sighed, slumping. "I'm sorry," he said.

"All right." JD turned back, watching him, wondering what exactly was going on. Besides that Perry was confusing the hell out of him. "I don't know if you should be, but it's all right. If you've got something going on...Well...It's not like there's a history of you talking to me about it, so I don't know why I thought you would. I'm sorry, I should've...should've respected that you need time to yourself."

Perry saw the out JD was offering him: to pretend it was just the strain of the Change, or some stupid fight with Jordan, and let it be. And though he knew it made him the worst of cowards, he took it.

"It's not about you," he lied. "I just... I'm a bit stressed out, and I... I miss Ben, and Jordan's scared about her mom, and then there's Jack..." He shook his head. "But I...I guess I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's all right," JD replied, smiling gently, secretly thrilled to have gotten an actual apology out of Perry Cox. "Hey, you always used to take things out on me at work, right? Nothing new. Just...let me know it's not me, next time? I don't want to do something stupid to piss you off, and then keep doing it because I don't know, you know?" He grinned, relieved, and headed inside, Perry following after a moment.

When inside, he automatically went to Jack, getting the boy another bottle. "You have to finish all this soon, buddy, or you're going to grow too big for the house," he told him solemnly, tickling his toes and getting a giggle. "That's my boy," he murmured fondly, smiling down at Jack as he finished eating, and then nearly immediately fell asleep.

JD stayed where he was on the couch, one wing curved around Jack and his own body, watching him sleep, enjoying the warmth of the fire. The clouds had come back, and they looked full of snow, to him. He shivered a little, but was glad for the fire, the house, all the food...they'd be fine, even if it was a bad storm.

So, aside from a slight worry over Perry, there was little to dampen his spirit, when the fat flakes began to fall.

Perry, on the other hand, felt awful. He'd lied right to the kid's face, and worse, JD'd bought it without so much as a blink. Well, of course he would--he trusted Perry, after all. Why should he think he'd be anything but truthful?

 _I am scum,_ he thought, as he puttered about in the kitchen, taking stock of the food they'd already unloaded. _I am bottom-of-the-pond, lower than low_ scum.

But what else could he do? Admit to his feelings? Scare the hell out of the kid--maybe make him run? And where would he go? Even though he'd mastered the use of his wings, Perry knew he wouldn't be safe if he left. And he couldn't risk him thinking he had to, just because he was too uncomfortable to stay.

The thought buoyed him a little--he'd lied, sure, but it was for JD's sake as well as to protect his own sorry ass. Right now, he needed to be worried about keeping JD safe, and safe didn't include making awkward passes at him.

He sighed, standing in the middle of the kitchen for a moment before deciding there was nothing else to be done and moving forward to sit down on the couch next to JD. He was careful to leave space between them, though. He let his eyes drift to the window, watching the flakes drift slowly to the already-frozen ground, where they stuck, covering it in a light powdering of sugary white. It made the entire situation more surreal, like they'd stepped straight into a fantasy novel. He found himself thinking of Narnia in the CS Lewis books, and smirked at the thought of the 100-year winter. It honestly wouldn't surprise him at this point if Mr. Tumnus trotted by with his umbrella and invited them back for tea.

"It's beautiful," he heard JD say, and turned to look at him.

The younger doctor still cradled Jack in his arms, though the child had stopped sucking at his bottle and was drifting off. His wings, which JD was careful not to crush, were half-spread, their beautiful patterns shimmering as they opened and closed slowly like a butterfly on a flower. JD's wings, on the other hand, were half-unfurled, one curled around the two of them protectively. Their iridescent black feathers glinted in the light with a shine Perry hadn't noticed before, though he rather suspected it was a recently acquired effect of finally being sufficiently fed. JD's face was soft, dreamy; his eyes were half-closed as he gazed out at the snow, and the contrast of the warm light from the fireplace and the muted white reflection from the snow made it seem to almost glow. A soft smile played about his lips, and as Perry watched, the wing around Jack fluttered a little, then curled in more securely.

"Yeah," Perry murmured, lips twisting with the irony of the double meaning to his reply. "It is."

"Almost doesn't seem real, does it?" JD continued. "I always hated snow, growing up, but I miss it sometimes, now..." He shifted Jack a little, smiling down at the boy as he gave up the pretense of staying awake, and rooted deeper into JD's side before relaxing in heavy-limbed sleep. He looked up at Perry a moment later. "Does it snow a lot in Pittsburgh?" He asked; he wasn't entirely sure if he should ask about Perry's home, but it seemed an innocent enough question, as long as he didn't dive any deeper into the other man's past. "It did in Trotwood," he added wryly. "And Dan used to love scrubbing snow into my hair every morning...got me to lick the flagpole one time, too. That was fun to explain to Mom when we got home from school..."

JD stroked Jack's hair lightly, wondering if the baby would always be an only child. Probably not. He honestly wasn't sure if he envied him for it or not.

Perry smirked. "You're babbling, Newbie," he said.

"I do that," JD replied, smiling slightly. "I could be quiet instead, though, if you'd like..." He leaned back, shifting his wings a little, looking over at Perry. "Time to break out the books or the DVDs yet?"

Perry shrugged. "Sure," he agreed. "Which do you prefer?"

"Well, I rather think holding a book might be difficult right now," JD said with a wink, "so maybe a movie would be best."

Perry swallowed at the wink, but nodded. "Anything in particular?"

JD blushed. "Well, I... I packed The Lion King," he suggested hopefully, before realizing that would probably get him laughed at.

But Perry just grinned, quirking one eyebrow but letting it slide otherwise. "Fair enough," he said. He got to his feet and went into the garage, where the boxes of DVDs, books, and CDs still resided.

JD smiled, stroking Jack's hair thoughtfully. Whatever it was that had been bothering Perry, the older man had clearly resolved much of it. JD could almost believe they were out here for pleasure instead of hiding--and the fact that he no longer needed to eat every four seconds helped sustain that illusion. That, and his newfound control over his wings. He seemed to just know, now, where they were, and how he could move them without causing a breeze that would disturb every paper in a ten-foot radius. He supposed it had come with the full development, much as his natural talent for flying. Either way he wasn't arguing.

He heard Perry open the door and reenter the room, and angled his head back to smile hopefully.

"I thought," Perry said, moving around the couch, with his hands hidden behind his back, "we could make it a double feature."

He pulled his hands out from behind his back and displayed two DVD cases, one still shrink wrapped.

"The Lion King 1 1/2!" JD beamed, grinning up at Perry. "I haven't seen that one yet! Where did you get it?"

"I, uh--I picked it up at Wal Mart the other day, when I got you the t-shirts," he said. "I remembered you saying you liked the first one, and I thought...I dunno. Thought you might enjoy this one too." He raised an eyebrow. "Tack on your own Cox Insult, by the way. I'm far too tired to come up with anything befitting your unnatural Disney obsession."

JD grinned, feeling warm all over. Perry'd remembered he liked the first movie, and gotten the second for him just in case? Wow. That was...so sweet. And thoughtful. "Pigtails, pink, princesses, I'm a little girl, done. Now put them on?"

Perry did and JD shifted Jack again, grinning as the screen soon came alive with the sounds of the African plane. He eased his wings slightly, apologizing when one bumped into the other man. It didn't take him long to become absorbed, or to start singing along under his breath.

Perry spent more time watching JD than the movie, though he tried to be discreet about it. Luckily, JD was far too involved to notice. Perry found himself oddly touched by the unabashed way JD giggled at the cheesy jokes, or sang along with the songs. He also found himself surprisingly moved when JD teared up over Mufasa's death. The younger man cut him a glance, there, but Perry looked quickly to the screen, pretending not to have noticed--after all, if JD realized he _had_ , he'd expect Perry to make fun of him, and honestly, Perry realized he didn't find it funny at all. JD's heart was so big, so open, that even a cartoon character's death could bring him to tears; how could Perry have ever seen that as something to mock? Heaven knew the world _needed_ people who cared that much.

He shifted, almost uncomfortable, during the romantic scenes, and very nearly squirmed when JD started singing along with "Can you feel the love tonight?"

 _Do I have to answer that?_ he thought wryly, then bit back a snort of laughter.

Finally, though, the movie ended, and JD bounced a little, careful not to wake Jack. "Put on the next one!" he said, looking excited, and Perry chuckled as he obeyed.

"I'm going to have to start calling you Nala, aren't I?" he said, and JD's grin just got broader.

"I could be called a lot worse," he retorted. "Nala kicks ass."

Perry smirked, then put in the sequel and pushed play.

JD settled in, watching with rapt attention, and giggling out loud several times. Perry hadn't seen this one, so he tried to pay a little more attention, on the off chance JD wanted to talk about it afterwards (and he wouldn't put it past him). It was entertaining enough, as such things went, he supposed, and being able to listen to JD's laughter was enough, even if he couldn't get away with watching him as much this go-round.

When the credits began to roll, JD turned to Perry, a broad grin on his face. "That was awesome," he said. "I'm going to have to borrow it from you, when..." he trailed off, suddenly realizing he wasn't sure what he'd intended to say. When they got back? Right now, there was no telling when that would be. The smile slipped a little further from his face when he realized he wasn't entirely sure he _wanted_ to go back. Of course, he missed Turk and Carla and Elliot, and hell, he even missed Ted and the Todd and Kelso a little, but he wasn't sure how he would deal with things going back to normal, after he'd been able to share this time with Perry and Jack.

Perry noted the shift in JD's mood, and frowned, scooting a little closer. "Newbie?" he asked. "You okay?"

"No...I mean, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just...thinking." JD looked down at Jack, tracing the curve of his cheek. "I don't know what kind of back there'll be to go to, you know? Even...even when it's safe again, everything will've changed. Maybe every _one_ , too. It's easy to forget, here like this, that the rest of the world's still going...and that we'll have to get back on, eventually." Of course, that was truly only part of it, but he couldn't tell Perry the rest. Couldn't tell him how much he wanted this illusion of a family to be real.

He heard Perry sigh. "Newbie, I--"

But whatever he'd been about to say was interrupted by Jack, waking abruptly and hungry. JD rolled his eyes, but shrugged and started to get up, only stopped when Perry told him not to worry.

"Stay there, kid, I'll get his food."

So JD let him, watching him go into the kitchen, bouncing Jack a little. "Yeah, I don't want to give you up, either," he murmured to him. "But you'll have your mommy and daddy, when I have to go away...You'll be okay, kiddo. Still hope I get to teach you to fly..." He took the bottle from Perry when he came back, cradling Jack carefully as he fed, trying to push the sudden melancholy mood away with only partial success.

Perry watched JD feeding his son, biting his lip. God, what had he been about to say? Empty promises about it being okay, vague flowery declarations about protecting him, keeping him safe? He was already doing that, wasn't he? But JD was right--they couldn't stay here forever. Hell, if nothing else, they'd eventually run out of food, impossible though it seemed at the moment with the rows and rows of boxes stacked nearly to the ceiling out in the garage.

And what about the rest of the world? Perry realized he hadn't turned on the news since they'd arrived. He knew they had a satellite link-up, but somehow it had been far preferable to pretend the rest of the world didn't exist, or at least that it was getting along fine without them and would leave them alone. Perry certainly had the money to support them out here for a good while, but that wouldn't be enough, would it? JD wouldn't want to while away the rest of his life out here in a cabin with his half-crazed, verbally abusive mentor, babysitting his son and watching Disney DVDs, would he?

His smile was wry. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he finally replied. "Jordan's going to be keeping us posted, and I'm sure Carla will too. Speaking of which--" he gave JD a significant glance. "You may want to call her. I promised her we'd keep her up-to-date."

JD nodded, suddenly feeling cheerful at the prospect of talking to her, and to Turk. Wait till they heard about his flying!

"Do you have your phone?" he asked.

Perry reached into his pocket and produced it. "Trade you," he said, nodding at his son.

JD handed Jack over gently, and Perry settled him into his arms. Jack was unconcerned by this swap, and kept at his bottle, while JD flipped open the phone and dialed Carla's number.

His smile turned abruptly to a frown, however, when Carla answered the phone, sounding far from cheerful.

"JD," she said, and her voice nearly broke on a sob. "Oh, JD, thank God, I don't know what to do..."

JD's eyes widened. "Carla?" he said, voice rising a little in his worry. "Carla, calm down--what's going on?"

"It's Turk," she whimpered. "JD, can--can you come back? I need help, and I don't know what to do, he...he can't even walk, and I don't know what's wrong..." She sobbed once, voice cracking a little. "I'm so scared..."

"Hang on." JD covered the mouthpiece of the phone for a moment and turned to Perry. "Turk," he said softly by way of explanation. "I think he's Changing."

Perry closed his eyes briefly in dismay. _So much for the illusion_ , he thought.

JD brought the phone back to his ear. "Carla," he said, and his voice was firm. "Listen to me--it will be okay. I promise. Keep him well-fed--and I mean _stuff_ him. I'll... I'll be there tonight."

Perry looked up sharply, and JD met his eyes, but held up his hand to forestall any protests.

"Oh, JD, thank you," Carla said, and her voice did break this time. "Thank you so much, you don't know what this means..."

JD shook his head. "Listen, Carla, it'll take me awhile to get there, but I'm... I'm going to need you to meet me on the roof of our building," he said.

"The roof...?" Carla repeated, sounding utterly confused. "Why...?"

"Because," JD replied grimly, "I'm going to fly."


	10. Chapter 10

Perry didn't like it, of course. But JD insisted.

"I'll leave after dark," he said. "It's cloudy again, and I'll fly high. No one will see me, Perry, and if they do they'll think I'm a bird or something. Look, it's the only way--I have to do this."

"And how do you even know you can travel that far?" Perry shot back. "How do you know you won't end up exhausted halfway there and have to land out in the open? Jesus, JD--what if someone catches you?"

JD shook his head. "I have a pretty good idea how fast I can fly," he said quietly. "And I was out for almost five hours last night. Trust me--I can do this." He bit his lip. "He's my best friend, Perry," he said. "I can't leave him alone right now. I'll be back tomorrow night, I promise."

In the end, Perry couldn't talk him out of it. JD dressed warmly in two t-shirts, a long sleeved over a short sleeved, and one of Perry's hooded sweatshirts they'd modified to fit over the wings. He also pulled on a pair of Perry's gloves and a knit cap that had belonged to Ben, unearthed in his closet. They couldn't manage a coat, but JD had shrugged it off.

"I'll warm up plenty quickly," he said. "In fact, I'll probaby be too warm as it is. Besides, I don't want to carry too much extra weight."

Perry also gave him his cell phone, after checking to make sure the land-line at the cabin was in the speed dial.

"Don't you dare get hurt," he growled as he pressed the phone into JD's gloved fingers. "I mean it, kid--I'll come after you myself."

JD smiled, and resisted the urge to hug him. But there was no more time for delay.

He bent and kissed Jack's cheek. "Be good, kiddo," he murmured, tapping the tip of Jack's nose with a gloved finger and grinning when Jack made a grab for it. "I'll be back before you know it."

He stood and turned to face Perry again, then sighed when he saw Perry scowling at the ground, arms folded across his chest. He moved forward, reaching out hesitantly to lay a hand on Perry's shoulder. "I'll be careful," he said again. "I'm serious, Perry--stop worrying. I'll be _fine._ "

Perry looked at him, then sighed. "I can't stop you," he said softly. "But damn it, Newbie--I don't think this is a good idea."

"Noted," JD said, nodding his head as he stepped out the sliding glass door onto the patio. "And no, I'm afraid you can't stop me. Look, I'll be back tomorrow night, okay? Just relax." He grinned. "Besides, if I don't make it, your food will last twice as long. Kidding!" he added hastily, when Perry glared daggers at him. "Just kidding."

Perry scowled, and followed JD outside to watch him take off. He'd already given the kid basic directions, and the two of them had examined a few maps after dinner, so JD could cut off time by going straight across land. Perry'd even dug out an old compass for him from his camping gear. JD was as ready as he could be.

"I'll call you when I get there," JD promised, before checking once again that everything was secure. "Bye, Perry."

"Bye, JD," Perry murmured, and JD grinned at the use of his real name. Then, with a quick running start and a leap, he was airborne, leaving Perry to watch his shape gradually recede into the darkness. And the undersides of his wings did seem to meld with the clouds scudding above. It wasn't long before Perry lost sight of him completely. He sighed, staring at the spot in the sky where JD had vanished for a long time before turning around and trudging back into the cabin.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

JD checked the compass, and headed west, following the line of the road for a bit, until he was sure of his direction. At first he simply reveled in the pure physical act of flying, pushing himself easily along, realizing with some satisfaction that he was making very good time. But gradually, it became almost automatic, aside from checking the compass, or the road when it passed beneath him. And it gave him time to think.

Turk was Changing. Shit. He shouldn't be surprised, but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, when he got there. Carla'd begged him, and he wouldn't deny her, but he couldn't keep from feeling helpless. All his friends--even Perry and Jordan--seemed to look on him as some sort of an expert, just because he'd stumbled into the first wave.

And he did know a few things, but beyond the basics, he was guessing as much as anyone else was. At least he was used to holding people's lives in his hands, he decided with a sigh, turning slightly southward, before evening out again. But it was different, when those lives belonged to his friends. His loved ones.

Funny how he now counted Jack in that category, even though his father didn't quite qualify. JD knew that, given a moment's encouragement, he could fall for Perry Cox, and fall hard. But he watched himself very carefully to make sure it didn't happen.

He hadn't been able to help it, though, with Jack. Not since the first time they'd let him baby-sit. And it was only worse, now, with the added kinship of the wings... It made him almost want to call Perry right then, just to see how Jack was doing. Stupid, he knew, but he couldn't help it.

Eventually, even his thoughts grew boring, and JD resorted to singing broadway musicals in his head, making his way through more than half of "Into the Woods" before the lights of the city finally came into view. He could feel the burning ache in his muscles, and was incredibly relieved he was almost done.

He back winged a little, floating almost effortlessly on a thermal as he pulled out the phone, and dialed. It rang for a moment, then clicked over. "Yeah?"

"Carla?"

"JD!" Her voice was faint, and the connection was full of static, but the relief in her voice was clear enough. "I can barely hear you, where are you?"

"I'm about five minutes away, I think, maybe less. I'll see you on the roof soon. Oh--bring Turk's trench coat, if you could."

"I...all right, Bambi. Hurry."

JD shut the phone and stashed it carefully in his pocket before climbing higher, trying to avoid detection by light pollution and scanning the tops of the buildings with his newly-acquired far sightedness.

Picking the apartment building out from the air was easier than he'd thought it would be, and the air currents were with him. He stayed high until he was almost directly over the building, then dived sharply, unable to resist a wide grin when he saw Carla gaping up at him from below. His wings snapped opened at the last possible second, and he touched down in a crouch, steadying himself for a moment before standing, smiling at Carla's open-faced awe. "I'm here."

She whimpered, and scrambled forward, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back, a little startled, but grateful--trust Carla not to treat him any differently just because he happened to have flown here without a plane.

"Bambi, if you ever run away like that on us again, I..." she trailed off. "We were so scared..."

"Carla," JD said, pushing her back to arm's length. "Where's Turk?"

"Downstairs," she said, visibly pulling herself together. "Come on."

She handed him the trench coat, and he shrugged it on over his wings, holding them in as tightly as possible. It wasn't as effective a method of concealment as it had been when he'd first sought out Perry--his wings had grown since then, and at best he looked like he had a rather nasty hunchback--but it would hopefully stop anyone passing them in the hallway from asking any uncomfortable questions. Certainly it would draw less attention than two gigantic wings. He nodded, to Carla and followed her back inside the building.

Their apartment seemed strange to JD; he felt like he hadn't been there for ages. Elliot sat on the couch, idly stroking Rowdy's head; as soon as the door opened, she sprang to her feet and ran forward and plowed into him, arms coming around him in a tight hug. "JD!"

"Oof--hey, Elliot," he said as he hugged her back, thinking wryly he'd never been more popular. She pulled away, frowning as she realized the strange, shifting shapes she'd felt were his wings.

"Can... can I...?" she said, then bit her lip, hesitant.

"Yeah," JD said, kicking the door shut with his heel before shrugging out of Turk's coat. His wings relaxed a little, and he extended one slightly for her, hearing her gasp and watching her mouth drop open.

"You really flew here?" she whispered, but Carla cut in.

"Elliot--Turk?"

"Right!" She stepped back and allowed Carla to take JD by the hand, leading him toward their bedroom.

Turk was lying on his side, covered with a blanket despite the thin sheen of sweat that coated his skin. His eyes were wide and frightened; when JD entered, however, he relaxed just a little bit. "Hey, buddy," he said, voice cracking a little, nearly hysterical. "What's up?"

JD frowned, moving forward and pulling the blankets away from the lower half of Turk's body--then barely biting back a gasp.

Turk's Change was definitely not going to be wings. JD could tell that much. His spine, at the small of his back, had begun to lengthen--and it did so at a sharp angle from the upper half of his body, giving him the look of someone who had been stretched, then folded over backwards. His legs were also changing shape; his feet had elongated past the heel, and his knees seemed to be shifting up toward his hips. A closer examination showed JD a strange, tough padding forming on the balls of his feet and the pads of his toes.

But that wasn't the oddest part. No, the oddest part was the fact that Turk appeared to be sprouting extra arms, at the point of his hips parallel to where his spine had begun to stretch: two buds stuck out maybe a foot, shapeless so far but for the four tiny nubs at the end that would doubtless become fingers.

 _No--_ toes!

Suddenly, JD began to chuckle. Turk and Carla looked at him incredulously, and Turk's voice was definitely hysterical when he said "What could _possibly_ be funny about this?!"

JD shook his head. "Sorry, buddy, I'm not laughing at you, I just--well, it looks like you're turning into a 'taur."

"A what now?"

JD stood from where he'd been crouching, examining Turk, and moved to sit next to the bed. "You've heard of centaurs, right?"

Turk frowned. "You mean like in that Disney movie with the music? Those half-horse things?"

"Fantasia," JD supplied, not even bothering to be embarrassed by the fact that he knew. "And yes. Except they're half-horse, and I don't that's the direction you're heading.

"Then where the hell _am_ I heading?"

JD shrugged, looking over his friend's changing body again. "Best guess? I'd say canine."

Turk lifted his eyebrows. "I'm gonna be half dog?" he said.

JD nodded; there was a tense silence while Carla, Elliot, and JD stared at him. Then Turk shrugged. "Well," he said slowly, "I guess it could've been a lot worse."

JD released a small sigh of relief, noting the way Turk had visibly relaxed, now that he had an explanation (or at least, the best one JD could offer him).

"But..." Carla bit her lip, looking at Turk, then moved closer to JD, lowering her voice. "What about the reports...?"

"Baby, if you're talking about the people who've died from this, don't worry," Turk said. "I feel fine. Just... really hungry."

Carla turned to him. "Still?"

JD snorted back a bark of laughter. "Get used to it," he said. "He'll be hungry until he's done."

"Speaking of--dude, how long is this supposed to take?"

JD shrugged. "Mine took about a month, total," he said. "But I was starving part of the time, so I'm pretty sure that slowed things down. Also, mine were just wings"--he shuffled them, stretching one to demonstrate before snapping it back in--"so I didn't have as much changing to do."

Carla frowned at him. "Starving, Bambi?" she said, her voice low, picking up that particular tone that let him know he was in trouble.

He winced--of all the things she had to fixate on! "Ah, yeah--I was afraid of putting you two in danger, if I came here."

"That is the most piss-poor, pitiful excuse--"

"Carla--he's here now, isn't he?" Elliot interrupted, coming to JD's defense. "And he got the help he needed, eventually." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Though it took him long enough, and I'm not sure how the hell he decided Dr. Cox would be the best choice."

"Hey, you know JD," Turk said. "He worships the ground that guy walks on. I find it perfectly logical that's where he ended up." His stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. "Uh, baby, would you...?"

"I'll order more pizza," Carla sighed, getting to her feet and walking out into the den. "Pepperoni, babe?"

"Yeah," Turk called back. "Um... could you make it two?"

"Then it's three, because we need to eat too," Elliot called.

"Somebody else better be helping me pay for these!"

Elliot stood, pulling out her wallet and joining Carla by the phone.

_Phone! Shit!_

JD jerked, suddenly realizing he hadn't called Perry yet. Turk saw his startle, and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm supposed to let Per--Dr. Cox know when I get here," JD explained, flipping open the phone he'd retrieved from his pocket and dialing the number to the land line at the cabin.

Turk had raised his eyebrows further at JD's near-slip. "Perry, huh?" he said, and his voice was knowing.

JD shushed him, bringing the phone to his ear and trying not to blush.

It barely rang once before it was snatched up, and Perry's voice in his ear was sharp with worry. "Newbie?"

JD felt warmth spread to his heart at the tone of the older man's voice--he had clearly been beside himself.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm here--at Turk and Carla's I mean."

There was a silence, and JD could just picture the older man slumping in relief. "You made good time," he said after a moment, and JD grinned.

"Two hours and thirty-seven minutes," he replied, puffing up his chest proudly even though Perry couldn't see him.

"No one saw you?"

"If they did, they didn't bring out the anti-aircraft guns, so it makes no difference," JD joked.

"How tiring was it?"

JD shrugged, then realized Perry couldn't see him, and said, "Oh, you know--it was difficult, but it wasn't _that_ bad. Nothing I can't handle."

"Still... maybe I should drive out and pick you up tomorrow rather than you flying back."

JD snorted, though he was more than a little touched. "Eight hours on the road for me, P--Dr. Cox?" he said incredulously. "When I could do it on my own in less than three? Thanks, but no thanks--don't worry. I'll rest up tonight and tomorrow, and I'll head back as soon as it gets dark. I'll be fine," he said, lowering his voice a little. "Believe me."

He heard the older man sigh. "All right," he said grudgingly. "But--call me before you leave so I know when to expect you, okay?"

JD couldn't help but smile, broadly, at the concern Perry didn't even try to disguise. "Okay," he said. "Give Jack a kiss for me."

"Will do. G'night, Newbie."

"Night." JD flipped the phone shut, and turned to Turk--then jumped, slightly, realizing his friend was smirking at him. "Dude, what?"

Turk's smirk broadened into a grin. "'Give Jack a kiss for me?'" he quoted. "Dude--you sound like an old married couple."

JD flushed, Turk's words hitting him a little too close to home. He looked down, unable to meet his best friend's teasing gaze, and as such, he didn't see Turk's face somber. He heard him, though, when he said a moment later, "You like him, don't you." It wasn't a question.

JD swallowed, but knew it would be no good to trying to hide it. Not from Turk. He nodded, slowly.

Turk sighed. "Dude...you know that'll never happen, right?" he said gently. "I mean, I love you and all, but--Dr. Cox?" He shook his head slowly. "I just don't think he swings that way."

"I know," JD replied, shrugging a little, managing to keep his wings from slumping for once. "I've never thought he has. It's not something I'm gonna do anything about, but...yeah, it's there."

Turk sighed again, shaking his head. "That sucks, dude. You need to get the hots for someone who'll get them back."

JD smiled inwardly, when Turk didn't seem to be phased that it was a guy he had a crush on this time, not a chick. Then again, with people sprouting feathers and dog limbs and scales...being gay or bisexual wasn't exactly too big a deal, was it? "I'm working on that one, man. How do you feel? Besides hungry?"

Turk shifted again, but shrugged. "Fine, just awkward. I can't really stand up, and Carla's going out of her mind...At least no one at the hospital's surprised when people call in sick now," he added. "We'd had a few people come in, before I started, and Carla and Elliot both said there's been more, now."

JD nodded, frowning a little. "I wonder...mine picked up, right after I started almost literally stuffing myself. I wonder if we could get people through this faster, pushing more nutrients into their systems...It'd eliminate a big risk, because I'd bet good money that some people are simply starving to death."

"More than a few," Elliot agreed, coming back in and settling in a chair, still staring at JD's wings out of the corner of her eye. He opened one and waved it gently at her, making her blush, but she kept talking. "And we've had a few patients go...the older ones, mostly. I think it's too much for their systems."

"Growing brand new limbs in less than a month?" JD nodded. "There's a reason puberty doesn't happen in one day, and this bigger. But I think part of it...a lot of the deaths I heard about seemed to be from people rejecting it, being too afraid to handle what was happening to them."

"Yeah, dude, that makes sense," Turk replied, looking thoughtful. The sweat had disappeared from his body, and he looked infinitely more comfortable than when JD'd arrived. "How did you react, when you started growing the wings? Did you freak out?"

JD shook his head. "No. Think all the daydreaming finally came in handy. I thought the wings were fucking cool; it was thinking about what would happen to me _because_ of them that had me freaking out."

"Hey, at least you could walk," Turk groused. "I'm more or less bed-ridden until this thing is done."

JD shrugged. "True," he conceded.

"I wonder what determines what your Change is?" Elliot mused, as Carla returned from ordering the pizzas, sitting down on the bed beside Turk.

"Could be a genetic component," JD said, recalling the reports about the twins. "Which, if it's true, means Dr. Cox will probably end up with wings, too."

When the others frowned at him, looking perplexed, he realized they didn't know about Jack. "His son has wings," he hastily added.

"Awwww...!" Elliot said. "I bet he looks like a little angel! Are they black like yours?"

"Part of them," JD replied, unable to keep the fond grin off his face. "They're not bird wings. They're more like... like moth wings, all fuzzy. They've got patterns on them like a moth, too, red and grey and white along with the black. I hope he's nearly done, he's been going through formula incredibly fast."

"A moth?" Turk snorted. "So Cox is gonna get butterfly wings?"

JD grinned. "Maybe, but I've been told not to mention the possibility again, if I want to live. Jack's also developing what look like cavities he'll be able to hide them in, too...I think I'm jealous. Furniture is going to have to change..."

Turk rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."

Elliot was chewing a nail, looking thoughtful. "If it's genetic...JD, have you talked to Dan? Or your mom?"

"No." JD shook his head. "I haven't. I figure they got told I was missing?" At Turk's nod, he sighed. "I should probably call, let them know I'm all right." It surprised him, how little he wanted to. But he couldn't deny he preferred the family he'd made for himself, here, to the one he'd grown up in.

"You should, Bambi," Carla said softly. "Your mom was really worried about you."

JD nodded. "I'll wait until morning," he conceded. "Then I'll call them."

* * *

He stayed with Turk and Carla through the next day. Carla called in sick to work--apparently the first time she'd done that in her twelve years working at Sacred Heart--and the three of them hung out. Elliot had to go, unfortunately--as one of the few doctors left who could be there, she was in very high demand.

No one had answered, when he'd called home, but it was still very early in the morning, so that hadn't surprised JD too much. Like him, his mother and brother were very heavy sleepers, so he figured he'd try them again later.

When he did, however, he still got no answer, and a small seed of anxiety lodged itself into his gut, ready to bloom into full-grown worry at a moment's notice. He was halfway tempted to fly out there, but it would take days, not hours, and the flight from the cabin had been taxing enough. Besides, he was sure that Perry would absolutely flay him if he called and told him he was planning to be gone longer than he'd already said.

As night began to fall, JD went into his bedroom, digging through his things for anything that could be useful in the cabin. He found his cell phone and charger, and stuck those into the pockets of his cargo pants, wondering just how he'd managed to leave them behind when he'd run in the first place.

"You're sure about this, Bambi?" Carla said, coming forward to check him over and adjust the hooded sweatshirt that Perry had rigged for his wings. "You're sure you shouldn't just stay here?"

He kissed her cheek, and hugged her. "I'm sure, Carla. Perry..." He paused, but didn't correct himself, not with her. "He needs me, to help him look after Jack. And he turned his life upside down for me...I can't turn my back on that."

She nodded, examining his face, smiling at what she found there. "I understand, Bambi. And here, don't forget this." She slipped a small pot of hair wax into his pocket. "You're looking a little flat."

He chuckled, then hugged her again, tightly. "Just call, if you need me for anything, and I'll come back. And...you probably can't use my checkbook, since I'm supposed to be missing, but there's some emergency cash under my mattress, if you need it." He shook his head to stop her protest. "Hey. It's gonna take a lot of food for him to finish, and I don't want to have to worry, if you start, too. Stock up, all right?"

Reluctantly, she agreed, and followed him up to the roof after he'd said his goodbyes to Turk and called Perry to tell him he was on his way. "This, I want to see," she said with a grin, peering over the side of the building then up toward the sky. "How do you get up there?"

JD grinned. "Like this," he said breezily. He jumped lightly onto the ledge, peered over to judge the light and the traffic, then simply stepped forward into an updraft, wings opening, letting the warm air carry him up into the sky. He looked back only long enough to give Carla a wave before giving a great flap and soaring up and out of sight.

* * *

For the first two hours or so, the flight was uneventful.

He had been sure to keep plenty high, out of the reach of the city lights, until he got back over the mountains. Once there, however, he allowed himself to fly a little lower, where the air was heavier and warmer, and it took a good deal less of it to fill his wings. Not to mention his lungs. He shook his head to himself ruefully. Flying high was great, but damn was it harder to breathe up there. And _cold._

Good for playing around, he decided. Or for diving. But long term flights, lower altitudes were preferable.

Not to mention the sensation of speed was much greater, the closer he was to the ground. He grinned, swooping a little lower, head down as he watched the trees race past several hundred feet below him. His enhanced vision allowed him to make out individual branches, waving in the slight breeze; in his imagination, they became tiny people, waving and pointing excitedly as he swooped and dived and turned flips in the air--an aerial acrobat dressed in sparkling white, hair slicked back, muscles bulging and rippling.

“Thank you, thank you,” he whispered to his imaginary fans, grinning coltishly. “And for my next act…”

He never got to his next act, however, for it was at that instant he realized the sudden flash of light from below was _not_ , in fact, the flash of an excited fan’s camera.

He banked sharply and automatically, unable to stop himself from crying out when the blast reached his ears a millisecond later.

And then again, as the bullet tore through his shoulder.

He flapped desperately, trying to regain the momentum he’d lost both in his bank and in the stunned moments that followed, but every movement of his great wings sent white-hot flashes of agony through his arm and chest. He felt himself losing altitude, and though he was only fifteen minutes or so from the cabin, he realized grimly he wasn't going to make it back like this.

He sucked in a deep breath and tucked in his wings, half-diving, half-plummeting toward the snow-covered earth below.


	11. Chapter 11

Perry paused in his pacing to glance at the clock again, and felt his heart sink a little further in his chest. 5:30 am.

 _Jesus_.

JD had called at 11, saying he was on his way. Eleven-twelve-one-two. Two-thirty, maybe. Three, at the latest.

_5:32._

He tore his eyes from the clock and dialed the phone that had become a permanent fixture in his hands two hours ago, when it became clear that JD was a good deal later than he'd said he'd be.

"We're sorry," a female voice told him. "The cellular customer you are trying to reach is not available. Please try your call again later."

He hung up, nearly throwing the phone in his frustration.

"JD, where _are_ you?" he whispered, bringing his free hand up to comb through curls already standing out eratically from numerous such gestures.

He wanted to go after him. But he didn't even know where to begin looking. JD was flying over wilderness, and Perry didn't have any clue exactly what route he'd taken. A slight change of direction in the air could translate to being miles off course on the ground.

Maybe that was it. Maybe he was just lost.

Or maybe he was hurt, somewhere out in the mountains. Maybe he was bleeding, freezing, dying--all while Perry sat up here, warm and safe and utterly helpless.

Or maybe he'd been caught, and they were holding him captive, torturing him, while he cried out and begged them to stop. He didn't even stop to try and figure out who "they" were--the thought of JD screaming kept logic from entering into his mind.

Meanwhile, the maybes continued to circle in a never-ending loop through his head, each one more terrifying than the last. He glanced at the clock.

5:40.

 _Christ_!

He crumpled, sinking onto the couch where Jack dozed fitfully. _I'll go after him as soon as it's light, if he's not back_ , Perry promised himself, absently reaching out to stroke Jack's back--one of a number of promises he'd been making throughout the night. ( _I'll run upstairs and shower, and when I'm done he'll be back. By the time I've made this sandwich he'll be at the door. Okay, maybe when I've finished eating it, he'll be at the door._ )

Yeah—he’d go after him. He had to. Morning would be good, because he’d have a better chance of spotting him. He would pack Jack into the truck and start down the mountain, slowly, calling JD's name out the window...

He moaned, covering his face with his hands. He knew his chances of him actually finding JD that way were about as good as finding a blade of grass in a barn full of hay, but he didn't know what else to do. His every instinct told him to pack a hiking backpack and head down the mountain, straight through the wilderness--but he couldn't leave Jack alone.

He was just thinking how nice it would have been right then to be the one with wings when a sudden noise outside made his head snap up, heart leaping hopefully.

And there, trudging miserably toward the house, arms wrapped around himself and head lowered, was JD. He was slumped a little, looking weary, the moonlight silhouetting his form against the backdrop of the snowy slope.

"Jesus," Perry breathed, and leapt to his feet, throwing the sliding door open and sprinting across the lawn. The air was chill and Perry wore only a t-shirt, but he didn’t notice, so enormous was his relief. When he got to JD, he didn't even think; he grabbed the kid and pulled him into a crushing embrace, already bent on tearing him to pieces.

He released him just as suddenly, however, when JD cried out in pain, and Perry realized that although JD himself was practically frozen, there was warm wet on his shoulder that was now smeared on Perry’s palm as well. _Blood_.

_Oh, no…_

“It’s not bad,” JD said immediately, gradually relaxing again, leaning gratefully against Perry’s bulk. “Promise. I just couldn’t strap it down enough to fly, so I had to walk the rest of the way.”

“What happened?” Perry demanded, drawing further back but keeping a steadying hand on JD’s uninjured shoulder. He studied the young man, realizing that the bloody sleeve of the hooded sweatshirt was empty, JD’s wounded arm tucked up inside. There was no way to tell, standing outside, just how bad the injury was, and he wasn’t going to demand that JD remove the hoodie while they were still standing outside in the snow. Changing his mind, he said abruptly, “Scratch that question, Newbie. Let’s get you inside first. Come on…”

He kept a grip on JD’s good arm, half-supporting the younger man’s weight as he helped him into the house. JD hesitated at the door, glancing at the muddy snow on his boots, and the blood that dripped slowly from the hem of his empty sleeve, but Perry growled, tugging him forward, and JD followed without voicing his protest about the carpet. Somehow, he didn’t think Perry would be particularly glad to hear it.

Perry led him into the kitchen, sitting him down on a stool at the breakfast bar before matter-of-factly lifting the bloodstained hoodie. He winced, drawing a sharp breath through his teeth at the sight that met him: JD’s arm was tucked up in a makeshift sling against his chest, fresh blood mixed in with older. The sling itself had been crafted from JD’s long-sleeved t-shirt, leaving the younger man with nothing but the short-sleeved shirt and the hoodie as protection against the cold.

_Jesus, no wonder he’s practically frozen._

Adding hypothermia and frostbite to the list of things to check for, Perry lowered the shirt again, moving away from JD into the kitchen long enough to hunt down a pair of scissors. “All right,” he said, as he began searching through drawers. “What happened?”

“I got shot at,” JD admitted, biting his lip as Perry returned and started to cut away the bloodstained sweater. “I was near the road, at least, but I saw a flash, and pulled back. It just grazed my arm, but I couldn’t concentrate on flying... I tried to call you, but I didn’t have service, and the phone died. I’m sorry.”

“You got _shot_ at?” Perry’s eyebrows rose as he pulled away the strips of ruined fabric and began working on removing the makeshift bandage.

JD winced a little. “Um. Yeah. Guess I shouldn’t have joked about it, huh?” He leaned back, looking away from what Perry was doing. He wasn’t exactly squeamish, but it was different when it was his own flesh. Not to mention he’d simply rather not have to look at the expression on Perry’s face when he saw the wound; it was clear he was already in plenty of trouble. Instead, he stared at the first aid kit that was sitting on the counter, probably laid out in preparation for his return. He cringed again, realizing how worried Perry must have been, if he’d already been preparing for the worst. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I was okay,” he offered again, very softly.

Perry didn't reply, gritting his teeth together as he pulled away the t-shirt bandage. The blood had already begun to clot, and the cloth wanted to stick; he was as gentle as he could, but JD still hissed as the shirt tugged at the forming scab. Perry cringed in sympathy, replacing the fabric with gauze and holding pressure against the wound that was already welling with fresh blood.

Even though the wound had only been exposed for a moment, Perry knew JD had been lucky. Very lucky, if what he said was true. The bullet had grazed his right arm deeply, leaving a gash just under the shoulder that was going to need to be sewn up, and he'd lost a good deal of blood. Perry cleaned it carefully, then reached for the surgical thread they'd thankfully thought to bring. He'd thought, when he packed it, that he was being over-cautious. Now he was more grateful than ever he tended to prepare for the worst; between his forehead and JD’s arm, they’d already needed it twice, for crying out loud.

JD bit his lip, keeping silent as Perry sewed up the wound, trying not to cry out. It hurt like hell, but he knew this was already hard on the older doctor--though his hands were steady, his jaw was clenched, and his brows were drawn, deep lines of worry between them. He didn’t want to make it any worse, so he kept silent, though he clutched the countertop so hard his knuckles ached.

When Perry finished, fourteen stitches later, he wrapped JD’s arm with a role of white gauze, securing the end with a length of surgical tape. That done, he stepped back and began to clean up the bloody fabric and cloth that now littered the countertop, drawing a deep breath as he tried to rope in his whirling emotions.

 _A foot to the side and that bullet would've been lodged in his chest,_ his brain observed coolly at him, making his fingers curl into fists after he’d disposed of the trash. _He'd've died out there, alone, in the snow. If he hadn't banked when he did... if he hadn't been watching the ground and seen the muzzle flash..._

"Perry?" JD hesitated, reaching out with his good arm, then pulling back again, biting his lip. "I had to go, they needed me...But I'm sorry."

The silence drew out between them, brittle and hard, and JD found himself wondering if Perry would break when it did.

 _Sorry_. Perry wanted to laugh, but he was rather afraid if he did he would cry, so he settled for packing up the supplies from the first aid kit.

JD bit the inside of his bottom lip, starting to get to his feet. He swayed, exhausted, and sat back down again abruptly. "Carla didn't want me to come back, you know," he said softly, mostly as a way to fill the increasingly uncomfortable silence. He rubbed his forehead, wishing his headache would leave. "She wanted me to stay, help with Turk, be with my friends...I didn't even consider it, though." He looked down at the counter, fingers tracing the grout between tiles. "How's Jack?"

Perry pointed to the couch, where Jack still slept, but did not answer. Inside, he was seething. _Didn't want him to come back, huh? Why, 'cause I'm not good enough to take care of him? I'm don't get counted as his friend?_

And what did JD want, anyway, bringing it up? A pat on the back? For Perry to fall to his knees in gratitude, thanking him for returning to poor unworthy old Dr. Cox?

He snarled internally, a sneer creeping onto his face. _Not gonna happen,_ he thought. _If he didn't want to come back, well, he didn't have to._

But--he _had_ come back. And even though he'd been injured, a part of Perry couldn't help but rejoice--JD had chosen to come back to him. Faced with the alternative, he'd freely decided to stay with Perry.

Hadn't he?

A horrible suspicion suddenly began to dawn on him. Was…was JD here out of _pity_? Did he leave his little friends back in the city simply because he didn't want Perry to be stuck out here on his own?

JD sighed again, when Perry didn't say a word. He was tired—utterly exhausted, emotionally and physically drained, and trying to figure out what was going on with Perry... It wasn’t helping the situation. The older man had been relieved when he'd arrived--hell, JD realized, eyes widening, he'd _hugged_ him, and hard, but now... _He's scared. He's scared, and he's crap with his feelings and you know that...give him a break, Dorian._

Shifting his wings carefully, JD let out a long breath. "I guess I should go get some sleep...” he said eventually. “Give me a hand up?"

Perry turned to him, eyes wide, as though the prospect of touching him were suddenly a very frightening one. He stood frozen for a moment, then swallowed, throat dry. He opened his mouth to say okay, but the words that came out were, instead, "I told you not to go."

Well, at least Perry was talking to him now. JD nodded. "I know. But I didn't have a choice. They needed me."

"Why?" Perry demanded, and now that he'd opened the gate, all the hours of paralyzing fear and worry and anger and, yes, love, came pouring out of him. "Why did they need you? What could you possibly have done for them, that you couldn't have--fuck, I don't know, said over the phone? Why did they need you so badly they were willing to let you _risk your fucking life_?"

"I don't know," JD admitted. "Maybe to see me? See that the Change can be okay? Maybe so I could tell Turk what I thought was happening to him? I honestly don't know why, Perry. But the why doesn't matter. They _asked_ me. I would've done the same for you. It's what I do for people I love...care about. For people I care about."

And just like that, the emotions that had been ready to send Perry into a power rant suddenly ground to a screeching halt. He gaped at JD, mouth hanging open, eyes wide. "I...you... _what_?"

JD was having a rather similar internal reaction. But...fuck. For all his protests to the contrary, his feelings for Perry had long ago moved beyond simple physical attraction, and now he’d managed to screw himself over pretty thoroughly. "I care about you, Perry,” he admitted, lowering his eyes a little. No sense hiding it now, after all… “A lot, actually. Probably too much. I guess...more than I thought I did, even." Because he'd come back, when Carla'd asked him to stay. And he knew he would never have otherwise denied Carla anything.

 _He...God._ It was too much. Going from heart-stopping fear to raging fury to faint hope overlaying stunned joy, all in half an hour, and all after an entire night of no sleep--it was way too much, even for Perry Cox. He closed his mouth, which was still hanging open, and sank right down to his knees on the carpet, lowering his head to his hands and squeezing his eyes shut, clenching his jaw around the sob that was fighting to break free.

"I didn't think it was _that_ bad," JD managed, sliding down off the stool to kneel as well. Without thinking, he scooted forward, wrapping his wings around Perry, pulling him close. "Hey, it's okay...I promise I won't tell anyone if you break down a little...It's been a long night."

Perry choked, then lowered his face to JD's shoulder, arms slipping around his waist to clutch him desperately. JD wrapped his good arm around Perry's shoulders, and curled his wings around him more securely until the older doctor found himself completely enfolded in warmth and concern and yes, maybe love. Perry found he couldn't fight the tears any longer. He broke down, and began to quietly cry.

JD held him, rubbing his back gently. He did not speak, but just absorbed Perry's pain and tears, deciding the whole night was surreal, and he'd just go with it for now. Seeing Perry Cox acting vulnerable wasn’t really that much stranger than suddenly growing wings, after all, and while he couldn't be sure of _all_ the reasons Perry was crying, a complete rejection of the fact JD loved him didn't seem to be one of them. Maybe Jordan had been right...

Perry held JD until he'd cried himself out, but found he still didn't want to let go. And to be fair, JD didn't seem to mind being held. The two had sunk further to the floor, and Perry realized he was now holding JD almost in his lap.

Embarrassed, he released him, sitting back and dropping his hands to his lap. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Don't be," JD replied, leaving a wing curled around the older doctor. He reached up, gently wiping the tears from Perry's face, then smiled shyly. "Though… is hearing ‘I love you’ really _that_ upsetting?" he teased gently, before leaning his head on Perry's shoulder. "God, it's been a long night..."

Perry chuckled weakly, turning his head and planting a kiss in JD's hair. " _That’s_ something of an understatement," he commented dryly. Then, a little awkward, he murmured, "Did... did you mean it, then?"

"I...Yeah, I did. I thought it was just a crush, and that I had it under control, but..." JD half shrugged, eyes closing. "Guess not. You're not freaking out at me," he added absently. "Always thought you would."

"I--wait." Perry frowned, pulling back from JD and looking at him carefully. "You're--you mean you're _in_ love with me?"

"I..." _Shit!_ JD winced, but sighed softly. If he was going to lose everything he'd gained here, he wasn't going to do it through lying, at least. "Yeah,” he said. “I guess I do."

Perry swallowed. "How long?" he said softly.

JD rubbed his forehead, wishing he knew what was going on in Perry's head. Or that his arm wasn't throbbing. Or both. "I surprised myself when I just said it,” he replied. “But...I've wanted you for a few years. It's always just sort of been there...I was trying to keep it from getting out of control. I guess I failed."

Perry slumped a little, feeling some of the hope seep from him. _Just now._ Yeah, right--like he was going to put much stock into what the kid said at 6 in the morning after an all-night flight and getting shot at. He was exhausted, he was freezing, and hell, he was probably feeling pretty damned grateful to be alive. Then, of course, Perry had gone and sobbed messily like a pre-pubescent girl all over his shoulder… Of course JD would convince himself that whatever silly hero-worship crush he had on Perry was love. Or maybe… maybe he was saying it because he’d figured out Perry’s own feelings, and somehow thought it would make the older man feel better.

It made perfect sense.

He smiled half-heartedly, reaching out to cup JD's cheek. "Hey--it's okay, kid. Don't worry about it--you're tired. You need to get some rest, and God knows I do too." He got to his feet and reached down, offering JD a hand up.

JD shook himself a little, but at least Perry didn't seem to be upset. And hell, if he was...maybe JD could pass this all off as being exhausted, in the morning. He could let Perry think it'd been the pain or fear or exhaustion talking, and he wouldn’t mention it again, and things could go back to normal. Yeah, that would probably work. Slip of the tongue; he'd meant to say people he cared about, and it'd just gotten out of hand after that. Perry would believe that; it wasn’t so far fetched.

Jordan couldn't be right, anyway.

Besides, JD thought wryly, maybe he was daydreaming this anyway. He couldn’t imagine any reality in which Perry Cox really would cry over him, after all...

JD took his Perry's hand, and let the other man pull him up and half-support him up the stairs to his room. "Thanks...God, I'm out of it..."

Perry swallowed, proud of how well he hid the stab of pain JD's words shot through him. "With good reason," he said lightly. He walked with JD to his room, but lingered in the doorway, staying only long enough to make sure JD got into his bed. "Goodnight, kid," he said. Then, unable to stop himself, he added, "I'm… I’m really glad you're okay."

JD smiled shyly. "Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I had you worried...Call Carla and let her know I'm here? I told her I would, but I’m a little zonked..." His eyes were already drifting closed, and he was on the edge of sleep when he mumbled, "Should've known Turk was right about you...”

But it was much too low for Perry to hear more than a vague jumble of words.

Perry bit his lip, and nodded. "Yeah," he whispered. The he turned and went back downstairs. He'd call Carla, gather Jack from the sofa, and get to bed. And in the morning, they could pretend none of this had ever happened, if JD wanted to. If he didn’t--if he’d actually meant it--well, Perry could tell him his own feelings, and they could see where things went from there.

But Perry wasn't holding his breath.


	12. Chapter 12

JD woke up late in the morning wondering if he'd been run over by a truck. And hoping he could persuade it to back over his head and put him out of his misery. "Fuck..." he groaned, starting to push himself up, and stopping when it drove a spike of pain through his arm. Great. Just great.

Finally, through a combination of careful rolling and scootching, he got himself out of bed, wings sore from too much flying rather painfully held against his back. When he finally stumbled downstairs, after splashing water on his face in the bathroom and taking a leak, he found Perry on the couch, staring at a news report on the TV, and Jack in his swing, watching the snow fall outside.

Snow. A shitload of it. Great.

"Mornin'," he muttered, scrubbing his good hand through his hair, keeping the other still, held across his stomach. "Is there coffee?"

Perry pointed toward the counter where a pot was bubbling. "Cups in the cupboard above the stove," he said, not taking his eyes from the news. "How's the shoulder?"

JD winced, rotating it. "Sore, but I'll live," he said.

Perry glanced at him only briefly before looking back at the television. "Looks like we're gonna be pretty well snowed in," he said. "Storm hit at about seven thirty--it's been going strong ever since. Think we've probably got over a foot and a half by now. On top of what we got last night, I mean."

JD closed his eyes. "Great," he muttered. He'd just made the biggest mistake of his life: admitting, both to himself and to the man in question, that he was in love with Perry Cox. And now he was officially trapped out here with him. He knew he wouldn't be able to fly until his arm healed; the flapping just put too much stress on the muscles of his shoulder, and if he tried he would probably open the wound again.

 _Not to mention I'd get lost in all this snow,_ he thought, staring out at it as it swirled down in sheets so thick he couldn't even see the tree line, not thirty yards from the house.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and walked over to the couch, sliding to the floor in front of it (it was easier to deal with his wings that way), keeping himself a careful distance from Perry. He sipped at the coffee and then relaxed a little, when it proved to be good. _Bless Jordan and her expensive taste._ He took another long sip, and relaxed a bit more. "God, I'm sore...No more flying that far in two days again. Can't believe I was thinking of going to Ohio yesterday..."

Perry looked at him sharply. "You were what, now?"

"I was thinking of flying out to check on Dan and my mom...I can't get a hold of them." JD looked down in his mug, and sighed. "I wasn't seriously considering it, not really; it'd take fucking forever and it's not safe, but...I'm worried. They're not answering the phones. Any of them. They hadn't seen Dan at the bar, but... I dunno. I guess that's nothing new, he disappears sometimes." He half-shrugged, and took another drink of coffee, looking over at Jack, feeling suddenly oddly adrift. "They're okay, though, right?"

"Of course they are," Perry said instantly, leaping at the chance to talk about something real without the chance of embarrassing himself. _Again._ "They're probably just busy, or maybe they're camped out like we are--things are crazy right now."

JD nodded, letting out a slow breath. "Yeah. Yeah, they're fine. I'll try again later..." He settled back to finish his coffee, watching Perry from the corner of his eye. The other man didn't seem to want to talk about the night before...so JD decided to keep his mouth shut, as well. Pretend it hadn't happened. "Did you get a hold of Carla? I should probably call her later, see how Turk's doing. Hope he'll finish before she starts..."

"I called her," he said, deciding not to mention that she'd been as frightened as he had, at JD's tardiness. "She said Turk's doing fine. He's growing fur, apparently."

JD giggled. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure he's becoming some kind of dog-taur."

Perry frowned. "I... didn't know those existed."

JD shrugged. "Apparently they do now," he replied. "People are becoming half animal, or taking on animal attributes, and I guess becoming half something four-legged doesn't limit itself to horses."

Perry winced. "Lord. Just imagine how difficult it would be to get used to something like _that._ You had enough trouble just with the wings, and they're nothing next to essentially growing another _body_."

JD nodded, but his face was thoughtful. "Once mine grew in completely, though, I just... I _knew_ where they were, and I could move with them as though I'd had them my whole life. I think it's why I could fly immediately." He glanced up at Perry from his position on the floor. "I think if people accept the Change, and listen to it, they'll adapt much more quickly than they would have otherwise."

Perry lifted his eyebrows and shrugged. "You're the expert," he conceded, and for once there was no sarcasm in his tone when he said it. "I hope you told all this to Gandhi?"

JD nodded again. "Yeah," he said, turning back to the news to watch the latest on the rioting. "Yesterday was basically a pep-talk session about how to listen to his body, and accept that the changes he was going through were perfectly natural. I felt like I was teaching a sixth grade health class."

Perry snorted, a grin on his face, and JD felt a twinge of hope. Perry might not be interested in him, but maybe the damage wasn't as extensive as he'd first thought. Maybe they could keep being friends, and Perry really _had_ let last night go. JD had been really tired, after all...

He swallowed, dithering. Part of him wanted to let it go and never bring it up, ever. But another part of him--the part that warned him arrogantly of karma--told him that if they left the air uncleared, this could come back to haunt him, maybe in a day, a week, or a year, but one day, for sure.

Perry noticed the younger man watching him and felt himself color slightly. "Something up, Newbie?" he said, doing his best to keep his voice light.

JD heard the discomfort anyway, though, and saw the flush, and turned away, his own ears burning. "No," he said, waving his hand in what he hoped was a casually dismissive manner. "Just... thinking."

"Ah."

JD waited until he was certain Perry was watching the TV again, then closed his eyes, barely biting back a little whimper of despair. God--looks like he was too soon in deciding they'd moved seamlessly past his little faux pas. He wondered how long it would stay this awkward between them.

 _Well, I certainly won't be helping things if I let myself get caught gazing at him like that_ , he reasoned bitterly. _He's clearly uncomfortable by it, and that's the last thing I want._

He resolved to get himself under control, and began trying to gather the feelings he had for the older doctor and box them up deep inside himself. He could do that--he'd been doing it, he realized now, very nearly since the first moment he'd _met_ Perry Cox. So now he knew--it wasn't like it was the first embarrassing thing he'd ever said to Perry, nor was it likely to be the last. He'd just have to ignore it, for now, and hope Perry would do the same, and they'd move on as best they could.

He silenced his Karma voice by reminding it what would happen if they pushed the subject: Perry wouldn't kick him out, of that JD was now certain, but things would be miserably awkward; they'd probably barely be able to speak to one another, or even be in the same room. _And losing Perry means losing Jack,_ he reminded himself.

The Karma voice shut up.

JD drew a breath, then got to his feet, taking his empty cup of coffee into the kitchen. "Do we have any cereal?"

"Cabinet above the sink," Perry replied. "Bowls next to that, silverware in the drawer by the dishwasher."

Trying not to think how perfectly warm and domestic this scene would be, if it weren't so terribly awkward as well, JD poured himself a bowl of Lucky Charms and settled back down in front of the sofa.

* * *

The awkwardness seemed to fade, a bit, as the day dragged on. JD'd finally asked if they could switch off the news, when he again called home and got no answer. Perry had obliged with no argument, watching JD surreptitiously. His own hope was fading, that JD'd meant what he'd said when he'd arrived early that morning, so he resisted the unfamiliar but undeniable urge to hug him again, let him know it'd be all right.

Besides, the reports they'd seen that morning firmly reminded Perry he'd be lying, if he did tell JD there was no reason for worry. If the Change didn't killing them, Changelings were still having to deal with stores putting up "Humans Only" signs, with attacks if they dared go outside. Not to mention there were reports of strange animals in the wilderness, sightings of creatures who shouldn't exist.

And the wilderness itself seemed to be encroaching. People who could were pouring into cities, as late season blizzards and storms destroyed their outlying homes. If they were lucky, they found places to stay. The weather was going nuts, and the storm around them made more sense, in light of it. But the electricity stayed on, and the fire was warm. If it weren't for JD's worry about his family, and the unspoken tension between he and Perry, it might have been a relatively pleasant afternoon.

The next morning dawned to the same silent fall of snow, the same reports on the television, the same worry, the same breakfast, even, JD realized as he poured out his Lucky Charms. He ate, blocking out the sound of the TV, pretending to be absorbed in giving Jack bits of his cereal, trying to keep himself from calling home again.

 _They're fine,_ he told himself. _And it'd be silly to call again so soon... Besides, Dan sleeps late, he wouldn't be up yet, I'll just wait a few more hours..._

JD finished his food, changed Jack, and almost rejoiced when the boy got a bit fussy. He cradled him against his good shoulder, and started walking pacing through the living room, thinking to himself that maybe Perry would be touched to see how well he was taking care of the boy.

As it was, Perry couldn't help wondering how long it'd be before they killed each other. Because JD would not stop pacing, wings opening and closing against his back. "JD, just call them again, would you please? You're wearing a hole in the carpet."

JD stopped, blushing, but nodded, and handed Jack over. He picked up the phone, dialing the first number he'd ever known, and held it to his ear. It rang. Once, twice, three times...and someone picked up.

Perry started, hearing JD gasp, and then start talking. He smiled, turning back to the TV and rocking Jack a little. Now maybe JD would calm down, and honestly, it was about time that useless brother of his answer his phone.

But then Perry frowned, as he registered what JD was saying.

"Dan, hey," JD said, the relief clear in his voice. "It's about time you picked up--what? Who is--I'm his brother, John Dorian...Yes..."

Perry turned, his frown deepening, and saw JD's face had gone startlingly pale. His voice was trembling, when he continued to speak.

"Yes, Officer," he said, swallowing visibly. "She's... she's my mother. Please, what's going on?"

There was another pause, and JD's eyes suddenly went very wide; he lurched forward, free hand going out to grip the counter. Perry set Jack down on the couch and got to his feet, taking a few steps forward and watching JD with alarm.

"B...both of them...?" JD whispered, voice cracking a little. Then, rallying, he straightened; when he spoke again his voice was oddly calm. "Yes. Yes, I understand... thank you."

JD numbly hung up, though the officer was still talking to him. He turned to Perry, his face carefully and frighteningly blank. "They're dead, Perry," he said, voice dull. "Both of them."

Perry's eyes widened; he took another hesitant step forward. " _What?_ " he whispered.

JD's eyes were still blank, but his breathing was beginning to come a little bit faster, and it hitched now and then, deep in his chest. "That... that was a police officer," he said. "They... Dan hadn't shown up to work for longer than usual, and with everything on the news they got worried, so they finally sent someone..." he shook his head. "They're gone. It--the Change, it killed them both."

Perry shook his head slowly, horror written clearly on his face. God...he wanted to help JD, but...what could he possibly say? 'I'm sorry' was so inadequate. He'd dealt with grieving family before, but this wasn't the family of a patient, whom he'd only have to see once before they vanished from his life. This was Newbie.

"JD?" he said gently, taking another hesitant step forward. "I'm so sorry. God, I really am."

"They're gone, Perry," JD whispered, eyes wide and staring at something unseen in the air between them. "They're dead, and God only knows where my dad is, and..." JD choked off, the numbness starting to fade. His knuckles were white, clenching the counter in front of him, and his breath hitched again. "They're _gone_..." And it was then the tears started, low ugly sobs ripping their way out of his chest.

"Ah, Jesus, JD..." Perry whispered, moving forward, but stopping in front of him, not knowing what to do. Before, he would have offered his arms, held him, let him cry--but things the last two days had been awkward, and strained, and Perry was none too certain any physical offerings of comfort would be well received.

JD tried to pull himself under control, tried to stop crying, though part of him knew he shouldn't feel ashamed--God, he'd lost his whole _family_. If that wasn't cause to cry, what was?

He couldn't stop thinking of the last time he'd seen Dan. How he'd promised to go home for Christmas, and then hadn't. How they'd fought...and now he was gone. No chance to turn his life around. No chance for them to get better at being friends. No chance to see his mom again, just tell her he loved her. No chance for...

He slumped over the counter, the sobs less ugly now, but deeper, and more painful. "I...I can't..." He turned his face to Perry, seeing the look of hopelessness on the other man's face, and again tried to crush the emotions down. But he couldn't. Whether it was the still-lingering physical exhaustion and pain of his flight, the emotional turmoil of the Change itself, the worry... He just didn't have the reserves to stop himself.

He moved from the counter, and reached out, hesitantly, toward Perry, thinking only that he desperately needed to feel the living warmth of another human being--then remembering that things were awkward between them, and letting his hand drop back to his side. He pulled his wings in tightly around his body instead, and buried his face in his hands, still crying.

Perry felt his own heart breaking under the weight of JD's grief. He decided to hell with it--JD wouldn't be _human_ if he didn't want some form of physical comfort right now, and since Perry was the only one available who could understand JD's grief, well, damn it, he was going to offer it. Even if JD regretted it later, even if it made things more uncomfortable than they already were, Perry couldn't stand by and mumble platitudes while JD stood devastated before him.

He moved forward and laid a hand on JD's shoulder--firm enough to let the younger man know he was there, but light enough that JD could pull away if he so chose--and waited.

JD felt the touch, and couldn't stop himself from turning, burying his face in Perry's shoulder and winding his arms around his waist. He sobbed harder, feeling the other man's arms come around him. "I didn't even go home for Christmas..." he whimpered. It seemed a stupid thing to fixate on, but he couldn't help himself.

Perry held him close, eyes drifting shut, and rocked him a little. He didn't know what he could say that could even begin to ease the young man's pain, so he settled for simply being there. He slid his arms under the trembling wings to hold JD even closer, as JD's body shook with sobs. Perry's own throat tightened as his eyes burned sympathetically. He began making small, comforting noises--soft hums and whispers that he might make to soothe Jack.

Slowly, slowly, JD's trembling began to lessen, and his gasping sobs began to slow.

Broken though he still felt, JD's body simply couldn't keep up the stream of sobs, and they finally trailed off, though tears still slid down his cheeks, soaking into Perry's shirt. He coughed, choking a little as he sniffed. He needed to blow his nose, but he didn't want to move just yet.

"Doesn't seem like it should be real," he murmured, gradually relaxing further as Perry's big hands rubbed his back, his shoulders. "But...I think I knew, when they didn't pick up. I should've been there, should've...should've..." He trailed off, into fresh tears.

Now, Perry spoke without hesitation. "No," he whispered. "No, it shouldn't be real, but JD--it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have done anything for them, even if you'd managed to get there in time. Chances are good they began to Change as soon as you did anyway." He shook his head, and briefly squeezed JD even tighter before relaxing his arms back to their gentle hold. "You would probably have just gotten yourself killed, trying to get to them, and what good would that have done anyone?"

"But..." JD began, then trailed off, not certain what he was going to say. The hell of it was, he knew Perry was right. But it didn't stop him from thinking he should've fixed it all, somehow. He'd always been the one in the family who was going to do great things. He'd grown up knowing their hopes were on him. And he couldn't help feeling he'd let them down. Or feeling alone without them, even if he hadn't seen them in months.

He sighed, and coughed again, pulling away slightly. "Need to blow my nose...I can't breathe..." He hoped Perry would still be willing to hold him, when he finished.

Perry released him reluctantly, and waited patiently while JD turned away, grabbed a paper towel from the counter and blew. When he was finished, he tossed the towel into the trashcan and turned back toward Perry, lip held fast within his teeth. His eyes flickered down to Perry's chest, then back up to his face, and his posture was hesitant, if hopeful. "I'm, uh... I'm sorry, I got your shirt wet..."

Perry shook his head, cutting him off, and held out his arms again. "Come on, Newbie," he said gently. "Get back here."

JD obeyed, pressing close gratefully once more.

* * *

A few hours later, JD sat in front of the couch holding Jack in his arms, still trying to make sense of everything. He'd called back, when he'd finally been able to let go of Perry, and spoken with an officer at length. He'd had to admit he wouldn't be able to fly out to take care of arrangements, which had almost made him break down again when he'd gotten off the phone, but Perry had been there for him.

There was some sports thing on TV, just now, but he wasn't paying much attention. Instead, he watched the flames in the fireplace, felt the warm, heavy weight of the child asleep in his arms, and tried desperately not to think.

He was having only partial success.

Perry, on the other hand, had slipped quietly into a supportive role--digging up a box of Kleenex, which he set next to JD, moving a trashcan nearby for the used tissues, fixing him a mug of cocoa--but he hadn't spoken, much. He didn't want to say the wrong thing and run the risk of making JD break down again. So when he'd done all he could think to do, he sat next to JD on the floor, about two feet from where the younger man was staring blankly at the fireplace, and watched him from the corner of his eye.

 

JD glanced over at Perry. In any other situation, he'd be tempted to smile. Perry was being so careful...so hesitant. It was actually rather sweet. But JD didn't have the energy to tell him to relax. Besides, he knew he did rather resemble an active explosive at the moment. Any wrong motion could set him off.

"I almost wish I could be at work, you know?" he said softly, after a few moments, his voice still rough. "Could concentrate on that, not have to just sit here and think...I've never been all alone like this before. I thought I'd have a long time yet..."

Perry frowned, confused. "How do you mean?" he said softly.

JD shifted a little. "I always thought by the time my family was...was gone, I'd have one of my own. And that I'd still have Dan. But now...I don't. There's no one that, you know, _has_ to be there for me, or will care no matter what..." He sighed, closing his eyes tightly for a moment. "Don't have any family, now." His voice was soft, dull, but there was a thread of deep pain underlying it.

Perry scowled, suddenly a little angry. "Don't say that," he said, voice low and insistent. "God, JD, look around you. You've got Turk, who is more of a brother to you than Dan ever was anyway--you've got Carla, who was so worried when you vanished that she was walking around the halls of the hospital halfway in tears every damned day. You've got Elliot, and even if you two never do get it together, you know she'll never abandon you. You've got me..." he trailed off, for a moment hesitant, but at the hopefully look in JD's eyes he firmed his resolve. "You've got me," he said again. "And Jack. We're your family, too. And I hope you've figured out by now that I care--that I'm _here_ , no matter what."

JD's protests, that Turk and Carla would get married and move on, that he didn't really feel that way about Elliot anymore, that it wasn't the same...They all died, when Perry kept talking. "You and Jack, huh?" he asked, managing a small smile. "No matter what?" He held Jack closer, wishing he dared reach out for Perry, but figuring he shouldn't, since the other man had sat down carefully out of arm's reach.

"As long as you want us," Perry replied, giving JD a half smile.

"Sure you want me around forever?" JD's smile grew a little, and he seemed to relax, wings releasing the tension that he'd held them in. "That helps. A lot." He leaned closer to Jack. "Hear that? I get to be there for you all the time, now...Your daddy said so."

He didn't realize Perry overheard him.

Perry watched the two of them, wondering why he felt so disappointed. What had he expected, though? The kid's family just died--and Perry's offer to let JD into his own messed-up life was probably not much of a consolation prize.

But after a moment, the true meaning of JD's words began to sink in. He'd offered JD a place in his family for as long as he wanted. And JD had answered that theoretical time frame with "forever." Sure, his voice had been joking--but his eyes had not. They had, in fact, reflected a quiet desperation--a silent begging for Perry to mean it.

He swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. God, the kid had gone through more in the last month than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime. It wasn't _fair_ that all Perry could offer him--all the _universe_ had offered him in return had been _him._ JD deserved so much more, and Perry knew he could never give him all he really deserved.

But if JD really wanted it--or at least as long as he thought he did--Perry was prepared to offer him whatever he asked for.

JD let out another long breath, leaning his head back against the couch. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, or what I'm supposed to do," he said quietly. "I can't...I can't even go back for their funerals, not like this. I told Dan I'd see him at Christmas, and then I switched shifts on purpose so I'd have to work. I hated going back there, but...I never wanted this. I thought I had time to fix things with them, you know?" He shook his head sighing. "You'd think being a doctor and seeing death every day, I'd be better prepared for how to handle it..."

Perry slid a little closer, wishing JD's wings didn't hinder his ability to sit next to the young man. He settled for sitting before him, instead, his hand inches from JD's knee. "It's never easy when it's your family, Newbie," he said softly.

JD looked over at him, wishing he could just crawl into Perry's arms and lay his head on his shoulder, curl up close. But even if Perry would've let him, his wings would've probably been in the way... "Have to make sure and work things out with people, now. Not leave things unfinished..." He shook his head a little, blinking as more tears welled up. Fuck, he was like a factory for them...

"I should call Carla and Turk. They wanted to know if I'd heard from home...But I don't want to do it. I don't want to...to have to say it out loud again..." He pinched the bridge of his nose, and finally sighed. "I feel pathetic. I know I'm not, but..." He trailed off, knowing he was talking just to talk, to keep himself from thinking, remembering. Because if he started doing that, he wouldn't be able to stop, and the tears would be worse.

"I'll call them, if you want," Perry offered, reaching out hesitantly and taking JD's hand in his. "I'll let them know."

JD squeezed his fingers. "Really? I...thanks. God, I'm exhausted. I think...I'm gonna grab a shower, and try and get some sleep. You mind if I try to fit myself on the couch for a nap? I don't...don't want to be alone, just now."

Perry frowned. "I don't think you'll fit, kid," he admitted. "But if you want, I'll stay upstairs with you until you fall asleep."

JD hesitated. "Really?"

Perry nodded immediately, squeezing JD's hand in his again. "Of course," he murmured. "Whatever you need, okay?"

"All right," JD agreed, looking down a little shyly. "I guess it makes more sense than tossing the cushions on the floor, anyway. And Perry?" He looked up again, meeting the older man's eyes. "Thank you. I...I can't even say how much."

Perry shook his head dismissively, getting to his feet and pulling Jack from JD's arms before offering him a hand-up. "Don't worry about it, kid," he said. "It's the least I could do."

JD took his hand, letting Perry pull him to his feet. "Maybe I'll wait on the shower...Still feel all gross, though."

"Up to you," Perry shrugged, but upon seeing JD sway on his feet a little, he frowned, reaching out to grab his uninjured arm. "On second thought, maybe waiting _would_ be best."

JD blushed, but leaned against him for a second before getting his balance. "Yeah...Um." He hesitated. The bed in his room was smaller, but he didn't truly think Perry wanted to curl up with him. So that's where he headed, holding onto the staircase railing on the way up.

Perry frowned when JD turned into his room. "Where you heading, kid?"

JD paused. "Uh...To bed?"

Perry shook his head. "Nah, not in there you're not," he said quietly. "Come on. I'm going to put Jack down too, and he sleeps better when someone's with him." He raised an eyebrow. "As long as you don't mind, of course."

JD smiled a little shyly and shook his head. "Not at all. I like napping with him..." He followed Perry to the big bedroom, carefully stretching himself out on the bed, trying to keep from pinching his wings, or putting any pressure on his injured arm. It took a few tries. "Ugh, stupid wings..."

"Jack had the right idea," Perry agreed, as his sleepy son automatically folded his wings and slid them into the slits on his back, a trick he'd learned a day prior. Perry moved forward, crawling onto the bed, being careful of JD's wings. He set Jack down next to JD, who lifted his arm and curled it over the drowsing child protectively. His wing also came up and snugged around Jack, seemingly of its own volition; Perry smiled at the sight, though it was half-hearted. The remembered tracks of tears on JD's face were still fresh enough to remind him of JD's loss--one that he knew hadn't really hit the younger doctor yet, despite his sobs.

 _When it does, though, I'll be here_ , he vowed silently. _I won't leave him to face this alone._

JD, who had been looking at Jack with a soft, sad smile on his face, looked up at Perry in alarm when Perry shifted back. "You...you're not leaving yet, right?" he said, then bit his lip, aware of how pathetic that made him sound. "I mean, I just... I..."

Perry waved him off. "I'm not leaving, kid," he said, readjusting himself so he sat leaning against the headboard, a silent guardian over JD and Jack. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"

JD nodded, relaxing again when Perry settled down. He hesitantly let his wing relax again, brushing against the other man's leg as he closed his eyes, and let the exhaustion drag him down into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Over the next few days, JD was not his usual self.

Perry couldn't blame him, of course--not in the least--but it was still disheartening to see the normally cheerful young man brought so low. The only thing that seemed to bring him any comfort was Jack, so Perry had relinquished a lot of the care of his son to the young resident. It left him with little to occupy his time, so he'd taken to unpacking the loads of boxes, putting the rest of the food that would fit into the pantries, arranging most of the DVDs in the entertainment center, putting the books on the shelves. He even got his laptop computer hooked up, and reactivated the cable interent, so JD could browse online and keep track of the Changeling phenomena without watching the news programs (which Perry knew just depressed him).

When that was done, Perry began a campaign of cleaning, going through the already well-organized cabin with a dust rag, mop, and rubber gloves. Along with keeping him from going batshit insane from boredom and waiting and uncertainty, this had the added benefit of making JD smile on occasion, which Perry was grateful to see.

Three days after the news about JD's family, Jordan called. Her voice was strained, and she informed him in clipped tones that her mother had died.

Perry closed his eyes, glancing toward the den where JD sat staring blankly ahead while Jack toddled around, gathering various toys and offering them to him. JD took them numbly but didn't react otherwise; this seemed to perplex Jack, who would then resume his search for a bigger, better, more fun toy to make JD smile. It was all breaking Perry's heart, and while he'd at first been glad for the distraction of Jordan, he now sighed wearily, knowing he had yet another grieving family member to console. "Jordan, I'm..."

"Forget it, Perry," Jordan cut him off, and her voice was short. "I know you hated her, so don't even try to pretend you're sorry."

"I'm--" Perry bit his lip, stopping himself from making the angry retort that had leapt so readily to his lips. Now was not the time to start picking fights with Jordan, even though it was pretty clear to him that was what Jordan was after. "JD's mom and brother died," he said, redirecting the conversation. "It looks like this Change might be more dangerous than we thought."

Jordan, for her part, did seem genuinely sorry. "How's he holding up?" she said quietly.

Perry drew a breath. "Not too well," he said softly, glancing at the young man again. Jack had given up the toy hunt and finally just curled up in JD's lap, sucking his thumb while JD rocked him and stroked his hair absently.

Jordan sighed. "Look, I--I didn't call you to tell you about my mom," she said softly.

Perry lifted his eyebrows, turning away from the scene in the next room. "What?" he said. "Jordan, what is it?"

"Perry..." she hesitated. "I think I'm Changing."

* * *

When Perry hung up ten minutes later, he walked into the den looking rather shell-shocked. JD pulled himself from his stupor and looked up at him, then came to himself a little more when he realized something was wrong. "Perry?" he said softly. "What is it?"

Perry looked over at him slowly, expression blank, as though he'd not quite registered JD had spoken. "I... what?"

"What's wrong?" JD pressed, sitting up in alarm, suddenly fearing the worst. "Are Turk and Carla--?"

"They're fine," Perry cut him off instantly. "At least, they were as of this morning. JD, it... it's Jordan."

"Jordan?" JD whispered, terrified. "She's she's not...?" He felt his heart clench, and he hugged Jack closer.

Perry shook his head. "She's not dead," he replied softly. "She's Changing."

JD closed his eyes, but nodded. He tried to concentrate, tried to figure out what to say, but he was finding it harder than he thought it should be. Maybe he'd been letting himself drift too long... "Do you need to go to her?" He finally replied. "Jack and I would be all right, for a few days...There's plenty of food, still, and I wouldn't mind taking care of him..."

Perry shook his head. "I... no," he sighed. "Her friends are with her. She just called to tell me."

JD frowned. "She... but she's... she's your..." then he halted, not sure how to finish that sentence. It was anybody's guess as to what exactly Jordan and Perry were to one another on any given day, after all. Still... she was more to the older doctor than JD was, a thought that made him curl a little closer around Jack.

Perry studied him carefully for a long moment. "JD..." he said, trailing off for a moment before deciding to come out with it. "Jordan and I... we're over."

"You...are?" JD looked up quickly, feeling a sudden glimmer of hope pulling at him. He tried to push it down, reminding himself that the older doctor might not be as thrilled by that news as he was. _Never going to happen, anyway..._ "God, Perry, I'm sorry," he said, and his sympathy was genuine, if awkward. "I mean...I know you two fought a lot, but I know you love her..."

Perry sighed. "Yeah, I do," he said softly. "Or at least, I did. But not how I thought." When JD stared at him, looking confused, Perry sighed again. "I'm not _in_ love with her," he said, shaking his head slowly. "Maybe I was once, but...I'm not now. If anything, I think I was in love with the idea of her."

"Oh." JD wasn't sure what to do with this new information. Perry didn't really sound that upset, about it being over between them...He was starting to think Jordan might've been telling the truth, after all. But he wasn't sure he could handle asking, then learning he was wrong--not right then, anyway--so he just swallowed, and murmured, "I'm sorry."

Then, changing the subject quickly, he continued, "How's she doing? With the Change? Can she tell what it is yet?"

"Yeah," Perry said slowly. "She... she started getting scales on her arms a few days ago."

"Mermaid, then," JD confirmed softly, letting Jack down to go explore among his toys once more. "Guess that means Jack gets the wings from you...or there's no genetic component at all...though if it's what her mom was Changing into, that seems unlikely..." He stretched a little, feeling a bit like he was waking up from a long and rather strange sleep. "She'll make a good mermaid, I think...I heard there's a group trying to set up underwater colonies, for the mers who don't want to stay on land. They're still facing a lot of opposition, though..."

This time, when Jack brought him a stuffed duck with a rattle inside, JD grinned, and rattled it back at him. His smile grew when Jack laughed aloud and reached for it. "Gee!"

Perry tilted his head, wondering what it was about Jordan's news that had suddenly cheered JD up. Maybe... maybe he _had_ meant it, when he'd said he loved Perry...but no, that was stupid.

...was it?

JD noticed him watching, and blinked. "What?"

Perry shook his head. "Glad to see you're feeling a little better," he remarked, lifting an eyebrow.

JD blushed, looking down at his hands. "I've...well. I've been ignoring both of you, and that's...that's selfish. I can't change things, and I need to just deal with them, I guess. I'm not the only one here who’s losing people. I guess I... I want to be here as much for you as you have been for me," he said, a bit shyly. "That's what family's supposed to do, right?"

Perry smiled wryly. "Yeah," he said softly. "I guess so. Ideally, anyway." He sighed, getting to his feet and moving forward to join JD and Jack on the floor. He ruffled Jack's hair, his smile softening when his son giggled gleefully. "We're not conventional, I suppose," he said to the child, "but you won't find a more devoted set of parents, there, Jacky boy."

JD's head snapped up quickly, eyes widening. Had Perry just said...? "Parents? You and me, you mean?"

Perry felt the blood drain from his face, and his eyes widened as he realized what he'd said. He looked down, unable to bear looking into JD's face--too afraid of what he might see reflected there. Disgust? Doubtful... pity, maybe. Regret. And somehow, he knew that would be even worse.

"Um," he said eloquently. "I... JD, I didn't... I'm..."

"Oh." JD replied, slumping a little. "Okay. I'm happy enough playing uncle, and I... I mean, I didn't expect... Sorry." He winced, looking back down. "Guess I misunderstood you." _Idiot!_

Perry looked up at him, biting his lip. He'd heard the disappointment in the younger man's voice--but did it mean what he hoped it meant? And how could he find out, without risking everything...?

But was it worth letting it go, because he was too chicken shit to take the chance? JD had said he loved him, not long ago. And even though he hadn't mentioned it since, wasn't it worth taking the chance to find out for sure? He had a lot to lose, sure, but he had _everything_ to gain.

"JD," he said, turning toward him and reaching for his hand. "I...what I said, I actually--"

JD's phone rang suddenly, making them both jump, and Perry barely bit back a curse. JD shook his head. "Ignore it," he pleaded. "Perry, what?"

"JD, it could be Turk and Carla," he reminded the young man softly, cursing their bad luck if it was but knowing they had to answer.

JD groaned and pulled out his phone. "Hold that thought," he said, giving Perry a stern look, before flipping open the phone. "Hello?"

Perry watched as JD's eyes widened. "Are you sure?" he said. A few more moments of silence, then a quick nod. "Okay," he said. "Just remember what I told Turk: Don't panic. I'll... I'll see what I can do."

He hung up the phone, and turned to Perry. "I guess this thing is picking up speed," he said. "Carla's changing."

Perry raised his eyebrows. "Into what, does she know yet?"

JD shook his head. "Some kind of 'taur, because her changes started just like Turk's. I'd hoped he would be finished before she started... damn!" He drew a breath and released it quickly. "I have to get to them," he said.

Perry frowned. "You're not flying there," he said. "Not in this weather, not with your arm like it is."

"No," JD said, biting his lip. "I... I think I'll have to drive. They don't... they don't have enough food, and Elliot's not been by in several days, so there's a chance she's Changing too, and I have to check on her..."

Perry frowned. "How are you going to _get_ them food?" he protested. "With your wings, you'll be lucky if anyone even lets you into a store."

JD stood, beginning to pace restlessly. "I have to do _something_ ," he snapped. "They're my friends! I can't just _leave_ them--I can't let them starve." He turned to Perry, and his eyes were suddenly a little desperate. "Please, Perry," he said quietly. "I lost one brother. I can't lose another."

Perry drew a breath. "You won't," he promised softly. He got to his feet, looking down at his son, then made a decision. "You stay here," he said with resolve. "Take care of Jack. I'll drive back to the city, and take care of them."

"Perry..." JD paused, a thousand things he might say swirling through his mind. He finally settled on the topmost. "Thank you. I can say that, since it's not my ass you're saving now, right?" he asked, suddenly remembering the first night he'd shown up at Perry's place looking for help. Only...fuck. Only a little over a week before? God, the world had changed since then. He took a breath, and relaxed, trying to get Carla's worried voice out of his mind. "But that doesn't let you off the hook," he continued, turning back to Perry. "What did you mean to say?"

 _Oh, hell with it. Be a man and tell him the truth for once._ "I mean to say exactly what I said," he admitted quietly, straightening before JD, chin lifted. And, somehow, admitting it gave him the courage to go on. Even if JD rejected him, at least they wouldn't have to wonder any longer. "You don't have to say anything, if you don't want, and you don't have to feel the same or even speak to me again but damn it, I'm tired of dancing around each other like we're afraid we're going to break something. This ends here. I love you." He swallowed, eyes closing. "Happy?"

JD simply stared at him for a long moment, his mouth hanging open. Then, slowly, he smiled, stepped forward until he was right in front of the older doctor. Perry still had his eyes closed, and JD hesitated for only a fraction of a second before he decided on the most efficient way to get his attention and answer him all at once. He wrapped Perry in a double embrace of arms and wings, tilted his head up and pressed his mouth to Perry's in a gentle kiss. Perry's lips were still beneath his for a fraction of a second before the older man moaned softly, leaning into it.

JD broke the kiss, punctuating it with a softer one before pulling back and looking up to meet Perry's eyes, which were half hooded and filled with awe. "Yes," he murmured, a wide grin spreading across his face that he was powerless to stop. For once, he didn't care. "I am."

Perry swallowed hard. "You're sure?" he whispered. "Really sure?"

"Never been surer," JD replied, smiling at him through his sudden tears. "God, I told you--when I got back, remember? I told you then..."

Perry shook his head slowly. "I thought you...you were just tired, and..." he trailed off, deciding it didn't matter who thought what. What mattered was they were here, now. He surged forward, cupping JD's head in his hands and kissing him, hard.

JD kissed back, just as hard, pulling Perry closer to him, ignoring the slight ache in his right arm. This was too good to care about something like that. "I was tired, but I meant it. But the way you acted...I thought it was better to pretend I hadn't, so you wouldn't be uncomfortable..." He grinned a little. "I thought you were straight, you know. Never thought this could really happen..."

"I did too," Perry whispered. "But God, JD--seeing you flying... you were..." he didn't have the words, not really, to tell him how amazing he'd looked; like he'd become a part of the air itself, a physical manifestation of pure unadulterated joy. Nothing could be terrible, no matter what happened--not if there was something that perfect, that _right_ left in the world. He shook his head, hating that he couldn't make himself say those things, and finished lamely with, "beautiful."

JD all but lost himself, in the look on Perry's face, in his eyes. It wasn't what he said, so much--it was the pure awe and love and yes, desire, that had been reflected in that expression as he said it that had the younger man shivering. He kissed Perry again, hard and thorough, holding nothing back. "I love you, Perry Cox," he murmured when he pulled away, not even caring how sappy it sounded. _Screw it. There's a reason it's cliche._

"Up!" Jack suddenly demanded from beside them, breaking the moment. His wings were out and flapping, though they raised no more than a breeze. He kicked his feet, arms reaching again. "Up, up, up!"

JD laughed, and leaned down to scoop him up. "Hey, kiddo. Did you hear that? Your daddies love each other." He couldn't help grinning, and saw an answering--if more amazed--smile on Perry's face as well.

Jack babbled happily, tugging at JD's shirt collar. JD grinned, and looked back up at Perry, who leaned forward and planted a kiss on his son's cheek. Then he leaned forward and planted one on JD's lips, chuckling when Jack reached up and patted his cheek.

"He knew all along this was how it was supposed to go," Perry murmured, ruffling his son's hair. "Didn't you, Jacky?"

Jack laughed, then began blowing bubbles; JD rolled his eyes. "Someone wants to be silly," he informed Jack, bouncing him a little.

Perry smiled, then sighed. "I need to go pack an overnight bag," he said softly.

JD looked up, the smile fading from his face. "Now?" he said, biting his lip. "But... I...I mean..." he trailed off, then sighed. "Yeah," he murmured. "I guess now. With the Change...they could starve pretty quickly, and..." his eyes welled suddenly, and he looked away, but Perry moved forward and pulled him close. JD's wings came up around Perry automatically, his arms still wrapped around Jack, and he lowered his head to the older man's chest. "Be careful," he begged. "The roads...take it slow, okay? And call me when you get there?"

"Will do," Perry promised softly. "Don't worry, kid. I've been driving in snow most of my life. We got plenty of it in Pittsburgh." He smiled.

JD nodded, pulling back and lifting one hand to wipe at his face. Perry reached forward and rubbed his cheek with his thumb. "Buck up, kiddo," he said gently. "I'll be back tomorrow."

JD smiled through his tears. "You'd better be," he said. "Or Jack and I are flying after you."

* * *

Perry packed an overnight bag while JD dug out some winter gear from the boxes they'd removed from Ben's room. "Didn't expect to need these this time of year," Perry said, pulling on the thickly insulated boots in the kitchen before getting to his feet, stomping a little to settle into them. "I'll have to pick up some winter gear when I'm in the city."

JD nodded, scooping to hold Jack again and following Perry into the garage. "Be careful," he said again, leaning forward to accept the kiss Perry offered.

"You got it," Perry said with a salute and a tiny wink, then climbed into the truck. JD smiled, though it was tight; Perry reached out through the window, laying his hand on JD's forearm. "Hey," he said. "I'll see ya soon."

JD nodded. "See you." Then, on impulse, he added, "Love you."

Perry's smile broadened into a grin. "Yeah," he said. "Love you too."

Then he was gone, backing the truck down the driveway and turning carefully onto the road. He'd put chains on the tires a few days before, which made JD feel a good deal better, but he still watched him from the window in the living room until he was out of sight, the truck fading to a pair of brake lights and then to nothing in the thickly swirling snow.


	14. Chapter 14

It took six hours instead of four because of the ice on the mountain roads, but once he left the foothills things cleared up, and Perry arrived at JD's apartment with little difficulty.

Once there, he called the cabin as promised, but JD didn't answer; Perry decided he must be out playing in the snow with Jack, or perhaps in the bathroom. He fought down the anxiety that wanted to spring to his throat, wondering when he'd turned into such a worrier, and got out of the car.

It hadn't snowed in town, though it was unseasonably cold, so Perry's attire wasn't completely unreasonable. He removed his hat and gloves, however, along with his overcoat, and left them on the seat of the truck before heading toward the building.

Turk answered when Perry knocked, and Perry barely bit back a startled yelp.

He'd almost completely transformed. There were still patches of his new body that were covered with a light down instead of the thick fur that covered most of him, but other than that, his transformation was basically complete. He was a dog-taur. Or a canitaur, as people were apparently calling them. His change wasn't into a domestic breed, though; he looked more like a wolf: strong, powerful legs, back covered with shaggy fur in alternating patterns of gray, red and white, large paws with thick pads and curved black nails. His fur had hints of brown to it, too, and it suited him oddly well, Perry had to admit.

"Hey, give me a break," Turk groused, stepping back to let Perry in. "I didn't ask for this." Then, frowning suddenly, he added, "Wait. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm saving your ass, Gandhi, so try to show a little gratitude," Perry growled, then stepped forward to examine Turk's Change more thoroughly.

The surgeon still stood as tall as he had previously, so the wolf portion of his body was a little bigger than an actual wolf's body would be. And while it was clear there would be a lot of power to him, once he'd completed his transformation, Perry could tell he was wobbly on his feet, not quite used to dealing with the extra pair of legs.

Still, he was proportioned, and the fur blended naturally with his skin at the level of his hips. It looked natural, not some odd splicing experiment gone wrong, and Perry nodded slowly in approval. "Not bad, Gandhi," he admitted. "That look works better on you than I would've expected."

Turk frowned, looking startled. "Um. Thanks?" he said warily. "Uh...Carla's in the other room, and we're holding up okay for the most part, but we're seriously gonna need more food pretty soon. She's eating like she's pregnant with triplets or something, and it doesn't help that I pretty much polished off our supply when _I_ was eating like that."

Perry nodded. "Sounds like JD," he murmured, ignoring the look Turk threw him at the use of the resident's actual name. "Well, I brought the truck; I'll head out and load it up for you." Then, remembering something JD had said, he turned to Turk again. "Has anyone heard from Barbie yet?" he asked softly, a frown on his face.

Turk bit his lip and shook his head. "No," he said, and Perry could hear the worry in his voice. "Not for almost three days. We keep calling her, but she's not answering, and I called the hospital and she's not shown up there either."

Perry nodded again. "I'm going to go check on her first, then," he said, and Turk's face brightened with heartfelt gratitude. "But first I want to have a look at Carla."

Perry stepped into the bedroom, hiding a smile when Carla looked at once surprised, relieved, and ready to begin lecturing him. He held up a hand, cutting her off, and said, "Save it for later, okay? Let me take a look, here..."

Carla, as it happened, was not much further along than Turk had been when JD had flown to them earlier that week. Her spine had elongated, curving backwards sharply yet gracefully, and she'd begun sprouting an extra set of legs perpendicular from her hips. Patches of dark gray downy fuzz were beginning to appear on her lower body, but Perry couldn't tell what color they would ultimately be. Basically, she looked like she belonged in a multi-colored tent with a fat bald man charging admission to see her, and Perry suddenly had no difficulty understanding why so many people rejected something that made them look like... well, like _this._

He was just about to replace the covers over Carla's body when suddenly he noticing something else--a small protrusion from the base of her spine, maybe five or six inches long and about the width of a pencil. He lifted his eyebrows, making a small noise of surprise.

"What?" Carla demanded, sounding worried. "What is it?"

He shook his head, replacing the blankets, then commented casually, "Nice tail," trying to bite back a smirk.

Carla glared at him. "Don't even start with me," she said, raising a warning finger. "I mean it."

Perry held up his hands, grinning. "Sorry, sorry," he said, trying to look contrite and mostly failing. Apart from being hungry, Carla was doing fine, and Perry saw none of the signs of rejection JD had warned him about: sweating, shaking, loss of appetite or altered consciousness. "I'm going to go check on Barbie," he continued, folding his arms automatically over his chest. "But I'll be back soon, then I'll do your grocery shopping. Any specific requests?"

Carla shook her head, looking rueful. "Whatever you can find," she said. "Whatever you can stock up on. Right now I'll eat just about anything." Then, glancing up at him and biting her lip, she added, "There's... there's money on the kitchen counter in a coffee jar, and... JD said there was some under his mattress too." She looked down, slightly flushed. "I wouldn't normally use it, but he offered, and we've not exactly been able to work the last few days..."

Perry waved her off. "Don't worry about it," he said, voice quiet but sincere. "I've got plenty of credit, and some money set aside. I somehow doubt Jack's going to be needing his college fund now." He winked, meaning it as a joke, but when Carla blanched, he knelt taking her hand between both of his. "I'm kidding," he said. "Look, the only thing that matters right now is taking care of you guys. We have to stick together on this. Right?" When she nodded, he pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "We'll manage, don't worry," he murmured. "I won't let you guys go hungry."

Her face softened, eyes welling with grateful tears. "Listen to you, Mister Sensitive," she teased, voice a little choked. "I always knew you were just a big teddy bear under all the bustle."

He grimaced, shrugging. "You beat it out of me," he retorted.

"Perry...thank you," she said quietly, looking down; as Perry watched, a tear slipped free, sliding over her nose and dripping onto the pillow beneath her head. "I don't know what we would have done..."

He moved forward and bent to kiss her cheek. "Don't worry about it," he repeated gently. "I mean it."

Then he stood, squeezing her hand and giving her another smile, pleased when she smiled back, visibly calmer. "I'll be back soon," he said, and she nodded.

Perry moved back into the kitchen, waving Turk off when the surgeon tried to hand him a wad of cash. "Save it, Gandhi," he said, holding up his own wallet between his finger and thumb. "Doctor, remember? I got this round."

Turk frowned. "Dude...we don't need charity," he said hotly.

"Then think of it as a loan," Perry returned, unconcerned. "Listen, I need to go check on Barbie; I don't have time to fight with whatever illusions of pride you're harboring. So save it, use it when you need it and I'm not here to bail your ass out, and stop arguing with me."

Turk sighed, but lowered his hand, the scowl never leaving his face. "You're an ass, you know it?" he said. "But... thank you."

Perry grinned impishly. "You're my biotch now," he drawled. "Forever and ever. Now be a good boy and try not to tinkle on the rug while Daddy goes after your kibble." He winked, then backed out of the apartment, closing the door behind him.

If nothing else, he decided, he would bring them _some_ sense of normality. Even if it meant keeping up his old façade.

Not that he minded that much.

* * *

When he knocked on Elliot's apartment door, he was relieved to hear her voice from within. But relief quickly melted into concern at the frightened tremor he heard. "Hello?" she called. "Who--who is it?"

He reached for the knob, rattling it a little, but it was locked. "Barbie?" he called.

A pause, then, "D...Dr. Cox?"

"Yeah, it's me," he answered, frown deepening. "Listen, can you let me in?"

"I..." a panicked sob. "I can't. I can't walk. Please, help me, I..."

"Okay, okay," Perry said quickly, hearing her voice rising a little hysterically.

"It's not okay! I can't _move_!" She suddenly began to sob, harsh, frightened noises that were almost shrieks. "Help me, help me!"

Perry cringed, knowing he had to calm her down or someone was going to call the police. "Listen, Elliot," he said, voice low and stern, "I'm going to help you, but I need you to stay calm. Just relax, okay?"

It seemed to work; there was a muffled gasp, but the shrieking sobs slowed to the occasional sniffle. "O-okay..." she whimpered. Then, "D-don't leave me, okay? Please?"

"I won't," he promised, voice gentle again. "Just give me a minute, here--I have to figure out how I'm going to get in. I don't suppose you have an extra key hidden out here?"

"N-no," she said, voice rising a little again.

"Don't worry," he assured her quickly. "I'll figure out something else."

He backed up and stared at the door, then leaned on it, testing its strength. It rattled a little, and he nodded grimly to himself.

"Elliot, where are you?" he called.

"I'm... I'm in the kitchen," she replied. "That's as far as I could get...I wanted to stay near the food..."

 _Definitely Changing, then._ "Okay," he said. "Hold tight--I'm going to try to break down the door."

He backed up, eyeing the distance, then hurled himself forward, shouldering into the wood with all his strength.

The door rattled, splintering a little around the hinges. He backed up, wincing a little at the ache in his shoulder, and rammed it again. It gave, crashing to the floor with a mighty clatter.

He stepped into the apartment, careful to avoid the shards of splintered wood, and looked around. It only took him a moment to spot Elliot.

She was lying on her side, clearly on the way to becoming a 'taur as well, though it was too early for him to tell what sort. But her hips had shifted backwards, her spine lengthening about a foot, and it was easy to see why she couldn't walk. She was lying on the tile in her kitchen, a couple blankets and a pillow within reach, and her cabinets were open, boxes and bags and cans of food, most empty or near to it, were spread around her. Despite himself, Perry was impressed at how well she'd managed under the circumstances.

She looked up at him, the tears in her eyes not quite hiding the incredulity. "What... what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Saving your ass," he replied, moving forward and trying to assess the situation. It wouldn't do to leave her here, that was for certain--even if he surrounded her with food. She needed to be looked after, and she couldn't do that alone. With that boyfriend of hers in New Zealand, Perry knew he'd have to somehow get her to Turk and Carla's.

"Listen, Elliot," he said, kneeling beside her and laying a hand on her shoulder. "You can't stay here like this."

She scowled, blowing the bangs out of her eyes. "Don't you think I know that?" she snapped, though her voice was shaky, and a fresh tear slid down her cheek.

He reached out and brushed it away without thinking. "Cool your jets, there, Barbie," he said, voice gentle. "Here's the plan. I'm loading you into my truck and taking you to Turk and Carla's. Turk can move around pretty well; he can look after you."

She bit her lip, expression a mixture of surprise and wariness, but after a moment she nodded. "Okay," she said, and her voice was a little calmer now, wariness slipping away to be replaced by gratitude, though the surprise remained.

He smirked at her. "Atta girl," he murmured. "Hold tight while I figure out the best way to do this."

In the end, he'd discovered the best way to transport the frightened young woman was by pulling her onto the fallen door and using it as a sort of stretcher. He looped a length of bed sheet to the doorknob before settling her on top and using the sheet to pull her along.

It took some doing, but after about half an hour, he managed to get her down to his truck. Though they made a good deal of noise, no one appeared to check on them; when he asked her about it, Elliot just shrugged and said she hadn't heard anyone coming or going in days.

"When I first realized I couldn't move, I tried calling for help," she said. "But... either they're all gone, or they're all in the same situation I am, because no one came."

Perry nodded, too busy to answer, and focused on getting her to the truck. Once there, he lifted her bodily onto the plywood cover, which still had the sleeping bag from when JD used it. She helped him as much as she was able, and between the two of them they eventually got her settled. She'd calmed down a good deal, and had begun to chatter, but he mostly tuned her out.

In another hour and a half, he'd gotten her back to JD's apartment and settled into the bed next to Carla.

Carla and Turk had been giddy with relief to see her. "We wanted to come after you," Turk said, "but I can barely walk and Carla can't at all, and we tried to call you..."

Perry ignored them, settling Elliot into the bed and moving to stretch his back. It popped loudly, and he groaned with relief, then turned and left the room. He needed to go after the food, and soon, much as he would've liked to rest and maybe shower; the stores would all be closing soon, and he'd probably need to rent a trailer, if he had to keep three of them fed, and there was no telling how much they'd eat when they had two stomachs to contend with...

He was halfway to the kitchen, scratching idly at his forearm as he tried to puzzle the logistics of acquiring that much food, when a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder.

It was Turk, who was looking a little misty-eyed. "Look, I..." he said, voice low. "I know you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but... thank you." He glanced toward the bedroom, where Carla and Elliot's relieved chatter could be heard, before looking back at Perry. "You saved her life, and you saved JD's, and now you're saving ours, and I..." he broke off, shrugging a little. "Well, Carla's always said that under all that pain-in-the-ass shit you're always pulling, you really _are_ a decent guy, and... she was right."

Perry was oddly moved by the speech, but there was no way he was going to let Turk know it.

Instead, he gasped theatrically. "Well, gosh, Oprah," he said, reaching up to wipe and an imaginary tear, "that's so moving I just might have to borrow a tissue before I leave."

Turk snorted, dropping his hand from where it still rested on Perry's shoulder, but he was grinning. "Whatever, dude," he said, shaking his head. "Your little secret's out now. Actions speak louder than words and all that. Rant away--you wouldn't be you if you didn't. But I'm onto you now."

Perry grinned, and waggled his eyebrows. "Oooh, you're _onto_ me, eh?" he returned. "That a proposition, Gandhi? Because you know, JD might get jealous."

When the smile slipped from Turk's face, to be replaced with wide-eyed astonishment, Perry realized what he'd just said. They stood staring at one another in frozen silence for a long moment, before Turk said quietly, "He... he does care about you. I hope you're not just jerking his chain, because if you are I _will_ come after you."

Perry discarded the urge to say something sarcastic, shaking his head slowly. "No," he replied, feeling oddly like a suitor asking his intended's father to bless the union. _Passing the JD-guarding torch, are we?_ "I'm not. I promise." His face softened, and he smiled slowly, eyes going distant. "I care about him, too."

Turk was still for another moment, studying him, and Perry looked back up, meeting his gaze steadily.

Suddenly, the younger man's face split into a broad grin. "Excellent," he murmured. "Congratulations. Tell him I said so."

Perry's own smile broadened. "Tell him yourself," he quipped. "What am I, your messenger boy?"

Then he left, leaving Turk to chuckle lightly, before turning at the sound of Carla's voice. "Turk? Do we have any chips?"

"Coming, babe," he replied, thinking Perry was going to need to make more than one trip if he was going to get enough food to keep all of them fed.

* * *

Perry had realized the same thing, fortunately, and had decided to take a page from Jordan's book by renting a U-haul trailer. This he stocked as full as he could with provisions: canned foods, dried fruit, trail mix, nuts, chips, cereal, boxed dinners, cake mixes, and any number of other foods that would keep without aid of a refrigerator or freezer. He also stocked up on paper towels, trash bags, Kleenex, and various other essentials, not knowing what besides food the three 'taurs would need but figuring none of them would be running out to the corner convenience store any time soon.

He'd paused by the aisle with pads and tampons, then snorted, passing by without stopping. No telling exactly what the girls were becoming, but he somehow doubted periods were going to be an issue any longer.

As he loaded food into the cart, he couldn't help but notice the surprisingly small number of people that were out and about. Those who were seemed to have the same idea he did, and were stocking up; he noted many seemed nervous, and he swore at least one or two had oddly-shaped bulges under their jackets. He frowned, wondering just how quickly this thing was spreading, but didn't stop to talk to anyone, focusing instead on getting what the others would need to stay safely holed up on the apartment for a few weeks.

Once the trailer was more or less stuffed with dried foods, he loaded the truck bed with more perishable items: Frozen meats, several gallons of milk, orange juice, eggs and cheeses. He wasn't sure just how much room Carla and Turk had in their fridge, but he rather suspected he'd be starting from basically empty, if they were eating as quickly as JD had been.

It took about eight trips and five different stores (not to mention a few odd looks from the cashiers) but he finally had both the trailer and the truck filled with food. He'd only just settled back into the driver's seat, prepared to head back to Turk and Carla's apartment, when his cell phone rang.

He reached for it, feeling a smile curve his lips when he recognized JD's cell phone number. He flipped the phone open, lifting it to his ear. "Hey, Newbie."

"Perry!" JD's voice ached with relief. "God, you were supposed to call me when you got to town! I--"

"I _did_ call you," Perry interrupted, pulling out of the parking lot. "You didn't answer. I would have called you back, but it's been a little...busy out here."

"We... Jack wanted to play in the snow," JD admitted, and even over the phone Perry could detect the sheepishness in his voice. "We were out there for a while."

"I hope you bundled him up?"

"Oh, come on, give me _some_ credit," JD groused. "I am a doctor."

Perry wanted to laugh at the almost giddy happiness that suddenly rose within him. "You realize we sound like an old married couple?" he said softly.

JD laughed, a free, joyous sound that made Perry's grin grow impossibly wider. "I wasn't lying when I said the Larkins reminded me of us," the younger man replied. "We're a good team."

Perry chuckled softly. "Touché," he said, pulling back onto the freeway.

"So what's happening out there?"

Perry relayed the details of the situation to JD as he drove back, describing Carla and Elliot's changes at the younger doctor's request. He smiled, sensing the shift in gears as JD's curious medical mind took over and began working on the puzzles.

"Sounds like Carla's could be a cat," he said. "From the way you've described the shape of the spine, and the width of the tail. I guess Elliot's really too soon to tell."

"Could be," Perry agreed, fighting the urge to laugh as he turned the truck into the parking lot of the apartment building. "Hey, I've gotta let you go," he said, feeling a little twinge of regret. "I've got to start unloading all this stuff."

"Oh! Yeah, sure, okay," JD said. "I think Jack's hungry anyway. We're going to get some food and watch a movie, I think. Isn't that right, Jack?" Perry did laugh then, hearing Jack's happy giggling in the background, and hearing him cry "Up! Up!"

"Sounds like that's your cue, Daddy," Perry said without thinking.

There was a sharp intake of breath from JD, and for a moment, Perry wondered if he'd somehow offended the younger man. But then JD said, voice soft with wonder, " _Daddy._ I guess... I guess I kind of am, aren't I?"

"Damn right you are," Perry replied, smirking a little; it was sentimental, sure, but... it was JD all over, and if it made him that happy... "That's what you get when you hitch up with me. Package deal, I'm afraid, Daddy."

JD's breathing hitched a little, but Perry could hear the smile in his voice when he answered, "God, that... that feels _really_ good to hear."

Perry's smirk softened to a smile. "Get used to it," he replied. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Yeah," JD replied, still sounding a little awed. "I...yeah. Bye." Then, shyly, "Love you."

"Love you, too," Perry murmured, wondering why it was so easy to say that. Jordan had practically had to beat it out of him, toward the end... not because it wasn't true, but because he'd never felt that comfortable being so openly emotional. But with JD...

He hung up, shaking his head to cut off his wandering thoughts, then climbed out of the truck and headed upstairs. Best to make sure there'd be somewhere to put the stuff before he began hauling it in.

* * *

It was nearly dark by the time he'd finished, almost five hours later. Despite the dropping temperature, he'd eventually had to remove his jacket, then his sweatshirt. By the time he hauled the last box into the kitchen, he was down to a t-shirt, and even that was soaked with sweat.

"I'm going to have to use your shower," he told Turk, pulling at his shirt before idly scratching at his arm again. "God, I haven't had a workout like that in weeks."

"And we do appreciate it," the surgeon said, then flinched when Perry glared--he'd finally had to implement the no-gratitude rule with the three of them, after they'd said it nearly every time he'd entered the apartment with a new box of groceries.

Turk held up his hands, taking an automatic step backward and chuckling. "Sorry, dude! Habit."

"Yeah, well, break it," Perry growled. "It's getting tedious."

"Fair enough," Turk replied, still grinning. "Shower's through there, dry towels under the sink, and I'll find you something to wear while we wash your clothes. My surgical scrubs should fit you." He lifted an eyebrow. "Unless you'd rather wear something of JD's," he added, then laughed, ducking backwards as Perry aimed a smack at his head.

Half an hour later, Perry walked back out of the bathroom in Turks' borrowed scrubs bottoms and a large t-shirt of JD's, toweling his hair. "Well, I no longer stink to the point of posing any immediate physical danger to myself or others," he commented absently as he walked into the bedroom. "Though given that you're going to have an apartment that reeks of wet dog every time Gandhi here takes a bath, I guess we could call this desensitization..." he trailed off, frowning, when he noticed the others staring at him with wide eyes. He lowered his arms slowly, towel still held between his hands, and turned his head sideways, glancing between their stunned faces. "What?" he asked warily.

"Your... your arms," Carla said softly, voice trembling a little. "Perry, look at your arms."

Perry lowered his gaze, then froze, his heart suddenly plummeting as his stomach gave a sickening lurch.

On the top of both forearms, glittering in the dim light, were identical patches of hardened, silvery red scales.

_Oh, no._


	15. Chapter 15

JD glanced at the phone again, and again managed to resist picking it up and dialing it. Perry didn't need to deal with him calling every few minutes, just because he missed him, and was worried. But now that Jack had finally fallen asleep, JD had nothing left to distract him. And reading was, he'd discovered, nearly impossible. His eyes didn't want to focus that close, and he could hardly get reading glasses made just yet.

So he had the TV on, watching the copy of X-men he'd been quite surprised to find Perry owned. He couldn't help wondering if maybe Jordan had a thing for Hugh Jackman, and if that was why Perry couldn't stand him.

 _Well,_ he thought with a smirk, _even if that's true, it doesn't matter now._

He giggled to himself, shifting the couch cushions he'd pulled onto the floor a little, and tried to concentrate as Ian McKellan levitated himself on screen.

They'd probably all be asleep by now, back home. Elliot and Carla and Turk, all Changing at once. And all into 'taurs...He had to shake his head at that, wondering why he'd gotten wings, when his friends all suddenly had four legs. Would Perry be a 'taur, too? He'd be fucking hot, if he was, but the sex would be weird. JD blushed, even thinking it, but he couldn't help himself. He'd been imagining sex with Perry for ages, after all, and having the prospect suddenly go from "if" to "when"... well, it was a little distracting, to say the least.

He sighed, shifting again, and glanced at the phone once more. Maybe Perry wouldn't mind... JD could tell him all about his own day, after all. He and Jack had been outside long enough to make them pink cheeked and nearly frozen, building a small snowman together, playing in the snow. And making a snow angel...JD giggled again to himself, now. Having wings made it look a hell of a lot more realistic, after all.

They'd come inside after, and JD had changed Jack into clean, dry clothing and settled down with him by the fireplace, telling him stories as he gradually drifted off to sleep. He remembered again how Perry had called him "Daddy," and it sent a bittersweet warmth through him. Maybe not the way his mom would've expected to get a grandkid, but he still regretted that he couldn't tell her.

Sending up a soft prayer for his dad's safety--though JD held little hope his father would make it out of all this--he turned away from the phone once more and raised the volume on the TV, determined to lose himself in the movie.

Still, when the phone rang, he jumped for it, almost knocking over the coffee table. "Perry?"

* * *

He had to tell JD about it. He knew that. He couldn't NOT tell him--that felt wrong, and even though he'd only be trying to protect him, it would only delay the inevitable. He'd Change, sooner or later (probably sooner, if the trend set by the others held--food apparently DID greatly affect the rate of development). And JD would be upset that Perry hadn't told him as soon as he found out.

Besides, there were... plans that had to be made. Arrangements. He'd called Jordan, when he'd gotten over his initial shock, and asked her to describe her own Changes in detail. He'd listened with dismay as she'd told him about the itchiness on her arms, then the patches of scales.

"It started yesterday morning," she told him, when he pressed for more details. "The scales are spreading, but it's kinda slow. They're about halfway up my forearms now, I guess. Perry... why?"

He sighed, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Because I'm... I'm Changing, too," he replied. "And I've got.. the same thing happening."

She'd gasped. "Oh, Perry--I'm so sorry... but w-what... what about Jack?"

"JD will look after him," Perry replied, feeling numb. "He and I kind of had a talk, and we... we feel the same about each other, but..." _Fuck!_ This was so messed up...

"Maybe it's not the same thing," Jordan offered weakly. "I mean... there are lots of things that have scales, right? Maybe you're just turning into one of those half-snake things..."

"Yeah, maybe," Perry replied dully. "Look, I have to get going. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Danni's coming over to help me out. Listen, Perry, if there's anything you need..."

"Yeah. Thanks, Jordan. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay... bye."

He hung up, lowering his head into his hands. _Jesus._

Jordan was going to be a mer. And from the looks of things, so was he.

 _Fuck, fuck,_ fuck!

He didn't know if he could do the whole living-on-land in a wheelchair thing--though he knew he'd try, for JD's sake, and for Jack's. He simply couldn't fathom living without them.

God, what a mess. What was he supposed to _do_?

He'd picked up the phone and dialed JD's number before he even realized he was doing it. He still wasn't sure if he should tell him now--what would be gained by making him worry?--but he suddenly desperately wanted to talk to him.

He almost smiled, when JD's breathless voice answered. "Perry?"

"Yeah," he said, trying to make his voice sound normal, though it trembled a little. "How are you?"

"Missing you," JD admitted, pausing the movie. "But I'm okay. Jack's asleep. I had to read him three stories before he'd even close his eyes, though." God, he sounded so...so wonderfully domestic. "How're things there? Did you get them all settled in?" The unspoken question was, of course, _Are you coming home tomorrow?_

"Yeah," Perry replied, bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose again. "Turk can get around well enough to prepare them food, and God knows I practically brought them an entire grocery store, so they should all be fine." He swallowed, feeling like a total ass for hiding from JD, but at the same time appreciating the subject for distraction. He lowered his arm and stared at the scales, wishing that maybe, somehow, they'd vanish if he concentrated hard enough. But they continued to glint up at him undeterred, the silver refracting the slightest shades of coppery brown and red as he angled his arm to the dim lamplight. And...if he wasn't mistaken, there were more of them than there had been earlier.

_Christ._

"Well, I'm glad they called, even if the timing was a little sucky," JD said, his voice gone soft. "Poor Elliot..." He couldn't imagine how frightening that must've been, to be stuck there, in her own home, unable to get to anything...He shivered, pulling his mind away from it. He'd imagined a hundred times what it must've been like for Dan and his mom, and he didn't want to think about it again.

Maybe it was that, or just the fear he knew Elliot must've been in, but he suddenly heard words he never would've expected coming out of his mouth. "Do you think you should call the hospital, see how things are? I'd miss you like mad, but with me and you and now Elliot gone, and maybe others, too... Maybe you should stay. People there might need you more than we do, and it'd be selfish of me not to admit it. And that way you could keep an eye on the rest of them, too, and Jordan might need your help..."

Perry swallowed hard, feeling his throat tightening up with dread. _No avoiding this, then._ "I... I can't," he whispered.

JD felt his heart plummet at the sudden change in Perry's voice. "Perry, what? What's wrong?"

Perry swallowed, barely biting back a sob. God, he was falling apart. He knew the emotional and physical strain of the day had a lot to do with it--he'd learned JD loved him back, then immediately had to leave him behind; he'd spent six hours in a car in adverse weather conditions, dealt with a nearly-hysterical Elliot, spent hours grocery shopping, then had to haul box upon box up two flights of stairs. He was sore, he was exhausted, and he just wanted to go to sleep--and now he was faced with the very real possibility of losing JD and Jack forever. It was a small wonder he was on the edge of breaking down.

Still, for JD's sake, he knew he had to keep it together. He took a few deep, steadying breaths, and closed his eyes. "I'm... I'm Changing, JD," he said softly.

JD closed his eyes, gripping the phone harder as the floor seemed to fall away from him. "Into what?" It couldn't be good, not if it had Perry, _Perry Cox_ , nearly in tears.

"I..." Perry hesitated. _Are you sure?_ his mind begged him. _It could be something else--you don't know! Are you certain?_

But the cooler, more rational side of him knew he was only kidding himself. What else could it be? Christ--a lizard-taur? He snorted internally, and drew a breath.

"JD... I think... I think I'm going to be a merman."

JD let out a pained, strangled noise before he could stop himself. _Fucking...No! No._ It couldn't be. It wasn't fair... "Why? Are you having trouble walking? You were in the car for a long time today..."

"I...no." JD's cry had finally loosened Perry's tears; they fell unheeded, sliding slowly down his cheeks. "I'm... I've got scales on my forearms."

"Oh," JD whispered. He pulled his wings in tight around himself, huddling in their shelter, but that didn't make it go away. Fuck. He couldn't ask Perry to live in a wheelchair, find a house with a swimming pool, or right on the beach, and call that a solution. He knew he couldn't. And besides, there were some mers who weren't able to live out of the water, he'd heard, and it'd be just his luck if Perry turned out to be one of them.

But of course he'd be a mer. Because so was Jordan. He'd go back to her, of course, and JD'd be left alone. Probably to look after Jack, but still...JD loved the little boy dearly, but he wanted Perry, too. Wanted them to all be together... "You're gonna have a hell of a time going to the bathroom," he managed, his voice breaking even as he tried to tease.

"I'll...we'll figure something out," Perry said, suddenly more desperate to fix it than he would've been if JD had broken down and cried openly. "We'll make it work. I'll...shit, I don't know, I'll..." but he couldn't think of a damned thing. Nothing that would actually work. _Fuck, this isn't_ fair!

"You'll what?" JD interrupted softly. "Use a swimming pool in the backyard neither of us have? Spend your life in a wheelchair?" He let out a shuddering breath, shaking his head slowly. "We could try, but I think you'd go crazy, Perry. From what I've read, once the Mers are Changed... they don't feel right on land anymore."

Perry swallowed, closing his eyes. "I know," he whispered. "Jordan said her mom, near the end, claimed she could hear waves..."

JD choked back a sob, but rallied. "Can you...can you still drive? Can you come back here, at least for a little while? We probably still have a week or two, before..." He bit his bottom lip, hard, but didn't say it.

Perry nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks and bringing himself back under control. "Yeah," he answered. "Yeah, I can--and I'm headed out tomorrow, as soon as it's light enough to see." He bit his lip, then said, "JD? We're going to figure something out. I'm not ready to give you up. Not by a long shot."

"I'm not ready for you to give me up, either," JD replied, a thread of stubborn hope winding through the pain around him. "If there's any way...we'll find it. How...how do you feel, otherwise?"

"Fine," Perry admitted. "Exhausted, but that's only to be expected. I'm not even terribly hungry yet--no more than I should be after a day like today--but I'm assuming that comes with the more major changes."

JD nodded. "Yeah...For mers, I think the hunger mostly starts when walking gets harder. And even then it's not bad...they don't grow that much new tissue, just change around what's already there." Stay focused. Stay clinical. He could do this. "I can't imagine how much the 'taurs must be eating...But grab something to take on the way, just in case? It... it might be a different Change, after all." So much for clinical.

JD so clearly didn't believe it himself that Perry didn't bother correcting him. "Yeah," he said. "Maybe. I...I need to get some sleep, but... I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah. Call me when you leave? So I know when to expect you?"

"You sure? I'm leaving pretty early...I might even be back by the time you wake up, depending on how late you sleep in..."

JD smiled softly, imagining waking up to Perry climbing into bed with him. "Well...maybe not, then. Though I don't think Jack will let me sleep _that_ late, even if he is eating normally again." He bit his lip, feeling it beginning to tremble again. "Listen, drive carefully, okay? And Perry... I love you."

Perry smiled sadly, gripping the phone harder and nodding. "Yeah. Back at you, Newbie. G'night."

"Goodnight."

Perry flipped the phone shut and lowered his head to his hands. And though it was late, and he was tired, and he knew he had a long drive in the morning, he did not move for a very long time.

* * *

JD stared at his phone for a long time, after the line went dead, resisting the urge to throw it hard against the wall. It wouldn't solve anything, no matter how much better it'd make him feel. He shifted his shoulder, grimacing as his right arm twinged again. He wanted to go fly, to empty his mind and just move with the currents of the wind, but even if it wouldn’t have left Jack alone in the house, he knew he wasn't physically up to it.

Lacking the ability to physically get his frustrations out, he fired up Perry's laptop instead, spending the next few hours searching the web, trying to find something, _anything_ else that the scales could mean.

He fell asleep on the keyboard, with nothing found.

* * *

Perry found him that way the next morning.

Despite his exhaustion, he'd only been able to get a few hours of sleep; he ended up leaving at three in the morning, with a large thermos of coffee and stern admonitions from both Carla and Elliot to be careful.

The drive back was uneventful. The snow had finally stopped swirling, and with the vehicle's chains, scaling the mountain hadn't been terribly difficult; it was only ten after eight by the time he walked into the kitchen of the cabin.

He barely bit back a sigh, finding JD slumped over the computer, wings splayed, and wondered how sore the kid's back and neck were going to be because of it. He moved forward and knelt next to the JD's chair, reaching out to gently shake his shoulder. "Newbie? That can't be terribly comfortable..."

JD came awake all at once, flailing a little before he realized where he was. "Huh? Oh...ow, it's not." He stretched, carefully, looking up at the clock, then at Perry, with a rather comic expression of surprise. "You're back!"

He was up in an instant, pulling Perry to his feet and wrapping his arms around the other man immediately.

Perry smiled, returning the embrace, and for a long moment the two of them simply held one another tight. Finally Perry pulled back, studying JD's face, noting the circles under his eyes (not to mention the keyboard impression on his forehead). "You look exhausted," he said.

"So do you," JD replied. He reached up, brushing the curls from Perry’s forehead, then said with some surprise, “Your stitches are gone.”

“Yeah. Gandhi took them out for me last night.”

JD hummed, touching the skin around the scar softly, checking its progress. Then, satisfied, he traced his fingertips down the side of Perry’s face while the older doctor watched him with a small smile, a part of him still unable to believe he was allowed to do this. With _Dr. Cox._

"God, how on earth--when did you leave?" he finally murmured, lowering his hand and resting it instead on the side of Perry’s neck.

"Three,” the other man admitted sheepishly. "I... I couldn’t sleep. Missed you." He shrugged, looking away and feeling himself flush. _Damn, I’m_ not _good at this romantic shit._

JD smiled, a slow, joyful smile, and slipped his arms around Perry, hugged him close again. "I fed Jack and put him down again about then,” he murmured, head turned against Perry’s shoulder, eyes closed. “He should sleep for a few more hours. Want to try again?"

Perry nodded, though he made no move to stop holding JD, for a long moment. He glanced at the laptop over JD’s shoulder. “What were you doing, anyway?" he asked softly as he finally pulled away, tugging JD’s hand and leading him toward the stairs.

Shrugging, JD followed him, scrubbing his free hand through his hair. "Research. It's not really important..." He hadn't found anything, not really. Scales seemed to be followed by a mer tail, every time, and he didn't want to admit that out loud.

Perry glanced back at him, frowning, but didn't press the issue. Truth be told, he _was_ exhausted; the drive had been taxing, and the only thing that had kept him awake was the thought of seeing JD again as soon as possible. Now, however, all he wanted to do was climb under a pile of fleece blankets (or maybe feathered ones), hold JD close, and sleep. He tried not to think about how his chances to do that might be limited, though it was the underlying fear that had forced him from bed at two thirty and saw him on the road by three.

They headed for the master bedroom, Perry stopping over in JD's room to look in the crib in the corner, checking on Jack. His son was soundly asleep, however, and did not look to be waking any time soon. Perry checked the baby monitor, then headed into the master bedroom, pausing only long enough to strip down to shirt and boxers before he crawled into the bed, collapsing with a soft groan onto his back.

JD hesitated only a moment before following suit and crawling up onto the bed beside him. He lay next to him, close but not quite touching, and reached out to take his hand.

Perry turned to smirk at him. “Get over here,” he murmured, tugging the hand and drawing it around himself; JD followed, smiling, snuggling against Perry's chest, his head on his shoulder, one wing covering them both. His smile widened, as Perry's arms came around him. "Feels just as good as I always thought it would," he murmured, very softly.

"Mmm? What does?"

"Getting hugged by you."

Perry chuckled a little. "Guess I'll have to do it more often," he murmured.

JD grinned. "Mmm, yeah, you will. Sleep, Perry, you sound completely done-in. You're home, now." He knew what was coming, but at this moment...JD didn't want to admit it. So he let himself pretend, as Perry's breathing deepened and slowed a bit, that this could be theirs forever.

For his part, Perry knew he couldn’t give this up. _Home._ Yes, he was home, truly home, for the first time in as long as he could recall. Maybe for the first time ever. And even as he drifted to sleep, pulling JD a little closer, he vowed he would find a way to stay here, no matter what it took.

* * *

JD wasn’t sure how much later he woke up. A quick glance at the baby monitor told him Jack still slumbered peacefully, and the deep, heavy silence let him know the snow had started again, even before he raised his head. He couldn’t, at first, pinpoint what it was that had woken him.

Until Perry’s hand moved against his ass again.

The younger man jumped slightly, then grinned, looking up and taking stock of the situation. He was still curled half on Perry’s chest, though at some point in his sleep he’d slid one leg over him. That leg was now tucked firmly between the other man’s thighs. He swallowed, his mouth gone a little dry. As Perry’s hands moved again he realized quite suddenly he could feel something decidedly hard pressing against his hip.

He flushed, growing harder; feeling rather daring, he shifted his hips slightly, rubbing himself against Perry’s thigh, and moaned softly.

It wasn’t fair, he decided, to let Perry sleep through this. Pushing himself up a bit, he leaned in to kiss Perry softly, deciding it was as good a way as any to wake him. He started with a gentle pressure, just lips against lips, before letting his tongue sneak out, tracing Perry’s mouth, gentling between his lips, dipping in to flick against his teeth.

Perry’s hands tightened their hold, and slowly, he started to respond, hips arching softly against JD’s. JD pushed back, giddy with disbelief and arousal, and kept kissing him.

Soon enough, he felt Perry stiffen, and knew he’d woken up. “Hullo,” JD murmured, breaking the kiss and looking down at him, smiling softly.

“Hello?” Perry replied, blinking a little, looking confused but definitely not unhappy.

“You apparently had some ideas,” JD told him, shifting his hips, and Perry colored when he realized where his hand was. He started to draw it away, but JD shook his head quickly.

“I didn’t mind,” he murmured, then ducked his head, blushing at his own daring.

Perry smiled slowly, arousal quickly drowning out his embarrassment. “You didn’t, huh?” he murmured. “So you won’t mind if I do this…?” He drew his other hand up to JD’s ass, cupping it, and squeezed lightly.

JD giggled, and kissed him again. And though the giggle was innocent, and rather sweet, the kiss was anything but. Perry groaned against his mouth, wondering who’d taught him this. Definitely not Barbie...

But such thoughts disappeared as JD’s hands slid up under his shirt, stroking the skin of Perry’s chest gently. Perry drew a sharp breath through his nose, moaning a little in disappointment when JD broke the kiss.

The younger man just smiled, sitting back and tugging his shift off, wings moving in a truly amazing shrugging motion to free themselves from it as well, before leaning back down and helping Perry wriggle free of his. JD let out a soft gasp as their bare chests touched each other, then returned to devouring Perry’s mouth.

For his own part, Perry found himself surprisingly willing to give JD the lead. He certainly seemed to know what he wanted, and it was an unexpected thrill to find out his Newbie was confident in bed.

“Fuck,” JD murmured, breaking the kiss as his hips rolled down again, wings shivering lightly. “Perry...I want you. Now. Can we...?”

“Telling you now, Newbie, if you stop there’ll be hell to pay...” Perry pressed his own hips up, pulling JD down against him with a firm grip on his hips.

JD hummed in the back of his throat, biting softly down on Perry’s collarbone, feeling the other man shiver beneath him. He let his tongue slide over the bite, before sinking his teeth in deeper, looking up in time to see Perry’s head fall back, his eyes closed as he hissed, hips arching up. “Whaddya know?” JD said with a grin. “You _like_ that...”

“Shut up and bite me, Newbie...”

JD did as he was told.

Soon, though, he broke off, panting and squirming a little. "I...Perry..."

"I know," Perry gritted. He took JD's shoulders in his hand and pushed him over, rolling them onto their sides so they were facing one another. He raised his hand, tracing his fingers down JD's newly-muscled bare chest, watching the younger man shiver. He wanted--God, he wanted to do _everything_ , but he felt surprisingly at a loss. Experienced as he might be, he'd never been with another man, and even if he wasn't exactly ignorant of the things they could do, he still hesitated.

JD bit his lip, and pressed closer, kissing Perry again, trying to relax into it once more. But the nervousness wouldn't disappear, and he wasn't sure how to mask it now that they were moving beyond kissing and clothed teasing. He took a deep breath, running his hand over Perry's arm, his side, and then leaned back. "I'm, um...I've never done this before. With a guy..."

"Me neither," Perry murmured, then smiled a little. "But hey, we're doctors, right? We know how this works."

JD giggled. "Don't think you have to be a doctor to figure this out..." He did relax slightly, though, fingers tracing over Perry's chest, the lines of smooth muscle. He still couldn't quite believe he got to be here, got to do this...but he did. If only for a little while. That thought he pushed firmly away, ducking his head to lightly nip Perry's clavicle. "All right. I want you, I can see you want me..." his hips pressed forward, almost of their own volition, rubbing their clothed groins against each other. "So I guess we just... do what comes naturally, right?"

Perry growled, reaching out to grasp JD's hip in his hand and pushing back against him. "Go with what works," he agreed, voice tight.

JD whimpered, and Perry leaned in to kiss him, gentling his movement before pulling away slightly. "And I think," he whispered as he broke the kiss, "I can think of a few things that work pretty well." He trailed his fingers down, tips brushing lightly over JD's abdomen and below, over the elastic of his boxers, before slipping inside the cotton flap and closing around their goal. "Something like this?" he whispered, squeezing gently.

"Oh God," JD managed, hips arching up as Perry's hand--bigger than his own, rougher, not like any other he'd felt hold him like this--curled around his cock. "That's...that's definitely good," he agreed, swallowing hard.

Perry smirked, though inside he was amazed. That he could do this--make JD look, _sound_ like that... he moved his hand, beginning a slow, steady stroking that went from the very base of JD's erection to the tip, then slid back down again. He found he had to swallow, when JD's hips shuddered to life, beginning a slow, involuntary rhythm in time to Perry's movements against him. "I take it you approve, Dr. Dorian?" Perry said softly, the smirk turning to a grin.

"Mmmhmm..." JD managed, his bottom lips still caught between his teeth, his hips still moving. "Christ, Perry..." _It’s just a handjob,_ part of him was insisting. _Why're you getting so worked up over this? You've jacked off a million times..._

But this was _Perry's_ hand, and he'd dreamed of this moment more than once. Besides, knowing soon enough he'd get to touch the other man in turn...It sent an extra shudder though him, literally ruffling his feathers. "Don't stop..."

"Hadn't planned to," Perry replied, ducking his head to suckle at JD's neck, trying to contain his own desire. JD's reactions were sending shudders through him, shudders that ended in a deep throbbing ache in his already painfully-hard erection; unbidden, his own hips had begun to twitch, jerking every so slightly forward in time with JD’s.

He groaned, pausing in his stroking only long enough to run his thumb over the head of JD's cock, teasing the slit and spreading the fluid he found there.

JD let out a strangled sound, mingled lust and pleasure. He ran a hand down Perry's side, trying to find something to concentrate on, to avoid embarrassing himself by popping off too quickly. Bad enough Jordan was always telling people he was fast...

_Okay, dude, not the thing to be thinking about now!_

In an effort at double distraction, he curled his hand around Perry's side, and then lightly brushed it against the front of the other man's boxers. And grinned. "Well, hello, Dr. Cox."

Perry's hand paused a moment, and not only because of where JD's currently rested. "Strange, hearing you call me that now," he said, a slight frown on his face as he tried to work out how he felt about it. In his fantasies about the younger doctor, after all, JD had _always_ called him Dr. Cox, or sometimes sir. It always turned him on, before, the sheer power of it heightening his pleasure, his lust. But now... now, it sent an odd pang through him instead.

 _It's because now I don't just_ want _him_ , he realized. _It's not just physical anymore._

And somehow, being reminded of a time when it _was_ filled him with a strange sort of shame.

JD smiled, and leaned forward to kiss him, long and demanding. "Then I won't,” he murmured. “Perry." He grinned, then, fingers working their way under his waistband, and curling around Perry's cock. He swallowed, hips jerking against Perry’s hand as his fingers traced their handful with trembling awe. "But I'm not calling you Big Dog, either. Even though...woof." He squeezed lightly, ruining his leer with a giggle.

Perry couldn't help but chuckle. "Fair enough-- _ahh!_ " He closed his eyes as JD squeezed again, long fingers tracing him with gentle expertise. "Had a... lot of practice at this, have we, Newbie?" he teased, though by his face and the rough tone of his voice, he certainly approved.

"Mmm, yeah. I'll let you watch sometime." JD grinned, when Perry's cock twitched at his words. "I think you'd like that. Could show you what I'd do when I was thinking about you." He twisted his wrist, stroking Perry from root to tip and back, palm sliding across the head of his cock as his hand twisted again on the way back down. He wondered idly where his newfound confidence was coming from, but he suspected it had everything to do with Perry’s reactions.

" _Christ_ ," Perry gasped, the thoughts and images JD's words called to his mind making him impossibly harder. "I... I might just--take you up on that one." He swallowed, realizing his own hand on JD's erection had slowed down some when JD pushed his hips forward encouragingly. He tightened his grip again, hand resuming his strokes, though they were faster this time, and loose. He decided they'd been talking quite long enough, and leaned down, mouth meeting JD's in a deep kiss.

"Long as you...you return the favor," JD panted back, when at last they parted, his hips seeking and once again finding a rhythm, his breath coming faster now. And fuck, they weren't even naked, but this was still the hottest thing he'd ever done. Ever.

"I think we can... work something out," Perry replied, voice tight. Jesus, he was close--already he was close. He couldn't even take care of _himself_ this quickly.

Fortunately, though, JD seemed to be in similar straits. Perry grinned at him, amazed, breath coming in quick gasps. "Don't... think I'm... going to need much more of this," he managed.

"Oh thank God." JD felt himself blush when Perry's hand slowed for a moment. "I mean...I...fuck, me either, and...didn't want to...to be too fast..." Thankfully, Perry kissed him, and he had to stop talking.

"Don't think that'll be a problem," Perry replied when he broke the kiss, and JD grunted a vague response, eyes drifting closed as Perry renewed his stroking.

They abandoned talk, settling for brief kisses exchanged between gasping breaths. JD felt himself beginning to slip; his thrusts grew erratic, and it was all he could do to hold on as the sensations shuddering through his groin finally converged into a single bright point of pleasure so powerful he could not help but cry out. He came, hips shuddering and thrusting frantically, and heard Perry groan beside him; moments later, the older doctor was spurting over JD's hand, coating JD's fingers.

A few long moments passed, and JD felt small aftershocks coursing through his spine and to his cock, which twitched in Perry's loose grip. Finally, the older doctor opened his eyes, giving JD a final squeeze before releasing him, which made JD whimper again. He removed his own hand from Perry, and for a long time they lay together in silence trying to catch their breath, feeling sweaty, slightly sticky, and completely sated. “Good morning,” JD murmured finally, one finger tracing a bite mark on Perry’s collarbone.

Perry chuckled softly. “Good morning to you, too, Newbie. Hell of a wake-up call, there...”

JD giggled, but didn’t argue, his eyes drifting closed again.

Perry smiled to himself, feeling JD's breathing slow as he drifted back to sleep. He held him, his own eyes drifting closed, limbs wonderfully limp and relaxed. But he found he couldn't get back to sleep. His mind wouldn't shut up, wouldn't stop teasing him with warnings and threats.

_Enjoy this now, Aqua-man. You won't be able to in a week or two or three._

The worst part was, he knew it was true. And much as he didn't want to think about it, he knew he'd have to make these last few weeks count. His eyes drifted down, and he lifted one arm, examining the ever-widening patch of scales. The patches, which had originally been only a few inches in diameter, had spread; they stretched now from the base of his wrist halfway to his elbow, and were about two inches wide.

He tried to take comfort in the fact that, at least, his legs still worked fine--his hips hadn't begun shifting the way Jordan's had, nor had any scales appeared on his legs, so he took that to be a good sign. Maybe the Change would be slow. Maybe.

His hand drifted up, into JD's hair, and he absently began to stroke. He was well aware, of course, that he might not survive the Change at all. JD had said the primary things were getting plenty to eat--which JD himself would see to, Perry knew--and not fighting the Change. While he could do the first, he knew he would not be able to do the second. There was no way he could peacefully accept a Change that would tear him from his home, his family; no way he could willingly embrace a life that would be cold, dark, lonely and empty.

But what would it do to JD, if Perry died? He tightened his arms a little, and JD shifted slightly before settling again with a sigh. Would he blame himself? Would he be able to take care of himself, out here alone? And what of Jack? Perry knew JD loved the child, but would that last...? When Perry himself wasn't part of the package deal any longer, would JD still want anything to do with his son?

He hated himself for thinking it, knowing he was doing JD a disservice by doubting him, but his overwrought mind couldn't help but worry.

Damn it, this was so unfair. He'd rather have fairy wings than this.

What were they going to do?

* * *

"We're almost out of wood," JD commented later, building up the fire. They’d woken shortly after noon to the sound of Jack fussing, and had moved downstairs, feeding the child before grabbing a bite to eat themselves. The snow had stopped once more, and they’d decided to settle in the den and watch a movie, but JD wanted a fire first.

Perry glanced up from his perusal of the DVDs. “We are?”

"Yeah,” JD replied. “At least, we’re almost out of kindling, and stuff that'll fit easy into the fireplace." He looked up at Perry, blushing softly. "Um. Do you know how to use an axe? Because I'd probably chop my foot off..."

Perry chuckled. "Yeah, I do. Though..." he trailed off, face going somber. "At some point, I should probably show you how," he said. "So you and Jack..."

JD bit his lip, wings slumping a bit. "I guess you probably should,” he murmured. “But we've got a bit, first. Perry...you know I'll look after him, right? I promise, I'll take the best care of him I possibly can..."

Perry gave him a half-smile. "Yeah," he said softly. "I know you will." He banished his worries from before: he owed JD this much trust, if nothing else. He'd never let him down yet, after all.

As if on cue, Jack, from his playpen, began to cry. Perry glanced toward him, then crooked an eyebrow at JD. "Sounds like your cue, in fact," he said. "You go take care of him, and I'll chop some wood--I'll show you how next time." JD was right, after all--they did still have time. Perry was still walking perfectly fine, and even after that he knew it took several days for the tail to completely hinder mobility.

He bundled up as JD moved forward and scooped Jack from his playpen, cooing something soothing. Perry smiled, fear for his son finally melting away completely. He opened the sliding door and stepped into the bitter chill, heading out to the woodpile behind the shed. There should still be some logs back there from the old oak they'd had to fell two summers ago, unless he was very much mistaken, and it would be dead enough to be easily broken into smaller chunks. Later tonight he'd come out and chop some young trees so they could start drying out as well.

He saw with a pleased smile that there was more left of the oak than he'd dared hope, and that it had been relatively protected from the snowfall by virtue of the angle of the wind and the shed. He dragged several large limbs over to the concrete patio on the west side of the shed and, after choosing one as a chopping block, picked up the axe and began to slit them into smaller pieces.

He didn't know how long he'd been out there--an hour, maybe--when the dizziness suddenly hit him. He staggered, shaking his head, trying to clear it, and drew a steadying breath. Maybe he was more tired than he'd realized; he’d already worked up quite a sweat. Of course, it had been a long day yesterday.

After a few moments, though, his vision cleared once more, so he merely shrugged and picked up the axe, prepared to resume his work.

He took a step forward, then suddenly fell to his knees, gasping, as another wave of dizziness hit him, this one far more powerful than the first. He fought to draw breath, feeling as though he'd been kicked in the gut, and despite his blinking, his vision began to blur. He looked up, toward the house, but knew he was hidden from view by the shed; with a great effort, he tried to drag himself forward.

He only made it about three feet, though, before he collapsed forward into the snow. Through his slowly fading vision, he could barely make out the cabin, distant and warm and beckoning, and he reached toward it with one arm in a silent, imploring gesture for help.

Then he passed out completely.


	16. Chapter 16

JD fed Jack and got him changed before settling in the den to play with him. He could dimly hear the sound of Perry's axe, and the sound was comforting. Again, he let himself dream this could last forever, that Perry's Change wouldn't soon separate them...

And maybe it would turn out to be true. Maybe his Change was something different. JD hadn't found a single mer case that spoke of scales as developed as Perry’s with no accompanying hip displacement or walking difficulties, yet so far Perry had none. Same with the nagas. Perry’s legs weren't Changing, there were no scales developing on his thighs, no evidence of altered vision due to the waterproof film the Mers developed, no new sensitivity to heat like the nagas...in fact, Perry’s Change didn’t imitate anything JD could find existing reports of. Maybe it _was_ something else. Something new.

Cherishing his delusions, for a time JD lost himself in playing with Jack. Eventually, however, he realized he hadn't heard the sound of Perry's axe in some time.

He frowned, walking to the door and looking out, but couldn't see past the shed. "Now what's your daddy up to?" he asked Jack, returning to pick him up and settle him in his playpen before picking up his tennis shoes and sliding them on. His jacket he pulled on backwards, not wanting to deal with getting it around his wings, and told Jack to be good before he opened the door and headed outside.

It was bitterly cold, though not as bad as it had been the night prior. Still, JD didn’t dawdle to admire the frozen beauty of the mountain landscape, hurrying forward, feet crunching through the top layer of snow and making him a little awkward. Sparing a moment to wish his shoulder were healed enough to just let him _fly_ out to the shed, he called, “Perry? Is everything okay? I didn’t…”

He rounded the corner of the shed, then stopped in his tracks, words dying on his lips. Then, with a cry, he lunged forward, dropping to his knees next to Perry, who lay facedown in the snow, apparently completely unconscious.

“Perry,” he gasped, pulling the older man over onto his back. “Perry, wake up! Can you hear me?”

Nothing.

"Fuck..." JD sat back, mind flashing back to the moment the SUV had gone off the road, and shivered hard. But this was worse; there was no apparent cause...and a cursory examination showed no apparent distress, either. Perry was breathing, he had a pulse; he simply wasn't awake. And wasn't responding, either, no matter what JD tried.

_Think, Dorian, don't panic. Get him inside, get him warm...then figure out what the fucking hell is going on..._

He shrugged himself out of his coat and draped it over Perry, then sat back, biting his lip. Lifting the other man was going to be a bit of a problem... He could roll him onto the wood sling and slide him over the snow easily enough, but once they were inside...He wasn't sure he could get him up the stairs. Unless... he frowned suddenly, looking down at his arms, his chest, flexing experimentally.

He almost grinned. _Duh. You are an idiot, JD. Did you forget you actually have muscles now?_

He grabbed the sling, unrolling the fabric and laying it next to Perry before moving around in front of him. Then, carefully, he took the older doctor under the arms and half-lifted him so the majority of his weight was supported by the sling. His legs would drag in the snow, but that was the least of JD’s worries. He glanced toward the cabin, thinking with some chagrin that the distance had seemed a lot shorter on the way out here, then began to pull.

It took nearly an hour, but his newly acquired strength proved to be enough. Barely. Getting Perry over the threshold of the sliding door proved to be a little trickier, but he managed it, and got the older man settled on the carpet in front of the fireplace, sparing a moment to be grateful the Sullivans had gone with carpet and not hardwood flooring.

Deciding to tackle the stairs later, JD tugged Perry’s soaked outer garments off, checking his vitals. Heart rate slow, but strong, breathing normal, sheathed in sweat... _shit_. "Why couldn't you have cut yourself or something?" JD murmured, biting his lip again. He'd done enough research to recognize the first stages of rejection.

He sat back, trying to catch his breath, and trying desperately not to panic. Everything he’d read about rejection called it fatal. There’d been no documented cases of anyone surviving. But most of the patients who died were only discovered _afterwards_ ; none had actively sought treatment. And most of the initial autopsy reports listed cause of death as heart failure or malnutrition.

Which meant, most likely, they either died of pure fright at what was happening to their bodies—or starved to death because they were unconscious.

Well. Perry unconscious certainly couldn’t die of fright, as long as JD kept him that way. And as for keeping his body fed…well, there were ways to do that, too, if he could arrange to have them brought out here.

First things first, then. Get him upstairs, get him into dry clothing, keep him sedated, and somehow get IV nutrition from the hospital. Sure. Easy.

Right.

 _Act now, Dorian,_ he told himself firmly. _Panic later._

* * *

JD wasn't sure, later, how he got Perry upstairs, but he managed it.

He half-carried, half dragged the older man up the stairs, wishing his wings weren’t impeding him from simply slinging the heavy man over his back, and staggered into the master bedroom, lowering Perry onto the mattress as carefully as he could. Once there, he knelt, breathing heavily, and decided the next thing to do would be get both he _and_ Perry out of their sweat-drenched clothing.

He changed himself first, shrugging out of his t-shirt and drying himself with a towel before pulling on a new one, then moved forward to tend to Perry. In the end, he decided the only reasonable thing to do would be to cut the t-shirt off of him; this he did with utmost care, watching the older man for any signs of stirring. The last thing he needed was to jab a pair of scissors into the older man’s chest, should Perry wake suddenly and begin flailing.

But Perry remained unconscious, and JD finished his task in disappointed silence.

It wasn't until he rolled the older man onto his side to cut along the back that he noticed something that made his breath catch in his throat, eyes going impossibly wide.

He swallowed, and reached out with shaking hands to lift the cut fabric away from Perry’s shoulders.

“Oh, my God…” he breathed, a tearful smile creeping onto his face as he reached out and traced the protrusions sprouting from Perry’s back, just above the shoulder blades. They were about four inches long, maybe five inches in diameter, conical—and surrounded at the base with a layer of silvery red scales.

"Wing buds,” he breathed aloud, a few tears slipping free. “Holy crap. Oh, Perry… You're not going mer, you're growing wings.” He laughed, a choked sound that was also half a sob, and lowered the older doctor onto his back once more before moving forward and wrapped his arms around his waist, letting his head rest on his shoulder for a moment. “I don't know what you're Changing into,” he murmured against the skin of the other man's chest, “but wings... wings means you're staying right here."

Feeling a good deal better, if still scared, he finished getting Perry settled and grabbed the phone, calling the one person with enough influence to get them out of this.

It rang once before a bemused voice answered. “Hello?”

"Jordan?” JD said, gripping the phone tighter. “It's JD."

"JD?" Jordan sounded more than a little surprised. "What’s wrong? Is Jack…?"

JD rubbed his forehead, looking over at the bed, and Perry's pale, drawn form. "Jack's fine. He's learned how to put his wings away, and keeps popping them out and giggling. But Jordan...you knew Perry started Changing, right?"

She sighed. “Yeah, he called me,” she said. “DJ, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be,” JD said. “At least not for that reason. He’s not going Mer, Jordan.” Despite the circumstances, the words still brought a giddy sort of happiness to him, tempered with fear and worry though it was.

“What?” Jordan sounded startled. “But he—he was growing scales, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah,” JD said, moving forward and kneeling on the bed next to his lover, stroking one of his forearms lightly. “He is, but I just...I just found wing buds.”

There was a pause, then Jordan said, “Well, I guess that explains where Jack got them. What is he, some kind of dragon or something?”

JD shook his head. “I have no idea,” he said, grinning despite himself. “But I don’t care. He’s staying here.”

Jordan actually laughed, relief and happiness evident in her voice. “That’s great,” she said softly. “Jack will have his Daddy, at least, even if Mommy can’t stick around.”

JD frowned, noting the sudden dip in tone. “So you’re… you’re going to the sea, then?” he said softly. “When you’re done?”

“I think so,” she replied. “I just… I don’t know, but… it seems like that’s what I’m supposed to be doing.” She paused for a moment, and JD dithered, wanting to comfort her but knowing Perry needed help, but then she spoke again. “So why are _you_ calling me? Is Perry around?”

JD sighed. “He’s right here,” he said softly. “But Jordan… the Change, it…it's not going easily for him. I think he’s going into Rejection.”

There was a long pause. “How do you know?” she finally said, voice slightly choked.

“He’s unconscious,” JD murmured, biting his lip and swallowing before continuing. “I can’t get him to respond to noxious or tactile stimuli, and when I found him he was all over in sweat even though he was out in the snow.”

She swore lightly, then said, “Okay. You called me to do more than bellyache, I assume, so what can I do?”

JD smiled tremulously, thinking he was glad to have Jordan as an ally right now. “I need you to get something for me from the hospital,” he said. “Actually… several things.”

"Just tell me what."

He slumped a little in relief, knowing that when Jordan used that tone of voice, there’d be nothing that would stop her from getting everything he needed. He glanced at Perry again, then said, "Okay… first things first, I need to keep him fed. He’ll starve before he finishes the Change, but I can’t get enough food in him through reflex swallowing alone, so I guess we need to start him on tube feeding. Get a hold of someone at the hospital, and tell them I need a set up for a kio feed, pump and all. And as many cases of Glucerna as you can possibly track down."

He thought a moment longer. Maybe keeping him slightly sedated would help...he'd certainly read about people in rejection having horrific night terrors. "Actually, I'm going to need a plumb pump too,” he said. “With IV Ativan—so an IV starter kit, too. And a catheter might be a good idea, I guess, since we’re going to be feeding him…so gloves, too, and iodine, and maybe a few packages of chuck pads…"

"Hey, DJ, I'm not your intern! Slow down," Jordan snapped, pulling him from his thoughts. He blushed and repeated the list, spelling a few things for her.

"All right," she said at last. "I'll do what I can. Danni can drive out, and get everything to you. But you should probably call Kelso yourself. It's going to take more than me to make this work." She hesitated for a moment. "And JD?"

"Yeah, Jordan?"

"Take care of our boys for me?"

JD smiled slightly. "I promise."

* * *

Calling Kelso had taken more nerve than JD had known himself to possess.

He drew a deep breath as the hospital operator patched him through to the Chief of Medicine's office, almost hoping he wouldn't pick up.

He did, though, after the third ring.

"Bob Kelso, and so help me if this is someone else calling in sick, I'm going to slow roast you and serve you at the next company picnic."

JD winced. "Uh... sir, this is JD."

"Who?"

"Dr. Dorian," JD corrected himself quickly, flushed.

There was a very long pause, and JD heard some shuffling of papers. "Aren't you the missing guy?" Kelso finally growled.

"Ah... yes, sir, I believe that was the last you heard," JD replied, wondering if he should be amused or worried.

Another pause. "Well, where the hell are you? And what the hell do you want?" Kelso demanded after a moment. "Son, I'm in no mood for games, so if you don't mind, get to the point and do so quickly."

JD did, deciding the truth would be the easiest way to go. "All right,” he said, and now his voice was strangely calm. “Sir, I've been missing for the last few weeks because I suddenly grew wings. I went to Dr. Cox looking for help, and he and I, along with his son--who is also growing wings--are now in hiding." He plowed on, not giving Kelso enough time to do more than snort incredulously. "Sir, I promise you, it's the truth," he said. "And now Pe--Dr. Cox is Changing too, but he's rejecting it--he's unconscious, and I'm afraid he'll stay that way, and if I can't get him on some kind of tube feed, he'll die."

He held his breath, waiting; his voice had gotten a little higher on that last bit, and cracked on the word "die," but he'd gotten it out. Now it was up to Kelso. JD prayed the long-standing rivalry between he and Perry was at least in part a jest—or if it wasn’t that, it at least didn’t extend to Kelso wanting Perry dead.

"Son," Kelso said after a long moment of tense silence. "If this is a joke, you are going to find yourself in a heap of trouble."

JD shook his head. "It's not a joke, sir," he said, and despite his fear there was a slight edge of hope in his voice now. "Please, he needs help. Please."

Kelso growled. "I can't just go giving away medical supplies!" he snapped. "I'd have the board down my throat after the next inventory!"

JD grinned, wings slumping in relief--he knew he'd won. He could tell by the resignation under the irritation in Kelso's voice. "Jordan Sullivan's going to handle the board," he said. "All I need you to do is help someone gather the supplies." He cringed, hoping Kelso wouldn't bristle at being ordered around, but he had no other choice. He'd fly out there himself, if he had to; the alternative was simply too terrible to contemplate.

"What do you need?" Kelso finally sighed.

JD's grin broadened, and he began to repeat his list.

* * *

Finally, the more difficult calls done with, JD called Carla and Turk, almost as much to distract himself as to update them on what was going on. He managed to forget how worried he was, for a bit, as they did their best to keep his spirits up. Carla asked about Jack, and JD realized later that she probably hadn't been prepared for the lengthy answer she received.

But it was easier to dwell on Jack being cute, on hearing that Turk was walking better, and Elliot seemed to be getting hooves, than on useless worry when he knew he'd done all he could.

Talking to Elliot herself, though, left him with an amused smile. Perry's heroic rescue seemed to have had quite the impact on her view of him, and she was almost breathless, telling JD every detail of it, even going so far as to mention how strong he was, how safe she’d felt with him carrying her. JD rolled his eyes, grinning; he’d known her long enough to recognize the symptoms of the full-blown crush she’d apparently developed. If they’d been talking about anyone else, he’d’ve probably told her to just ask the guy out.

As it was, he simply said, "Careful, Elliot--he's mine."

"Oh, I know!" she said hastily, sounding embarrassed. "I don't _want_ him, I just--he's been such a bastard to me until now, but you were right all along, you know? He does have a heart under all that bravado." There was a pause, then she said in a lower voice, "I can see why you like him so much."

JD smiled again, shaking his head. Wait until Perry found out Elliot had a crush on him...even if it wasn't a serious one. He giggled, picturing the mock-gag, the groaning that would doubtlessly accompany that news, but the giggle abruptly ended when the image made him realize how much he _missed_ Perry. "Thanks,” he said softly. “Nice to have someone else see it, too. And I'm so glad you're all okay..."

"We're _fine_ , JD, don't worry. Dr. Cox laid in enough food even for as much as Carla and I are eating. Don’t worry about us, just concentrate on stuff there.” There was another pause, and then she added, “By the way… did I really hear Turk say you've come up with a treatment for rejection? Between that and coaching us through ours, it sounds like you're carving out a new specialty for yourself there..."

JD chuckled. "I guess I have,” he admitted. “It's nothing formal, really, just a few guesses... But I've been doing a lot of research." JD paused, brushing his hand over Perry's, willing him to wake up. "It's _got_ to work..."

"It will," Elliot assured him softly. "Don't worry--he's a stubborn ass when he wants to be, and he's always been willing to do just about anything for you. Just keep reminding him that, and he'll be fine."

"He has, hasn't he?” JD murmured, and now there was a soft note of amazement in his voice. He smiled again, leaning forward to curl around Perry, draping a wing around him protectively. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I won't let him go. Between me and Jack...he has to stay. He _has_ to." JD sighed, lowering his head to rest against Perry’s shoulder, still cradling the phone to his ear. "I really wish you guys were here," he murmured, blinking back tears.

"We will be, as soon as we can be," she promised him. "As soon as we're done Changing, we'll figure out a way to get to you. Even if we have to walk."

JD smiled. "Hey you're all 'taurs, walking'll be easier than if you were still humans. Especially for you." His smile grew a little. "Centauress."

"I love horses,” she said, and JD could picture the shrug as clearly as though he’d seen it. “Could've been worse. I could've been one of those creepy snake things."

"Nagas," JD replied. "And don't be species-ist, Elliot. You know people can't help what they become."

But he was joking, and she knew it. "Yeah, yeah," she said. "No offense to snakes, I've just never been a fan."

JD smiled. "Me neither," he said softly, thinking he was grateful that Perry hadn't been turning into a naga--though even that would've been preferable to a mer. "Look, I've gotta go. Take care, okay?"

"Will do. G'bye, JD."

"Bye."

He hung up the phone and reached over Perry’s chest to set it on the nightstand. Perry was still, for the most part, though his brow was creased, and his eyelids fluttered as one in a dream. JD bit his lip, snuggling a little closer. "Shhh," he crooned softly, running his fingers through Perry's curls and stroking his forehead. "I'm here, Perry. It’s okay."

It seemed to work, at least for now; Perry's body relaxed under JD's touch, and for a time, he rested peacefully.

JD could only guess how long it would last.

* * *

Danni arrived late that evening.

JD was near pacing by then; he knew Perry would be needing food, and soon. Now that his Change had begun in earnest, his body was using its stores of nutrition very quickly, and for at least an hour his stomach had been loudly protesting its utter emptiness. Though the noises might've been amusing, under any other circumstances, the fact that JD could not get Perry to wake up even long enough to down some broth had him severely frightened.

When Danni pulled up in the driveway, he was already out waiting for her--his eyes had picked up her vehicle coming up the road long before she'd arrived, and he was pacing in the drive by the time she parked.

He darted forward, eyes roving the backseat, taking in the equipment she'd stored back there. Plum pump, Ross pump, kio feed tubing, chucks, catheter, gloves, iodine...

"Where's the Glucerna?" He asked, as soon as Danni opened the door.

"Hello to you too," she said dryly, stepping out of the vehicle. She eyed his wings, then nodded approval. "Not bad," she commented.

"Thanks," JD replied, too distracted to feel guilty. Or at least, to feel incredibly guilty. "And I'm sorry...Thank you, so much, for doing this. But Perry's...he needs food, right away, and I can't wake him up. Where's the rest?"

Danni's eyes softened a little. "In the trunk. I got as much as I could find. Where is he?"

"In the master bedroom," JD replied. He opened the back door, reaching out and pulling both pumps and the tubing into his arms, hooking his fingers around the IV starter kit, grateful again for his newly-acquired strength. He hoisted himself up, wings unfurling a little to counterbalance the weight, as Danni popped the trunk and pulled out two six packs of the nutrient-rich shakes. A quick glance told JD there were plenty more in the back, and he started to let himself relax slightly. “All right,” he said. “This way.”

She looked amused, following him through the garage. “I think you’re forgetting whose cabin this is,” she remarked mildly.

JD blushed, but nodded. “Right—sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she murmured, looking around as they stepped into the kitchen. “Wow… it’s been a long time since I’ve been here.”

JD didn’t answer, saving his breath for the stairs, not particularly interested in reminiscing anyway. His attention at the moment was all focused on getting to Perry, getting him settled.

Once in the bedroom, he lowered his armload to the bed, breathing heavily. Danni came in behind him, setting the boxes of Glucerna on the dresser, then murmured, “I’ll go get the rest.”

He nodded. “Thanks,” he panted. “I want to get this going, anyway.”

JD pulled out the IV kit, and while Danni carried in case after case of glucerna, he wrapped the tourniquet around Perry’s arm, and carefully placed a line in Perry's right hand, thankful that the scales didn't go far enough to prevent access. This accomplished, he hooked up the tubing, and set the plum pump to begin delivering the sedative. He didn’t start it yet, however, holding out the hope that he could get Perry conscious enough to place the kio feed. Though the older man hadn’t regained consciousness, he had at least started responding to stimuli as JD had kept attempting over the last few hours, and he was hopeful his lover would be able to help him get the tube into his stomach, not his lungs.

He shuddered, shoving that thought aside, knowing that as soon as he started considering that eventuality he’d lose his nerve.

 _He’ll die if you don’t do_ something _,_ he reminded himself. _It’s risky, but it’s really your only choice._

By the time he’d finished setting up the IV, Danni had delivered the last box of Glucerna; she was breathing heavily and sweating a little despite the cold, but she had helped without complaint, and JD found himself feeling enormously grateful. She’d also removed her sweatshirt, and it was only then that JD suddenly noticed the silvery green glint on her forearms.

He raised his eyebrows, then looked up at her face. "Danni...?"

She glanced at her arm, then sighed, nodding. "Yeah. Me too. But they only appeared last night, and if I'm following Jordan's example I have at least another four or five days before I have problems walking, so I was still your best bet."

JD drew a breath, then nodded. "I... thank you," he said, feeling oddly touched that the Sullivans had come to Perry's aid so quickly and readily.

She shrugged. "Whatever," she said, but she gave JD a small smile nonetheless.

JD smiled at her softly for a moment, then shook his head, getting back to business. "Okay," he said. "I'm going to need a sterile field to set up the kio feed and the catheter, and an extra set of hands. Would you mind...?"

She nodded, moving forward, and under JD's direction, they got to work.

He set up the sterile field first, having Danni wash her hands with the hibiclens soap packets in the IV kit before following suit himself. They gloved up, then moved forward, Danni awaiting instructions from JD.

JD pulled out the tubing carefully, adding lubricant to the first eight or nine inches before moving to lean over Perry.

“Perry,” he said, voice loud and clear. “I’m threading a kio feed tube, okay? I need you to swallow for me when you feel it in your throat.”

“Can he hear you?” Danni murmured, frowning.

“I hope so,” JD replied softly; he drew a deep breath, then began to thread the tubing down Perry’s right nostril. “Hold his head still,” he instructed Danni. “I don’t want him to fight me off.”

She obeyed, moving forward and placing her hands on either side of Perry’s face, holding him still. She winced as she watched JD work. “That looks unpleasant.”

JD didn’t reply, continuing to carefully thread the tube. Suddenly, Perry began to cough, a furrow appearing between his brows.

“Swallow,” JD said firmly. Perry kept coughing, and his hands came up halfway, groping vaguely at JD’s arms.

“Swallow, Perry,” JD said again, more forcefully. “I need you to swallow.”

There was a pause—then Perry’s throat began to move, and JD felt the constricting muscles catch the end of the tubing. Fighting the urge to sob with relief, he continued to thread. “Good,” he murmured. “Very good. Almost done…keep swallowing…”

Perry did, and a few minutes later, the tubing was in to the mark that let JD know it was now firmly placed in Perry’s stomach. He drew a breath, trying not to celebrate too soon, and nodded toward the table. “Danni, can you get me a length of surgical tape?” he asked.

She did, and he took it from her, using it to secure the tubing to Perry’s face, just under one nostril.

Then he sat back, feeling himself slump in relief.

“Did we get it?” Danni asked after a moment.

JD looked up at her, and nodded, a weary smile on his face. “We did,” he said. “Now I just need to get the pumps running, and he should be good to go. But first—while we’ve got the field, I need to place a catheter. Do you mind…?”

To his relief, she simply nodded. He smiled, murmuring his thanks, and she stood by, fetching him whatever he needed as he threaded the catheter tube and inflated the balloon. That done, he hooked the bag to the side of the bed, smiling slightly when he realized there was already some flow. “Well, your kidneys still work, Perry,” he said. “Let’s see if your stomach does. But first, how about that Ativan…?”

He moved to the pump and flipped it open, setting the rate, before pressing start to let the sedative begin its work.

After a few minutes, Perry began to relax; the furrow between his eyebrows disappeared. JD blew the hair from his own eyes and slumped a little in relief.

 _At least that should keep him calm,_ he thought grimly. He then moved to the Ross pump and, after programming it and emptying three cans of Glucerna into the bag, he stepped back and nodded slowly.

“I think that should cover it,” he said after a moment. “We’ll want to get a chucks pad under him soon, but that can wait, I think.” He looked up at Danni. “There’s food in the kitchen, if you’re hungry,” he offered.

She opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, Jack began to cry, having awoken from his nap; JD glanced toward the door, but Danni held up her hand. "I'll get him," she said, and once again JD thanked her silently; the medical instincts that had driven him to forget Perry was more than a patient were beginning to fade, and standing by the bed staring at the tubes that were pumping his lover's still body with chemicals had made a lump begin to rise in his throat.

He sat down on the bed, taking Perry's hand, trying to push the tears back. Perry didn't need him to cry for him, he needed him to be strong, take care of things... He needed JD to look after _him_ , for once.

The thought scared JD to death. Not that he couldn't handle it; he was fairly certain he could. From a medical point of view, at least, he was _certain_ he could. But watching Perry there, so still, knowing he couldn't reach him... It made his hands shake, and his throat seize up tight.

"You've gotta get through this, Perry," he mumbled softly, squeezing the older man’s hand. "You've got to make it. You will. I know you will. You’ll wake up, and your wings will grow in and we'll go flying together, all three of us...You and me and Jack. It’ll be amazing, you’ll see. You’ve gotta be okay, so we can fly together. You've gotta be okay, so I can tell you that Elliot has a crush on you, and that Danni and Jordan really came through for us, and that Kelso actually acted like a human. You’ve gotta be okay, so I can brag about how I stood up to him..."

Keeping up the quiet stream of talk, JD managed to keep himself from breaking down. He let himself wander from topic to topic, his mouth following his thoughts, going with whatever popped into his head. Mostly stories of what they'd do, when Perry woke up, gentle encouragements to hang on, to just let it happen. He wasn't sure Perry could hear him, but he wasn't about to stop talking, just in case.

* * *

It was nearly an hour later that he managed to tear himself from Perry's side, heading downstairs to check on Danni and Jack.

The two were seated on the floor in front of the couch. Danni was helping Jack with his building blocks; Jack was more interested in the bucket. JD smiled, watching them; Danni might be a pain sometimes, but she was very dedicated to her family, and Jack was no exception. He felt a twinge of sadness; it was really unfair that the Change would separate them. He vowed that they would all get to the ocean as often as possible, so Jack could visit his mom and aunt.

He bit back a sigh when he reflected Jack would _not_ be visiting his grandmother, except at her grave. But he shoved that thought quickly aside. Thinking about Jack's family only led to thoughts of his own, and right now he didn't need that on top of everything. Perry was stable, but JD had never nursed anyone through rejection before, and while he was pretty sure his method would work, he didn't know what other obstacles they might encounter over the next few days or weeks.

And that was another thing: how long would Perry stay unconscious? JD had already decided he would keep him sedated for at least the first forty-eight hours--from everything he'd read, those were the most dangerous times--but he didn't have enough Ativan to keep him under for much longer than that. Oh, he could write a prescription for more, and find a way to get it if he had to--but would Perry need it?

Would JD have to keep him sedated through his whole change?

He bit his lip, praying that was not the case. Keeping Perry under that long could in itself lead to complications, of course—there was no telling what the sedatives could do to the newly-developing limbs, for one thing—but that wasn't what made his heart clench and his throat tighten. He would _miss_ Perry, if he had to keep him unconscious for that long. Hell, he missed him _now_ , and it hadn't even been a full day yet.

Danni saw him and looked up, offering him a smile. "How's he doing?"

"Better, for now,” JD replied. “I think he'll be all right...Just going to be slow going before I can be sure."

"If he is, you will've helped a lot of people, you know," Danni offered, handing Jack a block that he immediately threw on the ground, just to see her pick it up again. "You’ll have cured rejection."

"Treated it, anyway." JD's lips twitched into a wry grin as he flipped a dining chair around and sat on it backwards, resting his arms on the back and lowering his chin to his wrists. "Wish I could've done it sooner, though."

"Jordan told me about your family,” Danni agreed softly. “I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry about your mom," JD replied, with an understanding for the family members of patients they’d lost that he’d never really had, until now. It made a world of difference to be the one _hearing_ "I'm sorry for you loss" and not the one saying it.

"Yeah." Danni gave him a half-smile, shrugging.

There was an awkward silence, while Jack made motorboat noises into the bucket, then giggled. Danni looked away and cleared her throat. "So. About that food you mentioned…think there's enough for me?"

JD barely bit back a laugh. "Yeah," he said. "I think we can dig something up."

They ate standing at the bar, though not before JD had run back up to check on Perry (no change): peanut butter sandwiches, Doritos, and chocolate chip cookies out of a bag, with a beer for JD and Danni and juice for Jack. Danni drank two, actually--which told JD she had every intention of staying the night. In truth, he was glad of it. He would have insisted anyway, because it was far too dark to drive down the mountain, but now there was an excuse, and neither of them would even have to bring it up. He was glad of the company, and he was glad to have someone to help with Jack. JD didn't mind taking care of the child, of course--quite the opposite--but he had the feeling the next few days were going to be crucial, and he wanted to be able to stay by Perry's side as much as possible.

Afterward, Danni and Jack settled in before the television to watch The Little Mermaid (Danni's choice, which made JD chuckle. "Hey," she defended, "I'll need pointers."). JD returned to the master bedroom. Kelso had thought to add a sphygmomanometer, stethoscope, and pulse oxemetry to the list, and JD used these to check Perry's vitals, relieved to see they were all within normal limits. His heart rate was slow, but not to the point of being bradycardic, and his respirations were deep and steady. His blood pressure, JD was relieved to note, was well within the normal range--he'd read that hypertension was one of the warning signs that preceded arrest in rejection patients.

"Well," he said softly, removing the stethoscope and draping it automatically over his neck before remembering he didn't need it again, "you're doing fine so far, Perry. I wish I could risk letting you wake up—assuming you would, that is—but I don't want to take any chances."

He sighed, going quiet for a moment, listening to the sounds of Ariel singing about her desire for a new world and thinking ironically it was a pretty appropriate song to be listening to at a time like this. He turned and, after a moment's hesitation, crawled into the bed next to Perry, snuggling in beside him and stroking the hair from his face, then caressing his cheek. "Things sure have gone crazy on us, haven't they?" he murmured, hoping that even though Perry wouldn't wake, he would at least be able to recognize and take comfort in JD's voice. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there to save my ass..."

It made JD shiver a little, to think back on it. Laying in that cold hotel room bed, his stomach aching with hunger, too scared to go home...He hadn't expected to get something like this out of it. To have Perry and Jack, a _family_...and he would have them, if only this stupid thing didn't take Perry away from him. "But you were there,” he continued. “And thanks to you, I'm all right, and so are Turk and Carla and Elliot...you've saved the lot of us. You have to get through this, if only so you can start never letting us forget it. Of course, I'm saving _your_ ass now, but we don't have to mention that part. Unless I want you to cook dinner..."

But he couldn't keep the teasing up for long, and finally he sighed. "I wanted to feel like a doctor again, but not by taking care of you. I guess I should be flattered though, huh? It must've been thinking you were going to lose me and Jack that made you go into this. You always have had to be dramatic about things..." To his horror, JD discovered he couldn't keep the tears back now. They welled from his eyes and spilled, unconcerned by his attempts to hold them back.

"If you knew…” he whimpered, voice choked. “If you knew what you were becoming, Perry, would that stop the rejection?" He sobbed softly, turning his face into Perry's neck and wrapping arm and wing over his chest. "You're growing wings. You're not going anywhere. You hear me? That's an order, Perry."

He gave up speaking and simply cried, releasing the worry and fear and tension through the salt tears that soaked Perry's shoulder. He did not move until he heard the sounds of the ending credits on the movie downstairs, and then he pushed himself up only reluctantly.

Danni was halfway up the stairs by the time JD had scrubbed his face free of tears and walked out of the bedroom. She froze, Jack sleeping in her arms, eyes widening when she caught sight of JD's tear-streaked face. "Is he...?"

"No!" JD said quickly, resisting the urge to knock on the wood of the banister. "No...I'm just... it's been a rough day, you know?"

Danni's eyes softened again, and she nodded. "Yeah," she agreed quietly. Then, nodding toward Jack, she said, "I'm going to put him down, then I'm going to get to sleep too. I'm going to assume the bed in Ben's room is no longer being used?"

JD blushed, but nodded. "No, I'll... I'll be staying with Perry," he said, nodding back toward the master bedroom. "Get some sleep. And Danni… thank you. I can’t tell you how grateful…" he broke off, embarrassed to realize his voice was growing choked again.

But Danni simply smiled, and nodded. “You’re welcome,” she murmured. "G'night, JD." She turned away and walked into Ben's old room, drawing the door shut behind her, though JD could still hear her humming "Part of Your World" to Jack. JD drew a deep, steadying breath, then went downstairs and put a fresh scoop of coffee into the machine, clicking it on and leaning on the counter as he waited for it to brew.

He didn't expect he'd get much sleep that night anyway.


	17. Chapter 17

JD didn't sleep much. Not that Perry was restless; quite the opposite. But JD couldn't stop himself from watching him, checking on him, talking to him. And the next day was much the same.

He was grateful, more than once, that Danni was there. She made no mention of leaving, just took care of Jack, bringing him in a time or two to play next to Perry, both of them hoping it would remind him, in some way, what he had to stay for. JD found himself hoping desperately that Perry would wake up sooner rather than later, even as his rational mind told him not to worry so much. The older man wouldn't even be off the Ativan for another day, so no change was good news.

But his rational mind had little impact on his emotional state, and he found himself grateful when Carla called that afternoon, even if he didn't have much news for her. They talked for a long time, and then he spoke just as long with Turk and Elliot, and that wasted a few hours. He tried to read, but couldn't concentrate. And research online just depressed him. There had been no documented survivors of rejection as of yet, and reading about that made him want to scream, or throw the laptop through the window—neither of which would be terribly productive—so he closed the machine and vowed to ignore it until Perry woke up again, and they could start rewriting the headlines.

It would've been bad enough back at the hospital, only having one patient. Having only one patient here, and having that patient be Perry... JD was going slowly mad with the agony of waiting. And wondered again how his friends had felt, the week he'd disappeared.

Danni had left, though, the morning of the third day. "Jordan's walking is getting pretty bad," she explained, reading the regret clearly in JD's eyes. "I left her with a lot of food, but I don't want to leave her too long. And I don’t really want to push my own luck. It’s a long drive."

JD sighed, nodding his understanding. "Thanks, Danni," he said softly, hugging her tight. "For everything."

"You're welcome," she replied, pulling away and wiping at her eyes. "JD--take care of our boys for us, okay?"

"Always," JD promised, smiling even as tears stung his own eyes.

Then she was gone, brake lights vanishing in the ever-steady swirl of snow as she made her way back down the mountain. JD watched her go, feeling an aching loneliness welling within him already. Even though he'd spent most of the last few days glued to Perry’s side, it had been an enormous comfort to know there was someone else in the house he could talk to--another functioning adult.

 _You're taking Perry off the sedatives today_ , he reminded himself. _Maybe he'll wake up._

But he didn't. All throughout the day, JD kept a close eye on Perry's vitals, and though they did not get any worse, Perry did not stir.

JD had to fight back tears of bitter disappointment. _He's alive_ , he reminded himself. _Damn it, that's a good sign, at least. Keep it together, Dorian--keep it together, man._

But when he put Jack down for the night and crawled into his accustomed spot next to Perry in the large bed, he broke down, wings quivering as he quietly wept.

* * *

It was late--or early, JD supposed, depending on how you looked at it--when he suddenly awoke. He blinked, shaking his head, and pushing himself up with a frown. He glanced at the clock—four am—then wondered absently why he even bothered anymore. The last four days had been such a blur, his schedule so disjointed, that time had ceased to have much meaning for him. The only reason he knew four days had passed since Danni left (rather than four years, as it seemed to him) was because of Carla’s daily calls. He also rather suspected they, and Jack, were the only things keeping him on the thin edge of sanity.

He automatically looked at the baby monitor on the bed stand, because he'd been pretty sure he'd been awoken by a noise. But the monitor was silent.

And the noise he heard next was definitely not Jack.

Perry moaned again, and as JD watched with widening eyes, the older man's eyelids fluttered a little.

"Perry?" JD's voice was a hoarse whisper, and he cleared his throat, automatically reaching to check the older man's pulse. Stronger than it had been, and faster. "Perry, I'm here," he murmured, reaching out to stroke the older man’s cheek. “I’m here… can you open your eyes for me?”

Perry’s brow furrowed, and he moaned softly once more, head turning slightly toward JD.

JD felt a wobbly smile creep onto his face, and he blinked rapidly against the tears that once more stung his eyes. “That’s right,” he whispered. “Open your eyes, Perry.”

Perry felt as though he was pulling himself up through a pit of tar. The blackness that had surrounded him, deafened him for so long was finally breaking apart, but it was slow--his brain did not want to adjust itself to consciousness, and it kept trying to drag him back down again, insisting the blackness was less work, and therefore preferable.

But something was pulling him inexorably forward, tugging at him, insisting he respond, and he found himself inexplicably keen to obey.

As he neared consciousness, he realized there were actually two things demanding his awareness: one was the soft, tremulous sound of JD's voice, calling his name; the other was the awkward feeling of something poking at his back.

At JD's gentle urging, and the soft touch to his cheek, Perry slowly, agonizingly, opened his eyes to find JD's face inches from his, wide blue eyes brimming with tears, and a gigantic if trembling grin plastered across his face.

"Hey," JD breathed, feeling something within him relax. People who died of rejection didn’t wake up. And Perry's need for rejection would disappear, or at least, it should, now that JD could tell him what his Change really was. "About time you woke up, you've been waited on hand and foot long enough..." But his tears spilled over even as he teased, and he had to wipe his face.

Perry squinted at him. "What?" he croaked. Then coughed, realizing there was a tube running down the back of his throat, taped to his nose.

_A kio feed? What the hell...?_

“You’ve been unconscious for almost a week,” JD informed him, voice only shaking a little bit. “I had to put you on tube feeding to keep you from starving during your change. You’ve been going through about fifteen cans of glucerna a day. Didn’t realize you liked it that much.” That’s it, JD—keep it light. You can do this…

“How…why?” Perry managed, casting his mind back over the last few days, rather alarmed when he couldn’t remember anything after driving back to the cabin. “When…?”

JD giggled. “In that order?” he teased gently. When Perry quirked an eyebrow at him, JD shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said, not sounding it. “But from my side of things, this is a _huge_ improvement. I was starting to think you’d _never_ wake up…” he choked a little, then shook his head, shoving his emotions back. There’d be time to deal with that later.

“You've been out for over a week,” he continued. “You were chopping wood, and just...I guess you just passed out."

“Passed out…?” Perry frowned. “From _what_?”

JD was silent for a moment, studying Perry’s face; he reached up with a trembling hand and lay his fingertips along Perry’s cheek. “You went into rejection,” he said, very quietly.

Perry's eyes widened, and he tried to look at his legs, but he was covered in a blanket. He moved them, though with some difficulty, and discovered with relief he apparently still had two of them. He turned to look at JD and raised his eyebrows. “Did it stop the Change…?”

JD grinned, and shook his head. “No,” he said. “You're not getting a tail. You're getting wings.”

Perry felt a slow grin spread across his face in answer. “I… I am?” he whispered. “Wings?”

“Yeah,” JD responded, giddy laughter bubbling up in his chest. “So damned if I know what the scales are about...You can't do anything the normal way, can you?"

Perry chuckled, and felt tears spring to his eyes; he closed them, bringing his hand to cover his face for a moment. Wings. _God._

And he knew JD was right, too--he could feel them, strange jointed nubs protruding from his shoulder blades, lying flat along his back, making it feel like he was sleeping on thin sticks. Oddly spongy sticks—it wasn’t uncomfortable, though it certainly was strange as hell—but he decided he could care less. _Wings._

_I'm staying here. I'm staying here._

"You're not going anywhere, now," JD said, unconsciously echoing his thoughts. "Guess we'll both be teaching Jack to fly."

And with that, Perry’s tears finally spilled over, slipping hot down his cheeks. He pulled his hand away and looked up into JD's face, laughing. “No,” he agreed. “I guess you’re stuck with me.”  
He then opened his arms.

JD nestled into them instantly, gathering Perry close, a few tears of his own slipping free. But they ended quickly, now that Perry was awake, and he felt himself relaxing again. He pulled away after a few minutes, and kissed Perry softly, smiling down at him. "How awake are you? I could go ahead and disconnect...well, everything, but if you want to sleep a bit more before going through all that, I wouldn't blame you."

Perry grimaced. “From the sound of things, I’ve been sleeping long enough,” he said. “Get these things out of me.”

JD giggled, but nodded, and set about getting Perry free from the Kio feed. The pump had finished its last cycle, and JD hadn’t refilled it yet, so they didn’t have to wait; he disconnected the tubing from the pump first, then moved forward. “Okay,” he said softly. “Ready?”

Perry nodded. “Let’s do this,” he muttered.

JD smiled, and untapped the tubing, then pulled it free. Perry coughed a little as it cleared his throat, wrinkling his nose against the lingering burn.

"You know,” JD said as he lay the tubing aside. “I know I said I missed working, but I really could've waited to have a patient. You didn't have to do all this just for me..."

Perry snorted. "You know me," he said, lifting one eyebrow. "I'm a giver."

JD grinned, nearly bouncing as he settled back down beside Perry, and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks, I think.” He shook his head. “God, Perry, I..." He paused, and blushed. "I love you."

Perry raised his eyebrows. "I love you, too," he said noting JD's giddy demeanor that was just barely masking the trembling exhaustion in his limbs. He also took in the dark circles beneath his eyes, the tight lines of tension around his mouth that were just now beginning to ease, and the flat dull look of his hair. "Had you worried, did I?" he said softly, seeing no other reason for JD's sudden declaration of what they both already knew to be true. It was as though the kid had been waiting to say it.

JD nodded, biting the inside of his bottom lip. "Just a little,” he said. “I thought...I didn't know if you were going to make it. I called Jordan, and Kelso, and Danni came out with everything, but still...I took you off the sedative after two days and nothing changed. I wasn't sure...I just wasn't sure."

Perry's eyebrows rose even further. "You called _Kelso_?" he said, incredulous. Then: "And Danni was here?" He shook his head. Lord, how much had he missed?

A lot, apparently--the haunted look in JD's eyes was enough to tell him that. He sighed. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't... I didn't mean to--I just... Well, I thought I was going to lose you and Jack, and I guess that constituted a negative enough attitude that my body resisted the Change, when it started." He drew a breath. "But it looks like you found an effective way to get people through it, huh? Sedate the hell out of them and keep them fed?"

JD nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Carla told me Laverne said they're using it at Sacred Heart, now, and spreading the word. It seems to be working, in a lot of cases..." He sighed, settling back down by Perry, slipping a hand behind his back to massage at the base of the wing buds. Which were hardly buds, now, as much as they'd grown...he’d have to get a better look at them later, when Perry was up and around. "And yeah, I called Kelso. Needed to get someone to okay everything I needed for you... From the things he made me promise, in return, I think I still have a job."

Perry's eyebrows drew together. "Did you mention your Change?" He shrugged his shoulders, shivering slightly at the odd sensation of JD's touch on his own sprouting wings.

"Yeah,” JD replied. “But since half the staff's out right now, and only one guess why...I don't think it's going to be much of an issue. Unless he's going to fire you, me, Carla, Elliot, Turk, the Todd, Ted, Mickhead--though I wouldn't argue that one--and the few others I've heard of for sure." He shrugged, still running his fingers lightly over Perry's wings.

"Mmm." Perry frowned, taking in this new information. “Guess we can rule out isolated incident for this thing, huh?”

“Yeah,” JD replied, but he was clearly distracted, still tracing Perry’s wings. “Hey, do you think you can roll on your side?” he asked suddenly. “I want to get a look at these things.”

Perry shrugged, rolling away from JD and glancing over his shoulder. He watched the young man's face, which was drawn in concentration, and winced. "What?" he said, trying to sound joking but actually feeling a little nervous. "Am I growing mutant wings or something?"

"Technically, I think we both are,” JD reminded him, smirking. “But yours are just...new. I haven't seen anything like them.”

His face grew serious again, head tilting as he studied the sprouting wings. They consisted, so far, of about a foot of some kind of spongy bone or cartilage—JD couldn’t tell—which was covered in a layer of leathery hide. This was lined along the topside with scales that matched those on Perry’s forearms. The bone, or whatever it was, was jointed at the end, bent at an angle, with another protrusion curved back toward Perry’s back about six or seven inches. JD rotated it experimentally and found it moved similarly to a wrist. Extending from the tip to halfway down Perry’s back was a thin, stretchy layer of some sort of membrane. The whole picture, though incomplete, was oddly familiar to JD; he found himself thinking of when he’d seen _Dragonheart_ a few years ago. “They look...kind of bat-like,” he said finally, “but that wouldn't explain the scales..." JD frowned, then shrugged again. "Maybe they're dragon wings. It makes as much sense as anything."

Perry lifted one eyebrow, glancing over his shoulder, though he couldn't get a clear view of his growing wings. "Possible," he said with a shrug. "Would fit my personality, wouldn't you say?" He winked at JD.

JD laughed, and if it was a bit shriller than it should've been, well, he'd had a hard few days. "Yeah, I guess so...They look good, though. Different, but good."

Perry grimaced. "How can you _tell_?" he asked. "They're _stubs_." But then he smiled, the sheer relief that he was growing wings-- _wings_ , not a tail--flowing over him. Honestly, he wouldn't care if they turned out to be the ugliest things in creation, or if he never learned to use them--no matter what, he was _staying_ , and right now that's all he cared about.

"They're straight, the skin covering them is healthy looking, and you're...well, you're moving them a little. Those are all good signs." JD shrugged, sitting back again. "Rejection can affect those kinds of things. I've been doing a lot of research," he added, blushing when Perry looked at him oddly.

Perry smiled softly--that was just like JD. He recalled the time he'd insisted on letting JD stew, wondering why it was that his patient--who'd had the same disease and many of the same physical characteristics as Perry's--had died, while Perry's had lived. It had only been after he discovered JD in the break room hours after his shift had ended, pouring over books and staring dismally at his laptop, that he’d finally relented. The kid was nothing if not dedicated, and Perry knew the fact that it was _him_ had played no small part in JD's relentless search. "Thanks," he said softly, taking JD's hand in his and giving it a brief squeeze.

Then, his own medical curiosity awoken, he mused, "Maybe the wings are growing fine because I wasn't actively rejecting them--I was rejecting the idea of a tail. Frankly, had I expected wings from the start, I'd've celebrated them when they started growing."

JD squeezed his fingers in return, then nodded. "That could have a lot to do with it...Wish we all knew more about this thing. But at least you're okay. I can get some sleep now,” he added ruefully.

Perry nodded. "You don't look like you've gotten much of that," he agreed softly. He glanced at the clock--just a little after five. Jack should stay asleep at least until seven or eight, if tradition held--maybe even longer, if they were lucky. Perry slid back down on the mattress, adjusting his wings so they lay flat along his back in the least obtrusive way possible, then tugged JD's arm. "Get down here, Birdboy," he said softly.

JD smiled and went, snuggling close. He draped one wing across them both, and giggled as he settled himself. "We're going to have to figure out how to do this all over again, when those get big enough to lift you..." He wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or relief that had him slightly giddy, but either way he was going with it for now.

"We'll manage," Perry huffed, drawing JD in close. "There's no way in hell I'm giving this up."

JD grinned, and pressed a kiss against his chest. "Me neither," he murmured around a yawn. "M'so glad you're awake..." But it was obvious he wasn't going to be, not for much longer.

Perry smiled, and kissed the top of JD's head. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Me too. Now get some sleep, JD--we'll figure this out later."

JD was way ahead of him.

* * *

The sound of Jack's crying woke JD, some time later, and he automatically rolled out of bed, scrubbing at his face, to check on the boy. A bit later, he came back in, a freshly changed Jack in his arms, happily sucking down his breakfast. JD settled himself back on the bed once more, watching Perry sleep. It was a lighter sleep, now, and he rested easily in the knowledge that he could wake the older man from it if he wanted to.

But for just that moment, he didn't feel the need. It was enough to know it wouldn't be long. Instead, he held Jack and spoke softly to him, smiling at the sight of sun on the snow outside. A break in the storm at last...

Beside him, unnoticed, Perry stirred, and opened his eyes slowly.

The sight that greeted him made it momentarily difficult to breathe. JD was sitting cross-legged on the bed beside him. Jack lay in his arms, suckling at a bottle of formula, eyes half closed in peaceful content and perfect trust. As Perry watched, Jack wriggled, trying to snuggle closer to JD; the young doctor adjusted his hold and made a soft, soothing noise in his throat, and Jack settled once more. JD himself was gazing out the window, the morning sun reflecting on his face and making it seem to glow. His expression spoke of a gentle happiness, and a tranquility that made him look almost holy--an effect enhanced by the wings held lifted and half unfurled. Perry knew it was simply to keep the long primary feathers from being bent against the mattress, but with the brilliantly reflected sunlight glinting on the shining black feathers, the gesture felt more powerful than that, as if JD were some sort of angelic sentry sent to guard them from the pain and horror of the world around them. And in a way, he had, hadn't he? There was no denying he had saved Perry's life, and it was quite possible his knowledge had saved Jack's as well. If nothing else, the young man had clearly been caring for his—their—son, while Perry had been unconscious this past week, and the ease with which Jack lay curled in his arms spoke plenty to the child’s attachment to the young man.

As he gazed surreptitiously up at him, Perry felt a lump of gratitude swell in his throat. Who would have thought that less than three years ago, he'd seen JD as nothing more than another pain-in-the-ass intern--someone to put up with while he had to, but to shove out of his life as quickly as he possibly could? An annoyance, at best; a nuisance at worst—a _burden_?

He almost chuckled at the ludicrousness of the thought; it did bring a small, disbelieving smile to his face. He'd been wrong about things before, of course, but never more wrong than he'd been, that first time he saw JD and wrote him off as another nameless, faceless person who would pass quickly out of his life.

 _This is mine._ The thought filtered slowly into Perry's consciousness, as he lay absorbing sight before him. _This is my family, now--this is my life._

He knew it to be truer than any such thought he'd ever had before; all previous illusions of home fractured and faded and finally dissolved in the brilliance of the light that shone in JD's eyes, on Jack's face. He also knew, with a sudden and fierce love that startled him in its intensity, that he would die for them, instantly and without hesitation.

Sparing a moment to hope he would never have to, Perry shook himself from the strange, somber mood that had overtaken him, and reached out to settle a hand over JD's knee. "Hey," he said softly. "Good morning." JD looked over at him, soft smile turning into the familiar grin, and Perry mirrored it, feeling the surreal glow that had overcome the moment dissolve into their equally-surreal reality.

"Morning," JD replied, shifting Jack enough to lay his hand over Perry's and squeeze it gently, looking down at his lover—partner…? _Yeah, I'll have to ask him what we're calling each other at some point..._ His whatever, then. Perry looked rested, and...happy. JD realized he could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen a smile that real on the older man’s face. "How're you feeling?"

"Never better," Perry responded, shifting to sit up. JD scooted closer, and Perry turned to sit next to him, smiling when JD draped a wing over his shoulders and leaned against him. He wrapped an arm around the younger man's waist before turning his attention toward the window, to see what had JD so enthralled.

The freshly-fallen snow made a thick blanket that seemed to muffle the world; only the faintest hint of green could be glimpsed through the thickly-laden boughs of the trees. There was a stillness in the air, a frozen quality that, though eerie, filled Perry with a strange sort of peace, as though they were the only three people left in the world. Civilization, and their lives before this, were only distant memories; it seemed there had only ever been this: these mountains, these trees, this man beside him, this child in his arms. They had all they needed right here.

He knew it was nothing more than a romantic illusion, most likely brought about by the lingering effects of his prolonged unconsciousness; the world waited, still, beyond the mountains and the snow, and eventually he and JD would have to find a way to return to it.

But for now, he decided, he was going to enjoy this for as long as he could. Reality could wait.

A sudden movement from the lawn caught his eye; he frowned, looking down toward the clearing that sloped toward the shed and the forest beyond--then drew a sharp breath, eyes widening.

"JD," he breathed, as a flash of silvery white resolved itself against the snow.

"I see it," JD whispered back, looking just as enthralled, and equally frozen, as though any sudden movement or loud noise would shatter the moment.

They watched as the beautiful, impossible creature darted in and out of the trees, never quite coming into plain sight; snow flew up beneath its hooves in a playful flurry, and there was a crystal chime in the air as it tossed its head back and whickered.

Perry swallowed. "Is that...?"

"Well, Jack's the only virgin in the room, but...yeah, I'd say that's a unicorn,” JD chuckled, shaking his head slowly. _Why the hell not?_ “Sure looks like one, anyway..." he wriggled a little, glancing at Perry and grinning. "Guess the rumors of mythical creatures returning were true. God, she's beautiful..." He watched as the delicate creature moved on, playing a game of shadow tag with the trees, weaving in and out of the trunks, a creature of pure fantasy, pure beauty. Pure purity, too, he supposed, with a soft smile.

The unicorn, if it was in fact a unicorn—and JD didn’t see how it couldn’t be—didn’t linger long, but vanished into the forest, an echoing whinny lingering through the bitter chill. JD held his breath, almost afraid to move, holding onto the sound as long as he could; the moment stretched, long and golden, and with it, strange awareness JD couldn’t explain began to rise in him, of light, and colors, and the faint music of many voices all rising together as one…

Then the moment was abruptly broken by a sudden loud growling. Perry's stomach.

JD barely bit back his helpless giggles, the strange feeling that had overcome him moments before slipping away like the memory of a dream. "Hungry?" he asked innocently.

Perry grimaced, looking sheepish. "Yeah," he admitted, rolling his eyes and glancing sidelong at JD. "I guess this is where I get my own back, huh?"

JD nodded. "Yup," he agreed. "The next few weeks will mostly consist of eating and sleeping for you, I'm afraid."

Perry lifted an eyebrow, lowering his head demurely. " _Just_ sleeping, Newbie?" he murmured, leaning forward to trace the soft curve of JD's ear with his tongue.

JD's eyelids fluttered shut and he groaned softly, wishing for a moment that Jack were still in the other room. "Maybe not just sleeping,” he amended, a little breathless. “But plenty of time in bed. Doctor's orders," he added, pulling himself back together. It took a few moments, and a long kiss, but finally he broke away again, when Jack squirmed impatiently.

JD laughed, looking down at Jack, who was bouncing a little in his arms, reaching for Perry. "Someone missed his daddy,” he said, smiling as he deposited Jack gently in Perry’s arms. “I'll get something ready for you and bring it up.” He scrambled up, moving easily around the bulk of his wings, graceful and natural—an effect that was a bit ruined when he almost tripped over a blanket. Perry hid his chuckle, watching as JD shrugged sheepishly then recovered himself, and headed downstairs humming contentedly.

Perry shook his head, adjusting Jack in his arms, then turned back toward the window. The strange creature (Perry couldn’t bring himself to say ‘unicorn,’ even silently) had vanished, leaving snow-covered silence in her wake. Perry looked down at Jack, who had finished his formula and was drowsing contentedly against his chest, then turned his gaze out the window, listening to JD humming in the kitchen.


	18. Chapter 18

JD was supposedly checking up on the latest news about the Changeling phenomenon, but had in fact all but fallen asleep with his laptop on, relief and several days with little sleep both working on him. He shook himself a little when he realized he was nodding off again, and finally shut the laptop, deciding research could wait.

He looked up, surveying the other two occupants of the bedroom; Jack was still babbling happily to himself in his playpen, but Perry seemed preoccupied, and not, JD guessed, with the book he held in his lap. "What's up?" JD asked softly.

Perry started, then smiled at him, though it was a little terse. "Thought you were falling asleep," he said.

JD snorted. "Not quite," he said wryly. "Though I imagine I'll sleep plenty well tonight. But no changing the subject. What's wrong?"

Perry hesitated, then asked, "How long did you say I was out?"

JD's brow furrowed a little as he thought. "About eight days, all together, I think. Why?"

Perry bit his lip. He'd decided--or, more accurately, he'd been ordered--to stay in bed, while JD had brought him a large breakfast of half a dozen scrambled eggs, twelve strips of bacon, three slices of toast with jelly, and an entire box of glazed donuts. Perry had almost been embarrassed to find he was able to polish it all off easily, and though he wasn't actively hungry any longer, he knew it wouldn't be long before he was. He thought back to the first night JD had come to him, when he'd given the kid two bowls of soup and half a loaf of bread, and flushed a little shamefully. He hadn't realized it, of course--hadn't even suspected it--but that was like giving a man dying of thirst nothing more than the drops wrung from a wet cloth.

He shook the thought off, though, and for a time had been content to read the novel JD had brought him. It was Stephen King's _The Stand_ , a rather appropriate book about a disease that wiped out most of humanity, and the way the bands of survivors dealt with the after effects.

But he was beginning to grow restless. And sitting in bed, testing out the strength (or perhaps lack thereof) in his legs, he started to realize he might be a little weaker than he'd initially assessed. He'd thought, originally, that the trembling that pervaded his limbs would abate, when he got something besides Glucerna into his system. But it hadn't, not in the slightest. And he'd begun to wonder if JD's insistence in keeping him in bed had been less about being romantic and more about the younger man's doubt that Perry could get out of bed even if he _wanted_ to.

"I... my legs feel kind of strange," he replied finally. "Actually, my arms do too. Shaky--weak. I'm guessing it must be atrophy, though I wasn't actually out _that_ long..." He frowned suddenly, turning his head abruptly to stare at JD. "Eight _days_?" he repeated.

JD nodded, sighing a little. "Eight days. Trust me, I kept track. As for your legs..." he paused, considering. "Well, it's a little more severe than I'd've expected for atrophy alone, but maybe it's a side effect of the rejection." He twisted his lips into a half smile, half grimace. "Frankly, given the other known side effects, I'd say a little residual muscle weakness is definitely not that bad. We'll get you back on your feet fast enough, now that you're awake. And eating again." He smiled, then; it was hard to stay worried about anything, now that Perry was awake, and would be all right. And they'd be able to fly together... Every time he thought of it, he shivered slightly.

Perry blinked, staring at JD in dawning horror. "You... you had me on a kio feed," he said slowly. "The whole time?"

JD frowned. "Yes...?"

"Not TPN and lipids?"

JD blinked at him. "It's... it's the recommended protocol, when a patient's GI tract is still functional..." he said, suddenly feeling like an intern again. "I'd've done a peg, if I could've, but I didn't exactly have the equipment, so a kio feed seemed the most logical choice."

Perry groaned, brining his hands up to cover his face. _A kio feed. Eight days. And... lots of Glucerna._ "You had to clean up after me, didn't you?" he mumbled. Oh, God, this was humiliating.

JD's eyebrows shot up. Was _that_ what Perry was worried about...? "Well... I figured it was better than leaving you lying in it," he said lightly, trying to joke, but when Perry didn't move he frowned once more. "Perry, I'm a doctor, it's not a big deal. Come on, I do it at work all the time."

Perry shook his head slowly, not lifting his face from his hands, so didn't read the truth in JD's eyes: that he'd done this as willingly as he'd done everything else. All he heard, all he felt, was the shame, the mortification: JD had to clean up after him. Like a child. Or, perhaps more accurately, a geriatric invalid.

He laughed, suddenly, and it was a bitter sound. "I guess we can call this a practice run," he said dryly, tone belying the deeply buried fear with which the words actually struck a clear chord. "When I'm seventy and you're only fifty eight, we might have to recap."

JD bit his lip, frowning internally. This was... unexpected. Perry was nothing if not pragmatic, and he knew as well as JD did that the fact that Perry'd been having regular--well, movements--was actually a _good_ sign, one that JD had been relieved beyond belief to see. Then again... well, Perry was also nothing if not proud, and JD guessed it wasn't precisely the first thing you'd hope a lover would have to do for you. Still, this was a reaction JD hadn't exactly planned for. "It's... really not that big of a deal, Perry," he said softly. "And it wasn't like you did it on purpose, or anything. You were in a _coma_ , for crying out loud. Besides, I care a hell of a lot more about you than the people I'm used to cleaning up after."

Perry lowered his hands, but he didn't look up. "I'm sorry you had to do that," he said quietly, face still burning. He was determined to at least apologize, even if he couldn't salvage the situation--even if JD was disgusted, and just doing a damned good job of hiding it. Which Perry rather feared was the case. He closed his eyes, knowing he was probably making a bigger deal out of this than he should be, but unable to stop himself. After all, after a week of wiping his ass, it might be a little difficult to see Perry as sexually appealing again.

He also found himself wondering how he ever got off calling _JD_ girly.

"I'm sorry you went into rejection and it was necessary." JD sighed and stood up, leaving the laptop on the small desk, and crawled up onto the bed next to Perry. "Perry, _look_ at me." When Perry didn't raise his eyes, JD rolled his own and ducked in, kissing the other man softly but thoroughly.

Finally, he pulled back, and Perry's eyes met his own. "Hey. I understand why you're embarrassed, but you really shouldn't be. I didn't mind. Come on, Perry, you're a _doctor_ , you _know_ it was a good thing."

Perry looked down again. He knew, intellectually, that JD was right, of course--that his systems were working was a very, _very_ good sign, and as long as they were, JD should absolutely have been using a kio feed and not IV nutrition. He also knew he would have, without hesitation, done the same thing for JD.

But he hadn't _had_ to, had he? Because JD hadn't been stupid enough to go into rejection.

 _Damn it, Perry,_ he growled to himself, _get a grip. So you were completely helpless and totally at his mercy. He's still here, isn't he? He kissed you, didn't he?_

"You don't have to like it, or thank me or anything," JD offered. "But is it really worth making a big deal out of? I mean..." And then he paused, remembering one of the books he'd seen on Jack's shelf, though he doubted the boy had heard it yet, and couldn't help the wry smile that spread across his face. "Everybody poops, right?"

Perry winced. "I guess so," he said. "And..." he made a face. "Unless we want an encore, I think I'd better see just how bad my legs are."

He moved away from JD toward the edge of the bed. JD frowned. "Hey, wait, let me get over there," he started, sliding toward the edge of the bed. "You might need--"

While he was talking, Perry, ignoring his advice, had tried to stand on his own--then immediately collapsed, his legs crumpling beneath him before he could even sit back down.

"--help." JD finished. He shook his head, slipping off the bed, ignoring Jack's sudden hopeful plea of "Up?" from the playpen. "Next time, let me spot you," he suggested gently, kneeling on the floor in front of the Perry. "Are you hurt?"

"Just my dignity," Perry grumbled. "But that was already mortally wounded anyway, so no biggie, right?"

JD imagined it was a big biggie, but didn't argue as he half-lifted Perry back up, until he was sitting on the edge of the mattress. "Want to try that again, or want me to bring some kind of bedpan?" Two guesses what the answer would be. And reminding him to be honest would hardly help... JD suddenly remembered Carla bitching to him about Perry throwing his back out, and how the best doctors were always the worst patients.

"No bedpan," Perry snapped, then sighed. "Sorry. Just--help me up, okay? Damn it."

JD sighed, and did so, wrapping his arm around Perry's waist and hoisting him to his feet. Perry leaned on him heavily, his own arm over JD's shoulder, but JD bore the weight steadily. They shuffled forward slowly, Perry's breath coming too quickly; JD could feel the older man's muscles trembling, and frowned, but did not say anything, focusing instead on moving forward. Slowly, slowly, they crossed the room, and after about ten minutes of their odd shuffle-walk, they made it to the bathroom.

"I think I've got it, there, JD," Perry said quietly, when JD lingered beside him. Perry had transferred his weight to the sink, and was clutching it so hard his knuckles were white.

JD frowned. "Perry, I really don't mind--" he began, but Perry cut him off.

"Just... just go, okay?" he said, a little sharper than he'd meant. "I'll call you if I need help, but... just let me pretend I've got some dignity left, if you don't mind?"

 _Hope to fuck you don't pass out when you try to get up..._ JD held his tongue, though, and left the room, leaning against the wall across from the door, his head hitting it with a soft thump. _Stubborn ass._ He found himself wishing that Carla and Turk were already there, could help him out...Because everything else aside, Perry was _heavy,_ and the growing wings weren't helping with that.

Greater muscle mass or not, JD didn't look forward to having to carry the other man back to bed again.

* * *

Perry had managed to get back to bed with minimal help from JD--a feat for which he was enormously grateful--but the physical exertion had used the reserves of his energy, and he'd dropped back to sleep almost immediately.

JD sighed, slumping down in the chair once more. He knew Perry wouldn't sleep long before his hunger woke him again, but he was grateful for the small respite. Perry's pride had been something JD'd known he'd have to deal with, sooner or later, but he'd rather hoped it would be later, when they didn't have so much else to worry about as well.

He took a moment, while Perry was sleep and Jack preoccupied with his toys, to pick up the phone and call the others.

Turk answered on the second ring. "JD?"

"Hey, Turk," JD replied, keeping his voice soft so as not to wake Perry.

"Hey, man!" Turk's voice was cheerful, and he sounded so happy to hear from JD that the young doctor couldn't help but smile. "How's everything?"

"Good," JD said, filling Turk in on the events of the last few hours. He'd called them earlier to let them know Perry was awake and appeared to be all right; Turk, for his part, had seemed genuinely relieved to hear Perry had woken up, and had paused for a moment to tell the girls.

"Elliot's been telling us how he'd be fine," Turk said when he got back on the line. "Keeps going on about how strong he is. Tell you the truth, buddy, I think she's got a little crush on him."

"Yeah, I think she does," JD replied, grinning a little. "He did save her life, though, and I hear that can make people act oddly..." Both he and Turk had certainly had their share of lightly enamored patients, after all. Not that they'd ever taken advantage of it. Daydreamed, maybe...

"You're gonna have to warn the girl off," Turk said, and JD heard Elliot protesting in the background.

"Nah. She's not his type," JD replied, grinning softly. It was so different, to be able to just...just talk about this with his best friend. To not have to hide it any longer. And after all, proud stubborn ass or not, he loved Perry, and thought it was about time he started to get to go on and on about someone to Turk, having listened to everything about Carla.

"You sound confident."

"I am. Besides, she tries too hard, I'll just fly away with him."

Turk laughed. "She might go after you. She's itching to run somewhere." The other's changes, under their steady food intake, had progressed rapidly, again leaving JD to wonder exactly how near he'd come to starving his own body into rejection. The others were practically finished, and in half the time it had taken him.

"Well, as soon as you guys can walk a little better, I'm totally coming after you with a truck and a trailer," JD replied, only half joking. Truth was, he missed them more than he could say, and much as he was enjoying his time with Perry, he knew the others wouldn't necessarily be safe forever where they were. He'd feel a lot better, he knew, if they were all out here together. And there was space, though it might be a little cramped; Turk and Carla could take Ben's room, and Elliot could sleep in the den...

He shook himself, glancing guiltily at Perry's back. He knew he shouldn't exactly be planning to offer the Sullivan's cabin to his friends, just because he missed them. He knew it also wasn't fair to blame the older man for feeling a little unsettled by all this. All in all, Perry had handled everything that had occurred within the past few weeks wonderfully, especially since JD knew how difficult it was for him to let others help him. Hell, it had taken nearly an act of God for JD to convince Perry that asking for help wasn't a bad thing, but he knew it was doubly difficult for him now that he didn't have any choice in the matter.

"Dude, we really may run the whole way," Turk said. "You have no idea what it's doing to us being cooped up like this. Carla's pacing twenty-four seven, and we've had to strap pillows to Elliot's hooves so she'll stop stamping. We almost had Mrs. Hansen knocking down our door the first time she started it."

JD laughed lightly. "Yeah," he agreed. "I know how you feel. My wings were not happy with being crunched up under a coat for the first two weeks I had them. And the first time I flew..." he shivered, remembering. "Trust me, Turk, you guys will love being able to really use your Change."

"Yeah, I bet. Is Dr. Cox looking forward to flying?"

JD drooped a little, glancing at Perry, but the other man's breathing was still steady and slow. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I hope so, but he...we've... well, we had kind of a fight."

"What? How do you mean?" He could hear Turk's concern, and swallowed, curling around the phone, missing his friend more than ever.

"It's nothing serious," he said quietly, glancing at Perry's back again. "At least, I don't think it's anything serious. But he's not...well, not used to needing help, you know? And since he knows what I've had to do to take care of him..." JD shook his head. "It doesn't really seem to matter that I don't mind, 'cause he sure does."

Turk let out a soft noise of understanding. "Dude, yeah...You've seen Carla with a cold. God help you if you offer to do anything for her..."

JD smiled slightly, spirits lifting a little. "I remember," he agreed. "Yeah, it's like that, only he hasn't got much of a choice right now. I don't know why I'm taking it so hard, I guess... guess I'd just gotten out of the habit of being snapped at. It'll blow over when he's feeling better, and can move around again. It will." He had to wonder who he was trying to convince, Turk or himself.

"I know it will," Turk said, with the confidence JD couldn't quite muster himself. "Just give it time."

"Yeah," JD sighed. "I'm sure you're right. Thanks, Turk. I'll see you soon."

"See you, buddy. Take care."

JD clicked off the phone and flipped it shut, sitting in silence for a moment before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by a stuffed animal hitting his foot.

He looked down, then over at Jack, who giggled and bounced from his playpen. "Up!" he insisted, and hurtled another toy. This one flew over the bed, bouncing off Perry's leg before falling back to the floor.

JD winced, and moved to gather Jack from his pen. "All right, all right," he chuckled, tossing Jack into the air a little before gathering him in close again. "But let's play downstairs so we don't wake your daddy, okay?"

He left the room, talking to the still giggling Jack, and their voices grew muffled as they headed toward the kitchen.

Perry swallowed, turning to glance over his shoulder at the doorway before drawing the blankets further over himself again and sighing.

 _Great_ , he thought dismally, recalling the hurt in JD's voice as he'd spoken to Turk. _Good one, Perry. Now what?_

* * *

By the time JD'd played with Jack for a bit, and finished fixing a huge meal for Perry, he felt better. Not completely relaxed, but better. If anything, he was a bit amused at himself for being so surprised by Perry's harsh words. He'd spent most of the past three years getting yelled at, and had come to recognize it as a sign of affection. A _strange_ sign of affection, sure, but Perry Cox never did anything the easy way.

Not that JD missed the girl's names, but getting all bent out of shape because Perry was being pissy...well, it was silly.

Besides, he reasoned as he settled the food on a tray, he'd better get used to it. The honeymoon period would end eventually, and they already knew they could get on each other's nerves...

Of course, they also knew by now that it wouldn't matter in the long run. He grinned, shaking his head at himself. "I'm very silly, huh, Jack?" he asked, taking the boy up first and settling him in his playpen, before heading back down for the food.

He set the tray down on the small desk, and very gently shook Perry's shoulder. "Perry? I've got lunch if you're hungry."

Perry fought back the urge to flinch when JD touched him-- _What is_ wrong _with me?_ \--and sat up, eyeing the tray gratefully. JD had, as he'd done with breakfast, brought him a veritable banquet: an entire pot of thick vegetable beef stew, a plate of steaming rolls with a tray of butter, a huge bowl of salad with creamy dressing (ranch, by the looks of it) and croutons.

"There's a chocolate cake in the oven, too," JD said. "It should be done in about ten minutes, then I'll have to let it cool so we can put the icing on it, but..." he trailed off vaguely, biting his lip and watching for Perry's reaction to his peace offering.

Perry gave him a guilty smile. "Thanks, kid," he said softly. "I... I'm sorry, for before, I... I'm not used to this."

JD smiled back, unable to stop himself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Perry's forehead. "I know," he replied. "It's hard to be the one who needs help. But that's what I'm here for, okay?"

Perry drew a breath, and nodded once, before moving to sit on the side of the bed. "Nice that you've been through this already," he commented as he picked up a roll and tore it open, blowing on his fingers as the hot bread burned them a little before spreading on a generous pat of butter. "You've already got a pretty good idea how much food it takes to fill me up."

JD snagged a roll of his own, sitting back with it. "Mmhmm. Apparently you're eating enough for four. I've just been making as much as I usually do when Elliot comes over for dinner with me, Turk and Carla." He grinned, watching Perry putting the food away. "Bet you didn't know I could cook, huh?"

"Never would've occurred to me, Newbie," Perry replied, swallowing his mouthful first.

"Well, I can. Let me know if there's anything you'd like rather than just a lots of everything..."

Perry nodded, taking another huge bite of stew. Honestly, at the moment, he found he wasn't particularly picky--it wasn't like pregnancy, apparently, in that he didn't crave particular things. He was just _hungry._ He supposed he should be glad of that: after all, their options were pretty well restricted to whatever Jordan had brought them.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said after he swallowed. "Thanks."

JD nodded, chewing his roll thoughtfully. Perry had apologized--that was certainly something. It was a huge thing, actually; he could count on one hand the number of times the older doctor had not only willingly admitted to being wrong, but actually said he was sorry for it.

Still, there was some lingering tension in the air between them, and JD knew that until Perry was on his feet again, it would not likely go away completely. No matter how many positive steps they'd taken, no matter how close they'd grown, there would always be a stubborn part of Perry that would bristle at needing help.

JD swallowed his mouthful of roll and said carefully, "So...I was thinking after you eat, it might be a good idea to try to walk some more. You know... build your strength back up." He held his breath, waiting for Perry's reaction, but fortunately the older man just nodded eagerly.

"Good plan," he replied. "I don't want to be stuck in this bed any longer than I have to be."

"Can't say I want you to be, either," JD replied, relaxing a little more. "Not under these circumstances, anyway." Perry should regain his strength quickly, with the extra push of the Change helping things along...or at least he hoped so. He eased his right shoulder a little, wishing there'd been a bit of the Change left for him, when he'd been shot...but it was well enough.

He fell silent, watching Perry eat, thinking. Maybe Elliot and Turk and Carla could come out soon...He was sure he could drive if he just put the seat far enough back so there'd be room for his wings. And it would be so nice to have them there, too. Extra help with Jack, with the food, with everything, so he and Perry could concentrate on learning to be together, not on all the logistics of everything else.

He could arrange a trailer somehow, and the truck was in good shape...If the girls were both up, well, he couldn't see a reason not to bring them out soon. Maybe once Perry was up and about on his own again...

He set his half-eaten roll aside and drew a breath. "Perry?" He said, slightly nervous. "What would you think about Turk and everyone coming up here? The apartment's really too small for them, now that they're mostly finished..."

Perry glanced at him, and JD held his breath, but after a moment the older man nodded. "I think it's a good idea," he said softly. In truth, he'd been planning on getting them out here as soon as they could be moved; had there been any way to do so when he was out there, he would have, but Carla and Elliot were in no condition to be moved just yet. "It's not safe for them at home."

JD relaxed, smiling, relieved Perry seemed to feel the same way he did. "It isn't," he said. "I can drive out and rent a trailer, probably, and we can get them back here."

Perry looked up at him and shook his head. "Don't think so, Newbie," he said. "I'm going after them."

JD raised an eyebrow. "You are?"

"It only makes sense," he replied. "My wings are small enough to conceal, still--and we should probably stock up on food again while we're out. I know we still have plenty, but with that many more mouths to feed, and no way to know how soon we can get back to town to buy more..." he trailed off. "I'll take the truck," he said, thinking aloud. "I'll rent a trailer for them, and load the truck with food."

JD wanted to protest, tell Perry to stay, assure him he could handle it himself, but found himself nodding slowing instead. "All right. I suppose you'd draw less attention, in any case...though it should start calming down soon, I would hope. Too many people have started Changing...they can't all stay in hiding all the time." Not that he particularly wanted to walk down a crowded street as he was, though, he thought wryly.

"It's not calm enough," Perry said firmly. "No need to take chances."

"Fair enough," JD replied with a slight grin, getting up long enough to pick up Jack, who was again demanding it, before settling back down, letting the boy stand on his lap while holding onto his hands. "Though I should warn you, it might make Elliot's crush even worse, if you go out there and rescue everyone again."

Perry rolled his eyes. "Never thought I'd live to see the day that _Barbie_ , of all people, would have a crush on me," he muttered. "You, I at least expected, because let's face it, you were never good at hiding exactly what you felt in those big adoring puppy-dog eyes of yours, but she never dealt with my brand of torture as well as you did."

"She has this odd thing about preferring it when people are nice to her..." JD grinned, as Jack started bouncing, wings snapping out and flapping at the same time.

And suddenly JD only had hold of the boy's hands, because the toddler's feet lifted right up into the air.

He was only in the air for a moment before he gasped, startled, and fell with a thump, landing on his behind on JD's lap. He stared up at JD, who stared back at him; Perry was staring at them both.

Then Jack squealed and clapped his hands. "Up!" he giggled, pointing; his wings snapped out again.

JD was ready this time, however, and managed to hold onto him while Jack's wings flapped ineffectually. It took some strength to hold the child down, however, and JD gave Perry a mildly alarmed look. "Okay," he huffed, when Jack finally gave up and settled back to pout in JD's lap, "this could be a problem."

Perry snorted, fighting laughter. "Yeah," he agreed. "Just maybe." He thought for a moment. "I suppose we could buy some kind of brace, or leotard or something, to keep him from pulling out the wings when we're not watching him..."

JD frowned, looking Jack over again. "I don't know if we should stop him from getting them out...I guess we could put a lid on the play pen...and keep an eye on him. He'll be walking soon enough, anyway. Have to seriously baby-proof this place..."

Over the first shock, he held Jack's hands again and, as he'd half-expected, the boy popped his wings out and started them moving, so fast that JD couldn't distinguish the individual beats. And he again rose into the air, but only for a few seconds before floating down again, snuggling close to JD's side and sucking his thumb. "Up..." he murmured, eyes closing.

"Looks like he doesn't have much stamina yet, at least..."

"Not like his daddy, I guess," Perry said, watching JD carefully.

"Well, you work out more than he does," JD replied automatically, then trailed off when Perry shook his head, lip quirking a little.

"Didn't mean me, Newbie," he said softly.

"Oh. _Oh_..." A wide, wondering smile spread across JD's face, and he blushed, but cuddled Jack closer. "Guess not...But he's still little, so he can work up to it. Can't you, bug?" he asked, dropping a kiss on Jack's forehead.

Perry smiled, and this time it was relaxed, if rueful. "Let's not encourage him," he said. "At least not until we can both go chasing after him, when he decides 'up!' is more fun than hanging out in his playpen." He shook his head, imagining the marketing that could come out of these sorts of changes. Tethers... playpens with roofs...

Perry shook himself. _I'm getting to be as bad as Newbie with the daydreaming!_ "He looks like he's worn himself out for now," he commented. "So maybe put him down for his nap, and we can get started on teaching me to walk again. Whaddya say?"

JD nodded, still looking fondly at Jack, the wondering smile not having budged from his lips. A father? _Him_? God knew he'd asked for it, but having it now...it was amazing, and nothing like he'd thought it would be. "Yeah..." He shook himself a little. "Yeah, I'll go put him down. No guarantee on how long he'll stay there..."

Perry watched him go, feeling something ease in his chest. He'd called JD "Daddy" deliberately, hoping to catch him off-guard and gage his reaction. JD had already said how much he loved Jack, but Perry knew caring for the child as an Uncle or even a favorite babysitter might care for him wasn't the same as being a father.

Fortunately, though, JD had not seemed frightened or appalled by the prospect--quite the opposite, in fact--and Perry relaxed a little. _Maybe this_ will _work out..._

JD returned a few minutes later. "I draped a sheet over the top of the crib," he said. "It won't actually keep him out if he figures out he can move it, but I'm hoping it will at least discourage him."

"Sounds like a plan," Perry said. "I doubt we'll be going terribly far anyway."

"Probably not," JD agreed, clearing away the now empty plates that had so recently been full of food. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Perry muttered.

JD stood by the bed and helped Perry get to his feet. Much to his relief, the older man seemed a lot more sure of himself this time, and despite an unsteady moment where Perry swayed and leaned on JD heavily, he was mostly there for balance. They walked to the bathroom, then over to the doorway, before circling back to the bed.

"How you doing?" JD asked when they arrived.

Perry frowned, considering. "Actually, much better than I would have thought," he replied. He glanced at JD. "Almost... normal, in fact." He'd been holding onto JD more out of disbelief than any actual need--it had seemed the more he walked, the better he felt. "Maybe the regenerative properties of the Change don't just affect the new limbs."

JD heaved a purely internal sigh of relief. Thank God, if Perry could be back to himself. For so many reasons. "Maybe they don't...It would make sense, in a way. Hell, I read about a paraplegic who went mer--it healed his spinal cord. If it can do that, strengthening a few muscles is probably nothing."

Perry grinned broadly. "This could take stem cell research to a whole new level," he said. "Think of what else it might be able to cure! I don't know about you, but I'd far rather be a functioning mer than a paralyzed human." Perry knew his good mood had less to do with the fortunately healed paraplegic and far more to do with his own ability to walk again, but he didn't care. Soon--perhaps sooner than either of them could have hoped--he would be able to go after Carla and the others, gather more food... be _useful_ again.

"I think that's probably far enough for now," JD said, wanting to play it safe. After all, there wasn't any rush.

"Ah, you're no fun," Perry said, nudging him. "Let's go check on Jack, maybe pile up downstairs with a movie or something."

JD bit his lip. "I don't know..." he said hesitantly. The Change might be healing the older man, but there was certainly no reason to push it, was there? "Maybe I'll bring a DVD up here and we can watch it on the laptop?"

Perry scowled. "I can handle it, you know," he said, a little stung, despite the voice of reason within him telling him he was being ridiculous. JD was a doctor, after all, and Perry knew there really was no reason to test their luck. Still, the stubborn portion of him was being a lot louder, and insisted he try to prove to JD he was fine. That he was still strong, still able to take care of himself.

"I know," JD replied. "Perry, I'm not...I'm not trying to baby you, or anything. I just want to make sure you're up to what I've got planned for tonight, that's all."

Perry smirked. "I'll be up for it and then some, Danielle," he said, turning away and walking toward the door. There, he paused, glancing back at JD. "You coming or what?"

JD bit back an exasperated sigh and followed, walking closer than necessary as Perry descended the staircase, ready to catch him if need be (or go down with him, if nothing else). Fortunately, they made it to the den without incident, and JD couldn't help but roll his eyes as Perry grinned impishly at him.

"I don't know what you're trying to prove, but congratulations, it's proven," he said, annoyed. "Now will you _please_ sit _down_?"

Perry tossed his head, but obeyed, secretly relieved for the chance to sit. He'd realized halfway down the stairs that he might've overestimated his own recovery rate, but he'd been too stubborn to admit that to JD. Still, he wasn't quite able to hide the way his legs shook as he lowered himself onto the couch.

JD raised an eyebrow, when Perry's descent ended with a rather sudden thump, and shook his head. "Least that couch pulls out, if you can't get back upstairs. What did you want to watch?" He wasn't going to keep pushing. If Perry wanted to be an idiot, well...JD did have the means to drug him senseless. He wouldn't _use_ it, of course, but the image was comforting, for the moment.

"I don't care. I don't plan to pay much attention to the movie." Perry waggled his eyebrows suggestively, hoping to tease JD out of the sour mood his own stubborn ploy seemed to have put him in. Now that he was here, he knew he'd been behaving immaturely, and felt rather bad about it. After all, JD had enough to worry about without needing to babysit both Jack _and_ Perry himself.

"You should," JD replied shortly, grabbing the first DVD that came to hand and putting it on, before settling himself on the floor, nowhere near Perry.

Perry bit his lip, only glancing at the screen as the opening scene from _The 13th Warrior_ began to play. He slid over on the couch, toward the end where JD on the floor sat glaring resolutely at the TV, and reached out, laying a gentle, if hesitant, hand on the back of JD's neck. "Hey, come on," he said softly. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

JD shrugged Perry's hand away, wings coming up to block another try, and didn't answer. He couldn't quite believe he wasn't going to accept the apology--the second one in a single day!--but...Perry hadn't done anything to earn forgiveness, and dammit...He hadn't spent the past eight days busting his ass getting Perry healthy, just so the older man could wreck it by being too fucking proud and stubborn.

Perry lifted his eyebrows, understanding the unspoken challenge in JD's posture. He slid backwards a little to study JD's face, noting that though his eyes were following Antonio Banderas and Omar Sharif, he was clearly not paying any attention to what was happening. All his attention was focused on Perry, waiting for the next move.

Perry considered. JD's wings had come up, but as Perry moved away, he brought them back down a little. Perry settled back against the couch, and for a long time was still, pretending to care as Antonio Banderas rounded the corner of the riverbank and came into sight of the Viking camp.

After a time, as Perry'd hoped, JD's wings relaxed a little further, and it was then Perry made his move.

Sliding slowly over on the couch, he carefully positioned himself behind JD, holding his breath, but the young man did not raise his wings to block him again. Taking that as a good sign, Perry reached forward with both hands and settled them firmly on JD's shoulders. Then, wordlessly, he began to slowly massage the tense muscles, eyes on the back of JD's head, waiting for the younger man's reaction.

At first, JD only tensed beneath the massage, but after a few minutes he gradually relaxed again. He drew his knees up and rested his arms on them, his forehead on his wrists. But he didn't say anything. And there was a deep-seated tension within him that Perry's fingers couldn't ease. "You going to bother to tell me why?" he asked, finally, sounding tired rather than angry. "You of all people know better, and I really wouldn't think you'd want to risk a relapse, considering..."

Perry unfolded his legs and placed his feet on the floor, one on either side of JD, before bending down and placing a kiss on the nape of his neck. JD shivered slightly; Perry let his hands slide down a little further, working at the newly-developed muscles of JD's chest before sliding up in long strokes to his shoulders, then back down. "I'm sorry," he murmured again, feeling abashed. Truth be told, he wasn't sure exactly _why_ he'd insisted on behaving like such an ass. "I guess I don't like feeling helpless."

"Who does? I don't think any less of you, you know," JD added, leaning back into Perry's embrace, sighing softly. He wasn't sure that was what was wrong, but it seemed the most likely of the various possibilities. "Or at least, not for needing help. The whole macho act..." He shrugged.

It felt strange, in a way, to keep Perry hanging, keep him from getting the forgiveness he was trying for. Strange, but good in a way, too. To know he didn't just have to give in...And hell, if he got massages like this, JD thought he might have to be pissed more often. If tradition held, Perry would probably give him reason often enough.

Perry sighed, moving up to settle his fingers in JD's hair, gently massaging his scalp. "Old habits die hard," he murmured. "I'm not used to this whole 'unconditional, no strings attached' thing. Guess I still don't quite believe it."

JD let out a noise very like a purr, his whole body going limp, as Perry's hands moved through his hair, pressing in all the right places. "Mmm...believe it. If I'm still here after the past three years, I think you can safely bet I'm not going anywhere..."

Perry's fingers stilled for a moment, moving to simply cup JD's head between his hands, and he bent forward, planting a soft kiss in his hair. "Good point," he murmured, fingers resuming their massaging circles. "Can't say I know _why_ , but I'll admit you've been more patient with me than anyone else ever has. Certainly more patient than I deserve."

"Because I love you," JD told him. "And it meant I got to follow you around and look at your ass all day..." JD smiled slightly, pushing his head back against Perry's fingers when he started the massage again. "Perry? Can we agree that you're very butch and useful, and nothing will change my mind about that, so you can take care of yourself for a couple days?"

Perry chuckled, lowering his arms to wrap around JD's neck from behind and hugging him. "Yeah, fair enough," he agreed. "I owe you that much, at least."

"You do." JD smiled, and relaxed completely. "Of course, you can still fuck me through the mattress later to make it up to me."

Perry growled, nipping at JD's earlobe. "Dirty talk, Newbie," he chided, though he was secretly thrilled: Who knew JD could be such a demanding lover, when the mood took him? "Might have to punish you for that."

"Oh really?" JD turned his head, giving Perry better access to his ear. "Promises, promises. Of course if you're worried you're not up to it, I suppose I could always fuck you..." He kept his tone deliberately light and teasing, not wanting Perry to know how much he wanted to know the answer to that particular question.

Perry shivered. "Now who's making promises?" he whispered, voice rough as he licked at the tender skin in the hollow behind the lobe, then nibbled the tendon.

JD groaned, arching up a little. "Guess that'd be me..." Fuck...yeah. He couldn't believe his luck, that Perry would actually want him to...Dude, awesome. He shifted, pressing back again, wishing there was room for both of them on the couch. He wanted to feel Perry against him now...

Perry apparently wanted the same thing, and decided to bypass the couch altogether. He drew away suddenly, making JD whimper, but then slid down to the floor, crawling so he was in front of him and moving forward and kissed him. Thoroughly.

JD whimpered again, for an entirely different reason. He pressed into the kiss with tongue and teeth, knowing he was being more aggressive than was usual for him, but not caring, either. He tugged Perry closer, wanting to feel the other man all against him. Finally he growled in frustration, pulling away to gently but firmly push Perry over onto his back. Then, lowering himself on top of him, he ground his hips down as he resumed the interrupted kiss.

Perry groaned softly, arching up against the movement. He could feel JD against him, already hard; he parted his thighs to let JD's weight settle firmly between them. "God..." Who would have thought such a simple act could feel so damned _good_...?

"Not quite, but thanks," JD replied around a groan, his hips pressing forward again, just _rubbing_ himself against Perry, feeling him press back in turn. "Fuuuck," he breathed, doing it again, lips finding Perry's, tongue dipping into his mouth.

 _You said it_ , Perry thought fervently, arching slowly, throwing his head back with a sharp gasp. JD, left without Perry's mouth to devour, latched instead onto his throat, suckling at the joint of neck and shoulder.

Perry shuddered, the sensation shooting straight to his groin. He rolled his hips up, bringing his hands down to grasp JD's ass and _press_ , pulling them even tighter together.

They rocked together for some time, slowly at first, but growing soon in speed and desperation. Behind them, the movie played on, unnoticed, and between panting kisses and whispered words of encouragement, JD felt himself beginning to grow flushed, a familiar heat washing through him and making him moan.

 _Okay, this is fucking nuts...._ They still had all their clothes on, for Christ's sake...But JD couldn't argue with the feelings coursing through him, the delightful friction as their hips moved in time...He groaned, deep in his throat, sinking his teeth into the corded muscle of Perry's shoulder before he could stop himself, hips stutter-jerking forward. "Don't stop..." he managed, wings shuddering as he panted.

"No," Perry agreed, bringing his knees up to wrap his legs around JD's hips. _Holy shit..._ "Unh-- _JD_ , I'm..."

JD almost laughed. "Me too," he replied, hips never slowing as he licked his way up the side of Perry's neck, before lightly biting his earlobe. "Come for me..." It was half-order, half-plea, and JD knew whether Perry asked or not, he himself was going to nearly any moment. But what the fuck, he had other pairs of jeans...

"Ghhhaa!" The cry was gritted through Perry's clenched teeth; he strained upward against JD's weight, feet hitting the floor to give him leverage. His fingers curled around JD's cheeks, squeezing and pulling him down as he ground up hard and obeyed, coming in hard, short spasms.

JD followed, with a deep groan of his own, wondering absurdly if they should fight more often. If this was what making up was like...Fuck. He was all for it.

Perry collapsed under him after a long moment, arms falling limp at his side, legs sprawled; JD remained a comfortable weight atop him. For several long moments, all they did was breathe; then, suddenly and rather absurdly, the sounds of the movie behind them filtered into Perry's consciousness. He tilted his head back, watching upside-down as the Norse villagers built defenses against the Wendol. He chuckled, relaxing again and resting his hand in JD's hair. "We may need to start the movie over."

"Shh, afterglow," JD muttered, smiling softly as Perry played in his hair. "God, that was...perfect. Just what I needed, what I wanted..." He wriggled a little, and made a face. "Except for maybe that part. Want me to bring you some fresh pants?"

He didn't show any sign of getting up, though. Rather, he seemed to settle himself more comfortably, sighing contentedly.

"In a minute," Perry replied, snugging his other arm around JD's back, under his wings. "Mm. Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

JD giggled softly, shifting enough to kiss Perry tenderly, but thoroughly. Finally, he pulled back, his eyes twinkling. "Oh...I'll think about it."


	19. Chapter 19

By the time the end credits began to roll, Perry had nearly fallen asleep, JD still a comfortable weight atop him. But when the movie flipped back to the DVD menu page, he stirred, reaching down to nudge JD's shoulder. "Newbie?"

"Mmmm. No."

Perry smiled. "JD..." he crooned.

"Quiet. I'm dreaming about you."

Perry laughed. "I'm right here, you know."

"But you're not naked," JD mumbled. "In my dream you're naked." He smirked against Perry's chest when it rumbled once more with a deep chuckle.

"We could fix that, you know," the other man suggested. "I think I could use a shower..."

JD sighed, pushing himself up. He moved so he was hovering over the older man, weight held on his hands and knees, which straddled Perry's hips still. "I don't know if you should be attempting showering yet," he said, but when Perry frowned, held up a hand to forestall any protests. "At least," he said sternly, "I don't know if you should be attempting to shower _alone._ "

The frown vanished, Perry's eyebrows rising as his lips curved upward hopefully. "Yeah?" he murmured back. "That your... _professional_ opinion, Doctor?"

"Mmm." JD rolled his hips forward, pressing against Perry for a brief moment before pulling back. "Physician's orders," he replied. "No unsupervised showers for the next... oh, fifty or sixty years, at least."

Perry grinned. "That so. Well, if it's an order--I've turned over my care to you, after all."

JD's smile softened, and he leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Perry's lips. "I know," he said, hoping Perry knew how much that very fact meant to him. "And I intend to honor that."

He stood, helping Perry to his feet. Luckily, the older man's strength seemed to have mostly returned--"You're _good_ ," Perry joked, tugging JD close and kissing him again--so JD felt safe leaving him alone in the bathroom while he went to check on Jack.

The child was still fast asleep; his wings were out, and he was moving them slowly, dreamily, but he did not stir. JD watched him a moment, a tender smile on his face. He reached down and stroked Jack's cheek, smile growing when Jack turned his head, making a small noise before yawning, stretching, and going still again. JD bit his lip, surprised at the surge of emotion the child's movements caused. If he'd had any doubts whatsoever about the depth of his feelings for this boy, they dissolved in an instant, and he realized with sudden blinding clarity that he would die before he'd let anything happen to him.

He stood, swallowing a little. "So this is what it's like to be a father, huh?" he murmured, half to himself and half to the sleeping child in the crib. "It's...intense."

Jack didn't stir. JD smiled, then turned away, returning to the bathroom.

In the doorway, he paused, the sight before him making him swallow even as it caused yet another surge of tender protectiveness to rise within him. _Lord, who knew I was so territorial?_

Perry stood, completely naked--the first time JD had seen him this way, he realized, in a non-medical situation--turned profile to the mirror. His back was to JD, and he was trying to watch his wings, a frown of intense concentration on his face as he moved them. He extended them back, then out, before folding them in tight once more, and his expression was half awe, half curiosity.

He finally noticed JD watching him, and turned, an excited grin spreading across his face. "JD, come here," he said, reaching out to tug the younger man forward. "Look at this, you've got to see this..."

JD laughed, confused. "What...?"

"Watch." Perry turned his back. "See the wings?"

"Um...yes?"

"Feel them--the framework, I mean." Perry squirmed a little, obviously very excited about something; shrugging to himself, JD obeyed, reaching out and tracing the structure of the wings that lay along Perry's back. "What am I looking for, exactly?"

"Feel how soft it is?" Perry said, twisting his neck to try to see them over his shoulder. "How it's...almost spongy?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay," Perry wiggled his shoulders a little. "Watch this."

With a sudden snap, the wing under JD's hand extended outward, toward the mirror, and JD yelped, jumping backward, eyes wide. "Holy _shit..._ "

"I know!" Perry said, grinning. "Cool, huh?"

That was one way to put it, JD decided, approaching again and reaching out to feel the wing. What had been soft, porous--spongy, as Perry had accurately described it--was now stiff, like bone. And it was thinner but also a good deal longer than it had been. The hide between had also stretched, now held taut between the finger joints that had sprouted at the end. The wing looked to have more than doubled in size from when Perry had held it against himself, and JD realized that it was larger than he'd previously assumed, even though he'd played at extending the wings himself, while Perry had been unconscious. "Are you...consciously making it do that?" JD asked. "Because I couldn't get them to extend like this..."

"I know," Perry said, squirming. "I think it has something to do with blood flow, or something...it's like inflating a balloon, almost."

JD giggled suddenly. "Wing erections," he supplied, and Perry snorted.

"Kinda," he said, shrugging. "It might actually be sort of the same mechanism. But I don't know of _any_ animal whose wings do this. I mean, bats don't..."

"Bats don't have scales, either," JD pointed out, reaching around Perry's waist to stroke his forearms. "So maybe you really are half dragon."

Perry gazed at the mirror, taking in the sight of JD, fully dressed, pressed against his bare back, arms around his middle, gazing back at him in the reflection. He swallowed, watching as it made his Adam's apple bob, and smiled. "I'd've counted this as an unlikely sight, about two weeks ago," he commented. "But now it just looks...obvious. Like I can't quite believe we didn't figure it out sooner."

"Three," JD corrected automatically. "You're not counting the week you were unconscious."

Perry winced, looking away, and JD felt a twinge of guilt. "It wasn't your fault or anything," he added hastily, but Perry waved him off. He reached up and unhooked JD's arms from his waist, causing JD to protest, but only for a moment as Perry turned to face him and hooked them back. JD grinned up at him. "If your wings do that when they're full grown, you should still be able to sleep on your back," he said.

Perry smirked. "Meaning you'll still be able to sleep on my chest, right?" he guessed, bringing his arms up to rest on JD's shoulders.

JD shrugged, looking non-apologetic. "If it ain't broke..."

"Yeah, yeah. Get naked, birdboy. I want to see how well these things shed water." He stepped back, grinning, and extended his wings, waving them a little--then suddenly staggered, reeling backwards. He would've fallen, if JD hadn't lunged forward and grabbed his hands, steadying him.

They stood for a moment in silence, Perry blinking, then JD started to laugh. "Wind catch you off-guard?" he guessed, winking as he released Perry's hands and turned to obediently begin shucking his clothes.

"Uh,y-yeah..." Perry said, plastering a sheepish grin onto his face. "I think I'll just...get the water running," he said, then turned away quickly. The grin vanished, and he swallowed, trying to calm his racing heart. The stagger had truly had nothing to do with the wind he'd raised--that had been, in the confined space of the bathroom, relatively slight. No...it had been a sudden, rather intense wave of dizziness--an all too familiar wave of dizziness, in fact. It reminded him of the morning chopping wood...

 _You just got up today,_ he reminded himself. _And you've been very..._ active. _Probably just overdid it a little._

He took a few deep, calming breaths. Yeah, that was it. Of course it was. Overexertion. He was a doctor, he knew better--hadn't JD warned him? He would just have to take it easy for a while, that was all. Maybe take JD up on that opportunity to let the younger man be the top. Probably best if he wasn't being too energetic at the moment anyway.

"Forget how to work a shower?" JD's voice, right behind him, was amused, but when he ducked around and caught a glimpse of Perry's face, he frowned. "Hey, are you okay?"

Perry turned, forcing a smile onto his face--one that melted into a genuine smile, as soon as he saw JD standing naked before him. "Yeah," he murmured, swallowing appreciatively. "I'm fine."

JD laughed, blushing a little with pleasure as Perry's eyes roved over his now-bare chest. He twitched his wings a little, knowing it made the muscles ripple attractively, and heard Perry swallow again.

"Like what you see?" he murmured.

"I do," Perry replied, reaching out to take JD's hand and tug him toward the shower. "I like it even better knowing it's mine."

"It is," JD agreed softly, waiting as Perry turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.

Despite their teasing, however, JD knew they were both likely too tired to act on their flirting. Well, JD thought, _he_ could have had another go--the sight of Perry standing strong and unabashedly bare before him had let him know that quickly enough--but he knew Perry was not only older, but still recovering from the eight days of comatose rejection, so he restrained himself, calming his body's reaction. He focused instead on the simple, tender act of bathing his lover, and closed his eyes with enjoyment when Perry returned the favor.

Even when he had finished, however, Perry did not want the shower to end just yet; a look at JD's expression told him the younger man felt the same. He reached out and pulled him into his arms, and for a long time they stood holding one another under the steady flow of hot water, kissing slowly as the steam gathered around them and fogged the mirror.

* * *

JD's dreams, which were oddly peaceful images of soaring through threads of colored light, were interrupted abruptly by the shrill ring of his cell phone. He groaned as the dream images shattered, pulling himself up and out of Perry's arms, squinting at the clock. Two o'clock in the morning. This had better be good... "'lo?"

"JD, man, how soon can you get us out of here?" Turk's voice was low, tense and frightened.

JD felt his own blood freeze, and he pushed himself up further. "I...Perry can get the truck there in four hours, I think. He's insisting on picking you up, which I personally think is kind of a bad idea, but he _can_ still hide his Change, so it makes the most sense..." he realized he was babbling, and cut himself off. "Turk, what happened?"

"They're rioting, man. Right here. Right outside. The whole fucking world is going crazy!"

"Oh God," JD gasped, sliding to the edge of the bed and climbing to his feet, shoulders hunching around the phone as though he could somehow protect Turk that way. "Are you guys all right?"

"We're fine, dude, but Mr. Johnson, downstairs...We did what we could for him, but I don't think we could've saved him even at the hospital. JD, we've got to get out of here."

"We'll be there," JD promised. "Hang on, man. Bar the doors, don't let _anyone_ but me or Perry inside."

"Yeah, okay...JD, I..."

"Forget it, man," JD said quietly. "I couldn't...I couldn't leave you guys..." he choked a little. "Turk, I..."

"Yeah, me too. See you soon, buddy."

"Yeah," JD whispered. "Soon."

He clicked off the phone and turned to Perry, who was already awake and watching him with silent worry.

"There's a riot," JD said shortly, voice breaking a little. "Perry--we have to get them out of there."

"Jesus," Perry whispered, then flung the blankets aside and sprung out of bed. "JD--go get the truck started," he ordered, suddenly very much the Dr. Cox JD remembered from the hospital. "And toss some blankets into the back. We might not have time to rent a trailer."

JD frowned. "Will they fit in the truck?" he asked, even as he tugged on a pair of jeans.

"They'll have to," Perry replied grimly, tugging a shirt over his head. "We'll pull the plywood out; Elliot and Turk can probably squeeze into the back, and Carla can fit up front with me." His mind was racing--cat, more pliable, up front.

JD bit his lip, but nodded. "It's a good thing the centaurs aren't the size of actual horses," he muttered, half to himself as he tugged on a jacket. He didn't bother trying to fit it over his wings and simply threw it on backwards, then took the stairs two at a time in his rush to get to the garage and start the truck engine warming up.

He got the truck started, and tugged the plywood out of the back, not even caring about the subsequent splinters in his fingers and palms. Then, darting back into the house, he sprinted up to Ben's room. In the closet he found a few extra blankets and pillows to throw in it, hoping that'd help cushion his friends for what was very likely going to be a very uncomfortable ride. He carried them back down to the truck, nearly tripping over the corner of one of the blankets in his distraction. His mind was racing, wondering what could've sparked the riot, if things would've calmed enough for Perry to get through, if the older man would be safe...But he had to go. They couldn't just sit here, while Turk and everyone was in the middle of all that...he bit back a sob, trying not to panic. He was torn, wanting to go himself but knowing he couldn't, because one of them had to stay with Jack, wanting his friends to get here but not wanting Perry to go...

Forcing himself to calm down a little, JD chewed his bottom lip, thinking. Perry'd need food...and the easiest thing would be the Glucerna. He darted forward, grabbing two of the six-packs from where Danni had stacked them against the wall of the garage. At least there was still plenty of it left, and it was already chilled. He set them in the cab, then frowned, trying to add. Four hours there, an hour to get them out, four hours back...They'd be back by noon at the absolute earliest. That'd give him plenty of times to get things ready...Ben's bed-frame could be moved to the garage, the mattress tossed to the floor so Turk and Carla would have space, and he could shuffle things in the den for Elliot...

He was startled from his thoughts by the sound of the garage door opening, and he moved back to greet Perry, eyes going wide when he realized the older man was carrying a rifle. "Perry...?"

Perry shook his head. "I'm not taking any chances," he growled. "We'll be a little bit exposed when we're getting them from the apartment to the truck, and there's no way I'm going to go out there with no way to protect them."

JD was still staring at the gigantic weapon. Though he'd been raised in the Midwest, he'd never been one for hunting, and he'd only ever seen guns that size behind the counter at Wal Mart. "Do you even know how to use that thing?"

"You'd better believe it," Perry replied, tossing the gun into the cab of the truck and pulling out a box of shells, which he tossed in as well. "I did my fair share of hunting when...when Ben and I used to come out here with Jordan's folks." He made a face at JD. "Jordan didn't care for it."

JD smiled, though it was tight with worry. "No, I don't guess she would," he said. Then, without warning, he surged forward and wrapped Perry in a tight hug. "Be careful, okay?" he said, and if his voice was a little higher than normal, Perry let it slide.

"You know me," Perry replied, hugging him back hard. "I'm always careful." He pulled away, smiling and reaching out to nudge JD's chin gently with his fist. "Chin up, Newbie. Back before you know it, menagerie in tow."

"There goes fucking in the living room..." JD pulled himself under control, smiling slightly. "I put a case of the Glucerna in there, and some straws...you should be able to eat and drive at the same time. Call me when you're on your way back? I'll have things ready here...and watch out for deer..."

Perry stopped JD's stream of words with a long kiss. "Love you, kid," he whispered.

JD had relaxed a bit, by the end of it, and managed a real smile for him. "Love you. Jack and I will be waiting. Hurry." He forced himself to step back, already planning to call Turk again, as soon as Perry was gone. Maybe he could help keep him calm...and God knew he'd never get back to sleep now.

Perry winked and saluted, then climbed into the truck and headed out down the drive.

This time, JD didn't watch him go, deciding instead to start focusing on preparing for the arrival of his friends. Though he'd been eager to get them out here--he _missed_ them--this was not the way he'd wanted it to happen.

Still, he knew if anyone could protect them, Perry could. And he had to smile, realizing that, Changes in place, his friends wouldn't exactly be helpless...

That encouraging thought in mind, he set about moving furniture to accommodate for his friends, phone in hand as he called to assure the others Perry was on his way.

* * *

Perry reflected that he'd now officially made this drive more times in a month than he had in the past two years, and it didn't get any less boring each time, no matter what awaited him on the other end.

This time, however, when he drew near the city, he knew it was going to be a little different. In the dim light of pre-dawn, he could see the red glow reflected on the low-hanging clouds that were promising to dump more weather on them, though if it would be rain or snow or ice, Perry couldn't tell.

 _Fires_ , he thought grimly, mind drifting back to the blazes he'd seen as a child in seasons of drought. _Jesus. One little fantasy comes true and the world goes fucking insane._

He drove slowly, windows up and doors locked, through a downtown rendered nearly unrecognizable by the looters and the fires still flickering, some nearly died out, others going strong. He could hear sirens in the distance, but they were apparently more concerned with the residential district fires than the business district ones, because the street he drove on was empty of official vehicles.

He wasn't sure that made him feel any better.

As he drove over the broken glass that littered the streets, he silently thanked whatever gods of luck or fortune had seen to it his wheels still had the snow chains over them. Not good for the roads, sure, but it would at least protect his tires. The _last_ thing he needed right now was a flat.

When he finally reached JD's apartment building, he swallowed a groan.

The building hadn't been set on fire, thank heavens, and it seemed to be mostly quiet now, but it was clear it had been involved in a major way in the riot that had taken place hours before. Nearly every window on the ground floor was broken, the glass littering the pavement like some strange rain of crystal ice. There was graffiti on the brick, obscenities and words like "freak," "mutant," and "die" written sloppily in reds, greens and yellows: a veritable rainbow of hatred and fear. There were also broken bottles and cans littering the sidewalks, proof that alcohol may very well have been involved in the induction of the riot.

He sighed, putting the truck into park, then picked the rifle up from the floorboards and loaded a shell into each of the large double-barrels. He kept the safety on but held the gun snug under his arm, ready to use it if necessary, Hippocratic oath be damned. He'd try not to hurt anyone, but he'd be damned if he'd let them hurt his friends. Sparing a moment to wonder when he'd started thinking of them that way, he checked the mirrors again then unlocked the door, sliding out of the truck.

He'd backed up to the side of the building, right below the fire exit; he figured the more covert he could make their escape, the better their chances of getting out of the city without incident. He hurried up the stairs, then knocked on JD's apartment door, doing the "shave and a haircut, two bits" rhythm as JD had instructed.

There was a shuffle inside, and the peephole darkened for a moment as someone inside peered out at him. He waved, and moments later the door slid open, Elliot's face appearing in the gap. "Dr. Cox!"

"Yeah," he said, taking in her frightened expression, which only grew more fearful as she spotted the rifle. "Where are the others?"

"In here," she said, and he heard the clop of hooves as she backed from the door.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, then paused, taking in the sight before him with wide eyes.

JD had told him, of course, about their Changes: Elliot had become a palomino centauress, Carla was half blank panther, and Turk half wolf; hell, he'd _seen_ Turk's Change, when he'd come down to rescue them the first time.

But even if JD had seen them himself, he couldn't have prepared Perry for this. Not for the way Elliot's cream coat glinted gold in the dim light of the apartment, her white tail a shimmering silver, reminding him of the unicorn they'd spotted only--God, could it really have just been yesterday morning? Not for the way Carla's muscles bunched as she leapt lightly down from where she'd been stretched, sinuous, along the back of the couch. Not even for the way Turk's toenails clicked against the linoleum in the kitchen as he moved forward, joining Carla in the living room. They were all so... _real_ , somehow, and seeing them like this made Perry realize how different the world was going to be. Already _was_.

"Um... Dr. Cox?" Elliot said, waving a hand in front of him a little to get his attention; he shook himself lightly, nodding.

"Right," he murmured. "All right, let's get going."

Without waiting for an answer, he spun around and looked into the hallway, but it remained empty; he turned back to the others. "I think one at a time might be best," he said after a moment. "It leaves the least number of people exposed at once, and gives us a warning system. I've parked within sight of this room, so Carla, I want you so stay by the window while I take Turk and Elliot out of here. You're my eyes, okay?"

She swallowed, eyes wide, then nodded. "Okay."

"Wait, why is she last?" Turk said with a frown. "I don't--"

"Because she's riding up front with me, that's why, and unless you want her sitting in the cab--whose windows are perfectly clear, unlike the camper hood--while you two figure out how you're going to squeeze into the back, it's the safest way to do this," Perry snapped. "Look, Gandhi, you're going to have to trust me, okay? Because if you start questioning my orders when we get going, you could cause serious problems, and I am not in any kind of mood to deal with serious problems. Got it?"

He hoisted the rifle up onto his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Turk, who nodded, wide-eyed.

"Good," Perry growled. "Barbie. You first. Let's get going." Her Change, he figured, was the largest, and could therefore inflict the most damage, should push come to shove. She was probably also the one who would be best equipped to run, if the need arose, and run fast.

Elliot bit her lip, glancing fearfully at the others, before nodding. She grabbed a duffle bag and followed Perry into the hallway.

Getting her loaded into the truck was easier than Perry had feared. Her Change was, as JD had pointed out, smaller than that of a normal horse: She was taller than he, now, but only by a few inches, and the shoulders of her horse half rose only about four and a half feet or so. Perry offered her his hand as she climbed onto the tailgate, ducking awkwardly to get in under the camper.

"We can take it off if we have to," Perry said as she maneuvered. "But I'd feel better about leaving you out here if we left it on."

"No, I can get it...hang on." She crouched, then gave a kick with her hind legs, scrambling up and finally getting her hindquarters into the truck. She settled down, legs tucked beneath her, and drew one of the blankets up around her shoulders with a shiver before nodding at Perry.

"Good girl," Perry said, nodding to her. He studied the truck bed for a moment. Small horse or not, Elliot still took up a rather good portion of it; Turk would have to be draped across her back in order to fit. But he should. "I'm going to close this," he told her, "but I'll be right back with Turk. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, then smiled at him a little shyly. "Dr. Cox...thank you."

"No time for that now, Barbie," he said gently, as he lifted the tailgate and slammed it shut. Then, as he reached up to close the camper, he winked at her. "But you're welcome."

He climbed the stairs, knocking in the same rhythm as before; Turk opened the door immediately, a duffel bag of his own slung over one shoulder. "All right," he said. "Let's do this."

Perry nodded. "Carla? Still doing okay?"

She gave him a thumbs up from the window, and Perry headed back downstairs, Turk in tow.

Getting him loaded into the truck went more smoothly, though there were a few awkward moments as he and Elliot attempted to sort themselves out in the back. Ultimately Turk had to drape himself on top of her, with Elliot's back pressed against Turk's chest as though she were giving him a ride. Under normal circumstances, Perry would have been tempted to remark on the arrangement, but the circumstances had long ago stopped being normal, and he knew that time was of the essence. The distant sounds of rioting had begun to grow nearer, and he was rather fearful that the crowd was going to circle back toward them soon. Besides, Perry reflected as Turk wrapped his arms around Elliot's shoulders from behind, it would be a good way for the two of them to share body heat.

He had just closed the back of the truck and latched the camper when he heard the sounds of shouting from just down the street.

He spun, and squinted, then realized he could vaguely make out the massive shape of a very large crowd of people moving in their direction. Fast.

"Shit!" he hissed. He didn't think they'd spotted him yet, but he knew they would be here before he could go back up after Carla. "Damnit!" he swore, momentarily at a loss. He couldn't just leave her, but Turk and Elliot were in no position to defend themselves, tangled as they were...

However, it was just then that Carla dropped onto the hood of the truck, having apparently just leapt down from the fire escape. As he gaped at her, she sprang down from the hood, landing lightly, and tore open the passenger side door. She saw him staring and yelled, "Get in, get in!"

He scrambled to obey, sprinting around the truck and throwing himself into the driver's side before slamming the door shut and locking it.

Carla barely fit--she was practically in his lap--but there wasn't time to worry about that, either. Perry shoved the key into the ignition and turned, nearly swearing again when the engine sputtered for a moment. But on the second try it roared to life, just as the crowd rounded the corner onto the street in front of the truck. Someone noticed them, and pointed, shouting; several other heads turned toward them as well, but Perry didn't wait around to see what they wanted. He threw the truck into reverse and slammed on the accelerator, spinning around in the parking lot, before gunning it toward the empty street on the other side of the apartment building.

The sound of a gunshot rang out, and Perry heard the thump of several somethings being flung at the truck, but he didn't look back, even when Elliot sobbed in fear and Turk swore loudly; he shoved the accelerator all the way to the floor, and as the truck finally shifted and began picking up speed, the sounds of shouts grew distant, then finally faded completely.

He drew a deep breath, heart racing, and glanced in the mirror before returning his attention to the debris-littered street in front of them. "Everyone okay?" he demanded.

"Yeah," Carla replied, glancing at the other two before turning back to him. "Yeah, we're fine."

Perry nodded, relaxing a little, but not slowing down any until they were well on their way out of the city.

"God," Elliot whimpered, voice cracking with fear. "I can't believe this...this is so crazy!"

"It's like the sixties all over again," Turk agreed darkly; Perry could hear the contempt in his voice. "People are always afraid of what's different."

Perry sighed, mind drifting to JD. Ironically, before the Change, he and his now-lover would have been the most popular object of derision among the narrow-minded masses. He almost snorted, realizing that after the Change, homosexuals would be passé. Old news. _Step aside, queers and fags! Mankind has someone new to hate!_ His lip curled into a sneer at the thought.

"Perry," Carla said after a moment, voice tense with remembered fear as she lay a hand on his shoulder, "I don't...I mean, I just... _thank_ you."

Perry glanced at her, lifting an eyebrow. "For what?" he asked dryly. "Saving your asses yet again?"

"Yeah," Carla replied, smiling faintly. "Among other things."

"Don't mention it," Perry replied, shrugging. He pulled onto the exit for the interstate, grateful to be putting as much distance between them and the city as he could, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, handing it to Carla. "Call JD for me, would you?" he instructed. "Let him know we're on our way."

Carla nodded. "You got it," she said, and he could hear the relief in her voice. He smiled softly, feeling the same relief washing over him as the road opened up before him, the mountains looming, friendly and sheltering. As Carla dialed the phone, Perry let himself slowly relax. At long last, his family was finally safe.


	20. Chapter 20

JD hadn't been idle, while Perry was gone. He had spent nearly three hours talking to the others after Perry left, however, keeping them calm, joking, trying to inject some normality into their lives. They'd been packing at the time, and Turk had asked him if there was anything else from the apartment he wanted. He'd asked for his journals, knowing that by the time they got back there might not be anything left--if the building was even still _there._ The fires had apparently been spreading quickly.

Trying not to think about it, or about the fact that they'd have to leave Rowdy behind, he got online after he hung up with Turk, relieved when he found what he was looking for almost immediately: a company that delivered non-perishable food. He placed a large order, maxing out both his credit cards. If the riots kept spreading the way they were, after all, there was no telling how much longer things like food delivery services, or internet, or even _electricity_ would be available. He wanted to make sure they were set, especially with so many of them out here. He had to check through a pile of old mail to find the cabin's mailing address; fortunately, the site accepted the location as a shipping address, which made JD slump in relief. He wasn't sure how often UPS came out here, after all, and he didn't know where else they could send it and guarantee they'd be able to pick it up. He closed the browser after it told him his order had been confirmed, thinking that was one worry, at least, that was taken care of. Fresh foods would be harder to come by, but at least they wouldn't starve.

Soon after, Jack woke up, and JD was able to keep himself occupied for an hour or so, getting him washed and changed and fed and clean again. He was careful not to think about the riot, what it must've done to the city, how the hospital was dealing with the casualties, whether Perry would get to the others in time--or whether he could get them back out again in one piece. This was like race riots all over again, albeit with a new twist. He swallowed hard, thinking of the damage hooves could do to a person, or _claws_...and what it would do to the Changeling forced to use them.

Five and a half hours after Perry had set out, he was going out of his mind, anxiety for his friends making the time drag by, the minutes seeming interminable. He'd tried watching television, but the local news and even the national was full of the story, the body counts, the fires...he'd watched only for a few minutes before he'd had to turn it off again, unable to bear the thought of seeing Perry's truck amidst the inner city street pile-ups, or one of his friend's faces amidst those lying screaming (or worse, silent) on the sidewalks. He shivered, the images his own mind conjured as bad or worse than those on the screen, and he stared at the phone, willing it to ring. As the hours passed, he tried to keep from despairing that it ever would.

But it did, finally, and he launched himself toward it, nearly dropping it in his scramble to answer. "Perry?"

"No, Bambi, it's me."

"Carla," JD breathed, clutching the receiver with both hands. "Where are you?"

"We're with Dr. Cox," she replied. "On the road, maybe half an hour out from the city."

"Oh, thank God," JD murmured, collapsing into a chair. He reached up with one shaking hand to brush the hair from his brow. "Are you all okay?"

"We're fine, sweetheart," Carla assured him gently. "It was...tense, but we're all okay. Just cramped. There's not a lot of room in this truck."

JD giggled, sheer relief making him a little giddy. "I know, I rode in the bed," he said. "How many of you are crammed in there? Is it just the three of you?"

"Yeah," Carla replied. "We called Jordan but she and Danni have already left the city. They're staying up north in Danni's beach house--I think they're planning to go to the ocean, when their Changes are done."

JD nodded, sighing a little. They'd have to call her, double-check a few things, make sure they'd still have a way to find her...if nothing else, she and Perry were good friends, and JD cared about her too, not to mention she'd certainly still want to see her son. "Did she give you a number where you can reach them?"

"Perry called her cell phone," Carla said. "She said she'd leave it turned on."

"Still, we'll probably need to get the land line number eventually, in case the power goes out," JD mused, then shook himself. "I'm sorry, I'm thinking out loud at you. Listen, I've got things mostly moved around for you guys, and I'll have lunch ready when you get here. Make sure Perry eats on the way, will you? There's some Glucerna under the front seat."

"You got it," Carla replied. "See you in a few hours."

"Yeah," JD agreed, and now that his worry was assuaged, he felt the excitement beginning to creep up on him again at the prospect of seeing his friends. "See you. Oh, and Carla?"

"Yeah?"

He bit his lip. "Give everyone my love."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I will," she murmured. "Don't worry, we'll be there before you know it. Bye."

"Bye," JD whispered.

He hung up, feeling a million times better; the grin that had spread across his face at Carla's words remained, and he found he could do little to dislodge it. Soon, they'd be here--all of them together. His family. Unconventional, sure--but there could be little doubting what they meant to one another.

Even to Perry. JD felt his smile soften, remembering the way the older man had sprung to action that morning. He cared about them--well, he'd always cared about Carla, but he cared about Turk and Elliot, too. Even if he still refused to admit just how much.

Jack burbled from the playpen, and JD walked over to lift him up and settle him on his hip. "Whaddya say, little bug?" he asked, tickling the child's cheek. "Shall we fix lunch?"

Jack giggled his agreement.

* * *

Three long hours later, Perry pulled into the driveway, shutting off the ignition. "Home sweet home," he announced dryly.

"Oh thank God," Turk grumbled from the back.

"Hey, you're one to complain," Elliot huffed. "You didn't have to _carry_ someone all the way here."

"Elliot, for the last time, you're not _carrying_ him," Carla snapped. "Carrying would mean you had to do some sort of work."

"Shut _up_ , all of you!" Perry growled, opening the door and stepping into the snow.

Carla followed, not waiting for him to open the passenger's side door but crawling over the seat and sliding gracefully onto the snow. She went immediately into a full body stretch, her back arched as her front legs slid forward, body extending to a seemingly impossible length, and groaned gratefully. "If I never have to do something like that again it will be far too soon," she grumbled as she extended one back leg, then the other.

Perry ignored her, moved around back and opening the camper; Turk tumbled out much less gracefully, heaving a sigh of relief, shaking his fur before stretching himself.

Just as Elliot was, with Perry's guidance, backing awkwardly out of the trailer, they heard the door open, and JD appeared, dishtowel in hand.

"Hi guys..." he said, clearly doing his best not to stare. He didn't have long to do it, though, as he was nearly bowled over by the three of them all trying to hug him at once. At least, he reflected, the huge wings made that easier; he laughed, extending them and wrapping them all in the feathery embrace, staying close for a long moment. He noted with amusement that with the exception of Carla, they were taller than he was now--even Elliot. _That_ would take some getting used to...

Just then, the slam of the truck's tailgate being secured called his attention from his friends; he pulled away to see Perry brushing his jacket off lightly, watching them from a respectful distance, arms going up to fold across his chest. JD felt his heart beginning to thump painfully fast; moving away from the others, he walked straight up to Perry and put his arms around the other man's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Thank you," he whispered against Perry's t-shirt, tears stinging his eyes again. "Thank you so much."

Perry hesitated for only a fraction of a second, aware of the others' eyes upon them, then decided if JD didn't mind, then he certainly didn't give a damn. He lifted his own arms up around JD, hugging him back just as tight. "You're welcome."

JD drew back, intending to release him, but the soft smile on Perry's face went right to his heart; without thinking he leaned forward, lifting his chin and pressing his mouth to Perry's in a soft kiss. He heard Carla gasp, and Elliot's "awww!" but ignored them both as Perry reached up, taking JD's head into his hands and kissing him again, not as lightly.

"Hey," the older doctor greeted softly when he pulled away, a smirk on his face.

JD blushed slightly, but didn't let go of him. "Hey. I'm so glad you're safe." He hugged Perry close again for a long moment, letting some of the tension of the long hours of waiting slip away before turning back toward the others. Carla wore a very self-satisfied smirk and kept tossing Turk 'I told you so' glances; Turk just looked amused, and Elliot looked like she was about to melt where she stood. JD blushed deeper, but smiled at them, and said, "There's food ready inside, hopefully enough for everyone. And Jack's got a new trick he wants to show off," he added, squeezing Perry's fingers, feeling his smile turn to a silly grin he was unable to keep off his face.

However, the others didn't head immediately toward the door, apparently in no rush to be inside again. JD realized this must be a very nice break, after having been more or less trapped in their tiny apartment for the last few weeks. Elliot was distractedly surveying the surrounding wilderness, her tail blowing the slight breeze, her hooves planted firmly in the snow; Turk was stepping into the undisturbed patches then pulling back to study his own footprints, and Carla's tail was twitching, muscles rippling as she walked forward to examine the cabin from the side. JD allowed himself a moment to study them unobtrusively as they too took in their new surroundings. They looked good, like this, and he was surprised to realize he didn't feel left out at all, that they'd all three gone 'taur, and he hadn't. After all, he matched with Perry and his-- _their_ , he reminded himself--son. He shivered, the thought still new and strange, but wonderful nonetheless. His son. He had a son.

He shook himself, and grinned. "We standing out here all day, or you guys want to come eat something?" he asked. "I promise we can play in the snow after lunch."

Elliot actually jumped, so intently had she been staring into the woods, and a sheepish grin broke out on her face. Carla shivered, sliding closer to Turk and taking his hand in hers. "I vote inside," she said, and Perry laughed.

"This from the woman who complained it was too hot in the truck the whole way here," he said, and Carla shot him a glare.

"You try making that trip with fur," she accused. "And anyway, I'm not cold, I just..." she shrugged. "I feel strange out here."

JD cast her a sympathetic glance. "It's the quiet," he said. "I felt it too, at first, but you get used to it. Come on, let's go inside and eat."

He led the way, and the others followed him in, Elliot stamping her hooves in the garage to clear them of snow.

There was a collective "Mmmmm," at the smells that greeted them when they entered the kitchen, which made JD grin; he had spent most of the morning boiling pasta and chopping Velveeta, assembling homemade macaroni and cheese. He'd also whipped up some sausage bread from his mom's recipe, thawing out frozen bread dough and spreading a mixture of chopped sausage and onions and spices across it before rolling the whole thing together and baking it. Two rolls of that, three batches of the macaroni and cheese...He hoped it'd be enough. And at least it'd kept him occupied.

"Well," he finally said, as the others stood in the now cramped kitchen, "dig in."

Perry stood back, watching with some concern as the other three obeyed. He wondered vaguely how much food 'taurs would need--after all, he himself was requiring a good amount of it to keep his Change going, and with the three of them, plus JD and Jack...

JD frowned at the expression on Perry's face. "What's wrong?" he said softly, moving forward and sliding his hand into Perry's while the others filled bowls with heaps of macaroni and grabbed hunks of bread.

Perry sighed. "I'd hoped to restock on our food supply while I was in town," he admitted, squeezing JD's hand. "But there wasn't exactly time. I guess I'll have to go back at some point, once things calm down..."

"Marvel at the wonders of the internet age," JD replied, grinning softly. "I found a company out of San Diego that delivers non-perishables. We have a huge order that should be here in the next couple days. We'll be fine."

Perry turned to him and grinned softly, impressed. "Well done, Newbie," he said, releasing JD's hand in favor of draping his arm over the younger doctor's shoulders. "Very well done. Thank goodness UPS is more reliable than humanity as a whole."

JD smiled, and nodded acknowledgment and thanks. "Figured you might not have time to stop," he reasoned. "Given, you know, the riot and all." The wry smile slipped, his face going sober as he said, "Jordan and Danni are headed out to sea, huh?"

Perry sighed, nodding, but to JD's relief he didn't seem too terribly upset. "Think that's the plan, yeah," he murmured. "I'll need to call her again--we didn't have much time to talk--but she doesn't seem to like the idea of being as good as crippled the rest of her life. Neither does Danni."

"Can't say I blame her," JD murmured, trying to imagine the forceful, energetic Sullivan women confined to wheelchairs and unable to do it. "And I understand them wanting to stay together. Losing a brother and mother so close together is really...really hard." He swallowed, looking up at Perry, whose eyes widened a little in comprehension. He nodded slowly, reaching out to squeeze JD's shoulder.

"Yeah," he murmured. "It is." He glanced toward the others again, then slipped his arm around JD's shoulders, squeezing. "You okay?"

"Yeah," JD assured him softly, giving him a gentle, if slightly sad, smile. "I am. I miss them, but...well, I've got all of you, don't I?" When Perry still looked worried, JD's smile widened a little, and he hugged the older man close for a moment. "I'm fine," he insisted. "Go get some food. You're still Changing--you need it. And if you wait too long there might not be any left."

"Yeah, I know," Perry sighed, but he bent to kiss JD's forehead first. "Thanks for cooking," he added. "It smells great."

"You're welcome." JD held him close for a moment longer before gently pulling free. "Now eat." He pushed Perry toward the table, heading back outside to the truck. He'd asked Turk to pack his journals, and had been talking to him as his friend was loading their things, so he'd suspected they'd made it out with at least one bag. And sure enough, when he opened the truck, he found two large duffle bags half-squashed in the back; he got them free and closed the truck once more, then frowned, bending forward, fingers lightly tracing a fresh dent--one that looked like it'd been made with by a brick, judging by the paint scratch at its center.

He shivered. Tense, Carla had said. Tense, and apparently much closer than he'd thought...He was suddenly desperately glad he'd come back out to the cabin, not stayed in the city when Carla had asked him to, and not only for Perry's sake. Just knowing they'd eventually have to go back had his heart in his throat. Though at the same time, part of him wanted to fly directly to the hospital, help with the carnage he'd seen on the television...

He swallowed, turning away from the battered vehicle, hoisting the bags onto his shoulders. When he reentered the kitchen, he settled them just inside the door and moved to claim his own food, trying to ignore the conflicting emotions that had left him something of a mess. But feeding Jack distracted him easily enough, as did fielding the long list of questions the 'taurs had for him. It still amazed him just how well each Change suited them...He felt almost like he should be more surprised by the sight of his friends with their new bodies.

"So, I'm guessing no pants in those bags?" he offered, when he finally had a chance to ask a question of his own.

Elliot beamed from where she was settled on the floor. There was no room for them at the table, so Turk, Elliot, and Carla were each spread out across the living room; JD and Perry were settled on the couch that JD had shoved back against the wall, Jack babbling happily between them. "Nope!" she replied. "No need, obviously, which I think is _such_ a perk, because honestly, I could never find jeans that actually fit over my ass without being too big for my waist, and--"

"Elliot," Carla cut her off, "I think a simple 'no' would've sufficed."

Turk snorted at them, the leaned over to JD and whispered, "It's easy enough for them--THEY didn't have to sit there and watch their giblets turn huge and hairy." He shuddered, and JD shook with barely contained laughter.

"Thanks for sharing that, man," he managed.

Turk sat back and held up his hands in a 'can you blame me?' gesture. "It was traumatic, dude."

JD's grin faded a little as he reflected his friends' experiences could have been much, much worse. But rather than darken what was supposed to be a happy reunion with his own fretful "what ifs," he simply shook his head. "At least you and Carla still... match, as it were."

Turk shrugged. "True," he admitted. "Though we're really taking the interracial thing to the next level."

"Think most people will be," JD pointed out, though he had to wonder how his friends would manage kids, now. "Have you...you know? Since it's happened?" He was honestly curious, but not sure Turk would tell him. Even if he'd told him most everything about his sex life up to now, this was...different.

"No. Elliot's been around and things have been crazy--did you know people are claiming to have seen giant blue fairies and dragons and things like that? So...no," Turk replied, looking over to where the girls were chatting with each other. "No, we haven't. What about you two?"

JD blushed, but nodded. "The wings don't really get in the way for _that_..." Unmentioned was how many things they _did_ get in the way of. He was perched half on the arm of the couch to keep from squashing them. "Although...well, I don't know anything about giant blue fairies or dragons, but Perry and I did see a unicorn yesterday. At least, I think that's what it was."

Turk lifted his eyebrows. "A _unicorn_? Seriously?"

JD shrugged. "Is that so hard to believe, given everything else that's happened? Snow in May, people growing wings or becoming half animal, unicorns, fairies and mermaids, oh my."

"Not to mention Dr. Cox admitting he likes you," Turk laughed. He glanced at Perry, who was deep in conversation with Carla and Elliot about the state of the hospital the last time they'd seen it, and shook his head. "Dude, I'm still not used to seeing him be _nice_ to you," he said. "Last I saw he was calling you girls' names and basically degrading you at every turn."

"Yeah, he's got a messed up way of showing affection, sometimes," JD replied with a slight grin. "Though considering he wanted me, and didn't think it was going to happen and had to be sure I wouldn't know...Guess I'm not that surprised." He smiled a little, before behind distracted by Jack demanding to be held. "Hey, bug. Want to show Turk how you can go up?"

Jack popped his wings out, but didn't do more than giggle.

JD shook his head. "Never fails. You want them to do something, and they don't..." But he kept hold of Jack's hands, just in case.

"Just like Rowdy," Turk agreed, watching JD with an odd expression on his face. It had been coming and going from his face ever since they arrived. JD gay...not much of a surprise. JD happy with Dr. Cox was more of one, but he could handle it. But JD so easily slipping into fatherhood? Now _that_ was odd.

JD missed the look, though, lost in Jack himself. Soon they both turned their attention to the other conversations, discussing the general state of things, getting caught up on the rumors Turk and Carla and Elliot had gathered back home and on the ones JD had tracked down online. Soon, however, Elliot stood, moving to peer out the sliding glass door, and JD frowned, her obvious restlessness started to make JD feel itchy. "Elliot? You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh..." Elliot nodded, chewing her bottom lip and looking out at the snow. "Yeah." She was silent a moment, hooves nearly tapping. "JD?"

"Yes?" JD successfully hid his smile.

"Is it safe here? Outside, I mean. I've been wanting to run ever since I stopped growing, and I was thinking..." she trailed off, and her tail swished restlessly.

JD exchanged a glance with Perry, who shrugged. "As far as we know, yes. Aside from..." he hesitated, wondering if he should tell her about the odd sensations of being watched he'd had the first few days he was here. But that could've just been the unicorn, and he somehow doubted it was dangerous. "We've seen a few animals," he said at last, "but that's it. Come on, I'll join you. I feel like flying a bit, and I think my shoulder's finally healed enough to risk it. Speaking of, Turk, would you mind getting the stitches for me later?"

"No problem, as long as you guys have scissors," the surgeon replied with an easy shrug. "And I actually think I'll go with Elliot. I've been kind of wanting to stretch my legs, myself."

"Might as well make an outing of it," Perry grumbled, sounding for all the world like he'd just been volunteered to watch an entire class of toddlers on a field trip. JD bit his lip to hide his smile-- _this_ , at least, felt normal.

Sort of.

It took some digging to find everyone suitable winter wear, but in half an hour they'd all bundled up and tromped out into the snow. Perry led them to the field a little ways up the road--the same one where JD had first learned to fly, he reflected, and where he had first realized he was in love with the young doctor--then waved them off, holding Jack in his arms. JD paused for a moment next to him even as Elliot, Turk and Carla surged forward, chasing one another playfully through the drifts, whooping, their breath leaving puffs of steam that vanished quickly into the chilly afternoon air.

"You okay?" he said, feeling slightly strange about leaving Perry behind. Of the six of them, he was the only one whose Change wasn't complete.

Perry smiled, shifting Jack to his other hip. "Fine," he said. "You go ahead. Get some exercise."

JD hesitated only a moment longer, but at Perry's nod he grinned and sprang forward. The others paused in their galloping to watch as JD took a running start then hurled himself forward, great wings raising swirls of snow as they flapped strongly and sent him soaring skyward. Elliot and Turk, who had never seen JD in flight, both gasped; Carla beamed and clapped her hands, cheering as JD began to twist and loop, clearly showing off for his friends. Perry grinned himself, hearing JD's laughter, and in his arms, Jack giggled.

"Up!! Day Dee up!" He squealed, pointing and waving his arms delightedly.

The smile dropped from Perry's face, his eyes widening in astonishment. "What did you say?" he whispered to his son.

Jack merely giggled again, but Perry looked up, shielding his eyes and scanning the gray sky for JD. "Newbie?" he called. "JD! Get down here!"

JD appeared suddenly, soaring low, gigantic wings beating quickly in a manner that allowed the young man to hover unsteadily about fifteen feet from the ground. Perry squinted against the clouds of snow the surge of wind sent swirling; JD instantly pulled the wings in and dropped to the snow, looking apologetic. "Sorry," he said. "What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Perry assured him hastily. "But Jack--listen." Then, to his son, he said, "Jacky? Who went up?"

Jack giggled and hid his face in Perry's shoulder; JD smiled, but it was perplexed. "Perry...?"

The others, having heard Perry's shout and seen JD's abrupt landing, had hurried forward; Elliot, whose change had given her the longest legs and therefore allowed her to move most quickly through the deep snow, appeared first, breathless. "JD?" she said. "Dr. Cox, is everything okay?"

Perry shushed her, and bounced Jack lightly. "Come on, Jacky boy," he said softly. "Who went up?"

"Up," Jack mumbled, peering shyly around at the others as they all watched him intently. Then, as though the word inspired him, he pulled back and pointed at JD happily. "Day Dee up!"

JD felt his jaw drop, and looked back and forth from Jack's beam to Perry's smile. "Did he just...?"

Perry grinned. "Looks like you're stuck for it now, Newbie. Kid's calling you by name."

By all rights, the smile that spread across JD's face should've melted the snow around them with its warmth, even as he wrapped arms and wings around his lover and their son.

Elliot sniffed. "They're so _cute_!" she murmured, and Carla nodded in agreement, blinking as her eyes grew a little misty. Even Turk was grinning, and whatever doubts any of them had had about the unusual pair were abolished by the sight before them. JD and Perry were completely absorbed with one another, JD's giant wings cocooning them against the chill air; they were speaking quietly, soft smiles on their faces, and the others didn't need to hear the exact words to read the love on their faces.

"Looks like we might have a double wedding on our hands," Turk murmured, only half joking, and Carla and Elliot both giggled delightedly.

Suddenly JD pulled back and turned to them, a broad grin on his face, eyes shining. "Guys! Jack said my name!"

"We heard, Bambi," Carla said. "Congratulations!"

"I thought he said 'Day Dee,'" Turk countered, and Elliot gasped indignantly, frowning at the surgeon. " _Turk!_ "

Perry smirked, however, and said, "So what? Maybe he meant 'daddy.'"

JD's head snapped around and he stared at Perry, wide-eyed, grin somehow growing even bigger. "Hey, yeah!" he breathed, a giddy laugh bubbling up from deep within him. "Daddy and JD combined. Day Dee. I like that!"

"Up!!" Jack was still insisting, apparently not sure what the fuss was about. Then, as though to make his point, his wings suddenly shot out and began to flap, moving so fast they were a mere blur of grey and black and red. Even as the others watched, astounded, Jack began to hover, and JD laughed, completely joyous.

"I think he's ready for his first lesson, Day Dee," Perry huffed, trying to keep hold of his son even as he squinted against the breeze the fluttering wings created.

JD's smile slipped from his face as he stared at Perry, incredibly touched. "You sure?" he murmured.

"Hey, I know you'll be careful," Perry replied casually, shrugging, but when his eyes met JD's they were soft, serious. "I trust you," he added quietly.

JD smiled again, his eyes still shining, and leaned forward to kiss Perry quickly. Then, taking the squirming child into his arms, he said, "Well, kiddo, ready to go up?" Jack giggled wildly in response, waving his arms and pointing.

"Up! Day Dee up up!" he insisted.

"We can arrange that," JD said, grinning as he pulled Jack into his arms, unzipping his jacket and securing the child inside. Then, keepings his arms wrapped around him, he took a running leap, and once again took to the air.

It wasn't much of a lesson--more of a corralling act--as JD's method of flight was completely different than Jack's, and the boy didn't have much stamina anyway. But for a few moments, they were both aloft together, and JD held him close once more when Jack's own power of flight tired, flying higher just to hear the child giggle madly.

For a time, he simply enjoyed himself, cradling Jack safely within his jacket and talking to him, taking him on swoops and dives and grinning when the child clapped with delight. He marveled that Jack didn't seem bothered by the movement, then decided that part of his change must have been a tolerance for aerial acrobatics, because no matter how JD swooped or twisted, Jack merely shrieked gleefully, shouting "'Gain! Go 'gain!"

But after about ten minutes of this, JD frowned, the air suddenly seeming to go unnaturally still. He paused in his flips, ignoring Jack's noise of protest, and extended his wings to let the thermals carry him as he scanned the skies. Quite suddenly, the sensation of being watched that he'd noticed his first day out here was back, more strongly than ever before, and while the first time it had felt benign, almost friendly, this time it made the hairs on the back of his neck prickle dangerously.

Something was coming.

His sharp eyes spotted it then, a dark speck flying toward him--and even considering the Change and all its possibilities, this thing wasn't remotely human. JD stared at it as it grew, approaching quickly; then, as his eyes finally focused, he backwinged in alarm, the shape resolving itself into one he knew.

He dived for the ground, shouting at the others, barely snapping his wings open in time to land safely. "Get back to the house," he panted. "Now!"

The 'taurs had gathered together when they'd heard his shout, and were now clustered around Perry, all staring at him in alarm. "JD?" Elliot asked. "What is it?"

JD shook his head, frustrated, glancing over his shoulder toward the sky. "No time!" he said urgently, wings extending and shifting a little in an alarmed gesture he wasn't even completely conscious of. "Back to the house, now! Let's go, let's go!!"

The tone of his voice spurred them to action. Turk, Carla and Elliot each sprang forward, galloping through the snow, Perry right behind them. JD leapt back into the air, Jack still tucked securely in his arms, and dared a quick glance back into the sky.

The gryphon--for, unbelievably, that's what it was--was getting closer. Fast. Gauging its speed, JD realized it would be in the field within another two or three minutes, maybe less. His head whipped around, measuring the distance back to the cabin, which he could make out between the trees maybe a quarter of a mile away, then back down at his friends, struggling through the drifts below him. A cold stab of panic suddenly settled like an icy ball of lead in his gut as his brain detachedly calculated the facts of the unfolding situation: He and the 'taurs could probably outpace the creature. But Perry was still too human, and the snow was deep. Though the older doctor was running for all he was worth, JD knew he would not be fast enough; he'd already fallen far behind the others, and while they'd made it to the road, Perry was not even halfway across the field.

JD swiftly made his decision. He wasn't sure whether or not the creature meant them any harm--but he _was_ sure he couldn't leave Perry to face it alone.

Winging forward, he swooped down next to Elliot, who was in the lead, and held Jack out toward her. "Take him!" he cried, shouting against the whoosh of his wingbeats and her hooves. "Get him back home!"

"Wh--" Elliot's eyes widened as she whipped her head around to gaze up at him, then caught sight of Perry, far behind them. "JD--!"

" _Don't argue! Do it!"_ he screamed, and she obeyed automatically, reaching up and gathering the sobbing child in against her breast. She began to gallop faster, pulling further ahead of the others, and JD knew she would reach the cabin within moments.

He turned back, flapping desperately to turn around and losing a little momentum and altitude in the process. His eyes focused quickly once more, and as Turk and Carla surged beneath him he saw Perry far behind, still in the field, a distant figure struggling desperately against the drifts. Even as he watched, Perry abruptly staggered to a halt and backpedaled a few steps, looking up into the sky. He ducked as the huge gryphon circled over him, then froze, half crouched, when it dropped to the snow before him, blocking the path to the road. The doctor and the gigantic creature, which was at least the size of a lion, were separated by a distance of only about ten yards; they stared at one another, and as JD watched, the creature crouched low, menacing, and screeched, the threat clear in its voice.

_No!_

JD surged upwards, flapping for all he was worth, soaring back over the road and toward the field. Perry's eyes flitted up to him, widening fearfully, and though he was careful not to make sudden movements, JD's sharp eyes picked up the slight motion as Perry shook his head. "No!" He mouthed desperately, eyes pleading with JD to obey. "Go home!"

"Like hell," JD muttered to himself, and dived sharply, wings snapping out at the last moment and flapping as he landed in a defensive crouch, solidly between Perry and the beast. His wings he left spread wide, in an automatic gesture of threat and dominance; they loomed over him, huge, making JD himself look a lot larger than he was.

The gryphon, still crouched, opened its curved beak wide and screeched again, the sound echoing through the field. Its own wings unfolded in a gesture that mimicked JD's, and it suddenly reared up on its hind legs, clawed front feet extended and swiping at the air between them.

"JD, _go_!" Perry hissed from behind him, panic clear in his voice. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"I'm not leaving you," JD growled, his own courage steeled by Perry's attempts to get him to safety. He stood from his crouch, following instincts he did not quite understand, and took an abrupt step forward, beating his wings and sending a cloud of snow toward the gryphon in an attempt to frighten it.

The creature took a few steps backward, blinking its large, golden eagle eyes at him as it shook its head to clear it of the snow that had settled there. It dropped to all four legs once more, but did not retreat, wings still fully extended in a gesture of threat. For a long moment it studied JD, ears flat against its feathered head, muscles tense; JD waited, equally tense, not backing down in the slightest.

The gryphon clacked its beak at him--then, suddenly, it lunged forward, claws extended.

JD felt Perry's arms suddenly wrap themselves around his waist, trying to drag him back, but he resisted, prying the older doctor's hands away. He knew they could not afford to back down--the same instincts that had guided him so far told him as soon as they did, the creature would attack.

Instead, he straightened to his full height and drew a deep breath, puffing his chest out--then shouted, in a loud, sharp tone that echoed in the same way the gryphon's had, "NO!"

The great animal paused in its attack, staring at him again.

Then, astonishingly, it took a step backwards.

JD heard Perry's gasp, but he ignored it; he took another step forward, again flapping his wings slightly and glaring at the gryphon. Then, slowly, the great creature drew in its wings, making itself look smaller, lowering its head.

JD remained frozen, caught in the odd but deadly game, and waited. Though it had apparently backed down from their standoff, the gryphon was clearly still unsettled; it began to make a series of high-pitched, tremulous calls, mock-lunging forward and prancing back in an odd dance.

Sudden comprehension washed over JD, and his eyes widened in astonishment. "Oh," he breathed, suddenly realizing what it was he saw reflected quite clearly in the creature's intelligent eyes.

He nodded slowly and drew in his wings, unconsciously crooning a soothing noise from deep within his throat. The gryphon halted her movements, her head tilting toward him, her desperate chirps becoming a low, warbling sound which JD now recognized for what it was: fear.

He continued to lower his wings until they were only partially unfurled; then, in a slow, careful gesture, lowered his head and took a step backward, never taking his eyes from the gryphon's.

The creature watched, though her head perked up slightly, ears darting forward; she shifted nervously, one clawed foot curling up before settling into the snow again.

JD turned profile to the great creature, keeping his eyes on her even as he took Perry's arm and drew him in toward his own body. He then extended his wings so they were half-cocooning the older man, ignoring Perry's sputtered noises of confusion, and began to slowly move toward the road, herding Perry in the same direction.

The gryphon stood, silent, and watched until they were a good hundred yards away. Then she turned and, with a suddenness that made JD jump, she leapt into the air and winged away, disappearing swiftly into the woods on the opposite side of the field.

Then, and only then, did JD fold his wings, slumping into Perry's startled arms in relief as the adrenaline began to fade, leaving him shaky and weak.

"What the _hell_ was that?" the older doctor demanded in a near-whisper, clutching JD even as he stared toward the spot in the sky where the gryphon had vanished.

JD shook his head. "She was protecting a nest," he murmured, leaning heavily against Perry's chest. "She was trying to drive us away. I..." he lowered his head wearily to Perry's shoulder, still trembling. "She would've attacked, but...only for the same reason I wouldn't back down." He looked up then, finally, meeting Perry's eyes, which were dark with confusion. "She was protecting her family," JD finished softly.

Perry's eyes widened, and his gaze darted from the field to JD's face, then back again. For a long moment he simply stood in stunned silence, absorbing JD's words; finally, however, he drew a deep breath, and dragged the younger man into a crushing kiss, cupping JD's head in his hands. JD closed his eyes, releasing his breath in a rush of air through his nose, moaning softly under the none-too-gentle onslaught of Perry's lips.

Finally, the older man broke away. "If you ever do anything that stupid again, I will kill you," he growled, scowling at JD and resting his forehead against his. Then, face softening a little, he whispered, "But...thank you."

JD nodded, a weary smile on his face, and pressed close into Perry's arms for a long moment. Then, when his shaking began to abate, he drew away and linked his arm through Perry's. "Come on," he said, tugging him forward. "Let's go home. The others will want to know we're okay."

Perry swallowed and nodded, wrapping his arm around JD's shoulders--to support him, as much as anything--and slowly, the two of them made their way back down the road.


	21. Chapter 21

The others were waiting outside when they finally came within view of the house. Elliot was prancing in place; Carla had taken over holding Jack, and Turk was shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. When they rounded the corner, Carla visibly relaxed, casting her eyes heavenward briefly; Turk's tail began to wag, and Elliot reared slightly before springing forward, galloping until she was right in front of them.

"What happened?" she asked, voice high-pitched with worry. "What took so long? What _was_ that thing? Why did we have to run?"

"Barbie!" Perry barked, stopping her rambling. "Be quiet for four seconds, would you, and we'll answer!"

JD was still shaking slightly, but smiled a little as Elliot settled down again. Turk and Carla had approached as well, and they pressed in close, warm bodies shielding him and Perry. He sighed, leaning against Perry and bringing one hand to drape over Turk's furred back. "It was a gryphon," he said. "And I guess I must've flown too close to her nest...she was warning us off."

"A _gryphon_?" Turk sputtered, eyebrows shooting up. "What the _hell_? That's impossible!"

"Said the wolf-man," Perry muttered, but JD elbowed him lightly to shush him.

"No more so than a unicorn, though, right?" he said, shrugging. "I guess the Changeling thing doesn't just encompass humans."

"A _unicorn?_ " Elliot breathed, eyes going wide.

"So you think the gryphon used to be something else?" Carla asked dubiously. "Like what?"

"I don't know if that's what's going on or not," JD said, wondering why the others kept deferring to him. He may have Changed first, but that didn't mean he knew anything about any of this.

"Are you _sure_ it was a gryphon?" Turk asked again, still looking doubtful.

"What the hell else _could_ it have been?" Perry snapped. "It sure as hell wasn't anything _I've_ ever seen out here before..."

"You really saw a unicorn?"

"Yes, Elliot, we did," JD said, exasperated. "And Turk: Eagle's head, eagle's wings, lion's body...yeah," he finished. "That's what I'd call it. She let us go when she realized we weren't a threat. But I think I'll need to find a new place to take off and land..." He held his arms out wordlessly for Jack, and Carla handed him over without comment.

Jack, who was no longer crying but was certainly still looking rather shaken, curled into JD's shoulder instantly; JD held him, rocking back and forth a little. "Shhh," he murmured. "You're okay, Jack...you're fine," he whispered, moving to curl against Perry's shoulder. "Your daddy's right here, he's okay..." He paused, glancing up at Perry, who was watching him intently. "Both of us," he whispered, eyes misting a little at the look in Perry's eyes.

Perry swallowed, the after-effects of shock finally catching up to him. God, he could have lost JD... they could have _both_ been lost, and where would that leave Jack? Perry had no doubt Carla would look after the child--but to lose his entire family in the space of a month? Even at one year old, that would leave its mark.

Suddenly, an irrational anger welled within him. JD should have known better. Sure it turned out fine this time, but what if next time it didn't? What if the next creature they pissed off didn't waste time with preliminaries like the gryphon had, and killed them both?

Perry clenched his jaw. Now was not the time to voice these fears, he knew. But he'd have to talk to JD about this, and soon. The kid couldn't go risking his life on a whim anymore. He was a father now--it came with the territory of being with Perry, and JD had accepted it as eagerly as anything. But being a father included making sacrifices, and JD was going to have to learn to accept that. Even if the sacrifice was Perry.

JD, for his part, rather desperately wanted to sit down. He couldn't believe he'd faced down a creature out of myth with nothing more than himself. And, for the first time, wished he knew how to use a gun. It had ended all right, this time, but who knew if they'd be so lucky again? He shuddered, leaning more heavily against Perry, then frowning when he noticed the tension in the other man's stance. He glanced up, reading that same tension in his face, and felt himself quailing a little. _Great..._ now _what?_

"We should go in," Elliot said suddenly, softly but firmly, breaking the tension. "Carla, get hot water on for tea. Turk, build up the fire. Come on JD, Dr. Cox..." She coaxed them both inside, recognizing the symptoms of shock easily enough. Both men were trembling, skin cool and clammy to the touch, and she knew they needed to get warmed up quickly.

JD let her take charge, seeing all the signs of an approaching rant from Perry, and not sure he was up to it, just then. Time spent getting them settled, getting them warm was time he could use to prepare for it...Though he honestly wasn't sure how the hell the gryphon was _his_ fault. He wasn't sure he could handle being told it was without losing his own temper, his badly frayed nerves having set him on a relatively unstable edge.

Fortunately, Elliot's maternal instincts had kicked in full gear, so neither of them was forced to confront the building tension between them. She led them inside, urging them to sit on the floor in front of the fireplace, where Turk was busy arranging some sticks into kindling.

"There's a package of starter logs in the garage," JD offered after a moment, proud that his voice only shook a little. Turk nodded his thanks and padded in that direction, pausing to squeeze JD's shoulder along the way. Carla was in the kitchen, doing as Elliot had instructed and making the tea; Elliot herself, who had disappeared, returned moments later with a large blanket and wrapped it around the two men.

"Just relax, okay?" she murmured. "We'll have the tea and the fire set up soon, and you'll feel better before you know it."

JD nodded at her briefly, snuggling into the blanket. She bit her lip, then climbed to her hooves and turned toward the kitchen, obviously intending to go help Carla with the tea. As she passed him, however, Perry's hand shot out and encircled her wrist. She started, looking down at him; he was still staring straight ahead, but he murmured, "Thanks, Barbie," very softly. He glanced up at her, then, releasing her hand. "I appreciate it."

Elliot blushed, eyes wide, but nodded. "No problem," she said softly, a tentative smile spreading across her face. "If either of you need anything..." she trailed off, and Perry nodded, returning his attention to the still-empty fireplace. Elliot waited for a moment, then turned and joined Carla in the kitchen, hooves thunking against the tile.

Half an hour later, the fire was blazing, and both JD and Perry clutched mugs of steaming tea, sweetened with honey and thickened with a little bit of milk. Despite his preference for coffee, Perry couldn't argue that the tea was doing much more to calm his nerves than coffee would have, and he was feeling a good deal better. Carla and Elliot had offered to take Jack upstairs and give him a bath before putting him down for a nap, which JD and Perry had consented to gratefully; Turk had gone around back to chop more firewood. They could hear the axe falling at regular intervals, and JD shivered at the sound, recalling the last time he'd heard it--the day Perry had gone into rejection. Not even two weeks ago, though it felt much, much longer. It had been the longest eight days of JD's life.

He leaned closer to the older doctor, absorbing the comfort of his presence and his warmth, and reflected ruefully that ever since that night he'd gone to Perry's apartment, the other man had been in danger. First the car wreck, then the rejection, then fighting off the mob of rioters in order to rescue JD's friends, and now the gryphon--it seemed the universe wasn't safe for mere humans any longer. JD found himself hoping rather fervently that Perry's change would hurry itself up and finish, so Perry wasn't quite so defenseless anymore.

The tension in Perry's body was palpable, and JD sighed, knowing that whatever was bothering the older doctor would have to be had out--and knowing Perry, the sooner, the better. "What is it?" he asked softly, keeping his eyes on the flickering of the fire.

Perry drew a breath and released it slowly through his nose, jaw still clenched. "Why'd you do it?" he finally said, voice quiet but intense.

JD briefly considered playing dumb, and asking what he meant, but rejected it after only a moment. Perry was already upset enough; JD didn't need to risk making it worse. "I had to," he replied simply. "You weren't going to make it out of the field in time...I couldn't leave you behind, not when there was something I could do..." And it sounded right, reasoned out like that. In the air, though...he didn't remember thinking it through that clearly. He just remembered reacting, a deep-seated instinct joining with the absolute _certainty_ that he could not risk losing Perry. He'd nearly lost him already, and he'd already learned it wasn't something he could sit idly by and let happen. Not while there was _anything_ he could do to stop it.

"Something you could do?" Perry repeated, incredulous. "Against... against _that_ thing? Jesus, JD!"

"Okay, so maybe I didn't think," JD admitted, rubbing his forehead. "But I couldn't just leave you to face it alone!"

"No, Newbie, you _didn't_ think," Perry growled, pulling away and turning to face the younger man. "That thing could've ripped you to shreds in a heartbeat if it'd really wanted, and how the hell would that have helped me?" He drew a breath. "First you get shot at, and now this...you've got to stop trying to play hero, JD," he said, voice low and serious. "Because eventually your luck's going to run out."

"What about yours?" JD shot back, surprised to hear the words coming out of his mouth, but knowing they were equally true. It was hardly fair, after all, for Perry to sit there and berate him for something he himself had been doing nearly non-stop. "You went hauling out of here this morning like fucking Rambo to face down the hordes of frightened rioting people with what--a shotgun? One box of shells?"

Perry scowled. "I went because the others were in trouble," he snapped. "And I at least had some idea what I was up against."

"Excuse me--I managed well enough with the gryphon, didn't I?"

"Luck," Perry growled. "If you hadn't figured it out..."

"And why do you think I _did_ figure it out?" JD retorted, pulling back to glare at Perry. "It wasn't luck. I _knew_ she was protecting a nest. She might as well have told me! It's the Change, Perry--it's giving me instincts. Instincts _you_ don't have yet, I might add, so of the two of us, I think I'm more qualified to judge the fucked-up magical side of our current little situation, don't you? _You_ on the other hand seem to get off by being the biggest badass there is, and you need to realize that you're _not_ right now."

Perry drew back as if struck. "What are you suggesting?" he said quietly. "That I should've left them out there? You were pretty eager for me to go too, as I recall."

"Yeah, but you're the one who insisted on going the day after you came out of rejection, and you'd been a stubborn asshole up to that point anyway." JD pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath without opening his mouth, trying to calm down. The last thing they needed to be doing right now was fighting with each other, and he _knew_ it was the stress of the day's events that was putting them on edge more than anything else. "Look," he said after a long moment, "you play hero a hell of a lot more often than I do, so find a different argument if you want to yell at me, all right?"

"All right, fine," Perry said, voice low and quaking with anger and fear. "If you won't be careful for your sake, then be careful for _mine._ Do you..." he broke off, shaking his head, and when he opened his eyes again they were wet with frustrated tears. "Do you have any idea," he continued, "what it would _do_ to me, JD? If--if you were hurt, or heaven forbid _killed_ , trying to save _me?_ " He shook his head slowly. "I wouldn't be able to handle it. I honest to God wouldn't. And what about Jack?" He spread his hands, palms up. "What about him, JD? Look, I know why you came back for me. I do, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't grateful, or touched that you care that much. But you can't keep _doing_ that. It's a fucking _mess_ out in the world right now, and Jack is damned sure going to need _someone_ to protect him. Even if it means he can't have us both." He stared at JD hard, desperately hoping the younger doctor understood. "You're a father now, JD," he whispered. "It's part of the deal, when you hook up with me. And it means you don't come first anymore--and neither do _I._ If it comes down to protecting me or protecting Jack, I damned sure expect you to protect Jack. And that means you've got to start protecting _yourself_ , so at least one of us is still here for him, should the worst happen."

 _Fuck. He's right._ JD sighed, leaning back again, closing his eyes. "You're right," he said quietly. "He does come first..." But Perry hadn't mentioned Jack first, JD realized slowly. He'd mentioned what JD's injury or death would do to _him_...and only after brought up his-- _their_ \--son. Of course, he was still right--bastard--but that didn't mean he was off the hook. "All right," JD said finally, slowly. "I won't try to protect you again, not when it could get both of us killed. But that also means you're not allowed to try to protect me." He lifted his eyebrow at Perry, crossing his arms, knowing he had him cornered by his own logic. "Right?"

Perry's eyes widened, his mouth hanging open. Then he closed it, and swallowed, looking down. _Shit._ JD was right, but...Jesus, Perry didn't know if that was a promise he could keep. It had seemed so simple, the other way around, but the thought of standing by and doing _nothing_ while JD was in trouble...

 _What's the matter, Per?_ mocked a sly voice within him. _Talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? It's only fair that you realize what you're asking of him, isn't it?_

"I...yeah," he finally agreed, but despite his best efforts couldn't bring himself to meet JD's eyes as he said it.

JD felt no triumph at having caught Perry out. He set his empty mug aside, and shifted close again to lay his head against Perry's shoulder. "You know I love you as much as you love me, right?" he asked softly. "Don't doubt that I wouldn't risk just as much as you would. I promise, I'll do the best I can, and I'll protect Jack with my life. But I can't promise I'll watch you die. Because it'd do just as much to me as losing me would do to you."

Perry closed his eyes and lowered his head, resting it against JD's. He felt defeated, but rather than make him feel bad, it made him feel somehow lighter. JD's words made him realize, finally, that he wasn't alone in this--that JD was not another helpless child to protect, but an equal, more than capable of looking after himself--and more than capable of protecting Perry and Jack, too. Hell, he'd proven that time and time again, hadn't he? Perry simply hadn't wanted to see. Hadn't wanted to realize what it meant.

 _I told him we were in this together,_ he realized slowly. _But I didn't believe it until now, did I?_

He swallowed, feeling a tear slip past his eyelid and trickle slowly down his face. He wilted, curling into JD's side and hiding his face in the young man's neck.

"Yeah," he whispered at last in response to JD's question. "I know." And, finally, he _did._ "God, we're one messed-up family, aren't we?"

JD laughed brokenly, but curled around Perry, one wing wrapping around him as well. "Well...we all love each other, at least. God, we were fighting because we're both _too_ willing to risk our lives for each other..."

Perry nodded, arms coming up to wrap tightly around JD. "Guess it could be worse," he agreed. "Though having someone care that much what I do with myself will definitely take some getting used to."

"For me, too," JD admitted, very softly. "I mean...they cared about my grades, about getting to brag about a doctor in the family...but not about _me_."

"Your brother did," Perry replied, deciding a promise made to a dead man could be broken, in a time like this.

JD raised his head, surprised. "He...what?"

Perry smiled, though it was sad. "He chewed me out, the last time he was here," he replied. "Told me you hung on my every word, and since you would never look up to him like you did me, I'd better start taking that responsibility more seriously."

" _Oh_ ," JD breathed. He felt his eyes fill with tears, and he pressed tight against Perry again. It hurt, knowing he would never get to thank Dan for his unexpected thoughtfulness, but...it was good to know about it, even if it hurt. Not for the first time, JD felt himself aching for Dan's loss--not just for his life, but for the loss of the chance to be _friends_ with him. "Oh, _Dan_..." he moaned, curling in tighter against Perry.

Perry tightened his arms, holding the younger man as he cried. "He loved you, JD," he whispered. "So much. And I know your parents did too, even if they weren't the best at showing it."

JD nodded, knowing it was true, for all his own complaints. They had been crap at expressing emotions in his family--he sometimes wondered if he was so open with his friends just because they'd actually acknowledge that they liked him--but Perry was right. He'd still known, deep down, that they cared. "Sorry," he mumbled, when his tears finally slowed. "We were talking about us, not me..."

Perry chuckled, pulling back enough to take JD's face between his hands. "Don't know if you'd noticed, Newbie," he murmured. "But you're a part of 'us.' A pretty important part, in fact." He smiled, stroking JD's hair back from his brow. "Your family was lucky to have you," he said softly. "And I know they were as proud of you as I am."

"You know, saying things like that isn't going to make me stop crying," JD managed, fresh tears pushing their way out. But he smiled, though it shook.

Perry's expression softened, and he reached up to brush at the tears with the pads of his thumbs, cradling JD's face between his palms. "Sorry," he murmured. "But it's the truth. Enjoy it while you can, I won't be this touchy-feely for long." He winked.

JD's smile widened a little, and he nuzzled into Perry's touch, letting his eyes close. "I love you," he said quietly. "And I'm so glad to...to be a part of your family, now. Even if we are all a little screwed up." He leaned forward and kissed Perry softly, before curling close against him again. "I just realized I've been up and worried since two in the morning. And you drove eight hours, fought off a mob, and then everything back here...I think we deserve naps. After you eat," he added, nudging Perry's ribs a little and smiling. "Gotta keep those wings fed."

"Oh! Yeah, good point," Perry said, though he frowned a little. In truth, though he hadn't eaten since lunch, he realized he wasn't really all that hungry--not as hungry as he should be. But he'd been stressed, and Change or no, believing he and JD were going to get ripped to shreds was enough to drive thoughts of hunger from anyone's mind.

JD was watching him, eyebrows raised. "Hey," he said. "You okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Perry replied, drawn from his thoughts. He shook his head, grinning. "Sorry. Just distracted. Food. Let's go." He climbed to his feet and reached down to offer JD a hand up. The younger man took it, but didn't let go as they walked to the kitchen.

Perry settled on the leftover macaroni, which he ate cold standing by the breakfast bar, occasionally giving JD a bite. Then, depositing the dishes in the sink, he took JD's hand in his once more. "Come on."

He led him up the stairs, pausing only long enough to glance into Ben's bedroom, where Elliot and Carla were playing with Jack. "We're going to take a nap," he informed them. "Since we've both been up for ages taking care of your furry asses."

Carla gave him a Look, but nodded. "Go on, then," she said. "We'll wake you when dinner's ready."

Perry nodded, and walked by the room; JD paused to smile a little shyly at the girls. "Hey, I...thanks," he said. "For, you know...taking care of Jack, and cooking, and just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to thank them for _being_ there, for caring, for accepting he and Perry and for being the family his own hadn't known how to be.

Luckily, they seemed to understand, glancing at each other before smiling back up at him gently. "We love you, too," Elliot said simply, climbing to her feet and moving forward to wrap him in a brief hug. "And we were worried about you."

He leaned against her, head pressed to her collarbone--it was strange, that she was so much taller than him now. Strange and not strange at the same time. She was still his Elliot, after all. He gave her one more squeeze before releasing her. "Love you too," he murmured, grinning up at her.

"Go get some sleep, JD," she instructed, ruffling his hair; he ducked away, laughing, but nodded. He turned his head, looking down the hall and meeting Perry's eyes; the older man had paused in the doorway of their room and was waiting for him, eyebrows lifted expectantly. "Okay," he agreed, nodding at Elliot. "See you guys in a while."

Then he moved forward, walking into Perry's arms as the older doctor drew him into the bedroom and settled him down onto the bed.

JD sighed, sinking gratefully into the mattress while Perry walked over to the window and closed the blinds, then drew the curtains; the room fell into almost total darkness. "Get over here," JD murmured, holding out his arms to Perry's silhouette.

Perry obeyed, crawling in beside JD and settling down on his side, wrapping his arm over JD's shoulders. JD sighed, snuggling close, too sleepy to do much more than nuzzle a little at the older man's throat. He draped a wing over him, and drew a deep breath, taking in the smell of laundry detergent and aftershave and the faint masculine musk that was just _Perry_. "'Night," he murmured, already half asleep.

"Goodnight, Newbie. Sleep well."

* * *  
 _JD was flying._

_Perry stood on a precipice--an overlook he recognized as one he and Ben had often hiked to, when they stayed out in the woods, but this one was exaggerated. Higher, more dramatic. Perry stood at the very edge, staring up at the sky, watching as JD swooped and swerved, looping and laughing and calling Perry to join him._

_But he couldn't. And JD knew he couldn't, surely he knew? Perry's wings were barely two feet long; he couldn't._

_So he stood, rooted to the earth, watching, feeling his heart breaking and not knowing why, while JD swirled higher and higher, laughing joyously._

_"Wait," Perry called, but his voice was swallowed in the wind. "Wait, please. Wait for me!"_

_JD swooped lower again, holding out his arms, a smile on his face. "Come on!"_

_Perry shook his head. "I can't," he whispered brokenly._

_JD's smile faded slowly, and he hovered, maybe two hundred yards away from where Perry stood--the empty air stretched between them, a yawning, gaping drop, the forest just a vague blanket of snow-covered green so far below that Perry couldn't even make out the individual trees._

_"You can't?" JD said softly, and his voice was heavy with disappointment._

_Perry shook his head, heart constricting painfully. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't."_

_JD's face fell; he slowly lowered his arms. "Oh," he said quietly, looking down. "I see."_

_Perry bit his lip. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again._

_But JD just looked at him, his face a mask of disappointment, and as Perry watched, a feather fell free of JD's slowly-beating wings. It drifted slowly, falling toward the ground; then, suddenly, JD's wings began to disintegrate, feathers falling freely._

_"JD!" Perry called in alarm. "JD, come back--your wings!"_

_"You can't," was all JD said in response, and his voice held all the sorrow and grief in the world. "You can't come with me."_

_"No!"_

_As he watched in horror, still rooted to the spot, JD's wings vanished completely; then JD was falling, plummeting toward the earth, helpless._

__"NO! _" Perry screamed._

_Then, quite suddenly, the dream shifted. He was standing on the forest floor, and JD stood beside him, wings restored. At first, Perry felt only relief--JD was alive, he was okay--but when he moved forward to embrace the younger man in his relief, he suddenly realized that JD's face was blank, eyes staring sightlessly ahead. And the younger man's fingers were covered in blood, more dripping from his long, black feathers--and from a long carving knife he held loosely in one hand._

_Perry moved forward carefully, horrified. "JD?" he whispered._

_JD turned his head slowly, blinking at him, but did not reply._

_Perry drew a quick breath, moving forward, trying to determine where the blood was coming from. "JD, what happened to you?" He murmured. "What's wrong? Where are you hurt?"_

_JD smiled, a blank, horrible, China doll smile. "Perry," he said softly, childishly. "I want to show you something."_

_"What?"_

_JD tilted his head, still smiling blankly; he moved to spread his wings, but as he did, they quivered, then with a horrible wet sucking noise, they fell, severed._

_Perry lunged backward, horrified, as JD continued to smile at him. He lifted the knife, showing it to Perry, holding it in his open palms as if in offering._

_"See?" he whispered, dropping to his knees as the blood ran from his back, staining the ground around them. "I did this for you, Perry. For you."_

_"No, no, no..." Perry moaned, wanting to move forward and help, or wanting to look away, but unable to do either. "Oh, Jesus, JD, no..."_

_"Now we match," JD whispered, before his eyes rolled back and he slumped backward, falling with a dull thud onto the forest floor._

_Then, quite suddenly, Perry could move again. He staggered forward and dropped to his knees, reaching a trembling hand for JD's face. The young man's eyes were open, but blank, gazing sightlessly up; Perry could see the sky reflected endlessly in their empty blue depths._

_"No," he whispered, shaking his head. "Oh, Jesus, no. What did you do? Why, JD?" His voice broke, and he fell forward, burying his face in JD's cold, still chest._

_JD did not move, and Perry's heart shattered; he curled his hands into fists, clutching at JD's t-shirt, and wept._

* * *

JD wasn't sure how much later it was, when he woke up. It was dark, but that didn't mean much, not with the storms that kept blowing in. And at first he couldn't figure out what had woken him up, not when he was still exhausted, and aching for more sleep. Just aching, too; his shoulder was doing much better, but it wasn't exactly happy with the quick moves he'd pulled in the field. He grimaced, shifting a little, and rolled to his other side, intending to go back to sleep again.

Which was when he realized that Perry had pulled away from him, almost to the other side of the bed. The covers had fallen away from him, and he was curled in on himself, back to JD. JD could hear him muttering in his sleep, and he seemed to be arguing with someone.

JD frowned, and scooted toward him, snuggling in against his back. He encircled the older man's waist with his arm, then hissed a little as his bare arm met Perry's. "Jesus, you're freezing," he whispered. He hurriedly drew a wing over his lover as well, drawing him close, trying to quiet him. "Shhh, Perry, it's okay, it's just a dream..." he murmured, using his toes to try to catch a hold of the blankets Perry had kicked away in his distress.

"No," Perry whispered, and tears slipped from beneath his clenched eyelids. "Why...why did you...?"

JD frowned, and pressed closer, abandoning his attempts to pull up the blanket and shaking Perry's shoulder lightly instead. "Perry, wake up," he said, quietly but firmly. "You're dreaming. Wake up."

Perry gasped, jerking awake, then flailed for a second, disoriented. JD kept a tight hold on him, as much to keep him from jabbing him with his elbow as to comfort him. "Relax," he said gently. "You're safe, it was just a dream."

Perry stilled, then turned his head, trying to look over his shoulder. "JD?"

"Yeah," JD replied, releasing him and sliding backwards enough so Perry could roll onto his back.

He did, staring at JD, eyes wide and frightened and brows drawn close together. He reached out, hand trembling, and touched JD's cheek; JD let him, knowing it would be better to just let him get his bearings. Still, he smiled reassuringly, one hand moving to stroke Perry's side even as Perry's fingers continued to explore.

Then, in a gesture that perplexed the younger man, Perry propped himself up on his elbow and leaned forward, hand moving to the base of JD's wings. JD lifted his eyebrows as Perry poked and prodded, apparently looking for something. After a moment, when Perry drew his hand away, JD lifted one wing, unable to resist, and waved it a little. "Still there," he confirmed, lips quirking up in bemusement.

Perry slumped to the mattress, rolling to his back, and brought a trembling hand to his eyes, breathing heavily. "Jesus," he whispered.

The half-smile dropped immediately from JD's lips, and he scooted forward, reaching out to rest a hand on Perry's shoulder. "Hey," he murmured. "You okay?"

Perry drew a deep breath, but nodded. "I... yeah," he responded, voice a little hoarse. "Yeah, I'm fine."

JD's frown deepened. "You wanna talk about it...?"

Perry barked out what might've been a laugh, if it hadn't sounded so much like a sob. "No," he said shortly.

JD nodded. He hadn't really expected Perry to say yes, but he'd wanted to offer. "It's over, now," he reminded his lover, sliding his hand from Perry's shoulder to rest on his chest, feeling the thud of his heartbeat beneath his fingers. "It's okay. It wasn't real. It's over."

Perry swallowed, lowering his hand. The image of JD, blood soaked, with his wings severed, was burned into his mind forever; he knew he'd be seeing it in dreams for weeks, months, maybe even years to come. And he didn't have to be Freud to interpret its meaning, either; JD had already proven he'd risk his life for Perry, when he'd come back and fended off the gryphon.

Who knew what else he'd be willing to do for Perry's sake?

_I'm a danger to him._

The words echoed suddenly in his mind; he had not consciously called them forward, but they may as well have been shouted. He was a danger to JD. As long as he could not defend himself, he would be a risk. A hazard. A weak link in the chain that the others had constructed together as they huddled in the confines of the cabin, hiding from the chaos of the outside world.

He opened his eyes when he felt JD's fingers creep up to rest on his cheek; the younger man was leaning over him, face a mask of worry, lower lip caught fast in his teeth. "Hey," he murmured, when Perry's eyes met his. "It's okay now, right? Just a nightmare."

Perry drew a shaky breath, then reached up, imploring; JD instantly lowered himself into Perry's arms, half atop the older man's body, and met his mouth in what he clearly meant to be a gentle kiss.

In the space of a breath, Perry turned it hot and demanding, wrapping his arms around JD's waist and half-urging, half-hauling the younger man up on top of him, bringing him to cover him completely. JD drew a startled breath but did not break the kiss, using one arm to brace himself as he shifted so he lay more comfortably atop his lover. Only then did he draw away, gazing intently down at Perry, hands moving up to cradle his cheeks. He seemed to be looking for something, eyes scanning Perry's face, brows drawn in concentration. Perry felt himself flushing under the scrutiny, and lowered his own eyes, embarrassed.

"Hey," JD murmured, stroking one hand up into the hair at Perry's temple. "Look at me."

Perry did, slowly, and found JD's eyes swimming with emotions: concern, tenderness, and most of all, a love so powerful Perry found he had to remind himself to breathe.

"I love you," JD said softly.

But somehow, instead of making him feel better, the younger man's words only made Perry feel worse. _You shouldn't,_ he thought desperately, but he did not voice the thought. Instead, he forced his face to relax, his lips to curve up in a smile, and murmured, "I love you too."

Though the smile might not have been sincere, the words were, and whether it was the relative darkness of the room or something else, JD apparently was satisfied. He smiled, bending to kiss Perry once more, and Perry tightened his grip, drinking him in, determined to soak up as much of the younger man as he could.

 _He shouldn't be here_ whispered a small voice in the corner of his mind. _He's everything you're not: freedom, light, air, joy, youth, beauty. What could you possibly do but drag him down?_

Weakened by both his exhaustion and the lingering fear of his dream, he could not argue. The voice took up residence in a corner of his heart, a small, admonishing presence that told him every moment he stayed was a moment spent selfishly, that he would only ever be putting him in danger.

JD could feel Perry just getting tenser and tenser, and more and more upset, and finally decided he could let it keep happening, or he could try to distract him. Distraction seemed best. He ducked deepened his kiss, pressing in with tongue and teeth, willing the other man to respond to him.

Perry did so instantly, tightening his arms around JD, gripping the younger man's hips in his palms. He was shuddering, making odd little whimpers that JD swallowed and answered with further kisses. He dragged JD down, thrusting his hips up against the younger man's, desperate to block out the images of his dream, to feel JD warm and solid and whole against him.

JD didn't fight the move, just ground his hips down against Perry's, kicking free of the blankets, still kissing him just as forcefully. Whatever Perry's dream had been, it'd taken him away, and he seemed to be coming back now. And JD was willing to do whatever it took to bring him all the way back. If that happened to include sex, well...nice that he'd get to enjoy it, too.

Perry moaned softly, not breaking the kiss, grinding up in return. For a few long moments they stayed that way, hips pressed tightly together, rubbing sensuously. But after a while Perry broke the kiss, panting. "Take me," he whispered, and his voice was a rough, pleading whimper. "Please."

JD heard the words, but instead of making his heart leap, as he'd expected they would, he frowned. Perry sounded needful all right. In fact, he sounded downright desperate, but not in a good way. "Why now?" he found himself asking, kissing Perry again lightly before pulling back again to drop sucking bites along his neck.

"I..." Perry trailed off, squeezing his eyes closed, grinding his teeth against the sob that was squeezing at his throat. _God. Get it together, Perry..._ "I just..." He shook his head, unable to explain. How was he supposed to tell JD he wanted the younger man to take him because he was hoping it would hurt? Hoping that the pain might be enough to erase the images of his dream, or silence the voices in his head that tormented him with other scenarios like it?

"Yeah, I thought so." JD kissed him again, but much more tenderly, the urgency gone from it. "Not like this, Perry. I will, God, believe me, I _want_ to, but not like this. Not when you're about to cry..."

JD kissed Perry again, hands moving over the older man's arms, rubbing and massaging gently, trying to relax him. It was an uphill battle, and Perry fought against letting go of himself every step of the way. But JD was nothing if not persistent. "Talk to me," he murmured, finally, pulling away again. "Please?"

Perry stared up at him, wide-eyed. God--JD had just turned down...and for what? To _talk_?

Rather than want to mock him for it, however, Perry was simply genuinely amazed. He found himself speaking before he had the power to stop himself: "I'm... scared."

JD relaxed a little, when Perry finally answered, though the astonishment on his face right before had been amusing and a bit wounding. Then again, a big part of JD couldn't believe he hadn't jumped at the offer, either. And was kicking him for it. He ignored that voice, though, and nodded, kissing Perry again softly. "I figured. What of?"

"Of..." Perry trailed off, frowning. Of what?

_I'm afraid of what you'll do, for my sake. I'm afraid of what might happen to you, if you come rushing in again like you did today, trying to play the hero._

That was it--or at least a large part of it--but it was deeper than that. It was more like he'd foiled the universe's plans by ending up with JD, and that somehow, someday, someone would take note of it and drag them apart again.

"I just..." he shook his head slowly. "This... this is so wonderful, but I'm... I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess." He shrugged, looking down, feeling embarrassed for making such a big deal out of it.

JD just kept from giggling. "The world going into complete upheaval seems like a pretty big shoe to me," he observed, kissing Perry softly. "The wings, the riots, the being forced into the hills...I love you, Perry, and finding you love me is one of the best things that's ever happened, but I don't think we're going to have to pay for this anymore than we already have. If you think we need to pay for it at all...I'm not sure the world works that way."

He kissed Perry again, for a long time, before pulling back and smiling softly. "You know you're stuck with me, right? I spent too long chasing you to let you get away now."

Perry smiled, though it was sad. "It's not you I'm worried about," he said softly.

"I'm not letting anything else take you away from me, either," JD said firmly, feeling he'd finally gotten to the heart of the matter. "I swear. Not if there's a thing I can do to stop it."

Perry drew a sharp breath. "That's what I'm afraid of," he murmured, but shook his head. "I'm sorry. Just... nightmare has me a little on edge, I think."

"I'm not surprised," JD replied, pressing close, shuddering a little. "I hate nightmares..."

Perry glanced down at him, frowning at his tone. "You been having nightmares, Newbie?" he murmured.

JD shrugged a little. "I usually sleep really well, really deeply...lately I haven't been. I've been dreaming a lot."

"Yeah? About what?"

JD raised an eyebrow. "What was yours about?"

Perry sighed. "You," he admitted softly.

"Yeah, well...fair's fair. Most of mine are about you." JD eased off of Perry, going to open the curtains, suddenly not wanting to have this conversation in the dark. It was snowing again, he saw, as he opened the blinds; the late afternoon light was dimmed by the storm clouds, but it was at least a little lighter than it had been. Fucking weird weather. "Do you know how many times I've had to be scared for you, since this thing started? And I keep dreaming...that you're lost somewhere, hurt, or maybe dying, and that...that it's my fault. And I try to find you but I can't, because it's like I can't move, and then when I _do_ find you it's too late." He shook his head, looking down at his feet, trying not to let the images that had been haunting his dreams the past few weeks overtake him now.

Perry bit his lip, studying JD for a second; then, deciding JD deserved at least a little honesty from him, he began to speak. "In mine, you were flying," he murmured. "And you kept asking me to join you, but I couldn't, because I didn't have wings, and as soon as I told you that, your wings fell apart, and you...you fell." He stopped there, shuddering, and realized he couldn't speak of the rest of his dream; some distant, illogical part of his brain warned him against planting the idea in JD's head.

Besides, that was ridiculous. His wings would come in soon enough, and they would...he shuddered again. _Match._ That was how JD had put it, wasn't it?

JD looked back at him, wings slumped. "Our subconscious minds suck," he said gravely, before climbing back on the bed and curling close against Perry, almost hoping the unicorn would show up again.

"Tell me 'bout it," Perry murmured.

JD sighed, and was silent for a long moment. "They'll go away," he whispered at last. "When things calm down...when we don't have to be afraid anymore, our brains will stop torturing us. I mean, I almost _never_ dream about showing up naked for a test I haven't studied for now..." he trailed off, then suddenly, he giggled.

Perry frowned at him, eyebrow lifted. "What could possibly be funny?"

JD blushed, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. "Oh...I dreamed once that I showed up naked at work, and hadn't done something you'd told me to--paperwork, or something minor like that. I was able to persuade you to forgive me. Thanks to my nakedness, and the fact that Kelso's office was empty..."

Perry raised his eyebrows, a delighted grin creeping across his face; his body, which had calmed considerably as they'd shared nightmares, began to stir once more. "Kelso's office? You did _not._ "

JD nodded, biting his lip around his grin. "I did," he confirmed. "Actually... _you_ did."

"Mmm. That so?" Perry teased, dragging JD on top of him again. "Care to show me how that went?"

JD hummed contentedly as he settled atop the other man, and rolled his hips down, rubbing against Perry again. "Well, Doctor," he panted. "I believe it was something like this..." And while the dream had involved a blow-job and a spanking, JD went directly for Perry's mouth, kissing him again deeply as his hips pressed down, guiding them into a delicious grind.

Perry moaned, the feel of JD's erection pressed tightly against his own sending shivers down his spine. "No complaints so far," he panted. "Continue."

JD did.

Afterwards, sweaty and sated and drifting back to sleep, JD leaned up to kiss Perry softly. “We’re going to be okay, you know,” he said, voice low. “We really are.”

Perry drew a deep breath and nodded, giving JD what he sincerely hoped was a reassuring smile. JD bought it, thankfully, smiling back before settling in against Perry’s shoulder again, arms wrapped around him securely. He drifted off quickly, slipping back into a light sleep.

But for Perry, sleep was slow in coming.

 _We’re going to be okay,_ JD had said.

Whether it was a lingering effect of the nightmare or something else entirely, however, Perry couldn’t shake the feeling that the worst was yet to come.


	22. Chapter 22

The good news was they'd undressed this time. The bad news was they were _still_ undressed when Elliot came in half an hour later to wake them for dinner.

JD had fallen back asleep, curled atop Perry's chest, but Perry was awake, gazing out the window at the falling snow and trying not to think about how much the large fluffy flakes resembled feathers. The sound of the hooves in the hallway gave him just enough time to grab the sheets and throw them over his and JD's entwined bodies before the knob twisted and Elliot poked her head in. "JD? Dr. Cox--oh!"

Perry growled. "What is it there, Barbie?"

Elliot averted her eyes, her blush visible even in the relative dimness of the room. "I--just--um, dinner. You know. When you--when you want it."

"Thank you," he said, raising an eyebrow. Then, when Elliot stood, unmoving, he said, "Now unless you're planning to join us, I suggest you go ahead and get a move on."

Elliot turned scarlet, and backed out of the room so quickly she ran into the banister behind her, and stammered an apology as she pulled the door closed behind her.

"You know, you don't have to keep up the act," JD mumbled against his chest. "They've all got you pegged now." He got up onto his elbows and grinned down at Perry. "You're a big softie."

Perry huffed. "Does this mean they're not afraid of me anymore?" he pouted, sticking out his lower lip.

JD grinned, and leaned down to nibble at it, which made Perry laugh. "Sorry," the younger man said, shrugging. "But nope. Now you're just the cute older doctor I'm doing."

"Still doesn't mean Barbie needs to be a voyeuristic busybody," Perry grumped. "And watch who you're calling 'old.'"

"I didn't say you were old," JD said easily. "I said you were _older._ The implication being older than _us._ And can you blame her, really? I mean...we _do_ put on quite a show..."

"Careful, Newbie."

JD laughed, pulling up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "She mentioned food, right?" he said, pulling on his boxers and looking for his jeans. "Because I'm starved, which means you must be doubly so. Speaking of--let me see your wings! They should be getting pretty big by now."

Perry frowned. "They should?" he murmured, sitting up and extending one, eyeing it worriedly. He'd missed the first part of JD's development, and while Jack's had been pretty fast, he'd always assumed that had more to do with how young he was. Because his...

JD tilted his head, studying the wings. Though they looked to have all their joints and structure in place, but Perry was right--they weren't growing very quickly. In fact, they hadn't grown at all since the last time JD had seen them, in their shower yesterday.

"Huh," he said, moving forward and crawling across the bed to examine them further. He pulled one out, and Perry extended it for him so it stretched to its full length. "That's strange--by this time in my development they were growing a few feet a night, it seemed."

Perry glanced over his shoulder, twitching the extended wing a little. It was working fine, but it was just...well, small. "Is that... bad?" he wondered aloud. "I mean, do you think the rejection might have halted their growth?"

JD shook his head, tracing the line of one of the long finger-like joints on Perry's wing. "I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe it just slowed it down. I mean...your body has a lot to recover from--rejection is usually fatal, after all, so I imagine it must be pretty traumatic on the organ systems. Maybe it's just taking time to heal the damage we can't see, before it focuses its energy on the wing growth."

Perry sighed and snapped his wings in tight, grabbing a shirt and tugging it on over them. "Yeah, maybe," he mumbled.

JD tilted his head in sympathy. "Hey, come on," he said gently. "No rush, right? You'll get there."

Perry snorted, fighting the impulse to ask how exactly JD could be sure of that. Instead, he murmured, "Yeah, I know." Then, when JD continued to look at him, he added, "It's just...frustrating, I guess." He gave JD a half-smile. "Never would've thought it would bug me, being human, but it does. I'm ready to fly with you." He shuddered a little, a flash of his dream flitting across his memory, but he shoved it away firmly.

JD tugged him close and kissed him, long and soft. "You will," he whispered when he broke free, mouth barely an inch from Perry's. "Just not quite yet. I don't want to wait, either, but it'll be worth it." He drew back, and read the residual worry on Perry's face. He reached out, stroking the older man's cheek gently. "Hey," he said. "Stop worrying so much! It'll be okay. I promise." He wasn't entirely certain who he was trying to convince, but he didn't voice his main fear. He wouldn't even allow himself to think it. After all, everyone else's Changes were functional...surely Perry's would be, too?

Perry swallowed, but nodded, trying for a confidence he didn't quite feel. "Yeah. I'm sure you're right." Then he smiled, and draped his arm over JD's shoulders. "And eating real food probably will help. Shall we?"

"I'm tempted to make the mattress squeak and bang the headboard against the wall a few times first, just for effect, but...yeah." JD grinned, pressing into his side and kissing him for a long moment. "I guess I'm ready to share you again."

"Yeah," Perry mumbled. "But that doesn't mean _I'm_ ready to share _you._ " He grinned, and winked, but JD knew him well enough to wonder if there was a little bit of truth to the words.

Then he decided if it meant Perry was more physically affectionate with him, even in front of the others...well, it was more than worth it.

* * *

Carla was already lying stretched across the floor by the fireplace, curled a little around Jack, who was playing with her tail. She glanced over her shoulder at JD and Perry as they came down the stairs. "'Bout time you two woke up," she commented, eyebrow lifted knowingly.

JD felt himself blush slightly, but shrugged. "We were up early," he reminded her. "And it's been a stressful day."

"Apparently not _that_ stressful," Turk quipped from the kitchen, where he was dumping a large pot of spaghetti into a colander in the sink to drain it. Next to him, Elliot was stirring a simmering pot of meat sauce, and there were two mixing bowls of tossed salad already sitting on the breakfast bar. The faint smell of warm garlic butter wafted through the air, and JD knew there was a loaf or two of french bread warming in the oven.

He chuckled as Elliot went bright red, refusing to look up at them. "Telling tales are we, Elliot?"

The blush went straight up to the tips of her ears. "I, um...they asked how you were doing," she stammered.

"Yeah," Carla said. "We did. _How._ Not _what._ "

"No one else I know answers 'how are they doing' with 'they're naked!'," Turk agreed, elbowing Elliot's ribs.

She snorted, and stamped her hoof, scowling. "That's not _all_ I said," she protested.

"Gave them all the details, didja?" Perry continued, a smirk on his face. "This going to be a habit? Should we be blocking the keyholes from now on?"

JD grinned, glancing up at the older man, thrilled he was so comfortable with this. He'd always thought that if, somehow, he and Perry _did_ get together, the older doctor would try to hide it, or be embarrassed. But Perry still had an arm slung over JD's shoulder, and was now teasing Elliot about finding them curled together naked.

_Cool._

"Not _all_ the details," Elliot replied, face still red as she stirred the sauce faster.

"Still more than I think we strictly needed," Turk said, grinning at them. "Never thought you'd let JD be on top, Dr. Cox..."

JD's blush, which had disappeared in the ease of the teasing, returned full force. "I...uh...the wings..." He trailed off, as the others started laughing.

Perry glanced at JD and smiled, taking pity on him. "All right, you girls, that's enough," he said. "You'll give him a complex, and I didn't bring any Viagra."

"Great," JD groaned, turning and hiding his face in Perry's shoulder. "Now you're all going to gang up on me..." He couldn't help smiling, though, snugging himself more firmly in against Perry's side, one wing coming half around the other man. If things had to be going crazy...well, there were worse ways they could be doing so. "So when do we eat?" he asked, patting Perry's stomach. "Gotta keep my man here fed, right?"

Perry snorted, tugging JD's hand and settling it around his waist.

"Right now," Turk replied, grinning openly at them. "Baby, we're ready," he called to Carla.

Carla got up, scooping Jack into her arms and heading toward the kitchen. Watching her, JD was half-reminded of an Animal Planet special he'd seen on the big cats of the world. He recalled the way Perry hadn't been able to stop staring at him, when he'd first shown up at his apartment, and suddenly understood quite well what it was that had so captivated the older man's attention. It wasn't just the fact that JD suddenly had wings. As he watched the others move into the kitchen, crowding easily into a space that should've been rendered awkward by their bulk but somehow wasn't, he realized what it was. His friends...they were all _themselves_ , still, and watching the way they moved was surreal in that it _wasn't_ , somehow. It wasn't awkward and jerky, like some of those fantasy series he'd seen with centaurs and other half-creatures--the human half and the animal half didn't move like two different units. Rather, they worked together seamlessly, flawless and graceful and utterly captivating to watch, both from the medical perspective and the perspective of a fantasy nerd who'd spent a great deal of his formative teenage years reading comic books and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Carla caught him staring at them, and winked. "See something you like, Bambi?" she said, lifting an eyebrow and flicking her tail at him.

JD chuckled. "Just making observations," he replied. "I was thinking you're not like those centaurs in the movies--they always look a little awkward. You know, like it really _is_ half a human and half a horse, instead of one coherent being."

"That's because it really _was_ half a human and half a horse, shoved together with CG and a green screen, and in most cases a pretty low budget," Perry reminded him.

JD ignored him. "But with _you_ guys...I don't know. It's just really cool seeing the way your body is still _yours_ , even if it's half something else."

Elliot nodded as she moved to ladle meat sauce onto Turk's outstretched plate. "I know what you mean," she said, looking him over. "Those wings are...they're _real_ , and they really _belong_ to you. They're not big aesthetic constructs with feathers in the wrong place, or too small to work..."

"Ugh, like those angels in the greeting cards?" JD said, making a face as he moved away from Perry and into the kitchen, beginning to fix his own plate as Turk and Carla moved back toward the fireplace.

"And don't even get me started on those centaurs in that Hercules TV show," Turk said, shuddering a little as he settled down, holding Jack while Carla cut up small bites of spaghetti for him.

Perry frowned, dishing up his own food as the others chatted and examined each other. Not even Jack was left out, but none of them seemed quick to mention his Change, and he couldn't keep from feeling, once again, as if he didn't fit in with them. Ordinarily it wouldn't have bothered him--much--but JD had slipped so _quickly_ back into their company, his easy grin a permanent fixture on his face, his eyes sparkling as he discussed how it felt to have fully grown into the Change...

He scowled, moving to sit on the floor a little ways apart from the others, and started eating mechanically, no longer listening, even as their conversation grew more technical.

"I don't know...the nutritional requirements might be different, but I don't think we'll find out except by trial and error," JD was saying doubtfully. "I _do_ know I'm not looking forward to molting...from the research I've done, it sounds like I'll basically get PMS the whole time."

Perry knew he should probably pipe up with a girl joke--he certainly would have, any other time, but...right now he couldn't bring himself to do it. He caught the odd glance JD threw him, at his uncharacteristic silence, but ignored it, pretending he was simply too absorbed in eating to have heard them.

It seemed to work; JD turned away again, and the four of them kept talking. But Perry did not have much time to celebrate the minor victory, because he realized, as he down at his half-empty plate of spaghetti, that he was full.

_Oh, no._

JD, who had thought Perry's reticence a little odd but had decided to attribute it to his Changed-induced hunger, was listening to Turk sketch out his thoughts on the possible skeletal and muscle structure of his new body. But when he turned back to ask Perry his opinion, he realized the older man had stopped eating, and was now staring at his half-full plate. "Perry?" he murmured, scooting away from the others ad laying a hand on the scale-covered forearm. "Are you okay?"

Perry started, nearly dropping his plate, and looked up to find the others watching him curiously. He realized he hadn't moved or spoken in some time, and flushed. "Oh, I--yeah, fine," he said quickly, a nervous grin on his face. "I just--spaghetti got cold, think I'll go heat it up."

He climbed to his feet, not bothering to check their faces again, and hurried into the kitchen, sticking his plate into the microwave and praying he'd be able to finish his meal, once he'd stalled as long as he could. The last thing JD needed was to have to worry about him again. He'd already admitted to having done quite a lot of that, since this had started, and Perry'd be damned if he brought him down again, when he was finally looking so relaxed--so _happy_.

Besides, maybe he'd just gotten plenty to eat earlier that afternoon. Or maybe it was like JD said: his Change was just slower than it would have been, because of the rejection. After all, surviving rejection was a relatively new thing--as far as he knew, he was the only one who'd _done_ it--so there wasn't a lot out there just yet on what it did to the rate of Change.

Yeah--yeah, he was fine. He'd finish, eventually. He was sure of it. No need to cause any fuss.

Feeling a good deal better, Perry found that when the microwave went off, the prospect of eating more didn't seem so bad. And after this, well...he'd just be more careful about how much he took, that was all. He could pretend he'd gone back for seconds, or that he'd eaten earlier...yeah. Yeah, he could hide this; the others wouldn't have to know a thing.

He took up his bowl and walked back into the living room. When JD glanced at him, a worried expression on his face, Perry merely shook his head, offering him a small smile. "Sorry about that," he said.

"Dude, why?" JD asked, winking at him and leaning against him, hiding his worry under teasing. "You didn't make the pasta go cold. Anyway, Turk, I don't know--I would think the shift in the pelvis would've taken care of the redirect in the spine, and there's probably enough of the S-curve to prevent damage..." he pointed as he spoke, but didn't move from Perry's side, curling his wing around his lover as he and his friends discussed their new anatomy.

But he didn't buy the cold pasta story for a second, and Perry seemed to be eating awfully slowly. What could be upsetting him that much, with the hunger he had to be feeling?

* * *

Perry knew that despite his efforts, he hadn't evaded JD's worry. But fortunately, JD refrained from mentioning it.

For a while, anyway.

But later that night, when Jack had been put to bed and the others had arranged themselves as comfortably as possible (Turk and Carla sharing the floor in Ben's room, Elliot curled on the floor in front of the fireplace), Perry and JD were once again alone in the master bedroom, and JD apparently decided enough was enough.

The younger man turned toward him as soon as the door was closed. "All right," he said, folding his arms over his chest. "Spill."

Perry frowned, moving toward the bed and straightening the sheets. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said shortly.

"Bullshit," JD said easily. "You might've fooled the others, Perry, but I know you better than they do. Something's wrong. You didn't even eat as much as _I_ did at dinner, and for something to be upsetting you that much..." JD shrugged. "It's got to be bad. So tell me what it is, so we can work it out and have make-up sex."

Perry thought fast, mind racing to find something bad enough JD would buy it, but simple enough that they could resolve it quickly. After a mere moment's hesitation, he decided to settle on a half-truth. "It's just...it's going to take some getting used to, that's all," he said. "I guess I'd gotten used to having you to myself."

It _was_ true, too--and it made it easier, somehow, to lie to JD, because it was a lie of omission, rather than a bald-faced untruth. He looked up from brushing off the covers and shrugged, a half-smile playing across his face. "Guess I'm just a little jealous," he said--also true, though for a different reason--then held his breath.

JD studied him carefully. That...that could be true, he supposed. Perry wasn't hugely into sharing things, after all. And even if there was more...well, he knew Perry well enough to know he wasn't going to get any more out of him tonight, anyway. He was rather surprised he'd gotten this much, as it was. And besides, knowing the older man was jealous of his friends...Well. It made him happy enough that he was willing to overlook the rest, for now.

"You're really jealous?" he said, moving forward and rounding the bed to stand in front of the older man. "Why?"

Perry barely bit back a relieved sigh. His smile widened, and he moved forward, shrugging, and slipping his arms around JD's waist. "I dunno," he said. "You're so close to them, and everything, and they still see me as mean old Dr. Cox. Guess I feel a little left out." He was skating a dangerous line, but telling half-truths was also making it easier to sound sincere. And playing the jealousy card seemed to be working--JD hadn't been able to mask the way his eyes had lit up when Perry had admitted to it. "You know me--I love attention. What was it--'Dr. Look at Me', right?"

JD blushed slightly, but nodded. "It was," he said, grinning. "And...well, it's a little weird for me, too, having them here. I don't feel like quite the same person I do with you, when I'm hanging out with them...and I want to include you more than I get to," he admitted, laying his head on Perry's chest. "But it's nice, too...to have the whole family in one place." He frowned, suddenly, wondering if Elliot had heard from Sean...but who knew what was going on in New Zealand? Still, his heart ached for his friend, and he decided that, jealous or not, they'd have to be sure to include her. It had to suck, feeling like the fifth wheel.

Perry nodded, resting his cheek on the crown of JD's head. For a long moment they stood in silence. Then JD perked up a little, lifting his head to smile at the older doctor. "But hey," he said, "in a few weeks you'll have your wings, and we can go flying together while they run, right?"

Perry felt the blood drain from his face, but he nodded quickly. "Right," he agreed. "Air time will be _mine._ Now...I don't know about you, but I'm still pretty exhausted. Shall we?" He pulled back and nodded toward the bed.

JD giggled, but nodded. "Mmhmm. As long as you're not afraid of heights, or anything..." He undressed as he spoke, hesitating for just a moment before slipping out of his boxers as well. He wanted to be prepared in case things took a turn for the sexy, and even if they didn't, he wanted to feel Perry all against him. "Anyway, it'll be wonderful," he said, climbing into bed and settling under the covers. "I'm glad I match you, even if it means I don't match them. Makes it something special we can share...just you and me, and Jack."

"Yeah," Perry said softly, reaching out to turn off the lamp as JD settled in beside him. The resulting darkness made it easier to hide the stricken look he was certain had settled on his face. "One big happy family," he murmured, and though his voice was sincere, he felt his heart twist with the irony.


	23. Chapter 23

Perry's preoccupation persisted throughout the next day, but JD left him to it, trying not to worry. And the claims of jealousy were definitely supported; despite himself, JD was pulled into conversation with the other three more than once, losing himself in what they'd been doing, since he'd first disappeared.

He tried to pull Perry into the group, but the others were obviously a little reticent, and Perry was reluctant, so eventually he gave up. The day passed in a blur of teasing, conversation, and gossip, speculating on the Changes of the few they knew who'd been calling in sick, and just spending time together. They'd not gone back to the field, but they had done a little bit of walking outside, and Elliot had taken care of her excess energy by running laps around the house, leaving JD to wonder how exactly she hadn't gone insane, being trapped inside their tiny apartment for so long.

They'd all had a large supper together, Perry joining them, and JD felt warmed, if exhausted, by the end of the day. He and Elliot sat talking long after Turk and Carla had gone to bed--though JD knew from long experience with their exchanged glances that they probably wouldn't be sleeping for some time.

"I missed you, JD," Elliot was saying, toying with her wine glass. She'd already drunk nearly twice what she normally did, but JD supposed with her bulk now it took that much to get the same effect. He shrugged to himself, watching the fire strike burgundy sparks in the liquid swirling through the crystal glass. "You were just _gone_ , and I felt like I'd lost my best friend..."

"I'm sorry," JD replied, just as softly. They were alone in the living room, Perry having retired shortly after dinner; snow was swirling down outside, soft jazz music was playing in the background, and they'd both had a good deal of wine. He had to smile to himself. A few months ago...he would've taken all this for a sign and tried to seduce her, show her Sean wasn't the one for her...and now he was only hoping Perry would still be awake when he went upstairs. "I'd like to say there was a good reason, but...I just panicked."

She smiled softly. "And you needed somewhere better to hide than a supply closet. I understand. But I still missed you. I'm glad you went to Dr. Cox, though...And I still can't quite believe you two are together. But it makes so much sense, seeing you now. You look happy. You look..." She trailed off, blushing. "Never mind."

"No," JD replied, reaching over to tip her chin up. "What? Tell me."

She took a sip of wine, but nodded finally. "Okay. When he looks at you, kisses you...You get this look on your face, in your eyes, that I always wished I could put there, when we were together. And I never did. No one I've seen you with before has managed it. But when we got here and he kissed you...You lit up from the inside. You're so _right_ together, JD. It's beautiful."

JD blushed deeply, looking down into his glass. But he was smiling, too. "I love him," he said simply.

"I know. And he looks at you the same way." Elliot sighed, suddenly, setting her glass down. "I hope Sean's okay..."

"I'm sure he is," JD replied, taking her hand and squeezing it softly. "New Zealand's a long way away...he's probably just having trouble contacting you. But I'm sure he's fine. He's young and strong, and really sensitive, with all the animals...And he's really good for you, Elliot. I'm sorry I haven't said so before."

She hugged him tightly, and cried a little, but she was smiling again when JD left her a bit later, looking pale and strong and beautiful again. He knew he still loved her, but he was grateful she'd once again taken her proper place in his heart.

And the moment he opened the door and saw Perry reading in bed, his face lit up, just as Elliot had said it did. "Hey. Waiting up for me?"

Perry smiled ruefully. "Well, I've read this paragraph about fifteen times now, so that'd be a yes," he said, tossing the book aside without even bothering to mark his place. He looked up at JD, eyes traveling over him in a way that was at once possessive and tender. "So. What all did the Fantastic Four have to talk about for so many hours?"

JD groaned, kicking his shoes off and dropping his jeans, crawling up onto the bed in just boxers and his loose, long-sleeved t-shirt. "Everything anyone's said in the past month, apparently. I love them, and I've missed them, but...I'm glad I get to come in here and be with you." He kissed Perry softly, before laying his head on the other man's shoulder. "Oh, and Elliot's worried about Sean...she needed to cry a little, after Turk and Carla went to bed. I got yelled at a lot, too," he added ruefully.

Perry lifted his eyebrow, looking down at the top of JD's head. "With good reason," he reminded him.

"Mm. Shh. You're supposed to be on _my_ side, remember?" JD sighed, snuggling closer until he lay half atop the older man.

Perry shrugged. "Still," he reasoned, "can't argue they've got your best interests at heart."

JD nuzzled into Perry's neck, pressing soft kisses along an invisible line from ear to clavicle and back. "Mmhmm..." He was obviously less than interested in his friends, at that moment. As the slow press of his hips confirmed, a moment later.

Perry swallowed, but, feeling slightly impish, he ignored the kisses as best he could. After all, JD'd made him wait all day--why should he give in to him right away? "So. What did they have to say about the hospital?"

JD growled softly, sinking his teeth into Perry's neck for a moment before pulling back. "Things are moderately crazy, apparently," he replied. "Someone new doesn't show up almost every day. Sometimes they call in, sometimes they don't. My treatment for rejection is working. And Kelso's still running things from his office, but no one's seen him for a few days. Now, let's talk about getting you naked, why don't we?"

"I... yeah," Perry said, but he was distracted by the way JD was licking up and down his neck, pausing to suckle at patches of skin that were particularly sensitive. The young man had crawled up to sit astride his hips, a warm, mouth-watering weight settled atop him, rocking gently. "So," he said casually, bringing his hands up to stroke JD's thighs, slipping under the hems of the boxers. "Did you have anything in particular in mind, in this 'naked Perry plan' of yours?"

"Mmm, yes," JD replied. "I did." He shrugged his own shirt off, thought it got caught on one wing, and he had to shake it free, rather ruining the seductive mood he'd been hoping for.

Perry chuckled, stroking the top of JD's thigh with his thumb. "You're so damned cute," he murmured.

JD grinned, leaning down to kiss him again, nipping his lower lip. "Glad you think it's cute," he replied, pulling away again and pushing the covers back, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of Perry's boxers before tugging them down and off, his own following. "I was thinking, earlier," he murmured, sliding down until he hovered over Perry's arousal, "that there's something I haven't done for you yet..."

And he'd wanted to talk to someone he at least knew had given a blowjob or two, before trying it on his own. Not that it had been easy to get Elliot to talk...Carla had been _much_ more informative, when he'd gotten the courage to ask as the two of them were making dinner together. Not that he planned to use all her techniques...but it was nice to know that many actually existed. In a way. And Turk had certainly never complained...

Perry's eyes widened impossibly. "JD...are you s--I mean, you don't have to..." The part of his brain that had responded instantly and favorably to JD's offer shrieked at him to shut up. Lord, and he'd thought JD was crazy, before, for turning down Perry's offer? Here he was doing the same thing!

Still, the calmer, more rational side of him knew this was a pretty powerfully intimate act, and despite everything they'd already done, Perry felt an odd protectiveness rising within him. If JD truly wanted this, then by God, Perry would not complain--he _was_ still a man, after all--but if there was even an instant's hesitation, well--there were plenty of other things they could do that would easily satisfy them both. And he wanted to be sure.

JD crawled forward, leaning down and kissing him deeply, before pulling back again with a smile. "I'm sure, Perry," he said softly. "I...I want to taste you."

 _"Oh."_ Perry swallowed again, the images JD's words brought screaming to his mind making his heart pick up speed. "Well, then... what are you waiting for?" He was going for coy, but he knew he hadn't even come close; his voice was rough with desire, and his eyebrows were in real danger of getting lost in his hair.

"Nothing, now," JD replied, kissing him again before pulling back, lips and tongue marking an invisible trail over the skin of Perry's chest and abs, peppered along its journey by soft bites and sudden hard nips. And finally he reached his destination, pulling back and licking his lips, eyes dark as he looked up at his lover. "Hullo..." he murmured. His tongue flickered out, teasing at the head, gathering and tasting the fluid there.

Perry drew in a sharp breath, head arching back, jaw dropping; his fingers curled into the sheets, clutching desperately. _"Tease,"_ he accused, panting. God--he'd gotten blowjobs before, but none of them had ever made him react like _this_. Every nerve was on fire, ever touch was both an unbearable torture and an indescribable pleasure. And he'd just _started_. Perry knew he might not survive this, but he also knew he might very well die if JD stopped. " _Oh._ "

JD grinned at Perry's reaction and licked him in earnest, his hand curling loosely around the base to hold him steady. He licked his way down, then up again, then back down once more before finally taking Perry into his mouth, carefully covering his teeth. His tongue rippled along the length of his lover's erection as he drew it deep, suckling hard. He would've lost himself in his task, but he was unable to resist looking up, watching Perry's face, soaking in his every reaction and absorbing it, giving him confidence.

Perry was moaning, small, gasping sounds he was helpless to stop. He propped himself on his elbows, watching as JD's mouth--God, those lips--encircled him, sliding down slowly, torturously, then dragging back up to the very tip before plunging down again. The younger man's eyes flickered up again, meeting his, and Perry could read the amusement in his expression.

"You think you're...so good, do you?" he managed, chest heaving as he fought to draw enough breath to speak.

JD couldn't help giggling slightly around his mouthful, but didn't answer in words. Instead, he slid Perry in as deeply as he could take him, tightening his mouth around the other man's cock, swallowing against the press of the head. Perry's helpless reaction to the sudden motion was everything he could've hoped for, even if the sudden arch of the other man's hips did nearly choke him. He pulled back, but the urge to cough disappeared as quickly as it had occurred, and he slid down again, thumbs pressing in on either side of Perry's cock, right at the junction of his thighs. He had to admit, being with a man made some things much easier...he had a good idea of what spots were likely to drive Perry wild.

"S...Sor...nnngh!" The apology for nearly choking his lover died on Perry's lips as JD slid down once more; Perry tried desperately to hold onto his tenuous control over a body that wanted to buck and writhe under that wickedly clever mouth. _God_ , where had JD learned to _do_ this...? The younger man's mouth was hot and slick, his tongue deft and skilled, touching Perry exactly where he needed it exactly when he needed it, and it was all the older man could do not to grab JD's head between his hands and arch up into him.

He clutched the sheets instead, knuckles white, tossing his head back and forth as his chest heaved and he tried not to shout. _Oh, fuck..._

JD glanced up at him again, recognizing the signs...Perry was close. Good. He wanted to throw him over the edge, feel him finish, taste him. He took a deep breath through his nose and carefully relaxed his throat, sliding down again and once more swallowing around his mouthful as his thumbs again pressed in hard, tongue moving and swirling and rippling.

Perry suddenly released the sheets, making a small, desperate noise in his throat, and tapped at JD's hand urgently. "JD, I'm--I'm going to..." A blowjob was one thing, but Perry wasn't sure JD would want him to actually _finish_ while he was still deep in his throat.

JD's only answer was to pull back slightly, tongue flicking right across the head of Perry's cock as it still rested in his mouth. And to start humming. The Jeopardy countdown, actually, but he didn't think Perry was going to take another thirty seconds...and he was right.

Perry arched strongly, the knowledge that JD intended to take him, to _keep_ him, sending him careening to a finish; his climax exploded from him, making his whole body tense up as wave upon wave of pleasure so intense it was nearly pain ripped through him. JD kept him deep, swallowing, prolonging the sensations until Perry was certain he could not survive it any longer. Then he collapsed, utterly limp and sated, back into sheets damp with sweat, drawing ragged breath after ragged breath as he tried to slow his pounding heart.

JD drew back, braced over him, wings half unfurled; as Perry stared, incredulous, JD licked his lips slowly and grinned.

Suddenly, Perry started laughing, a deep, genuine sound that welled from within him. He held out his arms, still chuckling. "Get up here," he commanded.

JD giggled and obeyed, wriggling a little as he snuggled into Perry's embrace. He wanted to kiss him, but wasn't sure how Perry'd feel about tasting himself in JD's mouth, so didn't, just pressed close and tried to ignore the ache in his own cock. "I think you liked that," he said, unable to stop grinning. Changes, wings, the world in uproar...none of it mattered at all, right now, when he was finally and firmly where he'd wanted to be for so long.

"You were always good at diagnostics," Perry replied, grabbing JD's head between his hands and dragging him in for a kiss. The salty musk that met his tongue startled him a little, but he didn't pull back; instead, he deepened the kiss, using the long strokes of his tongue he knew JD loved, until the young man was moaning.

Only then did he release him, gazing into eyes glazed with lust, smirking at the sight of JD's bruised, swollen lips. "Take me," he commanded in a soft voice, eyes gentle as he drew his fingers through JD's hair. "Now."

"Fuck, _yes_..." JD groaned, hips jerking down hard against Perry's at his command. He kissed the other man again first, hard and thorough, before pulling himself up to grab the lube Turk had so thoughtfully packed from the bedside table, trying to ignore his nervousness. Which was actually fairly easy, considering the demands of his body. His cock didn't care that he hadn't done this before, it knew _exactly_ where it wanted to be.

Perry's smirk grew; he rolled onto his stomach, head resting on his folded arms, and glanced at JD over his shoulder. "This what you wanted, Newbie?" he murmured, wagging his ass. "You've been chasing it for how long?"

JD didn't even think, he just reached out and slapped the wriggling rump. "Yes. And three years, give or take. Now hold still."

"Oooh," Perry teased, though internally he shivered; a commanding JD was most _definitely_ an arousing thing. _I enjoy being submissive? Who knew?_ "Was I bad, Newbie?" He stuck his lip out, pouting.

"Consistently," JD replied in the same dry tone as before, managing to hide a grin. He trailed his fingers over Perry's ass, letting them slip along the crack, just softly at first, the pad of one pressing against the puckered hole there for a moment. He shivered, almost unable to believe this could really be happening--that Perry Cox would let him do this. "And if you keep it up, then maybe I _won't_ fuck you through the mattress," he said, going for haughty as he removed his hand.

"Oh, you won't, won't you?" Perry purred, lifting himself up to his knees and pressing himself backwards; he could feel JD's cock brush hard against him for a moment. "Something tells me otherwise," he said, settling back down to the mattress again.

JD couldn't stop the way his hips stutter-jerked forward, or the sharp intake of breath when his cock touched Perry's skin for too brief a moment. " _Jesus_..." He pulled himself back, and slapped Perry's ass again for good measure, trying not to pant obviously.

"Yeah, thought as much," Perry said smugly. He squirmed, waving his ass at JD again and resting his head casually on his hand. "Well?" he said. "What are you waiting for?"

JD growled softly, but didn't say anything. In truth, he was enjoying himself quite a bit, but didn't think he should say so, just in case Perry decided to be contrary. Instead, he merely grinned to himself and leaned down, spreading Perry with his hands and running the flat of his tongue across Perry's entrance. And then again, before changing to sharp, pointed licks.

Perry hissed, his cock twitching where it lay between his belly and the mattress. "Kinky, Newbie," he said, surprised, but not at all unpleasantly so. It felt better than it had any right to, and Perry suddenly understood why this act was popular enough to have been given a name.

"Dude, you have _no_ idea," JD replied, though he really wasn't sure there was much more he'd do that would be considered actually kinky. But at least this seemed to have shut Perry up for the moment. He returned to his work, slicking the fingers of his right hand as his tongue stabbed deeper. One finger slipped in, and he made a face at the slightly metallic taste of the lube, pulling back to let his fingers take over, slipping one in to the second joint.

Perry swallowed, concentrating on relaxing. The feel of JD's fingers sliding into him was strange, but not as unpleasant as he'd feared. He focused instead on how this would feel to JD, and a smile slipped onto his face. He knew JD would love this, and the thought of bringing him that much pleasure was definitely a pleasant one. He sighed, muscles yielding as JD's second finger slipped in, his half-formed wings twitching involuntarily. "Come on, Newbie," he murmured, only half teasing this time. "Hurry it up, will ya? Haven't got all night..."

JD rolled his eyes and curled his fingers, grinning when Perry let out a strangled gasp and clenched down around him. "Yes, we do, actually. And if I want to take that long, I will. So hah," he added, pressing in against that spot again for good measure.

Perry shifted suddenly, moving to his knees and twisting around to grasp JD's erection in his hand. "Will you?" he whispered, squeezing slowly. "Somehow I doubt that."

"Jesus fuck..." JD groaned, trying to keep himself under control, wondering who exactly was topping whom here. "If you keep that up, then no...I won't even get in you."

Perry stroked him one last time, torturously tight and slow, then released him. "Well," he said softly. "We can't have that." He turned back around, leaning forward until he was braced on his hands and knees, then looked over his shoulder. "Your move, Birdboy."

"Suppose I should be glad you're not calling me Polly." JD shook his head, returning to stretching Perry, but faster now. For his own sake as much as the other man's. "Or Birdbrain, for that matter..."

"Don't give me any ideas, Angel," Perry retorted, then blushed when he realized that particular endearment was more sappy than insulting.

JD grinned softly, leaning over to press a kiss against Perry's back. "Don't think I mind that one," he murmured against sweat-dampened skin. He twisted his fingers one last time. "You ready?"

"And waiting," Perry said roughly, gasping at the twist of the fingers within him.

"Mmm...good." JD pulled back, pushing down his own nervousness, and slowly positioned himself behind his lover, guiding his cock into place and pressing forward. "Holy shit..." His breath caught in his throat as he breached the first impossibly tight ring of muscle and somehow held himself still. "Okay?"

Perry had dropped his head down between his arms, panting as the unusual sensations rocked him and forced himself to relax again. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "Keep going."

Moaning in relief, JD pressed forward, eyes rolling back and falling shut as he finally sheathed himself completely. Holy _fuck_ , but this was incredible...so much more than anything he'd imagined it would be, and yet still really real. It was him, and Perry, not some sort of fantasy.

And again, he wasn't imagining anything else, either. Just this...this held his whole attention. "Oh, God...feels amazing..." he breathed, head tipped back as he held himself still for a moment, adjusting. Shit, he might not have to move much after all...he could probably finish just like this, just _held_ in Perry...

"It does, does it?" Perry murmured, a small groan escaping as JD finally pulled back a little and thrust forward again.

"Oh, _fuck,_ yeah..." JD choked, then fell silent, settling into a rhythm, hands holding on to Perry's hips as he pressed in over and over and over...

Perry raised one hand to JD's, which gripped his hip, and laced their fingers together. "Don't hold back," he murmured, knowing the younger man was; his thrusts were short and fast, but somewhat restrained. "Let go--you won't hurt me."

JD opened his mouth to ask if Perry was sure, but closed it again, when the older man met one of his thrusts more solidly than before, and the impact shot through him. He forgot his caution, then, his hips jerking forward, meeting Perry's with a sharp smack of flesh on flesh. He barely held back a cry, and surged forward again, and again, the sounds echoing through the room. But what the fuck, not like the others didn't know what they got up to, right?

"Good," Perry panted, eyes closing around the sensations that were shooting through his spine to burn deep in his belly. "That's good..." He smiled as he felt the thrusts growing more urgent and jerky. "Come for me, JD," he whispered. "Come on. Let it go."

"M'fucking trying to," JD managed, eyes squeezing shut, his rhythm breaking as his thrusts turned faster, less controlled. Sweat had sprung out all over his body, and his wings were raising a cool breeze, beating in time to the movements of his hips, driving him deeper as prickles of heat ran up the backs of his legs, down his spine, centering and exploding out from his groin with one last long, deep thrust. He groaned, deeply, spasming and spilling into Perry.

Perry groaned in return, feeling him let go; he tightened himself around JD, squeezing him and drawing him deeper still. JD whimpered and spurted again, then collapsed heavily over the older man's back, head resting on his shoulder blades between the base of the soft wing buds.

Perry bore his weight steadily, feeling JD's body trembling weakly with the aftermath of his orgasm. For several long moments they remained that way, JD too drained to move. But finally, Perry broke the silence with a soft chuckle. "So much for taking all night, huh Newbie?" he murmured, squeezing JD's fingers, which were still laced in his own.

"Fuck you," JD murmured, squeezing back. "Oops, guess I already did..."

"Damn right," Perry replied, grin broadening. He sat back carefully, JD still leaning heavily against him, and slowly pulled back. JD hissed as his cock slid free, supporting himself on his own only for as long as it took Perry to turn to face him and open his arms.

JD didn't _quite_ fall into them, but it was a close thing. He slumped forward, pressed close, a silly grin he couldn't seem to get rid of on his face. "That was...yeah." He let out a long sigh, stretching and then curling close again with a yawn. "Almost worth barely seeing you today. But not quite..."

Perry shrugged, trying to keep his voice light. "They're your friends," he said. "I'm sure they wanted to catch up." He settled back into the mattress, wing buds folding into their accustomed positions along his spine.

JD nodded, working his arms around Perry. "I know. I wanted to catch up with them, too..." He sighed, but didn't say anything else. There really wasn't anything Perry could do to get the others more comfortable around him, and JD wasn't going to ask him to try. But he wished he didn't have to feel like he had to choose who to spend time with.

Perry shrugged. "I guess it's my fault," he said. "I've been mean old Dr. Cox to them for so long they wouldn't believe me if I stopped." He knew it was true, and he really didn't blame them; still, he couldn't help but sigh. It wasn't the first time his bitter façade had cost him friends, of course, but it was the first time it bothered him this much.

"Carla knows you're not," JD pointed out. "And Elliot's still half in crush with you...I don't think it's anyone's fault, it's just...not how we're used to interacting." He blushed, then, snuggling closer and curling a wing over them both. "I didn't think you'd kiss me in front of them," he admitted softly.

Perry glanced down at him. "No?" He asked, surprised. "Why wouldn't I?"

JD half-shrugged. "I'd always thought that, if by some strange miracle I did get to be with you, that...I don't know. You wouldn't want to advertise it. Not that you'd be embarrassed by me, exactly...I don't know. I'm not making any sense. But I never thought you'd be this open in front of other people." He glanced up into Perry's face, smiling a little shyly. "I really like it," he offered.

Perry nodded slowly, thinking for a moment before he spoke. "JD...I've driven enough people away because I was afraid to admit to what I really felt," he finally said. "I'll admit this is all very new to me, but... it's important enough that I don't want to let my stupid, stubborn pride get in the way again." He paused, glancing at JD, who had lifted his head to look him in the face while he spoke. "But I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I'll slip up occasionally. Just...know that whatever I do, I really don't mean to hurt you by it. And you can always just call me on it, after all." He crooked his mouth into a half-smile, reaching out to stroke JD's chin with his thumb. "I'm an old dog, but I think I can still learn a trick or two."

"You're not old," JD replied, smiling slightly, leaning up to kiss him softly. "You are stubborn, though. But that's okay, because so am I." He relaxed again, eyes closing as he let out a long breath. "Anyway, if you start getting grouchy, I'll just persuade you to be cheerful again. I can be very persistent..." He trailed off in a yawn.

Perry smiled softly, kissing his forehead. "I've noticed that, Newbie. Get some sleep. The other girls will want you back in the knitting circle tomorrow."

"Mmph, too bad," JD mumbled, but yawned again, shifting closer. "M'busy with my family."


	24. Chapter 24

When Perry and JD made their way downstairs (rather late) the next morning, Carla and Turk were sitting next to the fire, Jack between them, all three playing with building blocks. Carla would offer a block to Jack, who would inspect it carefully and show it to Turk before adding it to the large, rather misshapen but unarguably colorful construct between them.

The adults looked up when JD and Perry came into view, identical knowing grins on their faces. "Good morning, you two," Carla said. "Sleep well?"

"No better than you two, I'm sure," JD shot back, though in truth he was just guessing--if Carla and Turk had managed to figure things out between them, well, they'd done a much quieter job of it than he and Perry.

But Turk was grinning that grin, and Carla blushed a little, telling JD his guess was right. He grinned back, walking forward and giving Turk a high-five before sitting down in front of Jack and accepting the block the child handed him. "Seriously, I'm glad you guys were able to... well, you know," he said. "I mean, it's good that this thing isn't taking _everything_ away from us."

"From the looks of things, I'd say it's _given_ you two something," Carla remarked, as Perry walked in from the kitchen with two bowls of bran flakes and offered one to JD.

"Can't argue that," JD murmured in reply, smiling as he slid closer to Perry and curled one wing around him in the gesture that had now become habitual.

Perry didn't reply, but scooted almost imperceptibly closer and began to eat; JD grinned, then turned back toward the others. "Where's Elliot?"

"Out for a run," Turk replied. "She gets antsy pretty quickly. All those muscles and all that energy don't do well cooped up in here all day, I guess."

"I know how she feels," JD replied with a grimace, rolling his shoulders. "After that bullet grazed me I couldn't fly for over a week, and it just about drove me crazy."

Carla stared at him, eyes wide. " _Bullet_!?" she demanded, making Jack jump and stare up at her in bewilderment. JD winced, realizing she and Turk apparently didn't know why he'd really been late that night--only that he had been. He glanced quickly at Perry, but knew from the look on his face that whatever cover the older man had concocted for him, he'd blown it. He decided to tell the truth.

"I was shot at," he said softly. "Maybe twenty minutes from here. Well, twenty minutes if I was flying," he added ruefully. "It was about three hours, walking."

Carla whipped her head around to look at Perry. "You told us he'd cut his arm on a tree branch!" she accused, but before Perry could answer, she turned back to JD. "Someone _shot_ at you?"

"People are scared right now," JD said. "And it wasn't Perry's fault, don't blame it on him."

"He didn't have to _lie_ to us about it--"

"I only did it because I didn't want you to freak out," Perry responded, lifting an eyebrow at her. "Which you are."

"I'm not _freaking_..."

"Yeah, you are," JD said. "But I know why you are, and I appreciate it. But look...I'm okay. I got home, Perry stitched up my arm, Turk took the stitches out, and there's barely even going to be a scar. I'm fine now. It's cool."

"It is most certainly _not_ 'cool!'" Carla snapped, crossing her arms across her chest and glowering at the blocks.

Jack quailed a little, looking up at Perry and JD and reaching for them. "Bah?"

JD reached out and gathered the child into his arms, soothing him. "I know," he murmured to Carla, keeping his voice calm for Jack's sake. "But it's what happened. Like I said: People are scared."

"Dude...she's right, though," Turk said softly, moving to gather Jack's blocks and put them back into the bucket. "I mean...that's messed up." He paused, considering, then added, "Though if there are things like whatever attacked us the other day hanging around, I can see why people would be afraid of anything that big flying overhead."

"Gryphon," JD supplied automatically. "And yeah, that's more than likely what it was."

"I don't know," Carla said, still looking slightly affronted that she hadn't been told about the real cause of JD's injury. "What about all the riots? People are afraid of anyone different, you know that. They could very well have known you were human, and shot at you anyway."

"Well, we don't know that for sure, so until we do, how about we give them the benefit of the doubt?" JD reasoned. "Besides, even if they were aiming for _me_ , the Change is spreading so quickly that it'll probably hit them soon enough." It was one good thing about this Change, given the stories about it--it wasn't going to leave the 'Us and Them' division up for long, apparently. Of course, people might simply start hating the mythological creatures that _weren't_ half human, like the gryphons and unicorns and fairy creatures people had been seeing...he sighed. "Humanity will always find something to hate," he murmured, so low that only Perry heard him; the older man shot him a glance, and set his empty cereal bowl down so he could reach out and squeeze JD's knee.

"Well, I still don't like it," Carla said, scowling as she looked out through the sliding glass door at the snow-covered ground. "Between these anti-Changeling types shooting at us and these creatures attacking at random, it doesn't seem like this place is as safe as we thought."

"It's the best we have," JD reminded her. "Safer than the city. And we're not exactly helpless."

He was looking at Carla when he said it, so he missed Perry's expression, but he felt the older man stiffen beside him. Before he could address him, however, they heard the pounding of hoof beats; a moment later, Elliot came into view, galloping up the hill, an expression of sheer joy on her face. She slowed to a trot then finally came to a halt on the patio, doing an odd little stomping dance to rid her hooves of snow before she pulled open the sliding door and stepped inside.

"Whoo!" she huffed cheerfully, unwinding her scarf. "It's _cold_ out there!"

"So _that's_ what all the snow means!" Turk exclaimed, and she glowered at him.

"It's colder than it _was_ ," she clarified. "You knew what I meant."

Turk snickered, and Carla rolled her eyes at him, but JD frowned, staring out the door. "That's a little odd," he murmured. "The amount of snow we've had is bizarre enough, but it really should be getting warmer, not colder."

Elliot shrugged. "Could be the time of day," she said doubtfully. "But it doesn't seem to be." The she grinned at JD. "And with everything that's going on, I can't believe you're worried about the _weather_."

"That's what I told him before," Perry agreed, grinning, deciding if he was going to change their minds about him, he'd have to start by joining their conversations. Whether they invited him or not.

Fortunately, Elliot's face split into a broad grin. "Hah!" she said triumphantly, pointing a finger at JD. "I got Dr. Cox to agree with me over you!"

JD huffed, though he was secretly thrilled--maybe things would settle down, and all his friends could be friends after all. "I'm still winning," he reminded her, turning to peck Perry lightly on the lips to prove it. "See?"

She rolled her eyes again and clopped forward, pulling off her jacket. "Fine, fine," she agreed. "You're still winning. But I get a point!"

"You can call me Perry, you know," Perry told her softly, looking up at her as she hung her jacket on the rack next to the door.

She looked back at him, eyebrows raised, and for a moment there was a weighted silence in the room. Then Elliot smiled again. "All right," she agreed. "Perry." Then, lowering herself down onto the carpet and tucking her legs beneath her, she said, "Hey, I found a new field for us."

JD raised his eyebrows, but Turk looked confused. "Why do we need a new field?"

"Well," Elliot said, looking a little exasperated, "since that other one is clearly private property and trespassers will be shrieked at or mauled, I figured it would be a good idea. We need somewhere to run around--trust me, we'll go crazy if we don't--and the hill out here is too rocky. My hooves kept sliding around."

"Maybe you need shoes," Carla mused, and Elliot snorted.

"Good idea, Carla. If you hear of any blacksmiths around these parts, do let me know," she said dryly, then beamed when Perry chuckled. "But until you do, I figure finding a flat field is our best bet."

"Props for alliteration," Turk said, winking at her.

JD chuckled at them, setting his now-empty bowl of cereal aside and glancing at Perry's. "Go get more, if you like," he said, knowing the older man had to be hungry still. Then, turning to Elliot as Perry got to his feet and headed back to the kitchen, he said, "So where is this field of yours?"

"About four miles up the mountain," she said, pulling off her cap and shaking her hair, wet droplets of melting snow flying from the blond locks. "Sorry," she apologized to Carla, who flinched as the freezing water landed in her fur. "Anyway, I know it's a little far, but with the Changes, I figure it won't take us long."

JD frowned. "What about Perry?" he reminded her, feeling a little offended on his behalf. "His Change isn't complete. He can't exactly be walking eight miles three or four times a day, or however often you feel the need to take a gallop."

Elliot flushed a little. "Oh, I...I didn't think of that," she admitted, looking embarrassed; Carla shifted uncomfortably, and Turk made a show of taking Jack back from JD and dumping out the blocks again.

JD looked over toward the kitchen, where Perry's back was turned to them as he refilled his cereal bowl. He bit his lip, reading the tension in the older man's shoulders, and remembering his words from the night before: _"Guess I feel a little left out."_ This probably wasn't helping much.

"We could look for a field a little closer," JD said pointedly. "Might be safer for us anyway, not to have to run so far if there's trouble."

Elliot frowned. "But I looked," she insisted. "This is the nearest one I could find--and I did a perimeter check, and nothing came after me. I think it's our best bet."

JD barely bit back a groan; he loved Elliot, but sometimes she couldn't take a hint.

"Maybe Perry could take the truck?" Carla suggested.

They all looked over at the older doctor, who finally turned back toward them with a sigh. "No," he said softly. "I don't want to waste gas; if we lose power we'll need it for the generator."

JD bit his lip, looking from Perry to the others, feeling helpless. But before he could come up with any more suggestions, the older man continued: "I'll stay here, until--until my Change is finished." When JD opened his mouth to protest, Perry held up a hand. "No, it's okay, Newbie," he said softly, moving back from the kitchen and settling down beside him again. "You guys do need your exercise, and I don't; not yet." _And I will not put you in danger again, just to keep myself from wallowing in self-pity._

"But it's not fair," JD murmured, a frown on his face as he scooted in closer to the older man. "Surely there's somewhere closer."

"No, actually, there's probably not," Perry said, voice normal volume. "I think I know the field she's talking about--it's about the closest thing that's going to be big enough to be of any use to you four. Five, if you take Jack with you." He looked at JD, shoving his hurt down and away and calling a genuine smile to his face. "It's okay," he said. "Really. It'll give me some time to get some work done around here. I still need to go through those boxes of Ben's, and I want to put in new grout between the tiles in the master bathroom. I saw some in the garage."

JD laughed, waving him off. "Okay, now you're talking home improvement, so you've officially lost me," he said. Turk and Carla relaxed visibly, and Elliot grinned at them.

"Good thing _someone_ here knows something about it," she remarked. "It might come in handy."

Their conversation picked up again, and Perry joined in, laughing and making jokes in the appropriate moments, but inside his emotions were muddled. A part of him knew the reasons he'd given for staying behind were good ones: after all, he _didn't_ feel any particular need to go running around, especially not that far and in so much snow, and there _were_ things he could be doing around here. The cabin was in good repair, but it would need work to stay that way, and the longer he let it go, the more difficult it would be. Still, the sinking feeling of being left out or left behind remained, and no matter how hard he tried to reason it away, it stayed firmly rooted in his heart, taunting him.

But when the four of them bundled up a few hours later, each eager to try out this new field of Elliot's, he forced a smile onto his face and walked with them to the end of the driveway.

JD paused there, taking Perry's hands in his and staring into his eyes, concern written plainly on his face. "Hey," he said softly. "You okay, really? I'll stay with you if you want--just tell me, and I swear I will. Might even be kinda nice, having the place to ourselves..."

Perry smiled. "After last night, you're ready to go again?" he teased, but when JD didn't rise to the bait, he shook his head, face going serious. "I'm fine, Newbie," he said. "Really. You guys need the exercise." He smiled again, moving to plant a soft kiss on JD's lips. "Besides," he added. "You can pay me back tonight."

JD grinned, shivering a little. "Yeah," he said. "I guess I could do that." He leaned in and kissed Perry again, a long, slow kiss, ending it only when Turk called from the road: "Hey! Break it up, you two, it's not like we'll be gone for _that_ long!"

JD laughed, turning to Turk. "You could leave now and Perry and I could knock one out, and I'd _still_ beat you to that field, four-legs," he taunted.

"Oh, _really!_ " Turk replied, then spun on his heels and began to dash up the road. "Let's see you make good on that one, Wingboy!"

Perry just laughed as Elliot and Carla sprang after Turk, the three of them quickly vanishing around the curve in the road. "You'd better go," he said. "They're pretty fast."

JD smirked. "I'm faster," he said. "They have to take the road." He paused, bringing his hands to Perry's face and kissing him lightly once more, first on the mouth then on the tip of his nose. "Soon you'll be joining me," he promised softly. "You, me, and Jack--we'll kick their collective furry asses." He winked; then, spinning and taking a running start, he leapt into the air, one powerful beat of his wings sending him soaring over the tops of the trees.

Perry watched him until he vanished, then turned to head back into the house. In truth, there was another reason he wanted some time alone, and it had nothing to do with grout.

* * *

Perry stared at the laptop in dismay, shoulders slumped.

The few news sites that were still being updated regularly were focused primarily on the Changeling phenomenon and its impact on the world stage, covering everything from speculation about causes (and some were pretty outlandish, Perry had to admit, even given the outlandish nature of the Change itself) to the economic impact to musings on the technological and structural renovations that would be necessary afterward.

But there were still one or two sites whose foci were medical, and it was to these Perry gravitated, looking for anything about rejection and Change rate.

He stared at the headline in front of him, feeling despair welling from within.

_ New Treatment for Rejection: Cure or Delay? _

_Sacramento, CA: A new rejection treatment that involves sedating and tube feeding the mutating patient may only be a delay tactic, experts say._

_This new treatment, which sources have traced to a small hospital in Sherman Oaks called Sacred Heart, may only stall the rejection process._

_Erin Hoffman, a thirty-six-year-old female and the first known patient to receive this rejection intervention, passed away last night in her home only twenty-two hours after being released from the hospital._

_Family members say Erin's development, which they declined to identify, had progressed throughout treatment, but began to show signs of slowing once she was removed from the sedatives._

_While her condition remained stable in the hospital, she slipped into a coma upon returning home and died several hours later. Family members report no visible signs of distress were apparent before her relapse._

_"This is very disappointing, of course," stated Chief of Medicine Bob Kelso in a phone interview with our correspondent. "We're doing all we can, but this thing is too new for us to really know what we're dealing with."_

_Other rejection patients who have undergone treatment are still stable, sources report, but medical personnel advise families to remain vigilant._

_"There's always the possibility that Miss Hoffman was a fluke," Kelso admitted. "Others may respond to the treatment and make a full recovery."_

_Kelso also stated hospital officials had no reason to suspect the treatment itself killed her. "Right now, it's our best option, and it's not a medically dangerous one. It's basically protocol in the case of any coma patient, anyway."_

_Asked if Sacred Heart would keep using the treatment, Kelso responded in the affirmative. "Until someone comes up with something else, we'll keep doing all we can to keep these people alive."_

Perry stared at the article, drawing a deep breath before releasing it slowly, passing a hand before his eyes. It wasn't the only one, either. There had been others soon after:

 _Rejection May Not Be Treatable, Experts Say_.

And:

_Halted Change in Rejection Patients Appears to be Permanent._

So even if the rejection didn't kill him, there was a good chance his growth had stopped. For good.

JD's voice floated into his head: _"In a few weeks we can go flying together... it'll be wonderful."_

And then, behind it, an echo from his dream: _"You can't. You can't come with me."_

Then an image of JD, bloody, wings severed and splayed on the ground behind him: _"I did this for you, Perry. For you."_

He folded his arms on the desk, lowering his head into them dejectedly; on the screen, the article sat staring back at him like a death warrant.

 _God_ , he thought, shaking his head slowly. _How am I going to tell JD?_

* * *

In the end, he decided not to.

Though he kept a close eye on the news sites for the next few days, Erin Hoffman appeared to be the only patient who had died despite being treated for rejection. Perry took that as a very good sign--as did Kelso, in further interviews (which were always over the phone, Perry noted; he wondered what Kelso had become, that he felt the need to hide). Still, as the days passed, more and more reports came in on patients whose Changes appeared to have stopped completely.

For some, like the 'taurs, this was a major issue. Recalling the way Turk, Carla and Elliot had been completely paralyzed for several days, Perry knew that as far as half-Changes went, he'd been lucky. But it was hard to see it that way, watching JD and the others disappear two or three times every day, catching the regretful looks JD cast back at him as he stood in the driveway.

And it was getting very, very difficult to hide the fact that he wasn't Changing any more from JD.

"Are you sure you're getting enough to eat?" JD asked him yet again, as they sat around the fireplace one evening. Turk and Carla had retired to their bedroom (apparently whatever they'd worked out was working _very_ well) and Elliot was upstairs, giving Jack a bath. JD had watched Perry all through dinner, noting that he'd eaten only three slices of the pizza they'd cooked and only one bowl of salad before resigning himself to the wine they'd opened (Perry had unearthed a box of Merlot while going through some of Ben's things).

Perry swallowed, but nodded. "I had quite a lot to eat while you guys were out this afternoon," he said, using the excuse that had become second nature to him over the last few days.

JD frowned again. "So you say," he said slowly. "But I've been keeping an eye on our food supply, in case we start to run low, and it's not changing much." His expression softened, and he reached out, laying a worried hand on Perry's arm. "Look, I don't want you to relapse," he said quietly. "Don't worry about eating too much--the order I placed should be here tomorrow, and even after that--well, they're letting Changelings into grocery stores again, we can go back into town if we need to."

Perry nodded swiftly, seizing upon the excuse JD offered. "It's just that with the others being 'taurs, they need so much more food..." he trailed off, then shrugged. "Didn't want to be taking more than my fair share." He felt horrible, lying to JD, but it was honestly better than admitting he might be a half-Changed... _freak_ the rest of his life.

"Your fair share is as much as it takes to get you through this," JD said firmly, feathers ruffling a little. They'd become a better indicator of his mood than any expression ever had been. "I'm surprised you haven't lost any weight...but I suppose it's because the growth's slowed down, too." He frowned, chewing on his bottom lip. "Promise me from now on, you'll eat until you're full?"

 _I have been_ , Perry thought a little desperately, but outwardly he made a show of looking sheepish and nodding. "Promise."

JD's frowned deepened, though, and he scooted closer. "Perry? Is there anything else?" He didn't really expect an answer, but he knew there was something else wrong. There had been, for days, and the jealousy thing couldn't be all it was. Not even Perry would get _this_ bent out of shape over a crowded house. "I really don't mind staying, you know, when they go to the field..."

Perry shook his head, a little too quickly. "No!" he said quickly, then realized that had probably sounded a little rude, and forced a smile onto his face, shaking his head again. "No," he repeated, more calmly. "You need the exercise. I miss you, of course, but I get to steal you the rest of the time, so it's only fair they get you for a while each day, right?"

JD made a face. "I'm done way before they are, and I want more time alone with you...So I'm not being completely selfless, I guess," he added, grinning. But the grinned slipped a little, when Perry didn't respond right away. "Unless...you want the time alone. I understand that, it must get annoying with all of us underfoot..."

Perry very nearly groaned aloud. _Shit!_ JD had pulled away a little, and his expression was guarded, but Perry could see the hurt in his eyes. But he wasn't ready to tell him, yet. Not until he was absolutely sure--not until he'd done more research. And to do that, he'd need time alone. He drew a breath, and murmured, "It's...it's not that. It's just--I'm used to living alone, you know? And having this many people under one roof is taking a little bit of adjustment, that's all."

JD blinked, drawing back just a little bit. "Oh," he said. "Yeah, that makes sense, I guess."

"It's not you, kid," Perry said seriously, sliding forward to cover the distance JD had created and then some. "I promise. It's just going to take me a little while to adjust, that's all."

JD looked up at him and smiled wanly. "Yeah, I know," he said.

Perry bit his lip, reading the lingering hurt in JD's eyes, and opened his mouth to speak. But he'd only gotten out, "JD..." when the cabin phone suddenly rang.

Perry looked up, startled, then glanced back at his lover, who waved him off. "Better get that," JD said, smiling softly to show him it was okay.

Perry hesitated, but knew only a few people had this number, and none of them would call unless it was important. He scrambled to his feet as the phone rang for the third time, darting into the kitchen and picking up the portable. "Hello?"

"Perry?"

The voice on the other end of the line was distant, barely distinguishable through the static, but unmistakable nonetheless. "Jordan," he said. "Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Danni..." Static. "...going to the ocean, and I just wanted..." Static.

"Jordan," Perry said, voice a little louder than usual. "Jordan, you're breaking up..." He moved into the living room, one finger jammed into his ear, trying to hear his ex-wife. "You and Danni what? Are you hurt?"

He moved past JD who sat watching him from the floor, grabbing his coat and stepping out onto the patio, trying to get better reception.

JD watched as the door slid shut behind the older man, and drew his knees in to his chest, resting his chin on them. He wrapped his wings around himself, as well, reflecting he would've enjoyed being able to make a complete little room like this as a kid...

God, what was _with_ Perry? Not eating enough, still so jealous, pulling away from him...JD sighed, closing his eyes, wishing he was better at relationships, better at figuring out what was going on, what he was supposed to do. And wishing he didn't feel that twinge of jealousy, watching Perry completely abandon their conversation to talk to Jordan.

 _Stop it. Stop it right now,_ the voice in his head hissed at him. _It isn't the same, and you know it._ Jordan and Danni were quite literally becoming fish out of water, and if they needed help, JD would fly to them himself. He couldn't blame Perry for being worried for them--even if they weren't together, he and Jordan were still friends, still Jack's biological parents, and Danni had risked her own safety to come out and help JD when Perry was in trouble.

Still, he found himself hoping whatever it was wouldn't take long. He wanted Perry back in here. Wanted to find out what was really going on.

It was another five minutes or so before he got his wish, the sound of the glass door sliding open accompanied by a blast of icy air that crept in the gaps of his wing-cocoon. He lifted one, looking up, thinking that Perry must be frozen, but his lover was shutting the door absently and apparently in no rush, staring at the phone in his hand. JD frowned, drawing his wings back a little further. "Perry?"

Perry looked up, startled, and his eyes met JD's, solemn. "They're going out to sea," he murmured.

"Out to see wh--Oh!" JD bit his lip, realizing what Perry meant. "Wow. That's...wow. Did they make any contacts, or are they going out blind?"

"Jordan located a colony," Perry responded. "She's been exploring some while she waited for Danni to finish Changing, and I guess she met up with a few of their scouts. They're...they're going to be traveling toward Mexico--there's word of a colony there setting up some kind of sea-to-shore communication link. Won't be back for a few months, at least, and she wanted to let us know, in case the rumor is false..." He shook his head, walking slowly toward the kitchen and replacing the phone very gently. "It's...strange," he murmured, voice very quiet. "I might never see her again."

JD steeled himself and stood up, going over to touch Perry's arm lightly. He liked Jordan, too, he reminded himself firmly, and it wasn't strange to be upset at the thought of never seeing her again...after all, how hard would that be on Jack? "We will," he said softly, pushing down his own twinges of jealousy at the look of loss in Perry's eyes.

Perry sighed, looking over at him, eyes still a little distant. "I hope so," he said. "I...don't know how dangerous it is, or how equipped they'll be to...to handle things in the ocean, but...they won't be alone, I guess..." he trailed off, shaking his head slowly. "I just...can't believe this is all happening..."

"Me either," JD replied, sighing when Perry looked right through him. "Do you want to go up to bed? I'll clean things up down here."

"No," Perry said softly, and his eyes focused sharply. He reached out and grabbed JD's wrist. "Leave it," he said. "Come with me. Please."

JD started to protest, but one look at the need in Perry's eyes silenced him, and he followed the other man up the stairs. Perry drew him into the bedroom, barely pausing to shut the door behind them before he began removing JD's clothing. Or trying to. His hands were shaking, his breathing somewhat unsteady, and with a sigh, JD caught his hands in his own, pushing him gently to the bed and taking over. He disrobed quickly, then moved to do the same for Perry, though he was much slower about it. Perry watched him, eyes still a little lost, and JD decided, as he climbed astride the older man and began to move against him in slow, comforting undulations, that whatever else was bothering him would clearly have to wait until morning.

He found, as Perry began to relax and respond to his ministrations, that he didn't mind as much as he might have.


	25. Chapter 25

_Perry didn't recognize the child's face, and at first, alarmed, he thought she was choking. But then, as she laughed at him, he realized she was fine--she was simply_ blue _._

_"Who are you?" he asked._

_She giggled at him, and vanished, scampering into the trees that surrounded them. Worried she could get lost or hurt, Perry started after her, following the sound of her giggling, but she remained elusive, always just out of sight. He thought he would feel frustrated, but instead he found himself wanting to laugh; it felt strangely like playing peek-a-boo with Jack._

_"Come on!" she giggled whenever he slowed, and he obeyed each time, following her through the trees._

_"Wait," he called eventually, laughing. "Wait for me, would you?"_

_She appeared, then, directly in front of him, and her laughing face grew serious, almost sad. "I can't," she said softly. "Not for much longer. You have to find me."_

_"How?" he asked. "How can I find you."_

_She studied him for a moment. Then, quite abruptly, a pair of delicate, gossamer wings appeared from her back, through the thin, wispy fabric of her layered gown; as he watched, they began to flutter rapidly, and the child rose into the air so she was at eye level with him, a soft glow of light surrounding her and filling the air._

_"Follow the song," she said, her voice suddenly sounding older, somehow--wiser._

_"The song?" Perry asked, awed as the light grew around them so the trees were barely visible. "What song?"_

_She laughed as though he had said something very funny, and vanished once more, but the glow remained; as Perry stood, he suddenly realized he could hear music, the soft sound of many voices rising as though from the earth itself, harmonizing, filling him with a joy he couldn't ever recall having felt, saving perhaps the first time he'd kissed JD, or the first time he'd held his Jack, knowing he was the boy's father._

_And then, abruptly as it appeared, it faded, taking the light with it. After a few moments, he was standing alone in the darkened forest, the sounds of the night surrounding him, and the soft echo of the child's laughter, and her voice:_

_"Find us. Follow the song."_

* * *

Perry woke, then, heart beating rapidly, the memory of the dream vivid; he strained to hear through the darkness, thinking trying to catch a snatch of the song, or the child's laughter.

But the only sound that met his ears was the gentle rhythm of JD's breathing, and the soft sounds of the house settling around them.

He glanced automatically toward the window, but it was still dark; a quick look at the clock told him it was only 4:45 in the morning.

He rolled to one side, bumping into one of JD's wings as he did so, and glanced at the younger man. JD was still asleep on his stomach, back rising and falling gently, lips parted a little. Perry swallowed, reaching out to gently stroke some of the hair away from JD's forehead; JD sighed, smiling a little, and snuggled himself more firmly into the pillows, mumbling something that might have been Perry's name. Perry smiled in turn, though it was tense, and bent to press a quick kiss to JD's temple.

Then, sliding carefully out of bed and adjusting the covers over his lover, he pulled on his clothing and headed downstairs, pausing only long enough to don his boots and a heavy coat before slipping out into the frigid morning air.

* * *

JD awoke to the faint sounds of the television in the den. He blinked, stretching, rolling toward Perry's side of the bed and reaching for his lover.

Only to have his arm meet with empty sheets, already cool.

He opened his eyes, frowning, and realized he was alone in bed. Propping himself up on one elbow, he peered at the alarm clock on the bedside table, wondering if perhaps he'd overslept again. But the clock read 8:42am. Not exactly the crack of dawn, sure, but certainly not too late for Perry to still be asleep beside him.

Besides, most mornings when Perry awoke before he did, the older man would stay in bed and hold him until he woke up, claiming JD was a good natural blanket, and a better source of heat than any fireplace or furnace. JD had always snorted at him and accused him of simply secretly liking to cuddle, and despite the fact that the claim would inevitably earn him a scowl, he'd always assumed it was true.

He shook himself, kicking off the remainder of the covers, which slid to the floor in a heap. He was being dramatic, that was all. So sure, things hadn't been going as smoothly as they were before, but it wasn't like there weren't good reasons for it.

He just wished Perry would tell them what the reasons _were._

He pushed himself out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, relieving himself and splashing water over his face before returning to pull on a pair of boxers and one of Perry's wing-modified hoodies.

As he shrugged into the oversized shirt, flapping a little to get it settled, he wondered if the fact that Perry hadn't Changed was truly the source of the older man's odd behavior, as he'd claimed. His Change was certainly progressing slower than the rest of theirs had--maybe due to his age, or maybe as a side effect of the rejection--and they _were_ leaving him behind fairly often, in conversation and in their trips to the field.

Could that really be all it was? Jealousy?

That was what Perry claimed, but JD sighed, wishing he could feel sure of that. Even for Perry, who was hardly renowned for being particularly emotionally stable, it would be a little extreme. Perry was barely _speaking_ to him, and apart from last night, which JD knew had been more for a distraction than anything else, they'd not had sex in nearly a week. Not to mention the fact that Perry didn't seem to be eating enough, and he seemed to be getting fatigued more easily than he had. Those two symptoms could be related--JD remembered getting plenty tired, himself, when he'd been trying to survive in that dingy hotel on barely enough food to keep a _normal_ human going--but JD wasn't sure why Perry was starving himself in the first place. It couldn't be their food supply; Perry knew they had more on the way.

Then what _was_ it?

He shook his head again, walking out of the master bedroom and heading down the stairs, determined to ask Perry about it and make him answer, this time. But when he walked into the den, it wasn't Perry he found, but the 'taurs, curled up with Jack bouncing nearby in his playpen, watching CNN.

Of all the news stations, CNN was the only one that still had semi-regular broadcasts. None of them were certain how long it would last, as several of the anchors and correspondents were clearly beginning to Change, but they were determined to keep up with what was happening in the world as best they could for as long as they could.

JD paused in the kitchen long enough to fix himself a bowl of Lucky Charms before wandering into the den, settling down next to Elliot. Turk and Carla were sprawled nearby, Carla leaning against Turk's chest as he played absently with her hair. He nodded to them when they smiled in greeting, but when he started to ask about Perry, they shushed him, pointing to the TV.

He lifted his eyebrows, but obeyed, turning his attention to the screen. And soon was rather enthralled himself. The newscaster was reporting on Rejection, and there were two eco-biologists (one with scales visible on his forearms, the other with oddly shifting lumps on his back beneath his jacket) speculating on the causes and treatments.

"They've been talking about your treatment," Elliot whispered to him, as the camera zoomed in on a half-mermaid teen under sedation, peg feed in her stomach. "They think it might be altering the Change rate."

"We already knew that," JD whispered back, frowning as the camera turned to a nearby nurse who was being interviewed. "Perry's Change slowed way down, remember?"

"These guys are saying it might even have stopped it, though," Turk mumbled, frowning at the screen. "Completely."

"What?" JD scoffed, shaking his head. "How--but Perry would've told me, if his Change had stopped..."

He trailed off, troubled, suddenly not quite sure he believed himself. He returned his attention to the news, listening to the various theories, taking mental notes and adding them to the observations he'd made on his own when he'd been treating Perry.

When the program ended, Turk flipped off the television, and they sat in silence for a moment, absorbing the new information. Finally, Elliot said, "Do you think...do you think it's true, then? The treatment is stopping some people's changes?"

"Sounds like it's stopping all of them, from what they were saying," Carla said, nodding at the TV set; the program had ended with the scaly-armed biologist commenting that as of yet, there'd been no documented cases of a Rejection patient completing his or her Change.

JD frowned again. "But...why wouldn't it have stopped Perry's, then?"

"It did."

Simultaneously, the four of them turned their heads sharply to see Perry leaning against the doorframe to the den, arms folded across his chest. His face grew slightly flushed as they stared at him agape, but he met their gazes solidly, eyes drifting from face to face before finally settling on JD's and remaining there.

JD stared at him, unable to make himself speak, trying to sort the strange swell of emotions Perry's words had caused in him. Confusion. Worry. Guilt, that it might've been his treatment that halted the Change.

Hurt, that Perry hadn't told him.

"Are...are you sure?" Elliot finally said, when it became clear that no one else was going to speak. "How do you know?"

"My wings haven't grown any since I woke up," Perry said, looking down at last, arms remaining folded across his chest. "I haven't been especially hungry, either, since about the first day or so. No more than usual, I mean."

JD shivered, resisting the urge to wrap his own wings around his body and biting his bottom lip. "I'm...I'm sorry," he murmured. "If my treatment did this to you..." No wonder Perry was upset. Stuck halfway through his Change, and now it looked like it was _his_ fault... "I didn't mean..."

Surprisingly, it was Elliot who cut him off. "Don't be an idiot, JD, it's not your fault," she said, frowning. "And it doesn't make sense that it'd be your treatment that's doing it...it's just a sedative and tube feeding. You came up with it, but it's hardly revolutionary, and there's nothing dangerous about it. I'd guess it's rejection itself that stops the Change, not your treatment. The treatment just lets people live through it, instead."

JD nodded, slowly, the egg of guilt he'd been about to swallow dissolving. But he couldn't help thinking of people stuck, half between one thing and another...

Still. It had to be better than dying. Right?

Perry watched JD, wanting to go to him, to comfort him, but knowing he couldn't. Not if what he suspected was true--not if he was going to have to do what he feared he might. "Whatever caused it, I'd say there's no arguing at this point that it's true," he said softly.

"Maybe...maybe there's a way to start it up again?" JD suggested, not sounding terribly hopeful even to himself. But he couldn't help thinking that maybe Perry did blame him, and if he could find a way to fix it...

"Hey, yeah!" Elliot said. "If you can subconsciously turn it off, maybe you can somehow turn it back on again."

"I'm all ears," Perry said dryly. "If you have any ideas, fire away."

Elliot looked a little crestfallen, and glanced at JD for assistance.

"I don't know," JD admitted, chewing on his lip. "But there has to be a way, if we can just find it..."

Turk snorted. "People are already looking," he protested. "People who're way better at research than all of us, even if we _did_ have the right equipment to do it here. Dr. Cox, dude, it sucks for now, but they'll figure it out. Least you're still mobile."

JD winced, knowing his best friend meant well, but knowing Perry wasn't likely to take it that way. He glanced back up, waiting for Perry's reaction, but apart from a slight stiffening of his shoulders, there wasn't one.

Carla elbowed Turk sharply in the ribs. "I think what he _meant_ to say," she said, glowering at the now-gasping surgeon, "is we're more than happy to help you look for a way to get it going again." Then, looking back up at Perry, she offered him a smile. "I mean, what _else_ are we going to do out here? Might as well give it a shot, right?"

Elliot nodded, perking up a little. "There's got to be something," she said. "I don't know--maybe hypnosis?"

"Oh, good one, Elliot," Turk wheezed. "You know any hypnotherapists?"

"Okay, what about chiropractors?" Elliot pressed. "They can supposedly fix anything."

"Give me a break! _Chiropractors?_ " Turk shook his head, looking disdainful. "Come on, you're a _real_ doctor."

"Hey! _I_ go to a chiropractor!" Elliot protested.

"If you kids don't stop arguing I'm turning this discussion around," Carla warned, waggling a finger at them.

JD bit his lip, trying not to giggle. "Guys, I appreciate it," he said. "But maybe we should try one thing at a time."

"Don't bother."

JD looked back at Perry, the urge to giggle disappearing abruptly. "You don't want to...?" he started, looking confused.

"That doesn't make any sense," Elliot said, frowning, her tail swishing softly. "Why would you want to be stuck?"

"I don't," Perry said simply. "But we don't have any real way of figuring this thing out while we're stuck in the middle of the mountains in some freak blizzard, do we? Forget it. Like Gandhi said: At least I'm mobile."

The tone of Perry's voice did not allow for argument, and JD slipped his wings over his shoulders, making a half-cocoon of them as the others shrugged and turned their attention to other things, apparently accepting the older doctor's answer. Carla and Elliot rose after a few minutes and headed to the kitchen to clean up, Perry following them, moving around them carefully as he assembled his own breakfast. JD sighed, not even pretending to listen to their conversation. He shot the occasional glance at Perry, but the older doctor didn't look over at him, doing his best to navigate the kitchen as Carla and Elliot began washing their breakfast dishes. So much for reconnecting with him.

_At least now I know why he's been so distant..._

He was just thinking of heading upstairs to shower when the sudden chirp of a cell phone startled him from his thoughts. Everyone paused, staring at the coffee table, where Elliot's phone sat blinking. JD, closest, glanced at her, then leaned forward and picked it up. Then barely bit back a gasp, when he saw what the ID was blinking.

_Sean._

"Holy sh...!" JD scrambled to flip open the phone, thumbing 'talk' and bringing the cell to his ear quickly. "Sean?!"

From the kitchen, Elliot gave a high-pitched gasp, and Perry and Carla had to throw themselves out of her way as she thundered around them in her hurry to get to the couch.

"JD? Is that you?" Sean's voice was confused, and the connection was a little bit unsteady, but it was definitely him. JD's eyes widened, and despite the circumstances he felt a broad grin split his face, sheer relief and happiness for Elliot making him feel almost giddy.

"Yeah," he replied, laughing a little, giving Elliot a thumbs up. "Here's Elliot."

She had been practically dancing in place, hooves thumping against the carpet, eyes wide; she snatched the phone as soon as JD offered it. "Sean?" she said breathlessly, voice high-pitched and tight with tears. There was a moment's silence, then she released a sound that was half laugh, half sob. "Hi," she said. "God, Sean...where are you?" She paused, listening, then gasped softly. "You're at my apartment?"

JD blinked, casting a glance at Turk, who looked surprised. The last they'd heard from Sean, he was in New Zealand, and almost all commercial flights had been grounded in the wake of the Changeling phenomenon.

He turned his attention back to Elliot, who had tears running down her cheeks as she smiled widely. "I'm fine, I promise, I'm in the mountains...We got out of the city because of the...Are you okay?" A pause, and Elliot's eyebrows lifted. "You do? Yeah...hang on, I'll get directions for you."

JD jumped up and grabbed paper to write them down on, frowning for a moment and turning to Perry when he couldn't remember a street name. Perry moved forward and wordlessly took the pad from him, finishing the directions as Elliot kept talking. She was practically glowing with happiness, tail swishing and hooves shifting as she spoke.

"Yeah," she breathed. Then she laughed. "Yeah. We're safe here. What? Oh..." she moved the receiver, looking at JD and blinking a little. "Do we need anything?"

JD chuckled, knowing groceries were probably the last thing on her mind. "Maybe a few things--eggs, milk, cheese. Fresh veggies and fruit, if he can find any. We're good on everything but perishables. Oh, and gas for the generator, if he can get it. We could lose power any time."

Elliot nodded, relaying that information to Sean. Then blushing a little. "Oh! No, it's not just me and JD--Turk, Carla and Dr. Cox and his son Jack are here too. It's Dr. Cox's cabin." Another pause, then a giggle. "Yeah. He let us come out here--JD was already here. He and Dr. Cox are sort of a thing now."

JD blushed, glancing at Perry, who caught his eye and smiled slightly. JD smiled back, biting his lip shyly, and for a moment, he forgot everything that was strained between them. He turned his attention back to Elliot, relaxing a little, feeling a new swell of genuine happiness for her.

"Mmmhmm," she was saying. "The roads aren't great, but if you drive slowly...okay. Here's how you get here..." She started reading off the directions from the pad of paper JD'd handed her.

Carla moved forward, coming to stand next to JD, hooking her arm into his. "Wow," she murmured. "He's all right. She's been so worried..."

JD nodded, smile growing. "Yeah," he replied. "It's hard, not being able to find the people you care about when the world's gone crazy."

"No shit," Turk murmured, beaming at their friend.

Elliot chatted on, oblivious to being the center of attention, for a few more minutes before hanging up the phone. She stared at it for a few minutes, a huge grin fixed on her face, then looked up, finally realizing she was under scrutiny. She beamed at them, and fresh tears welled from her eyes. "He's okay!" she squeaked, prancing in place. "He's coming here, he'll be here this afternoon!"

JD grinned, moving forward and throwing his arms around her, hugging her tightly. Elliot hugged him back, half-laughing, half-crying.

Turk's eyes lit up, and he bounded forward. "That's great!" he cried, and JD got out of the way so Turk could hug her, too. Carla followed, and the four of them congratulated Elliot while Perry stood against the bar, arms folded across his chest, watching with a small smile on his face.

But he wasn't on the outskirts long, as Elliot pulled away from the others and moved forward, hugging him enthusiastically.

Perry was clearly startled, but Elliot was unabashed; she held him tightly, still crying a little, and he finally brought his arms up around her shoulders. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for letting him come here."

Perry chuckled a little, pulling away. "'Letting him?' Barbie, you gave me no choice!" But his smile softened, and he reached out to squeeze her shoulder for a moment before dropping his arm to his side again. "Come on, kid, I could hardly tell him no," he said. "Though it sounds like he doesn't need to hide yet, huh?"

"I don't know," Elliot admitted, frowning a little. "He said he was okay, but different...so I guess maybe he's Changed. But he can still drive..." She blushed. "I was so happy to hear from him I forgot to ask for sure. I forgot to tell him about me..." She looked down at her hooves, frown deepening. "I hope..."

JD slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "He'll love you no matter what. Don't worry about it."

Perry looked at JD quickly when the younger man said that; JD looked back intently, hoping Perry could read the message in his eyes, and would know he wasn't just talking about Sean.

Perry looked away.

"You think so?" Elliot asked, looking nervous still but hopeful; she shifted a little, one hand coming up to her mouth, nibbling her nails.

"I _know_ so," JD said fervently. "Do _you_ care what _his_ Change might be?" He paused, and Elliot shook her head immediately. "No," JD agreed. "You're just happy he's alive, that you'll get to be with him again. The rest is all extra." He hugged her again, before letting her go. "Come on," he said softly. "Let's finish cleaning up, then you guys can go running for a bit."

Turk frowned at him, moving toward the kitchen, where Carla had already resumed washing their dishes. "You're not coming?"

"No," JD replied, grinning a little. "I think we've proven you're my biotch, so I'm sticking around here today. Besides, it'll give me time to go through our supplies. That food delivery should be coming in today, and it'll help to have what we've got organized."

"Maybe you should go," Perry said softly. "I mean," he added quickly when JD stared at him, "it might be best if you're all out of pocket when the delivery shows up. Take a picnic up there or something." He winced slightly at the look JD was giving him--the young man looked stricken--but Perry needed some time alone to think. Everything he said was true--it _would_ be best if there wasn't a menagerie of half-humans hanging around when their delivery arrived, and going through their supplies would be easier without them tripping over one another.

But that wasn't the real reason, and Perry knew it. The truth of the matter was that if JD was underfoot, Perry'd have no chance to look into his developing theories about his Change--why it had stopped, and how he might start it again, as well as what might happen to him, if he didn't.

He didn't want JD to be here, if his research confirmed what he feared to be true.

JD tried to ignore the way his friends were looking from Perry to him and back again, pity and worry in their eyes. "I don't think the delivery guy'll be coming upstairs, and I wasn't planning on parading around in front of him..." he started, then sighed and shook his head. "But whatever. Let me know when you're ready to leave, guys." He headed upstairs, not looking back.

Perry swallowed, looking away from the accusing stares of the others. "I'm actually not terribly hungry," he muttered, setting his untouched bowl of cereal back on the counter. "Think I'll go check on our wood supply."

Without looking back, he grabbed his coat and walked out the sliding door, crossing the snow-covered lawn (now trampled from repeated outings by the 'taurs) to the tool shed.

Once there, however, he simply folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the building, lost in thought.

Upstairs in the master bedroom, JD tugged on warmer clothes, and opened the French windows wide, glad again the Sullivans liked their luxury. Even with his wings, he could climb through. And he did, pausing on the roof after closing them again, looking down to see Perry staring up at him. For a long moment he stood there gazing back, wind whipping snow around him, before he shook his head and jumped off the roof, wings snapping open and taking him high into the air.

Perry watched him go, keeping his eyes on him until he vanished from sight, before lowering his head into his hands. He did not cry, though he had to swallow several times against the tightening of his throat.

"God," he murmured. "How did I manage to fuck things up so quickly?"

The only answer was the faint rustle of the wind through the tree branches.


	26. Chapter 26

Perry stayed outside for nearly an hour, walking in idle circles, kicking at clumps of muddy snow, but JD didn't return. Finally, frozen, he went inside. The other three were sitting in a circle around the fireplace, talking in hushed undertones, but they shut up as soon as he walked in.

He rolled his eyes-- _subtle_ \--but made no comment. Instead, he said, "Where's Jack?"

"Napping," Carla said eventually. "Elliot and I put him down just after..." she trailed off, looking uncomfortable, and Perry nodded his thanks, flushing a little. He headed up to check on Jack; his son was sleeping soundly, wings opening and closing like those of a butterfly on a flower, and he couldn't help but smile, though it was a little sad. He leaned forward and stroked the boy's cheek, and Jack turned his head toward him, making a small, sleepy noise.

"Hey, kiddo," he whispered, moving his fingers to stroke Jack's hair. "Daddy loves you, you know it? He loves you a lot. Don't forget it, okay?"

Jack yawned and turned, squirming a little as he settled more deeply into his blankets, and Perry sighed, heart aching as he withdrew his fingers. He turned, wandering over to the window and staring out listlessly, and only moved back toward the door when he heard the soft pad of feet climbing the stairs, and Turk's voice call, "JD?"

"He's not up here," Perry replied, moving to the door and peering out at the surgeon. "He took off about an hour ago. Literally."

Turk frowned. "You sure? We didn't see him come down the stairs..."

Perry gave him a look. "That's because he didn't," he replied shortly, then vanished back into Jack's room, shutting the door behind him. He sighed when he heard Turk moving back down the stairs, but despite his earlier efforts at friendship with the surgeon, he didn't feel like caring just then. It'd be easier, this way. He waited until he heard them leave before opening the door again.

He spent most of the day on the computer, after taking a brief, half-assed inventory of their food. Because he'd not been packing away as much as he'd claimed to be the past week, they had quite a bit more than JD had assumed; they were low on perishables, but Sean would be bringing those. As soon as he'd gotten what remained of their rations in some semblance of order, making way for the new supplies JD had sent out for, he hurried back into the den, settling himself in front of JD's laptop and getting to work.

At first, his search was fruitless; the articles he found were all about the Change, or rejection, but none seemed interested in any of the strange creatures that had been appearing. Eventually, frustrated, he began following links at random, and was just about to give up the search as hopeless and denounce his dream as meaningless when he finally ran across a headline that caught his eye.

_Strange Sightings Continue: Little_ Blue _Men?_

He felt a thrill of excitement, and leaned forward, reading on.

_Seatle, WA: Reports of strange creature sightings are hardly unusual these days, but this may be something new._

_A local school teacher was on her way to class when she saw three unusual beings crossing the road before her. She stopped her car, but claims the creatures vanished before she could get a better look._

_"They were tall," the teacher, who declined to be identified, reported. "Their skin was sort of blue, and they had fairy wings."_

_This was not the first sighting of such creatures; reports have begun cropping up across the state and even into Oregon and parts of California._

_Are these strange creatures a new breed of Changeling, or something else entirely?_

Perry did not have a whole lot of time to ponder this finding before the crunch of gravel warned him of an arriving truck. Bookmarking the page, he hurried outside and helped the deliveryman unload, chiming in when the man attempted to engage him in conversation, though his mind was miles away.

Once the man drove away, Perry leaned into the truck and honked the horn--the signal to the others that it was all clear for them to return, should they wish to do so--then hurried back inside, hoping to find something more on the new creatures before the others returned.

He wasn't sure why, and he wasn't sure how, but he felt strangely certain they held the answer he was looking for.

* * *

JD eventually joined the others in the clearing, but only to perch himself in a tree and watch them, waiting for the signal to go back to the house. He knew he was probably acting like a spoiled brat, but dammit...so was Perry. And he was tired of having to call the older man on his bullshit, so for now, he wasn't going to. Let Perry stew for a bit, first. If he wanted to play martyr, and couldn't take a simple offer of help without getting his panties in a bunch then...then...

Fuck.

"I'm an idiot," JD murmured to himself, letting his head thunk lightly against the tree trunk. What was he thinking, turning Perry into some sort of group pity project? He, of all people, should know how proud the older man was.

_Fuck._

He slipped down from the tree, determined to apologize when he got back, and joined the others, reassuring them that everything would be okay, and could they drop it? They did, eventually, and got a game of football going, with Elliot and JD beating the others handily, due in large part to his total disregard of the no flying rule Turk tried to instate.

By the time they finally heard the horn and began the trek back to the cabin, they were all laughing, breathless, and thoroughly soaked with melted snow. And JD was certain he could apologize, offer to help again when the others weren't all there, and everything would be okay. Even if Perry still had his doubts, maybe if they were working together toward a common goal again, Perry would at least _talk_ to him.

* * *

When he heard the breathless laughter and clatter of hooves and paws, Perry logged off the website he'd been browsing and closed the laptop, dashing back to the kitchen where he had a large pot of stew simmering on the stove. He picked up the wooden spoon and had just started stirring it again when the garage door open and the group tromped in, faces flushed, grinning and out of breath.

He raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you guys had a good time," he commented, at once glad and slightly stung to see how quickly JD had apparently recovered. Then again, it might make what he had to do a little easier...

He swallowed. He was _not_ looking forward to it, but he'd decided, during his research, that the only way to really get to the bottom of this thing was to track down these creatures himself, and find out what they knew.

And JD would not be coming with him; of that, Perry was absolutely certain. It was too dangerous. Based on what he'd learned of these creatures--the Fae, as people were claiming they were called--no one was entirely sure what their intentions were toward mankind. The few encounters that had been reported were all vague, and the people who had spotted the Fae all seemed to be left with a rather chilled impression of them. There hadn't been any overt attacks, sure, but there hadn't been any overt gestures of friendship either. Perry simply wasn't willing to take the risk of bringing JD along, should the Fae turn out to be dangerous. It wasn't JD's problem to deal with, after all--it was Perry's. And he'd deal with it on his own, like he always did.

Unfortunately, there was only one way JD would agree to being left behind.

"Would've been better if JD wasn't a cheat..." Turk started to grumble, then frowned when Carla started tugging at his arm. "What?"

Carla glowered at him, and said, "Weren't we going to go try to cut the burrs out of your fur?"

Turk stared at her blankly, but when she jerked her head toward JD and Perry, his eyes widened. "Oh. Oh! Right! Yeah...okay." He moved obediently up the stairs, and Carla turned to Elliot, who'd been eyeing the stew simmering on the stove and had apparently missed the entire exchange.

"Elliot," Carla said. "Come on, you have to help me."

The centauress stared at her for a second. "With what?"

Carla made a noise in her throat that very much resembled a hiss, and grabbed Elliot's elbow, dragging her toward the stairs. They could hear her talking in hushed undertones, and Elliot's replies went from indignant and confused to embarrassed. They vanished in a series of muffled thumps as they climbed the stairs, and a moment later, JD heard the door behind them shut.

He shook his head, smirking a little. "Wow. Subtle." He ran a hand through his wet hair, then turned to Perry and smiled, very shyly. "I'm an ass, you know. I really am. I don't blame you for not wanting me around today."

Perry stared at him, eyebrows raised incredulously. "Excuse me?" he said. God, this was _not_ going to be easy...especially not if JD was going to ruin it by being reasonable.

"I don't," JD said, shrugging, looking into Perry's face hesitantly. "I shouldn't have done that, not in front of the others--I know how you don't like asking for help, and I...look, it really wasn't any of my business, if you didn't want to tell me, and I shouldn't have thrown such a hissy fit about it. It doesn't matter to me if you ever finish Changing or not, I promise."

Perry drew a deep breath, steeling himself. _You have to do this. For his sake. You have to._ "It matters to me," he said softly.

"Okay," JD said, nodding, not letting himself be derailed. "Then we'll find out how to start it up again. But either way, I'll still love you just as much," he added, voice softening as he stared at Perry intently, trying to impart the truth of his words.

 _Oh, JD..._ Perry kept his face carefully blank, and lifted one eyebrow. "You really think that, don't you?" he murmured.

"Of course," JD replied, as if it should've been obvious. "Nothing's going to change how I feel about you."

Perry forced himself to keep his eyes on JD's. "What if something changed the way I felt about you?" he asked, very quietly.

"What...?" JD squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the bottom fall out of his stomach. He took a deep breath, trying to force his voice calm. "I wanted you the past three years, when I didn't think you cared, so I imagine not even that would change how I feel," he said slowly. Then, voice cracking a little, he added, "W-why?"

Perry turned away, no longer able to keep eye contact; he made a show of stirring the stew, instead, and shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. "I just don't know how well this is working," he said at last, quietly.

"You and me?" JD bit his lip hard, feeling his wings slump a little. _Oh, God, this can't be real, this can't be..._ "Look," he said after a minute, "I...I'm really sorry I said things wrong, this morning...and I'm sorry...I'm sorry. But I think we've been really good together, un-until the past couple days..."

Perry sighed, turning around, and at the look on JD's face, he almost dropped the whole act. But remembering his task, remembering what danger he could be putting JD in if he relented, he simply shook his head. "I'm sorry, kid," he said. "I just...I don't know. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the whole situation, or the wings, or something, but I just..." He shrugged, and shook his head. "Whatever it was, it's...gone, I think."

"G-gone?" JD's face flashed all the pain those simple words caused him, before he closed down again, clenching his jaw. "So you were just...just playing me? What about...about Jack, about...about everything you s-said...?"

"No, JD," Perry said gently, forcing his face into a mask of pity. "I wasn't playing with you, I swear. I just..." he trailed off, running his hand over his curls. "I guess I just mistook affection for something else, that's all. And hey. You can still look after Jack. I couldn't tear that kid away from you if I _wanted_ to." He smiled, trying for levity, even though his heart had already shattered.

"Fuck..." JD's voice broke, tears rising in his eyes. "You're not kidding, are you? All this, being with you...everything I wanted..." He bit his bottom lip hard, trying to keep from breaking down. "Well. I guess...I mean...I guess that's it. I can't make you love me. I'll...I'll move my stuff to the living room..."

"No," Perry said quickly. "You've got your wings to deal with, you can keep the master bedroom. I'll take the living room." He switched off the stove burner and turned, taking one step forward. "Hey," he said softly. "I care about you, kid. Don't doubt that. Just...not the way I thought I did, that's all." He studied JD's face carefully, starting to reach for him, then drawing back. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

JD nodded, tasting blood as his teeth bit harder. "Oh...okay. I've got to...I'm going to watch for...I gotta go." He grabbed his coat and ducked through the garage door.

Perry drew a deep breath, hands going to his hair; he stared at the ceiling, blinking quickly, but the tears came anyway. _Fuck._

He was doing the right thing. Wasn't he? Shit, was it worth this, just to get his wings?

But that wasn't all it was, and he knew it. Eight more rejection patients had died after being released stable from hospitals. And he'd been exhausted lately, getting frequent dizzy spells, having heart palpitations. Much as he didn't want to deal with it, much as he wanted to pretend it wasn't true, he knew he couldn't keep ignoring the signs forever.

Unless he found a way to reverse it, the rejection was going to kill him.

He didn't know how much time he had. But he knew it was far, far less than he, JD, or anyone else originally thought.

 _But why not just let him help you?_ his heart begged. _Why do you have to leave him like_ this?

He swallowed, eyes drifting shut. _Because if I don't, he'll come after me,_ his head answered. _He'll follow me anywhere, I know that--unless I make him truly believe I don't want him to. And I can't risk him getting hurt for my sake. Not ever again._

He lowered his hands, wiping at his eyes and coughing a few times, trying to get himself under control.

_I'll go tonight. While he's still avoiding me. That'll be safest._

He had to do it. He knew he had to do it. And he knew that he had JD's safety and Jack's future at heart. It was the right thing--and it was the only way.

It didn't stop him from wanting to break down and sob, though.

He turned, sadly, to head upstairs and start packing. If he could get everything into one of the hiking backpacks he'd brought along before JD came back inside, and hide it somewhere, he could slip out as soon as the young man fell asleep.

* * *

JD stopped in the garage only long enough to struggle back into his coat before stumbling outside. And there the adrenaline that had kept him upright disappeared, and he slumped to the snow, wings coming up and around him as he lost the battle to hold back his tears.

Gone. Perry's love for him was gone. Maybe hadn't ever been. Everything he'd thought they both wanted, the moments shared together, the hope of a future, even as the world went mad...gone.

He would've thought the other man was lying, but...he'd been so kind about it, so gentle, so obviously reluctant to say his piece. Even JD's imagination couldn't come up with another answer. _I'm a fool. How could I ever think it'd be real? As soon as my friends came back, and he remembered the real world, who I really am...And as soon as Jordan called, saying she was leaving for good. He must've realized I was just some dumb kid with a crush that he took advantage of..._

JD's whole body shook, as low, ugly sobs ripped their way out of him, and his wings trembled with the force. He was alone again, and it hurt worse than it ever had before.

* * *

The sounds of sobbing met Perry's ears as soon as he stepped into the bedroom. He slumped, barely muffling a groan, and hurried to the window, looking down.

JD was curled against the side of the house, whole frame bent dejectedly, body shaking with the force of his tears. Perry swallowed, blinking hard, bringing one hand up to press against the windowpane. He drew a shaky breath and released it on a half-sob, pressing his brow to the window and stroking his fingertips against the cold glass, outlining the image of JD's wings.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, voice barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry, JD, I'm sorry..."

He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough. What if he died, going after the Fae--could he leave JD like _this_? Thinking...God, thinking what Perry said was true--that he didn't love him anymore?

 _Tell him,_ his heart begged. _Please, please, tell him._

"I can't," he whispered back, but it was a weak sound. "I can't let him risk himself... I can't..."

_But you can't leave him like this, either, can you?_

Perry lowered his head. "No," he whispered. "No, I can't."

For a moment he was silent, listening to the sound of JD's sobs, absorbing his pain and accepting it as his own. Then, suddenly, he straightened.

_A letter!_

That was it--he'd leave him a letter. Tell him in no uncertain terms how he really felt, and let him know just how sorry he was. For everything.

He stood and hurried to the closet, pulling out the boxes of things they'd brought to keep them entertained. Surely there'd be paper in here, somewhere...

Ah! He pulled out the legal pad triumphantly, returning to root for a pen, and settled down in front of the window to write.

And write he did. The pen flew over the paper, sloppy and shaking, his trembling hand making his handwriting worse than usual. His tear drops fell onto the pad as well, smudging the ink a little, but he dabbed them up carefully, finishing his letter and tearing it from the pad. He folded it twice, and scrawled "JD" on the front, underlining it with sturdy strokes, before getting to his feet and looking around.

He had to hide it--somewhere JD would be sure to find it, eventually, but not right away. Somewhere that, should Perry never return, JD would eventually end up looking.

The closet was as good a place as any, he finally decided.

He walked back over to the door, and reached for the box at the back. JD would probably dig it out eventually, but by then, Perry would have been gone too long for him to bother coming after him, surely--

He paused, suddenly realizing that the box wasn't one they'd brought with them. He frowned, leaning forward, and pulled it out--then opened his eyes wide, when he realized what it was.

Yearbooks. Ben's, from the looks of it, but there were a few of Jordan's in there too, and--his eyes widened further.

God. How...how was this even _here_?

He brushed his hand over the dusty leather cover, reading the gold title imprinted against the dark green binding.

 _University of California, San Diego Medical School, Class of 1989_.

He closed his eyes. Jordan. He'd given it to Jordan. He remembered now. And she must have brought it here, stored with the rest of her and Ben's yearbooks...

He shook himself, and flipped open the dusty cover, looking for the page he knew so well.

Posed pictures of him didn't take well, most of the time. His smile, unless it was a genuine, caught off-guard smile, always looked more like a grimace at best, or a snarl at worst. But there was a picture of him in this yearbook--the reason Jordan had wanted it in the first place, actually--that had actually managed to capture him without making him look frightened or frighten _ing_. The photographer, either by skill or some freak accident, had done what professional photographers strove to do. He'd captured a _real_ moment.

Perry nodded once, slipping the letter into the book on that page and snapping it closed. If he didn't return, well...someday, hopefully, JD would find it, and would understand what Perry had been trying to say, in the letter, and by marking that photo.

"I'm yours, John," he whispered, hugging the book to his chest for a moment as one last tear slid down his cheek. "This is really me--I'm sorry I had to leave you thinking anything otherwise."

He was just getting ready to put the book back into its box when a sudden noise from outside caught his attention--the sound of an engine, and the crunch of tires on gravel.

He heard Elliot cry out, "Sean!" and heard the resulting thunder of hooves as she dashed down the stairs. Perry rose to his feet, the book slipping from his hands, half-forgotten, falling into one of the boxes.

He ignored it, hurrying out into the hallway, scrubbing at his face, and saw Carla and Turk already heading down the stairs, chasing after Elliot.

"He's here?" Perry asked, and Carla looked up at him, a smile on her face. "He'd certainly better be," she replied. "Or Elliot just about broke her neck for no reason."

Perry chuckled a little, though it was half-hearted, and followed her down the stairs. _At least Sean being here will be a distraction_ , he thought. Maybe--just maybe--it'd be enough to make JD forget, or at least enough to help him focus on something else, until Perry was gone.

He could only hope.

* * *

JD pulled himself to his feet, rubbing his face clear of tears, when he heard the sound of an engine. He hoped to God it was Sean, not another jackass with a shotgun or something--but then no one else had found them, the mountain roads slick enough to discourage attempts. And he didn't have long to worry, as the van came into view, and Elliot burst out of the door beside him.

"He's here, JD, he's here!" She turned and caught him up in a huge hug, before pausing, getting a look at his face, taking in the streaks of tears, the drawn, pale features. Her own eyes went wide, and for a moment, she appeared to forget about the arrival of her boyfriend. "JD..." she breathed. “What happened?”

"Later," he replied, voice only wavering a little as he shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.” Then, when she was clearly undeterred, he nodded back toward the minivan which was now pulling to a stop in the driveway, behind Jordan’s truck. “Look," he murmured. “He’s here.”

Elliot turned back toward the vehicle, biting her lip, looking torn between wanting to rush up to greet him and feeling too nervous to do so. And Sean was not moving--or rather he was, but JD couldn’t tell what exactly he was doing. The van engine stopped, lights going off, but the front door wasn’t opening, and the van was rocking slightly as Sean moved about inside.

“What on earth…?” JD murmured, squinting, trying to see in through the tinted windows.

A moment later, he didn’t have to--Sean had slid backwards, now in the back of the van--the driver’s seat either didn’t have a back, or it was completely reclined, because JD couldn’t see it--and after a few more seconds, there was a click as the sliding door in the back suddenly came open.

Sean’s head vanished, ducking down. And in the next instant, the hindquarters of a chestnut bay centaur appeared, hooves seeking and finding purchase in the wet gravel of the driveway.

As JD and Elliot watched, both too stunned to move, the hooves moved backward, the rest of a the horse's body appearing, then Sean’s torso, and arms, as he grabbed the side of the van to guide himself free.

Then he was standing next to the vehicle, wearing a tan corduroy jacket and a pair of brown gloves, one of his back hooves lifting a little before settling awkwardly to the ground. “Elliot?” he called, sounding uncertain.

Still standing beside JD, Elliot released a soft whimper, one that might’ve been, “Oh!”

JD glanced up at her, and smiled, nudging her shoulder. “Go on, then,” he said. “Giddy-up.”

It was all the encouragement she needed. She surged past him, galloping down the slope of gravel, rearing up a little when she reached Sean and throwing her arms around him. The sound of her choked laughter drifted back through the chilly air, and he could hear her squealing against his shoulder, tail swishing the way it did when she was animated, hooves doing a tiny little dance in the rocks. Sean was laughing, too, holding her tight, and JD could barely make out the sound of his voice murmuring, “I knew it, I just _knew_ it…”

Carla and Turk appeared beside him moments later, and Carla gasped, hands flying to her mouth. "Oh, my gosh," she breathed, an awed smile on her face. "Would you _look_ at them?"

JD did. Sean’s lower half was a lustrous coppery brown, one which blended seamlessly into gleaming black on his legs and in his tail. He had obviously been taking care of himself, too--his muscles rippled under the well-groomed coat, in the half-light of the overcast day, and his tail was sleek and glossy. Next to Elliot's palomino cream and shimmering silvery-white tail, they were the perfect contrast--not that either of them seemed remotely interested in the fact. They were both clearly too lost in one another's eyes, smiling and talking softly. A tear trickled down Elliot's face, and she laughed brokenly when Sean bent to kiss it away.

"They're perfect for each other," JD said, his voice not as dull as he'd feared it would be. But he pulled his wings in tight around himself, feeling suddenly cold as Turk held Carla close.

Perry watched from inside the garage, the tightness in his chest making it difficult to breathe as JD lowered his head, arms and wings coming up around his body defensively. He wanted to go to him, wanted so badly to hold him it was an actual physical ache in his arms.

Instead, he sighed, and ducked quietly back into the house, heading up the stairs. He could use this time while the others were distracted to pack.

JD shook off the concern he saw in Turk and Carla's eyes, and pulled his wings back, going over to greet Sean once Elliot finally released him enough that he could look up again. "Hey, dude,” he murmured, forcing a smile onto his face. “Nice tail."

"Nice wings," Sean replied with a grin. "This is quite a hide-out you guys have..."

"Yeah, Per…” he trailed off, tears rising swiftly to his eyes, but he forced them back. _Don’t fall apart, don’t lose it, Dorian, come on…_ “Perry was lucky to get us the use of it. Dr. Cox," he added, when Sean look confused. Then, ducking his head and coughing a little to clear his throat, he said, "Why don't you and Elliot head in and we'll unload the truck? You guys will want some time alone..."

Elliot hesitated, biting her lip, glancing from Sean’s face to JD. “Are you sure…?” she murmured.

He waved her off. “I’m fine,” he said quietly. “You two need to be alone. Go on.”

Elliot watched him a moment longer, then eventually nodded, slowly. “Yeah,” she said. “Okay. Though actually…you’ve been driving for a while, Sean. Do you want to go for a run?”

“Good God, yes,” Sean said instantly, lifting one hoof and pawing at the pavement a little. He gave JD an odd look, but JD ignored it, focusing on moving forward to unload their things.

“Great!” Elliot said. “Come on, there’s a field about four miles up the road from here, it’s where we all go to release some energy…”

JD watched through the van window as she and Sean headed toward the road. He heard her suddenly squeal, “Race you!” and an instant later they were gone, galloping joyfully down the road, disappearing quickly around the corner.

JD smiled sadly after them, feeling fresh tears sting his eyes, but he tried to push them back as he climbed into the van. He glanced at the driver’s seat, which was fully reclined and more than a little crushed from the weight of Sean’s body, noting the hand controls by the steering wheel. So that's how he'd managed it... Sean had put blocks beneath the backrest to keep it from snapping off, too, and in lieu of snow chains, he’d put cinderblocks over the axles. JD lifted his eyebrows, impressed in spite of himself--it was a pretty impressive fix. Sean would clearly be good to have around.

Even if seeing him with Elliot would only serve as a constant reminder of just how alone he was, now.

He stopped trying to fight his tears, allowing himself a soft sob as they broke free and began to trickle hotly down his cheeks.

He heard the soft pad of footsteps approaching behind him, but didn’t turn around, focusing instead on gathering the bags of groceries and setting them carefully onto the driveway.

After a few more moments, Carla came up silently behind him, and he nearly dropped the bag of eggs when he turned around and realized she was there. "Bambi, what's--”

"I don't want to talk about it," he choked, cutting Carla off, if gently. "Not right now."

Carla bit her lip, then said quietly, "You know he would never mean to hurt you," she said. "You know that, right?"

JD slumped, setting the eggs down very gently before lowering himself to the floor of the van and hiding his face in his hands. “I know,” he choked, voice breaking.

"Oh, Bambi--what happened? Please tell me," Carla pressed gently. "Maybe I can help."

JD shook his head slowly. “He…he said…” he sobbed once, then rallied and finished in a rush: “He said he didn’t love me anymore.”

Carla gasped, taking a step backward, eyes wide. “He didn’t,” she whispered, looking horrified; behind her, Turk’s brows were drawn, and he looked stunned and furious at once.

“He did,” JD whispered, doing his best to steady himself as he climbed slowly, heavily to his feet again and turned to continue unloading. But he dropped his hand back to his side, unable to make himself care, and felt his wings slump, lowering his head to press against the cool metal side of the vehicle. “He meant it, too. He…he said he was sorry, but that w-whatever…whatever he’d felt for me was g-gone…”

"Oh, Bambi, I'm so sorry," Carla murmured, and JD felt her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

He turned and curled into her, lowering his head to her shoulder. "I don't know what to do," he whispered. "Carla--I don't know what I did _wrong_. Why…why doesn’t he…?” And then the tears were falling again, and he curled closer, muffling a sob against her shirt when he felt Turk move in and wrap his arms around the both of them.

"It'll be okay, JD," Turk said softly. "You still have us, right?"

JD nodded, but couldn't stop crying. He knew he didn’t have to tell them it just wasn’t the same-- he knew they knew it as well as he did. "I just...everything was going so well…I don’t know what changed, but… _fuck_ …" He tried to pull himself under control again, but it was difficult. Eventually, though, he drew a deep breath and mumbled, "I don't want to tell Elliot, okay? She deserves to just be happy tonight, and I'll…I’ll be okay…”

Carla rocked him, glancing at Turk over the top of JD's head. "Shh," she murmured. "It'll be okay, Bambi. I don't believe for one second that he really wants to end things--I’ve known that man for far too long to buy that. I’ve never seen him this happy. Look…” she pulled back, taking his face in her hands and wiping at his cheeks with her thumbs. “There has to be something else going on. I'll talk to him tomorrow, see if I can't figure out what it is." She smiled, if it was a little terse. “Chin up, Bambi,” she whispered, bending to press a chaste kiss against his lips. “We’ll figure this out.”

"Carla…th-thank you,” JD whispered, feeling a small twinge of hope blooming inside him. “He listens to you, at least."

“Damn right he does,” Carla said, letting her accent thicken and waggling her head in the cocky way she did when she was being particularly sassy. She winked at him, and he chuckled a little, weakly.

Then, pulling himself together, he wiped his face again. "God, the past two months have been..." He shook his head. "I need a vacation from my life for a while. Too many things keep happening in it."

Turk snorted, stepping forward a little awkwardly and wrapping one arm around JD’s shoulders. "You can say that again," he muttered.

Carla smiled at them. "Come on, boys," she said softly. "Let's unload this stuff and get out of the cold, what do you say?"

* * *

It took them about an hour, all said, to get everything from Sean's van and into the kitchen. After the first trip, Carla stayed inside to start unloading things into the appropriate cabinets or shelves in the fridge, while Turk and JD carried the rest of the boxes in. Along with perishables, Sean had brought a pretty good supply of canned foods and several five-gallon jugs of gasoline, which JD took around to the shed. As he and Turk stacked the last box into the nearly-overflowing garage, he reflected that even with the addition of another centaur, they could probably live here for quite a long time without having to contact the outside world.

He sighed ruefully as he realized that earlier that morning, the thought would've pleased him. Now, it just made him feel more lonely than ever.

Perry was conspicuously absent that night. He came downstairs long enough to greet Sean and grab a bit to eat, standing at the counter, but he did not stay, nor did he address JD directly for more than the most distant of pleasantries. He didn’t linger after dinner, though, for which JD was grateful, because whenever he was in the room the tension and discomfort were palpable. As soon as he’d finished eating and washing his dishes in the sink, he vanished up the stairs and left the others to their visiting.

It was only much later, after Turk and Carla had retired, and Elliot and Sean had officially worn Jack out and taken him up to his crib, did JD dare to approach his room. Perry had offered him the bedroom, but the others had occupied the den for so long that JD was half-certain the older doctor would’ve already fallen asleep. He knew he wouldn’t want to wake him, but he wasn’t certain he could fit onto the couch; he figured if Perry was asleep, JD would just snag his pillow and curl up in front of the fireplace.

Perry wasn't there. JD frowned, not sure where he could have gone, but feeling a painful sort of relief that he wouldn’t have to watch the older man sleeping, knowing he couldn’t join him on the mattress or curl up against him.

Slumping into the bed, he pulled the pillow from Perry’s side of the bed, hugging it tightly to his chest and breathing deeply of the other man’s scent. Alone now, aching and desperately missing the feel of the other man’s chest rising and falling beneath his ear and the comforting sound of his heartbeat, JD felt the tears welling up again. He did not try to stop them, burying his face in the pillow and draping his wings over himself, crying softly until he fell asleep.

Then, and only then, did Perry step out from the bathroom, where he'd hidden himself away when he heard JD enter.

He stood silently at the foot of the bed, already bundled in his hiking gear, backpack slung over his shoulder, and gazed down at JD’s sleeping figure. The younger man’s cheeks were streaked with tears, visible in the moonlight that filtered through the large window; even in sleep, his face was contorted in pain. Perry closed his eyes, fighting against the answering surge of sorrow that filled him and stung his eyes, and moved forward, slowly and silently. Once he was beside the younger man, he lowered himself to the mattress, leaning down and pressing the lightest of kisses upon JD's lips before pulling back again. "I love you," he whispered, only the faintest hint of breath passing through his lips. "I'm so sorry."

Then he turned, and was gone, slipping silently into the moonlit night, leaving no trace of himself behind.


	27. Chapter 27

It was late morning, almost eleven o’clock, when JD finally awoke, feeling hung-over and achy. He sniffed, grimacing at the congested feeling in his head. Crying always made him feel so miserable afterwards.

He stumbled to the bathroom, scrubbing at his face, and peered at himself in the mirror. Then winced. He looked awful: his cheeks were splotchy from his tears, his eyes bloodshot, and there was a little bit of crust beneath his nose from where it had gone runny on him while he cried. His hair lay dull and flat against his brow, and the skin beneath his eyes looked thin and fragile as tissue paper.

Grimacing, he turned on the sink and splashed cold water into his face, reaching absently for a towel, then reassessed himself. And sighed. The water had taken care of the nose issue, but the cold had turned his face pale, making the blotchiness of his cheeks stand out more starkly than before. Great. Maybe the others would at least leave it be, though; they mostly had the night before. And surely Carla would've talked to Perry by now. It was late--she must've. And if she was right, and it really was something else that was bothering the other doctor, then they'd work things out. Or, if she was wrong, it'd be over. But at least he'd know for sure, one way or another.

He dressed quickly, shrugging a sweater over his wings, wistfully remembering when it hadn’t been a major production to get them on and off. At least he'd finally gotten it down. He paused at the door, hesitating--then went back to the bathroom, opening the little pot of wax and spiking his hair, just for the hell of it. He almost grinned, looking at his reflection. It was weird, seeing his hair spiked the way he’d always worn it before, with the dark shapes of the wings at the same time, like some surreal meeting of past and present. John Dorian: Then, and Now.

Finally satisfied, he nodded at his reflection once, then headed downstairs, imagination working at every possible scenario for how the coming confrontation would play itself out. He didn't think he'd cry again--he'd done his fair share of it yesterday and last night, and he thought he had it out of his system, mostly. Of course, being face-to-face with Perry, hearing him say again that all the things he'd claimed to feel were gone...well, he just hoped the others would have sense enough to be conveniently absent, before they got into things.

None of his concocted scenarios involved Perry not even _being_ there, though, which was what he found when he reached the living room. He sighed, wondering if the older man had gone out walking. Avoiding him--that couldn’t be a good sign.

JD offered what he hoped was a sincere smile to the others, nodding. "Morning, guys,” he said, moving forward to stand before them and shoving his hands into his pockets. Then, doing everything he could to keep his voice casual: “Where's Perry?"

The smiles that had greeted him when he'd descended faltered, one by one. There was a long silence, during which the others glanced at one another then back at him, before Carla finally said, "He...wasn't with you?"

"What? No, I…I didn’t see him last night. But he’d said…he said he’d sleep on the couch, so I assumed…" JD felt the blood start to drain from his face at the looks on all of theirs. Turk and Elliot looked worried, Sean plain confused, but Carla had the same look of dawning horror JD knew must be mirrored on his own face. "He's...he's gone, isn't he?” he whispered, limbs feeling strangely weighted, holding his arms limply at his sides, his feet rooted to the spot. He shook himself sharply, trying to focus, and suddenly looked down when he saw a flicker of movement from the floor--Jack’s wings, moving softly as he played with Carla’s tail. “Jack's still here..." JD murmured, almost to himself. Then, louder, with a conviction he desperately wanted to feel: "Jack's still here. He can't have gone far."

The others looked to Perry’s son, and for a frozen moment the child was the center of attention. Then JD ran to the door, dragging it open it, peering through the thickly falling snow. He couldn't fly far in it, and even if Perry had only left an hour ago, his tracks would be gone by now.

He shivered, feeling his eyes sting partly in dismay, and partly from the chill in the air. It was fucking _May_ \--why was it getting colder, not warmer…?

"Perry," he whispered. Then, desperately, he cupped his hands to his face and shouted. " _Perry!_ "

The snow muffled his shout, swallowing it instantly, and mocking him with its silence.

 _Shit._ JD stared out for a moment longer before sliding the door closed, hearing it latch with a final sounding "click.” He shivered again, then turned back to the others. "Why…” he started, then swallowed, realizing his throat had gone dry. “Why would he...?"

"I don't know, Bambi," Carla replied, rising to her paws and padding over to him, putting her arms around him. He drew a sharp breath, and returned her hug automatically. He turned his head quickly as Turk came back in the room--JD hadn’t seen him leave, too absorbed in looking out the door, but when he met the surgeon’s eyes, Turk just sighed and shook his head.

Perry wasn't hiding somewhere else, then; hadn’t come down and they’d just missed him.

He was gone.

* * *

Perry had hiked through the night and by his estimate was now at least twelve or thirteen miles from the cabin. He hadn't made terribly good time, because he'd avoided the roads and trails and had to hike through snow, but he was also relatively certain that JD wouldn't be able to find him. He'd spent the first hour or so doubling back, so even if the snow that was now falling steadily didn't cover his tracks, they would be difficult to follow.

Assuming JD even tried. Perry’s lip twitched wryly at the thought, and he sighed, a heavy leaden feeling settling into his chest. In all honesty, it was just as likely JD would be glad he was gone. Last night had been horribly awkward, especially with Sean around now, and he knew JD had been missing the absence of their usual affection more keenly than ever. Throughout the night, the younger man had tossed him confused, surreptitious glances, always looking away quickly when Perry caught his eye. He’d been trying to stay cheerful, but even if his face could’ve fooled them, his body language and his eyes were an open book: shoulders and wings slightly slumped, hands awkward at his sides, eyes dark with pained confusion. There was no question in Perry’s mind that JD had bought his story. And to stick around even for only a few hours and see what it had done to the younger man’s spirit had been torturous. In a way, it had been a relief to leave those wounded eyes behind.

He sighed as he shifted the pack on his shoulders and continued to trudge through the powdery snow. God, that had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do--to lie deliberately to JD like that, hit him where he knew it would hurt the most, and then to _leave_ … he shook his head, glancing toward the sky and frowning absently at the snow that still swirled thickly through the protective canopy of the trees.

It wouldn't surprise him if JD never forgave him, even if he did make it back. But at least he would be safe.

He paused, pulling the compass out of his pocket and frowning at it before adjusting his direction slightly and moving on.

He still had a long way to go.

* * *

"I have to go after him," JD said, finally, when the odd weight of the chilling panic that had settled over him finally abated some. He pulled away from Carla’s embrace, staring out at the snowfall. "I have to find him...figure out what's wrong. I have to..." He trailed off, moving to head up the stairs, then looked Carla in mild surprise when her grip on his wrist held him in place. "Let go..."

"No, Bambi,” Carla said gently, pity in every line of her features. “Look, you don't even know which way he went, and it's a blizzard out there..."

“Yeah, and he’s out in it!”

Carla just shook her head, looking sorrier than he'd ever seen her, but determined, too. "You can't follow him, sweetheart. It's too risky."

"But..."

“Look, you don’t owe it to him to go after him,” Turk said, brow furrowed as he folded his arms over his chest. “After what he said to you? I think if he wanted you with him he’d’ve been up front to start with.”

JD shook his head, but Turk’s words were salt in an all-too-fresh wound: Perry _didn’t_ want his help. He’d made that perfectly clear, hadn’t he? Made it perfectly clear he didn’t want JD at all, anymore…

Still. “He’s out there somewhere,” he gritted, balling his hands into fists. “I don’t care what he did to me, I can’t…I can’t let him…” he trailed off. “It’s dangerous out there, alone. It’s freezing, and it’s getting colder, and he…he could…”

“That was his decision,” Carla said softly, still shaking her head. “He knows this area, and hopefully he knows what he was doing, but…you can’t go after him. You’d just be putting yourself in danger, and more than him, because you’re no woodsman, JD.”

"She's right," Elliot said suddenly, rising to her hooves, scooping Jack up in one smooth motion. The child squirmed, trying to flap his wings, but Elliot held onto him, moving forward and handing him to JD, who took him automatically. In JD's arms, Jack settled, retracting his wings and settling for playing with JD's feathers instead. "It’s dangerous," Elliot continued, "and Jack needs you to stay."

JD's eyes filled suddenly as he remembered his promise to Perry, not to put them both in danger, so one of them could be there to look after Jack... _Damn_ him for taking advantage of it. He swallowed hard, slumping, realizing he’d lost this fight. He nodded. "You're right,” he said, voice dull, drawing Jack closer to him and resting his cheek on the child’s hair. “Looks like it's me and you, now, bug," he murmured, rocking the child a little, who giggled. "Daddy?"

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," JD replied, his heart shattering a little more inside his chest. "He's just gone off for a bit...so we'll have to look after each other for now."

One by one, the others gradually withdrew from the den, leaving him alone with Jack. Who, as usual, seemed to sense that all wasn't well, and snuggled close, thumb popping into his mouth as he whimpered a little at JD’s obvious distress. JD soothed him, rocking him a little, fighting the urge to panic, the urge to ignore the others’ arguments and go after Perry anyway. Only Jack held him in place. JD found himself desperately praying Perry would return before dark. Even if they were over, even if Perry didn’t love him, the thought of losing him entirely was enough to call up the numbing fog that had closed over him when he’d learned of his mother and brother’s deaths.

Why? What could have been so bad to have forced Perry to leave?

* * *

It was midday before Perry allowed himself a real break, stopping and lowering himself down onto a frozen log, after brushing away as much of the snow as he could. He settled with a soft groan, the muscles of his legs aching, and reflected it would’ve been nice if his Change had gotten far enough along to give him the extra muscles and endurance JD’s had afforded him. It really had been a long time since he’d done any serious hiking, and he must’ve been more out of shape than he realized.

Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out the canteen of water he’d packed there, keeping it close to his body to keep it from freezing. He’d also packed away some of the jerky in the inner pockets of his coat, absently grateful he’d read as much Jack London as he had when he was a kid. If nothing else, he’d learned a thing or two about how to survive in cold weather. Because crazy as it was, Elliot was right: it _was_ getting colder. It was hard to believe he was hiking through California in May--it felt more like Alaska in November.

He took a swig of the water canteen, then pulled out the map he'd printed out yesterday while the others were in the field. The closest reported sighting of the Fae was about fifty miles from the cabin. As long as it didn't get any colder, he should be able to cover that distance in the next two or three days.

He lowered his pack to the ground, then reached into his jacket and pulled out a piece of dried beef jerky, tearing into it ravenously. He wished he could attribute his hunger to the Change, but he knew it was just the hunger of honest work. Despite keeping it close to his body, the jerky was tough, but the chewing gave him something to focus on--kept him from worrying about JD, and Jack, and wondering just how long he’d be able to keep going if he couldn’t find the Fae.

If he didn’t, he knew, the chances of ever making it back to his family were basically nil.

Shoving those thoughts from his mind, he finished the piece of jerky quickly, then rooted around in his pack for the loaf of homemade bread he'd brought along. Finding it to be frozen solid, he hacked off a chunk and stuck it inside his jacket to thaw. Then, reluctantly, he shoved himself up, dusted off the snow that had begun to accumulate on his thighs and shoulders, and hoisted his pack up onto his back once more.

He couldn't afford to stay still for long. That much he'd realized. He'd brought a thermal sleeping bag, but he wasn't convinced it would do much for the kind of cold he was hiking into, as he got deeper into the mountains. Still, it was the best he had; if the snow was deep enough--and the way it was coming down, he doubted there'd be much question of that--he could simply cover himself in it, building a hollow like they did on the sled dog runs.

Adding the History Channel just under Jack London to his mental list of things he was grateful for, he drew a deep breath and began to walk again, idly wondering if it was the cold that had made his limbs so stiff and reluctant to move, or something else entirely.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in something of a blur for JD. Carla brought him food and he ate it, losing himself in playing with Jack, looking after him, fighting the urge to pace restlessly, trying desperately not to think. The others spent the morning searching the cabin, looked for a note, for some kind of sign or indication of where Perry had headed, but all they could tell him was that some food and Perry's hiking gear were missing. At one point, Carla had suggested calling Perry’s cell, but after a brief flare of hope when JD got a signal and a ring on the other line, Sean appeared at the top of the stairs, holding the older doctor’s phone in his hands, looking grim. “Sorry,” he said softly.

JD had almost sobbed his frustration.

Throughout the day, JD felt himself beginning to close down. He could hear the others outside the door to the den frequently, speaking in hushed, worried tones, but he ignored them. As long as they didn't come in and try to cheer him up, he would be okay. He could get through this...and Perry would come back. He had to...he'd left the truck, and it was too cold outside for him to camp. He had to be back by nightfall. As soon as the sky started to grow even darker, JD started half listening, glancing toward the window every few moments expectantly.

Perry would be back any moment.

* * *

As the day drew on toward evening, Perry halted again and scowled, wishing, not for the first time, that he'd invested in a GPS system of some sort.

He squinted at his compass, then at the map, a flashlight held fast between his teeth, then looked around at the trees that looked basically like every other place he’d stopped. He sighed, thinking he could at least safely assume he wasn’t going in circles: the snow had stopped falling about three hours ago, and his tracks were stretched behind him, marking the way he’d come quite clearly. He’d tried to keep mostly under the cover of trees, not wanting those tracks to be visible from the air; as soon as the snow stopped, he’d started worrying again about JD flying after him. He didn’t know how that confrontation would play out, if the younger man did manage to track him down, but he was fairly certain he didn’t want to find out.

He growled a little, folding the map and sticking it back into his pack, focusing his attention instead on the compass. Then, wishing there was some way to know exactly how far he’d come, he shoved the small metal instrument back into his jacket pocket, and began to unhook his sleeping bag. It was getting too dark to see, and he'd been hiking for nearly twenty hours; he was exhausted, physically and mentally, and frozen, and basically miserable. At least if he could get to sleep, he could take care of the first two.

As he spread the sleeping bag over the ground, packing it with another hunk of bread and more jerky to thaw for his breakfast, he glanced around himself, eying his surroundings. The darkness of the woods, which he’d never minded on previous hiking trips, now seemed oppressive, almost ominous. He shivered a little, not just from the cold, but shook off the sensation, beginning to dig a hollow in the snow. Maybe he really had been around JD for too long--his imagination was starting to play tricks with him. He could almost imagine the glinting of the hanging icicles were eyes, watching him curiously, vanishing into the shadows before he could get a good look at their owners.

He snorted, shaking his head to rid it of the fanciful thought, and crawled into the sleeping bag, zipping it up and packing the snow up around it to help it retain heat.

It was only after he’d finished, borrowing as deeply into the blankets as he could, that his mind began to wander back home, to Jack and Carla and Turk and Elliot and Sean, but mostly to JD.

 _JD._ Perry closed his eyes, shivering as he curled in on himself a little, snuggling down as deep as he could in the sleeping bag and willing the heat to begin collecting.

He wondered how JD was doing, what they’d thought about finding Perry gone. Wondered if they were worried about him, wondering if JD missed him as much as he missed JD. Wondered if JD was thinking about him, even now, and what sorts of thoughts he might be having, if he was. Much as Perry wanted to believe JD would forgive him, he knew he couldn’t ignore the very likely possibility that JD would never understand what he'd done--why he’d done it. Even if he made it back somehow, JD might never trust him again.

He might even decide this was for the best.

Maybe his ploy had worked, and he'd successfully driven him away for good. Maybe he’d get back and JD wouldn’t even _want_ him anymore; would have decided he really could do much better than the washed-up bitter old jackass that was Perry Cox.

He snorted, brow furrowing. It was the truth, after all. However hurt JD was now, he was young--he’d recover. And he might just decide he was better off.

He bit his lip, scowling a little, trying to shove away the self-pity that rose within him. After all, if he really wanted what was best for JD, then he should be happy about this. And JD would look after Jack. Of that, Perry had no doubts. Whatever the younger doctor might decide about _him_ , Perry knew JD loved the child. And he had a good heart. He wouldn’t abandon him, no matter what had transpired between he and Perry.

Yeah. They’d be fine. They had each other, and the others…they’d take care of each other.

They didn’t need him.

* * *

Perry didn't come back.

JD put Jack to bed, and found himself suddenly with nothing to concentrate on, nothing with which to distract himself.

The others tried to help. Elliot unearthed a pack of cards and offered to be his teammate in a game of Hearts, but JD soon grew ill of the surreptitiously exchanged pitying glances the others kept throwing each other, so he went upstairs, sitting down on the bed he'd shared with Perry for nearly a month.

It was cold.

In fact, despite the house's heating and the fire, everything seemed cold. He stood, moving silently to look out the large French windows, watching the snow swirl in the light from the living room windows. Beyond that, everything was darkness. He shivered, suddenly feeling very small and alone; leaning forward, pressing his fingertips to the cold window, he whispered, "God...if you’re there…keep him safe, wherever he is?"

He pushed tears away again, climbing into bed curling into the covers, smelling Perry's scent on them. He scooted himself to Perry's side of the mattress, wrapping his arms around his lover's pillow. Only then did he let the tears start to fall.

For the second night in a row, he fell asleep before they stopped.

* * *

When morning finally came, Perry found it difficult to wake up. The warmth had finally started to gather around him, lulling him into something of a stupor, and when the brightness of the sunshine filtering through the ice-covered trees finally drew him back to consciousness, a very large part of him wanted to burrow back into the blankets and let sleep take him over again. It would be so easy, he knew--to let the darkness take back over, to drift off and just stay asleep, and stay asleep, until he would never have to worry about waking up again.

It was that thought, more than anything, that forced him awake, slightly alarmed. He pushed himself up out of the snow-covered sleeping bag, and walked around his make-shift campsite a few times, swinging his arms to get the circulation going again, shaking his head sharply to wake himself up. The frigid air helped, and soon he was awake, though his head was aching a little from the exhaustion or lack of food or both. His limbs were stiff and sore as well, remnants of his long hike the day before, and he spent some time simply stretching, trying to get them to loosen up a little.

It worked, sort of. He could move, at any rate.

He reached into his sleeping bag, pulling out the bread and jerky he’d stored there to keep it warm. The bread was a little squashed, and had started to turn slightly stale, but it was still palatable. He ate quickly, taking a long swig of water from his canteen before scooping a handful of snow into it, filling it back to the brim. Then, tucking it away into his jacket, he stowed his sleeping bag and attached it to his pack, climbing to his feet and glancing around. His tracks from the night before were still visible, so it was easy enough to determine which way he needed to go, but he reached into his pocket to check the compass anyway, wanting to be sure.

Only to discover his compass wasn’t there.

He frowned, squinting down at the pocket, then pulled off his gloves with his teeth and began a more frantic search. But it soon became clear that the instrument was gone, probably lying somewhere on his path behind him.

He swore softly to himself, momentarily at a loss. If he went back to get it, he would lose much precious time. He’d only packed about four days’ worth of food, not wanting to take more than he absolutely needed from the cabin, knowing the others would need it more. Doubling back would mean he’d cut very close into his supply--plus, there was no guarantee he’d even find the compass. Chances were good it was buried somewhere in the snow, covered by his footprints or a drift or carried off by some curious, scavenging animal.

But without it, he could end up miles off track, very quickly, and that would mean certain death as well.

He stood for a few moments, hands clenched in his curls, until his fingers started to ache from the cold. As he pulled his gloves on once more, he sighed, realizing he had no choice but to keep going forward. He did still have the map, after all, though without the compass he wasn’t sure what good it would do him, really. It wasn’t terribly detailed, and he had no way of knowing exactly where he was in the first place.

Still, it wasn’t like he had a lot of options. He sighed again, and, after carefully studying the angle of his tracks from the day before, he began to walk again.

He didn’t make it nearly as far that day. Whether it was the caution of walking without a compass, the lingering stiffness from the previous day’s hike, or the odd light-headed feeling that had joined his headache an hour or so into his trek, he didn’t know. Probably some combination of the three. He found he had to stop frequently to catch his breath, and more than once he’d realize he’d been walking without marking the trail, and have to double back and reassess his direction. He consulted the map a few times, but eventually gave up, finally admitting to himself that the symbols and landmarks meant next to nothing. He focused instead on staying in the same direction, moving carefully around obstacles to keep the angle the same. He was probably around twenty three miles from the cabin, by the time darkness fell again, but whether he’d moved twenty three miles in the right direction or ended up that far off track, he didn’t know.

As he burrowed into his sleeping bag, alone in the wilderness for the second night in a row, he was mildly alarmed to realize he didn’t care as much as he should have.

* * *

The next day was a near repeat of the one before it.

JD spent nearly all of his time with Jack, gently but firmly rejecting the advances of the others. They were more plentiful now than they had been, someone coming in every few hours to ask him if he was hungry, if he wanted to watch a movie, if he felt like talking.

But he didn't. He wanted to stay where he was, take care of his son.

He felt his jaw clench slightly whenever he thought of Jack that way. He knew it was perhaps no longer a right he could claim, but as long as Perry was gone, he was all Jack had. And dammit if he was going to be halfway about it. He loved the child, loved him as if he were JD’s flesh and blood, and there was no way he was going to allow him to be left alone. He couldn’t bring himself to think “orphan”--the thought implied more than he was willing to accept--but it was there, at the back of his mind, as he offered the child blocks and helped him build and tear down cities. Jack would not be an honorary nephew, not as long as JD had anything to say about it. Perry had offered him this place in the child’s life, and no matter what else the older man had decided to take away, he wasn’t taking this.

He knew his anger at Perry was really a way to hide his fear, but he couldn’t help it. It kept him from picturing the older man alone out in the wilderness, fighting cold and weariness and who knew what else, fulfilling whatever foolish quest he’d decided was important enough for him to abandon his child. For his part, JD couldn't imagine what could _possibly_ be that important.

He got his answer to that question sooner than he expected. Sometime in the afternoon, Turk brought the laptop to him. "Dude...I thought maybe you should see this."

JD frowned, accepting the machine, which Turk had open to the internet browser. He glanced up at his friend, who looked grim. “Found this page in the history,” he said. “Thought you’d want to take a look.”

JD returned his attention to the screen, realizing Turk had opened one of the medical sites they frequented, to an article dated about three days prior. His eyes widened, and he released a soft, defeated moan, slumping to the ground as he read the words as though they were Perry's death warrant.

 _No. Oh, no…_ Perry...

 _Treatment only a delay. Rejection universally fatal_.

* * *

He was dreaming again. He had to be dreaming again.

He couldn’t see the little girl, but he could hear her, her voice a sweet, innocent song, rising high then swooping low again, making dips and crescendos that seemed to carve out a path in the air before him, painting pictures of sound.

He was lying on the ground in his sleeping bag, but he was walking, too, wandering through the paths the music had mapped out before him, listening to the song become a giggle, then a whisper.

“Come find me!”

He was walking for real now, pushing himself up out of his sleeping bag, leaving the bag itself and his pack abandoned in the snow, half-buried in a drift that the winds had created as he’d slept. He didn’t care. All that mattered was to walk, to follow the music, to find the child who created it. If he found her, he would be okay. If he found her, she would make everything better, somehow. He wasn't sure why he knew it, but he did.

A very distant part of Perry’s brain registered the cold air around him, intensified by the fact that he'd left much of his warmer gear behind; registered the exhaustion, the pain each breath caused in his breast. Registered the way his heart was beating too quickly, his chest working too hard to force his lungs to take in air; the way the edges of his vision were gray, and murky. That part of his brain marked off his symptoms, nodding grimly to itself, assessing delirium, offering a diagnosis of hypothermia and shock, and a prognosis that was less than favorable.

_Keep walking. Keep walking. The song…follow the song, find the child…_

His rational brain clucked at him, but did not have the power to stop his staggering progress. She was close. He knew she was close--she had to be. He could hear her. Couldn’t he? He could hear…voices, many voices, soft, lifted in song, painting the child’s picture more clearly than before, enhancing it: the steady hand of an adult assisting a child's crayon coloring, filling it in with more confident strokes, more brilliant colors. They were calling him, drawing him forward, urging him on, enticing him stumbling through the snow.

_Find us. Follow the song._

He fell. He didn’t notice at first, but when his hands began to grow cold, he realized it was because they were buried in snow, and some of it had gotten packed into his gloves. He rose unsteadily to his feet, pulling the gloves off and leaving them on the ground before continuing on his way, staggering drunkenly but persistently onward.

(Hypothermia. Freezing, then stupor, then warmth, then sleep.)

He knew how this worked. He’d fall again, eventually, and this time he would not get up. Even if he weren’t exhausted, the dizziness had returned full force, and he might as well have been trying to navigate a tilt-a-whirl. The light headedness, the headache, the pain in his chest. (Rejection.) The numbness, the tingling, the stupor. (Hypothermia.) It was getting hard to tell what was doing what, and the detached part of his brain found it mildly entertaining to try to predict which would take him down first.

The giggling was closer, now, and as Perry staggered on, blinking, he thought he caught a glimpse of blue. “Come on!” the girlish voice called, before it joined its elders in song again.

“M’comin’…” Perry mumbled aloud, the sound of his own voice shattering the illusion for a moment. He paused, blinking, the world returned briefly to sharp focus: the cold snow, the silently indifferent forest, the unsteady trail of his footsteps behind him, the puffs of steam his ragged breath conjured in the air before him.

Silence. Empty, cold.

_Alone._

He faltered, and for a flash of a second, panic settled into his brain. _Oh, God, I’m losing it, I'm hallucinating...I’m going to die out here. I’m going to die. Jack..._ JD...

But the panic faded quickly, buried in the recesses of his brain, the stupor taking over once more, calming him, warming him. He giggled a little, hearing the child laughing at him, seeing her again through the trees, beckoning. “You’re almost there!” she whispered, and from her blue back, a pair of gossamer wings appeared. She began to flap them, rising gently into the air, floating. A soft glow of light grew around her, surrounding her, encasing her as the music began to swell.

“You’re almost there!" she called to him. "Keep going!”

_Go to the light._

He snorted. That’s what they said in cheesy movies, that’s not how it really worked. He’d witnessed too much death to still harbor any romantic ideas about it. There was no light, no tunnel, no waiting arms of long-lost loved ones.

_No. There’s just a singing blue fairy girl._

(Delirious.)

He stumbled forward, and the child called him on. “You’re almost there! You’re almost there!”

_Almost there. So close…_

So tired.

He fell again, and this time, as he'd predicted, there was no getting up. The song swelled around him, and he sighed softly, sinking into the snow as if it were a giant blanket, not even feeling the sting of the cold against his raw skin. It was comfortable. It was _warm._ He could just sleep, for a little while, and then get up and walk some more, later.

(Hypothermia.)

Yeah, later. Later was good. He was _tired_ , now, and he just wanted to sleep.

_JD._

He opened his eyes a little, and watched the strange play of light and dark as the cold finally took him, listening to the swell of the music around him.

_JD, I’m sorry. I'm so sorry. I tried._

Then, closing his eyes, he allowed himself to drift, knowing, even as he promised himself it would only be a short nap, that he would never wake again.


	28. Chapter 28

Sleep came slowly for JD, and when it finally did come, it was broken with nightmares; he woke up crying more than once, tears leaking into his pillow, Perry’s name on his lips. Eventually he rose, around three, and walked over to Jack’s crib, looking in on the child. He had only recently begun sleeping through the night, and while JD had been grateful at first, now he would’ve been happy for the distraction of a fussy baby to look after.

But Jack was asleep, wings tucked away and slits closed, one chubby thumb in his mouth, the other hand curled around his blanket.

JD watched him for a long moment, jealous of the oblivion sleep afforded Perry’s son, jealous that the boy could not understand what Perry’s absence would mean. Though he ached to know the child would now probably grow up without ever knowing the man, right now he could very nearly wish the same thing for himself. After all, if he’d never met Perry, or at least if he’d never fallen for him, it wouldn’t hurt so badly now, knowing he was out there alone, sick and maybe dying. Perry hadn’t shown any signs of the Rejection returning, not that JD had noticed, but…even if he hadn’t, being out there for three days in the snow could not be safe, and every moment that passed when Perry didn’t return only made JD’s heart sink a little lower in his chest. The marking of the minutes on the clock was hateful to him, a countdown to the moment when he would eventually have to let go of the last shred of hope within him--let go, and accept that Perry was never coming back.

He bit his lip, tears welling swiftly and suddenly; without thinking, he reached down into the crib and scooped Jack into his arms, holding him cradled into his chest. The boy stirred but did not wake, settling his head against JD’s shoulder and sighing, squirming a little before going limp again, relaxed in sleep.

JD carried him back over to the large bed, crawling up carefully and settling the child down onto the mattress before snuggling down next to him, curled protectively around the sleeping boy. Jack, one thumb still in his mouth, began opening and closing his other hand slowly, drowsily searching for his blanket, which JD had left in the crib. He offered his index finger instead, and Jack’s fist closed around it loosely, trustingly, as he settled once more. JD swallowed hard at the swift swell of love the unconscious gesture provoked within him.

“You’ll never be alone, Jacky,” he whispered, reaching out with his free hand to lightly stroke the toddler’s hair. “I promise. I’ll never leave you, not ever. Your mommy and daddy, they…they love you, so much, but they might not be able to come back. But I won’t leave you. I swear…”

He broke down, sobbing softly, careful not to wake the boy, and curled in on himself a little more, letting his tears soak the pillow case as he gazed at the sleeping child’s face.

* * *

He didn’t recall drifting off, but the dream, when it came to him, felt different than the others.

He was walking through the snow, calling Perry’s name, shivering at the icy cold that bit into his bare feet; he wrapped his wings around himself tightly and continued to search, hands cupped to his face as he called for his lover.

When he rounded a corner, he realized there was a child sitting on the ground, faintly blue, gossamer wings quivering lightly in the morning sun. His eyes went wide; abandoning his own search for a moment, he raced forward, determined to help her. She was freezing, she had to be--she wore only the thinnest layers of light, silky fabric, wrapped around her thin frame in a way that momentarily made him think of a roman toga. Her long dark hair, which reached halfway down her back, was tangled and knotted, bits of tree branches and (oddly enough, since there were none to be found on the ground) flowers and leaves braided haphazardly through it. She must’ve been out here for ages--days--and JD knew if she were cold enough to be turning blue she was in very real, very immediate danger of freezing to death.

“Hey!” he called, hurrying forward, reaching for the child automatically, ready to pull her close and wrap his wings around her to warm her (they really were excellent insulation; Perry had complained more than once about getting too hot, when JD would drape one over the older man in his sleep, and--oh. _Perry…_ ).

But when he reached her, she turned, and giggled at him, and when his hand brushed against her shoulder, he pulled back, startled, to realize she was warm. Very warm, in fact.

He stared at her, and she gazed back, large, almond-shaped eyes with gold irises and deep black pupils unblinking.

“Uh…hello,” he said eventually, realizing he must be gawking but unable to stop himself, rude though he knew it was.

“Hi,” she responded, voice musical and seeming to come from within him as well as without; as she spoke, JD fancied he could see strange threads of light weaving her words in the air before her, though they vanished as soon as he blinked, making him think it must be a trick of the morning sunlight against the ice and snow.

“Can…can you help me?” he asked after a moment. “I’m looking for someone…”

“I know,” she said. “I heard you calling for him.”

“Oh,” JD said, feeling rather at a loss. “Well…do you know where he is?”

She cocked her head at him, then giggled again, and suddenly she was on her feet, at eye-level with him. A soft breeze surrounded them, and JD realized with a start that it was from the near-silent flitting of her wings as she hovered before him, maybe two feet off the ground. He took an involuntary step backwards, and she giggled again. Moving forward, she kissed his nose, a soft childish peck, and whispered, “Do not worry.”

Then she began to hum softly, and even when she vanished the song went on; it wove itself into JD’s heart, bolstering him, and as he stood there, alone and barefoot in the snow, he realized he felt warmer than he had in days.

* * *

JD woke up the next morning to Jack tugging on his hair, and sighed as he felt himself drawn back to consciousness, already missing the deep, peaceful sleep that had eventually taken him. He knew he’d dreamed, after bringing Jack to bed with him, but he couldn’t recall exactly _what_ he’d dreamed, only that it had somehow left him feeling warm, almost content. But as Jack continued to tug at his hair, the last shreds of the feeling drifted away, scattering into the morning light that drifted through the window, and he sighed, aching a little to let it go.

He couldn't help smiling, though, when he felt Jack’s small hand softly patting his face. "Daydee? Up?"

Instead of answering, JD slid his wing between them, so Jack couldn't see him, before lifting it up quickly. "Peek-a-boo!" he crowed softly.

The boy shrieked in delight, clapping his hands. “Gain! Gain!”

JD smiled, and complied, and for a while, was able to forget.

It was harder, during the day. When Jack had eventually grown tired of their game and started playing with one of JD’s feathers, he’d pushed himself reluctantly out of the warmth of the bed, gathering the child in his arms and heading downstairs to meet the others for breakfast. Elliot was already moving about the kitchen, making omelets with Sean, and he’d offered them a wan smile, accepting the plate the centauress offered him and moving into the living room. He set the plate on the table, settling Jack in with his toys, and opened his laptop again.

“JD,” he heard Elliot murmur softly, as she clopped out of the kitchen and moved to stand behind him, “are you sure you should be…?”

“I need to know,” was all he’d answered, and she’d sighed, nodding, before moving to rejoin Sean at the stove.

He spent the morning doing more online searches, looking for cases of people who’d survived rejection, but the article Turk had showed him the day before seemed to be correct: the people who'd been initially saved through his treatment still died, a few days, a week, or a month later. They would start to have mild symptoms--dizziness, headache, stuff like that--then they’d fall into a coma, and finally they’d just…slip away. No marked distress, no warning. They simply _died,_ their systems shutting down quietly and without much fuss.

JD eventually had to close the laptop, trying desperately not to picture Perry out there, alone and dying, but it was nearly impossible not to do so.

Eventually, he decided to let the others distract him, accepting their advances--anything to try and rid his mind of the images it was conjuring. Elliot suggested a movie, and JD agreed, heading upstairs to fetch the extra box of DVDs he'd packed away into the closet.

He reached up, tugging the string to turn on the closet light, then knelt, tugging the box forward--and paused, frowning, when he realized there was a book on top of the DVDs. A yearbook, from the looks of it, though it was lying face down. He picked it up and flipped it over.

 _University of California, San Diego Medical School, Class of 1989_.

The words were stamped across the green leather binding in gold lettering, gleaming up at him in the dim light of the hanging bulb. His frown deepened, and he moved backwards, carrying the book with him, settling onto the edge of the bed.

Perry's--the book had to be Perry's. The year was right, the university was right--but how did it get here? It hadn't been in the box when he'd packed it, he knew that. So that meant Perry had put it there since they'd arrived.

But why?

He swallowed, hesitating, then opened the book with trembling fingers, desire to see Perry's picture outweighing the knowledge that such a sight would doubtless cause him pain. He opened the book, intending to flip to the index, but paused, frowning, when it fell open to a page with a piece of notebook paper stuck inside.

He reached for the paper, pulling it out, wondering if it was an old love letter or something, then froze when he saw the picture on the pages between which the paper had been tucked.

"Perry," he whispered, fingers trembling as he reached forward and lightly traced the glossy image on the page.

Posed pictures of the older doctor didn't always take well. Even JD had to admit that. Perry's smile, unless it was a genuine, caught off-guard smile, tended to look more like a grimace, at best, or a snarl at worst.

But the picture before him now was different. It was black and white, and looked to be in a library or a study lounge of some sort. It was one of those candid shots, like the ones Ben had always been so fond of taking. In it, Perry was reading, sprawled in a leather lounge chair in front of a set of large french windows. The book in his lap, though JD couldn't see the title, was clearly a text of some sort--some gargantuan medical tome or another. It was propped open across his thighs, and he was gazing down at it, a gentle look of concentration on his face. He wore a pair of thin, wire-rimmed reading glasses, but rather than making him look geeky, they actually made him look sexier. One hand was by his mouth, holding a pen, whose lid he was chewing thoughtfully. The other was curled easily around the book, supporting it; the tendons in his hand stood out, emphasized by the dark shadows and black and white tones of the photo. Perry himself wore a dark button-up shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, denim jeans, and a pair of hiking boots, and even though JD was sure the picture had been taken by one of the school's media club members, it had come out looking professionally composed--no doubt that was why they'd decided to feature it in the center. The light filtered through the dusty library window, highlighting his curling hair, which was a little longer than it was now, and twice as unruly. The caption beneath read, "UCSD student Perry Cox studies for his final exams. April 12, 1989." Below that, someone--one of Perry's friends from school, no doubt--had scrawled "Oooooh, chew that pen you naughty boy!"

JD drew a shuddery breath, heart beating hard and fast in his throat. 1989--Perry was twenty-six in the picture. So young...younger than JD was now. And something in his face, his eyes...he cared. Oh, JD knew he'd always cared, but this Perry was the Perry that reminded Jordan of JD himself, the one that Carla claimed had been just as nervous, just as idealistic as he. This was a Perry who, though he'd certainly faced hardships, had not yet been so hurt that he'd turned his back on the rest of the world, building up a hard shell around his heart that no one had been able to break through.

This was a Perry who still had some hope, some faith in the promise life had to offer him.

JD drew another sharp breath, the image blurring in front of him, and he reached up to wipe hastily at his cheeks. He swallowed, hard, picking up the piece of paper, intending to tuck it back between the pages undisturbed.

And that was when he saw his initials scrawled across the front, in Perry's distinctive handwriting.

He dropped the paper as though it were on fire, staring at it, eyes wide. It fluttered to the floor, landing with his initials facing up, and for a long moment, he stared at it, afraid to pick it up, to see what Perry might've written.

Then, unable to resist, he slid to the floor, reaching with badly shaking fingers to pick it up again. Drawing a deep breath, casting his eyes momentarily heavenward, he unfolded the note, and began to read.

_JD,_

_I'm sorry. God, kid, I'm so sorry. I know no matter how many times I say that, it won't make up for what I've done to you, but it's true. I don't think I've ever been sorrier for anything in my life, and that's saying something, Newbie, because I've done my fair share of stupid things. But none of them have hurt as much as this one does._

_I lied to you, JD, and what's worse, I hurt you by it. Worse still, I did it on purpose, to drive you away. I'll understand if you can't forgive me, but I ask you to please let me explain. I had to do it. To protect you, to keep you safe. But I'd give just about anything to be able to take it all back. God, JD, to think of all the time I wasted, when things could have been normal for us...it hurts almost as much as this does. I couldn't swallow my fucking pride, and I wasted so much time..._

_If you've found this letter, it probably means I've been gone for a while, and if that's the case, I'm probably not coming back. The rejection...JD, it's fatal. The treatment is a stall, at best; the body can't stay trapped between one form and another. I don't think the system knows how to support itself, half-changed. I think the original cells and the new cells start attacking each other, and the body finally loses the energy to keep fighting itself, and just gives up._

_That's why I did what I did. That's why I left. JD, I'm dying._

_I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you. I wanted to. God, JD, you don't know how badly I wanted to tell you--how badly I want to go outside right now and hold you, make your tears stop, admit to everything, let you help me. But I can't._

_I'm going to look for help. I...there are rumors of these creatures--the Fae, they're calling them--and I'm going to look for them. I've been having dreams, and...well, I think if anyone can help me now, they can._

_Please don't come after me, JD. I said what I did to keep you from doing so, but even after you read this, please don't try to find me. I don't ask for much, you know that, but I'm asking you--no, I'm begging you--don't come looking for me. These Fae, I don't know who they are or why they're here, but if they're dangerous, it's better that only one of us has to find that out the hard way._

_If I don't come back, I want you to look after Jack for me. I know you will--I've seen you with him, and I have no doubts you love him like your own son. Which he is, JD. And he's going to need you now._

_JD, I also want to thank you. For staying by me, for seeing through my crap, for calling me on it time and time again. But more than that, thank you for reminding me that there are good people left in the world, that I don't have to push everyone away all the time, that I can still have friends--a family--despite my flaws. Thank you for being that family for me, JD, even if we only had a little while. You made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. Whatever happens, please know I love you. So much. That hasn't changed, and it never will. I'm so sorry I had to leave you thinking anything else, but please believe me when I tell you I never meant those things I said. Not for one moment. And please believe me when I tell you if there's any possible way to do so, I'll come back to you someday._

_You'll be okay. I know you will. You're strong--so much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. I love you, Newbie. Please take care of yourself._

_Yours always,  
Perry_

JD whimpered very softly, his fingers lightly tracing a spot of smeared ink and wavery paper that could only be a tearstain. "Damn you, Perry Cox," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. " _Damn you_."

Oh, he should have known...should have seen what Perry was doing. But he'd been too blinded by his own selfish pain to realize that Perry was driving him away. And while a part of his soul that was sobbing with relief, knowing Perry had never stopped loving him, it only made the pain in his heart that much harder to bear.

_I let him go. I failed him._

Then he frowned, suddenly. That wasn't right, was it? After all, Perry had _wanted_ him to let him go; had lashed out intentionally, in the only way he knew for certain could keep JD from following him, from forcing Perry to talk to him. He'd struck out deliberately, with the intent to wound, because he apparently didn't trust JD to understand why he needed to go in the first place. Sure, he'd said he was sorry--but how much faith could he have in JD, really, that he felt it necessary to hurt him instead of just being honest with him?

"Why didn't you just _tell_ me?" he choked, squeezing his eyes more tightly, bowing his head. "I wouldn't have liked it, but I would've let you go..."

He opened his eyes again, letting out a deep breath, and they fell again on the picture the letter had been hiding. A sob caught in his throat, and he dropped the letter, burying his face in his hands. Three days, since Perry had left, knowing he was dying. Three days in the bitter weather outside, trying to find creatures who didn't want to be discovered...and who might be dangerous, for all anyone knew. Who might not even _exist_.

"I'm not _this_ strong," JD whispered, curling up around Perry's pillow again, slow, silent tears seeping out and soaking into it.

Elliot found him there, coming up to see what was taking so long.

"JD?" she said softly, knocking on the door. "Weren't you going to get the mov--JD!" she broke off with a gasp when she saw him, eyes widening. "JD, what is it?"

"Perry's dead. He left because he was dying..." JD's voice sounded strange to his own ears, distant and much too calm. "He left me...he left me a note."

"He...y-you're sure?" Elliot whispered. "You're sure?"

He handed her the note numbly, too far gone to care that Perry'd probably meant it to be private; as Elliot read, her eyes filled abruptly with tears. She pressed her fingers to her mouth, blinking hard, then looked up at JD, still curled in on himself, gazing blankly ahead. She lowered her hand slowly, and took a tentative step forward. "Oh, _JD_..."

"It's my fault," JD said softly. "If I hadn't...hadn't told him how I felt, he'd've though he was going mer and could stay with Jordan...He wouldn't have gone into rejection." He knew, distantly, that he was being ridiculous, but couldn't seem to stop himself.

Elliot shook her head helplessly, biting her lip against JD's emotionless voice and blank eyes. "JD, you can't...you can't know that. There's Jack, and you..." she trailed off, then shook her head again, stamping one foot, tail swishing anxiously. "It's _not_ your fault," she said again. "You did everything you could to save him."

JD chuckled, a painful sound. "And it wasn't enough," he said. He shook his head, burrowing closer into the pillow, breathing deeply of Perry's scent, wondering just how long it would be before he'd lose even this tenuous connection to the other man. "Elliot, he didn't even...he didn't even let me say goodbye," he whispered. "Didn't let me be there for him, at the end..." He choked, then shook his head again, turned away from her, wings closing in around his body. "I want to be alone," he said dully. "Please."

Elliot swallowed, looking like she wanted to protest, but unable to think of the words to comfort her friend. She sighed, backing up, but paused in the doorway. "JD," she murmured, voice low with sympathy. "I know...I know how hard this is for you, and I understand why you want to be alone, but don't forget we're here, okay? We love you, and we need you, too." She bit her lip, then added, "You know, I...I never saw Dr. Cox as happy as he was when he was with you. I don't think, if he were here now, he would have any regrets."

"Yeah?" JD mumbled. "Well, he's not, is he?"

He heard her sigh again, heard the door shut behind her, and let out a long, shuddering breath, wondering why he wasn't crying. Why he couldn't seem to.

Instead he lay there, just breathing, trying to shake the certainty within him that Perry was dead. If he could believe, even for a moment, that he'd found help...

But the odds were against it, and he knew it. Even if the older man had somehow found the Fae, God only knew what they'd do to him. And despite Perry's pleas, JD couldn't deny how much he was tempted to go looking, anyway.

But he couldn't. Perry had asked him not to, and Jack...Jack needed him.

Jack. JD sighed softly, squeezing his eyes shut. Elliot was right: he couldn't risk himself, now, and leave the boy alone. For a moment, he almost resented it. Resented that he couldn't run off, lose himself somehow, just fly until he couldn't fly anymore, embracing welcome oblivion...

But he had to be there. Had to stay, fulfill his promise and raise Perry's son, since the other man couldn't do it himself.

He knew he should get up. Go downstairs, tell the others, look after Jack...

But the thought of even moving was too much, and so JD stayed as he was, wrapped in his grief.

Eventually he slept.

* * *

Carla came for him, later. He'd expected it, of course, but he wanted to groan when she woke him. In his sleep, he could forget. In his dreams, Perry was alive.

"Bambi?" he heard her whisper again softly, and he opened his eyes slowly to see her sitting on her haunches next to his bed. Her eyes were soft, her face sympathetic and compassionate. "Hey, sweetie," she said, offering him a sad smile. "It's dinnertime. Elliot and I made soup and grilled cheese; I thought I'd see if you wanted to come down."

"No," JD said tersely, the sound muffled by the pillow as he turned his head resolutely away from her.

He heard her small intake of breath, and moments later, felt her hand alight upon his shoulder.

"Bambi, I'm so sorry," she murmured gently. "I know it hurts."

Elliot had told them, then. JD actually laughed, though there was no humor in the sound. He turned toward her, eyebrows raised incredulously, a humorless smirk on his face. "Do you?" he asked, his voice a mockery of politeness. "Do you, _really_? Imagine it was Turk, Carla. Imagine he needed help, and you brushed him off. Imagine you drove him away when he needed you the most--then lost him forever because of it." His voice was tight with self-loathing, and the smirk turned to a horrible grin, which stretched grotesquely across his face. He shook his head slowly. "No," he said derisively. "I don't think you _do_ know."

Carla's mouth was hanging open, but after a moment she snapped it shut, eyebrows drawing together. "JD," she argued, "you didn't drive him away--he broke up with _you_ , remember? You can't honestly think--"

"I fell for it, Carla!" JD cried suddenly. He pushed himself off the mattress, getting up to his hands and knees and crawling to the edge of the bed, leaning closer to her, eyes filled with furious tears. "He played me, yeah--but I _let him do it._ God..." He sat back on his heels, raising his hands to his hair and clutching it for a moment in his fists. "He thanked me, you know," he said finally, and now his voice was dull. "In his letter. He thanked me for always seeing through his crap, and calling him on it. But I didn't, did I? When it really _mattered_ , I fell for it just like everyone else. Carla...I let him down. I _failed_ him." He shook his head, dropping his hands into his lap, eyes going distant again; the tears that had risen to his eyes slipped down his cheeks, unnoticed, but no others rose to take their place. "I let him go," he whispered, gaze turning toward the window. "And now he's dead."

"You don't know that," Carla whispered weakly, her own tears streaming freely. "JD, you don't know that. He went to find help. How do you know he didn't...?" she trailed off, biting her lip.

JD chuckled ruefully. "Yeah," he said, voice hoarse and bitter with sarcasm. "I bet he did. I bet he found the tall blue fairy men, and they waved their magic wands and poof, everything was all better, and he'll be back any minute now."

" _Bambi..._ "

"He died out there, Carla," JD gritted. "He died alone in the cold, thinking he didn't have anywhere else to go." He turned to look at her, and his face crumpled, the tears finally coming in earnest. "Why did I let him?" he whimpered. "Carla, why did I let him go?"

Carla sobbed; in a movement that would have startled JD, if he hadn't been so ridden with grief and guilt, she stood and leaped lightly on to the bed, settling down before him and gathering him into her arms.

JD didn't resist, but he didn't reciprocate, either. He lay heavy in her arms, brow pressed to her shoulder, tears soaking into her shirt. "I let him go, and now I can't even follow him..."

"What could you do for him, though, even if you could follow?" Carla reminded him in a quivering voice, stroking his hair. "You couldn't have saved him, sweetheart. You already did everything you knew to try--what more could you have done?"

JD bit his lip, but didn't answer her, or try to correct her. If that was what she thought...well, fine. He'd let her think it. Honestly, in a way, she was right: he _couldn't_ have done anything. At least, not in terms of halting the rejection, or saving Perry's life. And rationally, he knew it wouldn't always hurt like this; knew he'd stop blaming himself, eventually.

But he didn't think he'd ever stop wishing it had been him, instead.

So he merely fell silent, let Carla comfort him, and feigned sleep as soon as he thought he could get away with it.

As Carla gently lowered him back down and slid sinuously off the bed, JD squeezed his eyes shut again, tears leaking out slowly. It was only after she closed the door that he answered her question, whispering it into the tear-soaked pillowcase: "I could have been with him."

_I could have held him at the end. I could have said goodbye._

I could have kept him from dying alone.


	29. Chapter 29

 

The first emotion Perry felt upon his slow return to consciousness was surprise.

_I'm alive?_

This was quickly followed by several others, which crowded into his mind so quickly he was half-tempted to whistle at them to get them to slow down. He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, and the emotions began to sort themselves into ones he could recognize: Confusion. That was easy enough; he didn't know where he was or why, after all. Fear, the logical follow-up to the absence of that knowledge. Hope was harder to place, though he supposed it could simply be attributed to the fact that he'd awoken at all. Beneath those emotions were slightly more earthy ones: hunger, thirst, weariness.

Then the pain hit, and silenced everything else.

It dragged him fully awake, a ripping, searing pain in his back and neck that, once translated, he realized was actually coming from his half-grown wings.

_What the...?_

He groaned a little, and slowly forced his eyes open, the pain helping him overcome the rather petulant desire to let the darkness and exhaustion take him down again. Once they were half-open, he allowed himself a moment to breathe, then blinked and shook his head ever so slightly to clear his muddled vision.

It worked. It didn't do much for his confusion, but at least he could see.

The forest around him was warm, which in and of itself was extremely odd, because not thirty yards ahead he could see snow covering the ground, fresh flakes swirling down through the trees.

But beyond that spot, the snow ended, the ground covered instead with a blanket of clover and flower and grass like the one upon which he currently rested. The trees were full, and green, their leaves rustling softly in the breeze. That was another oddity--the breeze. It didn't seem to be affecting the snow, but the branches overhead were swaying lightly, once he turned his head far enough to see them, and the woods, rather than being dark, were suffused with a strange glow. He had a fleeting thought of Lothlorien, from the _Fellowship of the Ring_ movie that Ben had dragged him to see twice in the theater. It wasn't quite that Hollywood, but it certainly wasn't as dark as it seemed it should be, even if he couldn't exactly pinpoint the source of the light.

And then there was the music. It was there, when he wasn't listening; if he focused on it too hard, it would slip out of his awareness, fading back into a hum that reminded him absently of the hum of electricity--a powerful pulse that throbbed just below his senses and permeated the air around him, filling him and drawing him further toward consciousness.

He blinked again, frowning, and pushed himself slowly up, cringing and drawing a sharp hissing breath at the pain this caused him.

"You are awake?"

He jerked, startled, and turned his head quickly--then smiled, slowly.

It was her. The child, the one he'd seen in his dreams. She was crouched in front of him, head tilted to one side, curious golden eyes shining up at him. Her hair, which was a deep, rich brown, was a tangled mess, fanning out around her head, bits of leaf and flower and twig stuck (or perhaps woven) into its messy braids. Her skin was pale blue, as it had been in his visions. In fact, _everything_ about her was exactly as it had been in his visions, down to the musical, almost three dimensional quality of her voice, and Perry found himself wondering why he wasn't more surprised to realize she was real.

"Yes," he replied simply, smile growing a little.

She grinned back, childish features lighting up suddenly. "You were asleep a long time," she informed him. "At least a week. I am to watch you until you wake up."

Perry blinked. _A week?_ "Well... I'm awake now," he said after a moment, unable to think of any other response. The child, whomever she was, had an odd charm about her, and Perry found he liked her instantly.

"Yes. The others are in the trees. Will you stay awake if I go fetch them?" she looked at him rather doubtfully, as if he might be trying to trick her with his consciousness.

Perry bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from chuckling. "Promise," he said solemnly.

"Good. Oh, and do not move," she added, raising both eyebrows, face serious. "You have been broken, and the singing is not finished."

With those rather cryptic words, she snapped her wings out and lifted straight into the air, heading up the side of an enormous tree.

Perry stifled another yelp, blinking to see her vanish so suddenly into the air. When JD took flight, it required some momentum, but the child had gone from crouching, perfectly still, to disappearing into the treetops in a matter of seconds. It reminded him a little of the way Jack flew, though it was far more effortless for this child than it was for his son.

Thoughts of JD and Jack made him ache with sudden homesickness, so to distract himself, he strained his neck upward, trying to see through the swaying boughs. The movement, however, jarred his injured wings and he winced, lowering his head again.

He focused instead on taking stock of his situation. The pain made it a little difficult, but he was able to assess that the rest of his body seemed fine--no frostbite, no lingering effects from his ill-equipped three-day hike through the mountains. No other cuts or injuries, no broken bones--apart from his wings, in fact, he seemed to be in perfect health. He was a little hungry, but certainly not so much as he would've expected, after three days with barely any food and a week of unconsciousness. And this time, JD hadn't been here to put him on a kio feed, so someone, or some _thing_ , had been keeping him nourished.

But he was alive--that was a good sign. If they'd wanted him otherwise, after all, they could have done it by now. Maybe they _would_ help him. It certainly seemed they could, at any rate.

It only remained to be seen if they were willing.

The child returned moments later, landing as suddenly as she'd taken off. "See? He is awake!" she said, pointing gleefully.

Perry blinked up at the adult who had returned with her, and stood now towering over the child. He was also blue, though his skin was a deeper hue than the child's. His hair was silver, and slightly more tame, though there were still bits of foliage woven into it. His eyes were lavender, the same shape as the child's, and when he smiled, they crinkled slightly. "So he is," he said. "Well done, Aleiah. You may go, if you choose."

She shook her head. "I will stay," she announced. "He is not frightened of me." She settled back on the ground beside Perry, studying him openly.

The adult Fae's smile was more amused, this time, but he didn't stop her. Instead he knelt, touching Perry's heart lightly. "I am Aed," he told Perry, "And this is my daughter, Aleiah."

Perry glanced down at the long, slender fingers pressed to his chest, and it was a moment before he overcame his astonishment enough to speak. "I...I'm Perry," he finally replied.

Aed nodded deeply to him, still smiling. "You are welcome here, Perry," he murmured. "Your coming was foretold, and I have been waiting for you. I am a Healer, even as you, though our methods are somewhat different. You must learn mine, to take back to your people--the ones who cannot accept their Gifts."

Perry gaped at him, trying to absorb everything he'd just been told. It was made slightly more difficult by the manner in which the Fae spoke--like his daughter, his voice was nearly three dimensional, and Perry could almost imagine he could see it. "I... I beg your pardon?" he said finally. "A healer?"

"You heal the sick, the injured, do you not?" When Perry nodded, Aed looked satisfied. "As do I," he replied evenly. "It is our calling. You were meant to come here, for it will be much easier to teach one such as you our methods."

 _One such as me--oh!_ "A doctor?" Perry replied, finally understanding. "You mean you wanted a doctor?"

"Is that what you call your Healers?" Aleiah asked, wrinkling her nose slightly. "It's a silly word."

Aed smiled again faintly. "In a way. But many of your doctors are not Healers, in the true sense. You are. You are also a teacher, which is also important, because you will be entrusted to bring the knowledge we will share with you to others. But much of this can wait." He nodded toward Perry's wings, which lay crippled and still aching sharply against his back. "We must first complete your Gift," the Fae told him. "And for that you must help me."

"My Gift...? You mean my Change?" Perry breathed, eyes widening. "You can help me finish Changing?"

"It has already begun," Aed confirmed, looking again at the injured, half-grown appendages. "In the healing of the injury we inflicted upon them, the process would be reactivated."

"Would be?" Perry repeated with a little trepidation.

Aed smiled again, soothingly. "We will not make you wait," he clarified gently.

Perry frowned, but nodded. "I...okay," he replied.

Aed shifted, sitting cross-legged beside him, one hand resting light as a feather against the broken wings. "Close your eyes," he murmured, "and follow the song."

With that, he began to sing. In color. It was the closest Perry could come to describing the sensation to himself, as the extra depth of the Fae's voice wove around him, nearly visible. The hum of energy he'd felt upon waking seemed to grow as well, becoming more focused, more intense. And as he listened, eyes wide, he realized he _could_ hear music in it, even though the language was unfamiliar to him. He finally remembered he was supposed to be closing his eyes, and did so, feeling the swell of music grow more powerful; feeling it sink into his body, outlining the paths of veins and nerves he hadn't fully known he had. In no time he was rushing through them, watching Aed knitting cells back together, encouraging tissue to heal. A warmth shot through him, dispelling the remaining pain, and he drew a free breath once more, eyes gradually opening again.

"It is done," Aed's smile now was warm, inviting, and Perry realized in surprise that Aleiah was all but in his lap, grinning up at him. "Your Gift is complete. And now you must rest. We will take you to your dwelling; when you wake, there will be much to learn."

"My Gif..." Perry trailed off, twisting around and trying to see. His wings lay folded tightly against his spine as always, though they did seem to extend further toward the small of his back than they had before...

He glanced at Aed and Aleiah, a little dubious, but they simply watched, Aleiah smiling encouragingly. Perry shrugged to himself, and experimentally attempted to extend one of his wings.

Then felt his mouth drop open with awe.

What had before only extended maybe two feet, at the most, now grew and stretched to nearly thirteen. He realized he could _feel_ the blood rushing to fill them, hardening the jointed arm of the wing, and the long, curved fingers of the tips. As before, the membrane between the joints stretched, pulled taut like elastic, but it was tougher now, snapping with energy as he gave an experimental twitch.

He drew it in again, folding it, the joints collapsing in upon themselves but retaining their hardness. He frowned, biting his lip, and realized there was a difference in the way he folded them, when he intended to keep using them, versus folding them to rest against his back again. He didn't know how or why he knew this, but he did.

 _Instinct with the Change,_ he thought slowly, remembering JD flying on his second try, swooping gracefully through the sky with ease. And it was true: he could have easily had the wings all his life. They felt that comfortable, that _logical_.

Aleiah laughed, and he knew it had to be at the expression of awe on his face, but he couldn't help it. He snapped the wing in, looking a little sheepish, and smiled. "I...thank you," he said, when he could speak.

Aed nodded acknowledgement. "We have helped you," he said. "And now you will help us in return."

Perry nodded quickly. "More than happy to," he said. "I'll come right back, after I head home and let everyone else know I'm all right--"

"No," Aed said gently, and Perry halted, frowning slowly.

"No?" he repeated.

"No," Aed said again, looking sympathetic. "I'm sorry, but you cannot leave yet."

Perry's frown deepened, and he looked at Aleiah, then at Aed. "I'll come right back," he said slowly. "I swear it. I just...I left someone behind, and I need to tell him that...that I'm all right." _Assuming he even still cares,_ a snide voice in his mind added, but he shoved it aside roughly.

Aed shook his head. "You cannot leave the barrier," he insisted, though his voice remained gentle. "Not until you have awareness of the Song, and can manipulate it for yourself. We took it down to let you in. But we have not the energy left in our colony to take it down again so soon."

"I don't understand," Perry said slowly.

Aed sighed. "The colony is protected by a barrier, built with the energy of the Song," he explained. "The same song which has just healed you, and completed your gift. It has kept us hidden for centuries, and protects the Younglings from the elements until they learn to control them. But it also guards from intrusion. For a Fae to enter or leave, he must alter the weaving of the song, within himself and without, to slip through the barrier. But you have not this ability. For you to leave..."

"The whole barrier would have to be torn down," Aleiah jumped in. "We did it before, but it was really hard! The Elders were singing for days. That was why I was to watch you."

Perry stared at her, then back at Aed. "So...I'm trapped here?"

"It is a wonderful place!" Aleiah assured him quickly, eyes growing wide and slightly hurt.

"I'm certain it is," Perry said quickly. "I'm just..."

Aed smiled softly. "You are worried."

Perry nodded. "I... yes," he said slowly. "I'm afraid when I left, I... I said some things I shouldn't have, to someone I care about very much. I'm just..." he waved his hand vaguely, then dropped it back into his lap, swallowing.

"You fear he will not forgive you."

Perry nodded, throat tightening. "I do," he whispered. Then he looked up. "Please--I need to go to him. I have to know. Isn't there any way?"

"When you learn the Song, learn to heal, you will be able to open the barrier for yourself," Aed assured him gently. "Until then, I am afraid you must stay. But fear not. If you apply yourself to your studies, you should be able to learn all you need to know in the turning of one moon."

"The turning of one moon?" Perry repeated slowly. "A _month_?"

Aleiah tilted her head at him. "That is what you call it?"

"That's too long," Perry said, shaking his head. "If it's dangerous out here, then it's dangerous where they are too, and I can't leave them alone."

"You have no choice," Aed repeated, reaching out and laying his slender fingers against Perry's scaled forearm.

Perry jerked it away, scowling. "Like hell I don't," he muttered, snapping out his wings. He looked up, toward the night sky, and focused all his energy on the instinct within him, and on his desire to get back to JD and Jack. He twitched the finger joints of his wings briefly, testing the air, then crouched, and leapt upward with all his strength. He raised his wings to their full height, then, in a swooping motion, gathered the air in the sails of the membranes and shoved it toward the earth, feeling himself propelled upward.

It was a breathtaking feeling, but Perry did not spend much time focused on the thrill of flight. He focused instead on the sky, climbing, rising above the treetops and toward the clouds, determined to get back home. Back to his friends; his lover and his son. Back to his family.

Soon, however, he realized that though he had risen into the air, he could not rise any further. His wings flapped uselessly, and he could not gain any more altitude; finally, exhausted by the effort, he settled back, hovering, wings moving in awkward circles. Every third beat or so, the tips of the membrane would brush against his forearms, and he blinked, distantly registering the purpose of the scales. With them, the snap of the wingtips barely registered, but without them, he knew he'd been feeling it quite acutely.

Too depressed by his failure to feel any marked interest in his discovery, he gazed despondently over the mountains, the snow-covered treetops, back in the direction of the cabin. The snow was falling thickly, and the distance, darkness, and obstruction of the mountains made it impossible to see anything, but he pictured it anyway--the log walls, the long gravel driveway, the toolshed. The smoke rising from the chimney where the others would have no doubt built up a fire, to share warmth and ward off the cold. Or perhaps everyone was asleep, curled under blankets--how late was it, anyway? Maybe they were dreaming.

Or maybe Carla and Turk, or Elliot and Sean, were up to other activities. The thought made him ache--JD would be alone, the option for that kind of closeness not even open to him. Did he miss it at all? Miss the feel of Perry's arms around him, or the feeling of their bodies pressed close together in the darkness? Miss the feel of Perry's lips against his, the sound of his voice as they murmured to one another in those last sleepy snatches of conversation before drifting off?

Or did he drop right off to sleep, curled around a pillow and finding it to be just as suitable a bedmate?

Aed appeared before him a moment later, hovering silently, wings moving too quickly to catch the motion. Perry turned toward him, and the Fae watched him, face sympathetic. "Come," he said gently, then turned and headed back down into the forest.

Perry swallowed, then sighed and followed, tucking his wings in and diving. He snapped them open again when he reached the canopy, gliding a little before he finally spotted a clearing large enough to accommodate his wings. He tucked them in again, so they were only partially unfurled, and dove to the ground, landing with a thump and a slight stagger.

A giggle from the trees made him glance up, a glare on his face; Aleiah appeared a moment later, still grinning.

"Okay, so I'll need practice at that part," Perry said, wrinkling his nose, then smiling a little when the child laughed again.

"You can practice tomorrow," she told him. "Right now it is dark, and Papa says you should sleep more." She sighed, scratching her head. "I do not understand why you must sleep again," she added. "You have slept for days!"

Perry's smile grew a little. "Probably to build up my strength," he said, realizing with some embarrassment that he was exhausted again, after his brief flight and battle with the invisible barrier. "And probably so I can learn this Song of yours."

"Oh, it is not very hard to learn," Aleiah said easily, waving her hand. "You just have to listen, and do what it tells you to do."

"Ah, but you thought differently a few years ago, Aleiah, when you were first learning it, did you not?" Aed said, appearing from the treeline as well, looking amused. He looked up at Perry and lifted his eyebrows, eyes crinkling again, and Perry couldn't help but smile back, despite his frustration at being unable to return home.

Aleiah looked offended. "That was _ages_ ago!" she protested. "Besides, I was still a bairn. I'm almost a Middle Fledgling!"

"Almost," Aed agreed, placing a subtle emphasis on the word that Perry caught, but which seemed to escape Aleiah. Placated, she nodded at Perry, and grinned broadly; Perry noted for the first time there was a gap in her lower teeth, and realized just how young she truly was.

He sighed, drawing in his wings dejectedly, realizing he was not going to be going home for a while. Not that he disliked the Fae--or at least what little he'd met of them--but he missed his family. He missed JD. And right then, the wish to see his face, touch him, hear his voice, _hold_ him, was so keen he literally ached with it.

Aed tilted his head, expression soft as he studied Perry. Then, to his daughter, he said, "Aleiah, perhaps you would be willing to check on our guest's dwelling, and make certain it is ready for him."

Aleiah looked up at her father, confused, but at his nod she shrugged a little, opening her wings and grinning at Perry again. "We grew a nest for you!" she said. "It is like the ones in the crèche for the bairns, and for the Mothers, only bigger, and we put the best of the silk crop weavings in it, and--"

"Yes, Aleiah," Aed cut her off. "In a moment I will allow you to show him yourself, but first we must make certain it is fit for him, and I wish to speak to him alone."

"Oh!" Aleiah said. "Yes, Papa." She smiled at her father, then waved at Perry, before spinning and taking off again, vanishing into the trees.

Aed turned back to Perry and approached, moving until he stood very close, his purple irises staring unblinkingly into Perry's. "You are hurting," he murmured gently, fingers moving to press against Perry's chest again, over his heart.

"I..." Perry trailed off, not wishing to lie to his new hosts, but not wishing to offend them, either. According to Aleiah, after all, they had spent a good deal of effort preparing for his arrival, and he didn't wish them to think him ungrateful. But he knew there was no point trying to hide just how much he wanted to leave. "I am," he said at last. "I miss my...my family. I just want to see them, and make sure they're...that they're okay."

"You will," Aed replied at length, not removing his hand. "But not yet. You have skill to learn--and learn it you must, for when you return, the life of one dear to you will depend on it."

"JD?" Perry asked automatically, eyes widening, but Aed simply smiled.

"Rest first," he said gently, bending forward and pressing a soft kiss to Perry's brow. "In the morning we will begin. Aleiah will return shortly, and show you to your dwelling."

He smiled, then drew his hand away from Perry's chest, bowing his head slightly before winging back up into the trees.

Perry stared after him, feeling a little stunned, then jumped again when Aleiah suddenly reappeared, landing before him and reaching for his hand.

"Come with me," she said, tugging lightly. "I'll show you where you can sleep."

He allowed her to lead him, walking through the trees deeper into the settlement--further from the barrier, until the snow was no longer visible behind them, and it might as well have been midsummer. The woods around them grew brighter, the glow deepening, and he realized as he walked that he could hear the other Fae in the trees, singing softly, or speaking in their musical voices. He peered up toward the canopy, squinting, trying to see the owners of the voices, and nearly ran into a tree in the process. After that, he decided to keep his attention focused on the Fae child in front of him, turning his mind firmly from the image of the teasing he would've gotten, had JD seen that.

Eventually they entered a clearing, and stopped, Aleiah turning toward him. "This is your nest," she said, pointing at a large tree in front of them.

Perry stared at it, then at her, wondering if he was missing something. "It is?"

She looked exasperated, pointing up toward the canopy, and Perry lifted his eyes--then drew a sharp breath through his nose, startled.

The tree grew normally, for maybe twenty feet or so, but where the branches began, instead of being spread haphazardly, they were woven together, twisted around, forming a sort of gigantic cocoon of limbs and leaves. The latticework was tighter near the base, but as it neared the top, it opened, growing looser and less closed. At the top, the branches all came together again, closing the structure off; Perry blinked, realizing this was the reason he hadn't been able to spot the owners of the voices. The cocoons blended in with the surrounding tree branches almost perfectly, and it was only now that he'd seen this one, exposed in the clearing, that he could spot the others, surrounding it, spreading out through the treetops.

"It's...lovely," he said after a moment, when he realized Aleiah was watching him expectantly.

She beamed, nodding. "We made it the week you arrived," she told him, smiling. "Papa said we were not to move you from the ground until the song was complete, but now that it is, you can stop sleeping on the grass."

"Thank you," Perry said after another long moment. "It really does look...comfortable. Um--how do I get in?" From where he was standing, there didn't seem to be a break in the lattice of branches large enough for him to squeeze into the enclosure.

"Oh!" Aleiah giggled, then dashed over to the tree, wrapping her arms around the trunk and gazing up into the branches. Then, softly, she began to sing, a high-pitched, childish melody that was no less beautiful for all its immaturity. And a moment later, the tops of the branches shuddered, and uncoiled; in a gesture that reminded Perry of a tulip opening to the sun, the cocoon opened, leaving a large open bowl.

He realized his mouth was hanging open and snapped it shut quickly, looking at the child, who gave the tree one last squeeze before releasing it and patting it softly in thanks. "There you are," she said to Perry, giggling slightly at the look on his face.

He offered her a weak smile, wondering just how comfortable he felt sleeping in an apparently alive tree, then deciding he didn't want to run the risk of offending his hosts. If it was going to take their teaching to allow him to get home again, well...he didn't want to do anything that would make them decide to withhold that teaching.

Opening his wings again, he bit his lip a little uncertainly before springing up again, taking to the air, flapping awkwardly until he could settle at last into the bowl of branches. The bottom was actually more comfortable than he'd feared; the branches were laced around one another tight enough at the base that it was nearly flat, and there were leaves piled into the bowl, covered in several layers of what appeared to be silk. It was not as finely woven as department store silk, but it was just as soft, and very plentiful. There were also woven pillows, made from some sort of woolen material, and comforters that Perry realized must be stuffed with down, they were that soft.

"Are you satisfied?" Aleiah called from the ground, and he moved to one wall, peering down at her through a gap in the branches.

"Very," he said, actually meaning it. "Thank you, it's...quite cozy."

She giggled again, and suddenly rose through the air, appearing over the top of the canopy and perching on one of the branches, which seemed to bend toward her to accommodate her more comfortably. "Good," she said, looking pleased. "I helped line the nest, you know."

"Oh," Perry said. "I--I didn't know, but thank you. It's...lovely."

She beamed, then flitted into the nest, wrapping her arms around Perry's neck in a tight hug before pressing a kiss to his cheek. Perry, growing accustomed to the apparently rather cuddly nature of the creatures, wrapped his arms around the child's back and hugged her close for a moment, taking comfort in the contact before releasing her again.

She smiled softly, laying a gentle hand against his cheek for a minute. "Goodnight, Human Perry," she said. "Sleep sweetly."

Then she was gone, flitting up above the canopy, and the branches groaned and creaked a little as the twisted closed behind her, encasing Perry in the nest.

He sighed, absently glad he wasn't claustrophobic, and settled down into the bedding. After however long he'd been sleeping in a bedroll on the hard ground, the nest really was very comfortable, and he felt knots of tension he didn't know he'd been carrying finally beginning to give way.

However, as his mind began to drift, it wandered back to the last time he'd felt this comfortable--the last night he'd slept in a real bed. The night before his fight with JD.

He shuddered, squeezing his eyes closed as he recalled that afternoon, recalled the look on JD's face as he'd systematically destroyed everything they'd had together for the past few weeks. Recalled the night after, too--barely speaking to one another, catching the surreptitious, heartbroken glances JD cast him as they ate dinner. Listening to JD cry quietly into his pillow while he hid in the bathroom, and somehow forcing himself to not go out to comfort him. That had been one of the most difficult things Perry had ever done. His own tears had fallen in answer, silently, as he'd stood, waiting for JD to fall asleep.

He shook himself, reminding himself firmly why he'd done it. It was too dangerous for them both to come, after all. The Fae had turned out to be friendly, but there was no way they could've been guaranteed of that, and Jack would need someone to look after him--a father. One who loved him as much as Perry did himself.

And besides, he reminded himself, it _had_ worked. He'd found the Fae. He was here, he had his wings, he wasn't dying--and he'd learn to heal, apparently.

He shook his head slowly, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips despite himself. He'd learn to heal, and he could teach JD, and they'd put themselves out of business, because who would need modern medicine, if there were forces in the world that could do _this?_ He unfurled one of his wings, glancing at it with a smile before snapping it back in tight against his back. JD was going to be impressed...

He shook himself. _God, can you not keep your mind off him for five seconds?_ But he couldn't, he knew. Not until he could know where JD was, what he was doing--if he was okay.

He wondered, as he settled into the bedding and pulled one of the comforters over himself, if JD had found his letter. Probably not--he'd hidden it pretty well. Maybe he would be back before JD found it. That would be good--sure, JD wouldn't know why he'd left, but at least he wouldn't have cause to suspect Perry was in trouble. Maybe he'd just think Perry was off sulking, or had decided to back off until things got less awkward. At least that way he wouldn't worry.

He reached up and snagged one of the large pillows, curling around it, hugging it to his chest to fill the empty ache in his arms. As he felt himself relaxing, he sent a swift prayer back home to his family: _Sleep well, Jacky--sweet dreams. Goodnight, JD. May you forgive me, when I get back to you._


	30. Chapter 30

"It's been over a week, Carla, we have to do something..." Elliot was gnawing on one of her fingernails, and only stopped when Sean's hand covered hers and squeezed it lightly.

"I don't know what more we can do," Carla replied, her own voice tight with worry. "He's eating again at least, and he's taking care of Jack..." the Latina nurse sighed, looked over to the den, where JD sat on the ground, handing blocks to Jack when the boy held his hand out for them.

"Yeah, but he's not _talking_ to us..." Elliot heaved a sigh, her tail twitching. "And he's not flying, and...it's like he's not _there_ anymore."

"He's lost a lot," Carla reminded her softly.

JD didn't look up, though he fought the urge to roll his eyes, wondering distantly if he should tell them he could hear everything they were saying.

 _No._ It wasn't worth the effort. He handed Jack another block, keeping his attention focused on the child, trying to tune out the worried, hushed voices that were drifting in from the other room.

Turk came in, dumping an armload of wood into the woodbox, and shook himself. "Colder than a witch's titty out there. It's almost June...what's with this weather?"

Sean shrugged. "They were having record wind storms in New Zealand, when I left," he offered. "Everything's gone crazy with this Change thing. Last I heard they were predicting the worst hurricanes we've ever seen."

"I suppose we should be glad we're in California. Even if it looks like something out of the Little House books out there," Elliot said absently, still watching JD. "It's like he's sleepwalking..."

"Yeah. And something needs to wake his ass up," Turk replied, face unreadable as he turned his attention to his best friend, slumped on the carpet and ignoring them, still.

Carla frowned at her fiancé. "Easy, babe," she said softly, sliding closer to him and leaning against him, tail curling around his as she looped an arm through his elbow. "It's not that simple, you know."

Turk scowled. "It should be," he muttered. "Damn it, Cox treated him like shit for the better part of three years. Why's he taking it this hard?"

"Because he loved him," Elliot replied simply, shifting to lean back against Sean. "You'd be a wreck, too, if it had been Carla. You were a wreck, when she was Changing, and everything went fine with that..."

"That was different."

"Why was that different?" Elliot said, folding her arms over her chest. "We might not have understood it, Turk, but they _loved_ each other. It's not like we can just..." she waved her hand helplessly. "We can't just snap our fingers and make this better."

"Yeah, fine," Turk snapped, moving away from Carla and adding a few logs to the fire. "I don't need a lecture. I just hate seeing him like this." He swished his tail a little, agitated, and glared at the flames.

Carla moved silently over to him, slipping her arm around his waist and kissing him softly. "I know you want to fix it, baby," she murmured. "But Elliot's right. None of us can fix this for him. We just have to make sure and be here when he needs us."

"If he ever notices," Elliot said pessimistically, leaning against Sean, who sighed and pressed a kiss to her temple, arm looping around her shoulder.

In the den, JD sighed. They were trying. He knew that. They'd been wonderful to him, attentive, to his every need...they were worried, he knew. He should give them something. Anything.

But reaching out that much would disturb the gray fog around him, and he liked that fog where it was, blunting everything, keeping him from feeling.

"He will," Carla assured her. "He'll be okay. When we get out of here..." she sighed. "He'll find someone new, and he'll be able to heal."

JD shook his head, brows furrowing a little, and Jack handed the block back to him with wide eyes, quailing at the expression. "Not you, bug," JD assured him softly, giving him a new one. _Find someone new._ No, he wouldn't. It was just him and Jack now. That's just how it was. Their little family would just stay little.

That thought took him too near Perry, and threatened the fog, so he pulled back, again shutting out the words of the others and focusing on Jack again. Jack--the only reason JD was still alive, the only reason he forced himself to eat when Carla or Elliot or Turk brought him something. The only reason he got out of bed each morning.

Jack kept him going, when he honestly would rather have given up.

Still, even with Jack, he wasn't completely safe.

The first day, the young child had cried on JD's shoulder for nearly an hour, after JD had been forced to answer "no" each time to Jack's constant queries of, "Daddy?" Jack hadn't understood why JD was hiding Perry from him, and even though he'd finally stopped asking, about a day ago, JD was still tense, waiting for the next time the boy would wonder about his father.

But he tried to keep the worry distant, as well, focusing only on the now, on giving Jack new blocks, watching him build a huge structure with them. Finally, all the blocks were gone, and Jack knocked them to the ground again, giggling wildly. He stomped through the wreckage, and then crawled into JD's lap. "Day dee go up?" he asked hopefully, flipping his wings out and waving them a few times.

"No, bug, we're staying inside," JD murmured to him. "It's too cold for flying."

Jack pouted, but settled down again, eventually going back to his blocks.

And it was true, it was too cold for the boy outside. But JD'd avoided flying for much the same reason he'd avoided conversation. He knew taking to the air would make him think of Perry. Would remind him of how it felt, the first time he'd flown; remind him of the awed look on Perry's face. Remind him of the times Perry would tell him how beautiful he looked, soaring through the air, unfettered by gravity. Remind him of their plans to fly together someday.

No; flying would break open the scabs on his heart, and so he didn't risk it, even though his wings ached with disuse. In a way the pain was good, something to concentrate on that didn't take thought.

He sighed, now, accidentally looking up and meeting Elliot's eyes. He dropped his own immediately, but the pity and concern in hers stayed with him.

Why couldn't they all just leave him alone?

"At least he's talking to Jack," Elliot said softly, frowning when JD's expression didn't even change, as he looked away from her. Not that he'd had one in the first place. It was as if he'd forgotten facial muscles had a purpose.

Carla smiled sadly. "He loves him," she said. "He'll keep going, for Jack if nothing else."

"But he can't keep going like this," Turk insisted. "Jesus, _look_ at him, baby! He's... he's like a walking corpse!"

"Give him time. He'll get better," Carla insisted, though she sounded like she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

JD certainly didn't believe her.

* * *

Perry awoke to the sound of a softly hummed tune, and the creak of tree branches shifting.

He jerked, startled, looking up to see the weave of limbs shifting around him; for a moment he blinked, disoriented by the sight, the unfamiliar sounds, and by the fact that JD wasn't lying beside him.

But after a moment memory returned, and he drew a breath, pushing himself up even as Aleiah appeared in the gap of the branches, blinking in at him.

"You are awake?" she stage whispered to him.

He chuckled a little, wondering how that wasn't obvious to her. "I am now," he said.

The fae child grinned, apparently completely oblivious to the irony in his voice. "Come on," she said, moving forward and kneeling next to him. "Father says it is time to start your training."

Perry smiled, amused. "All right," he said. "But can it wait a few more minutes, there, Bluebell? I just got up."

Aleiah stared at him, eyes wide. "That is not my name," she said after a moment, looking genuinely confused. "My name is Aleiah."

Perry rubbed his eyes briefly. "Yes--yes, I know," he said, stretching one wing carefully before drawing it back in, then stretching the other. "It's called a nickname."

Aleiah frowned. "My name is not Nick, either."

Perry chuckled. "No, no--it's something that humans sometimes call each other, when they're friends. It can be a short version of your name, or something that reminds me of you."

"Oh." Aleiah frowned, then perked up. "I could call you Leigheas," she mused. "Or Brόn."

"Oh?" Perry said, smiling, tilting his head so his neck cracked. "And what do those words mean?"

"Well, Leigheas means a cure," she said. "It is what the healers call the Song, sometimes, and the Touch."

"Mmm," Perry said, climbing carefully to his feet on the solid platform of his nest, twisting a little so his back popped satisfyingly. "And what does Brόn mean?"

She tilted her head up at him. "Sorrow," she said softly. "It fills you. Sorrow and worry and regret. What did you leave behind?"

"Aleiah," came a sudden voice from the still-open branches; they both turned to see Aed standing easily upon one of the limbs, a slight frown on his face. "You do not ask after one's sorrows," he said, "unless he offers to share them."

"I--no, it's okay," Perry said, shaking his head. "I don't mind." He turned back to the child, kneeling in front of her again. "I left behind someone very important to me," he told her. "Someone I love very much, and miss very badly."

"Oh." Aleiah was quiet for a moment, before nodding. "Then you must pay close attention to your lessons," she said sternly, with the air of one who has thought through a very difficult problem and reached a brilliant solution, "so you can go back to him soon."

"Speaking of lessons, Aleiah, you are late for yours," Aed said.

Aleiah looked sheepishly up at her father, then climbed to her feet, moving forward to peck Perry quickly on the cheek before scrambling back to the opening in the nest, squeezing by Aed and vanishing into the morning air.

Aed smiled slightly after her. "I am sorry for that," he said to Perry. "She is still quite young, and not accustomed to dealing with those outside the clan."

"No, I don't mind," Perry said honestly, and smiled softly. "She's inquisitive, and honest." And, truthfully, she reminded him a lot of JD. But then, what didn't, anymore? "I have a son myself--he's only one, but he's like that too. Curious about everything. Though with less talking," he added, chuckling.

Aed's smile deepened. "Yes, I know," he said. "You have much father-feeling for Aleiah, so I knew you must have a child of your own."

Perry nodded, and stood as Aed took him by the arm, guiding him forward. "Come," he said. "We'll get started, so you can return to them, as Aleiah said."

Perry smiled. "Yeah," he said. "I--thanks."

"It is not I whom you must thank," Aed said softly, but did not say more; rather, he turned, wings spreading and quivering a little in the morning mist, then beating rapidly, lifting him into the air. He turned, murmuring something to the tree that made it open from the top as it had the night before. "Follow," he called to Perry.

Perry looked up, then crouched, following the instincts in his wings, and leaped, using the great appendages to push himself skyward. Then, orienting himself in the air, he followed Aed as the Fae led him through the camp, to a clearing near the heart where a great many other Fae were gathered. They landed softly upon the grass, Aed a little more softly than Perry, and Perry found himself standing in the center of a circle of stone runes.

"You will learn here," Aed said, directing him to sit. "The magic of the earth, and the power of the song, can be called upon anywhere. But this is your first try." He pointed at the stones, which Perry realized were not arranged haphazardly but in a careful, precise configuration. "The stones reflect the song, and magnify it," Aed said. "They will amplify it for you, and help you pull it to your awareness. Once you have learned to heal within their circle, we will move outside, but here is a good place to begin."

Perry nodded slowly, not entirely certain he understood, but knowing this was the first step in getting him back to JD.

"All right," he said. "Let's do this."

* * *

Three hours later, they had made little progress.

"Your mind is not clear, Perry," Aed reminded him again. "You cannot think of anything but the song, or it will not work."

Perry scowled. "I know," he said. "But look--the way I heal, I have to be thinking of a lot of things at once. It's what I'm trained to do."

Aed shook his head. "It is not your training that distracts you," he said. "And you are well aware of it."

Perry sighed, staring at the cut on Aed's arm. The healer had made it with a silver dagger--one that Perry assumed must be magic, for though the cut was relatively deep, it did not bleed. Which was a good thing, because if it had been up to Perry to heal it, Aed probably would have bled to death by now.

"You must put him from your mind." Aed shook his head and hummed a few snatches of tune, the cut on his arm closing as if it had never been. "We will start with that, then, and not the healing. Your mind must be in order, at peace, to enact a healing, and you must be able to achieve that state no matter what is going on around you. It is the detachment you have learned, simply applied another way."

Perry sighed. "It's...hard," he admitted softly. "I'm worried about him. I need to know he's okay."

"No," Aed said firmly. "You do not. You need to learn to focus, even not knowing." He held up a hand when Perry bristled. "I do not say this to anger you. I say it because it is the truth. You may one day need to heal him, or your son. And your fear for them will keep you from the song."

Remembering the Fae's previous warning about returning to JD in his time of need, Perry realized he was right. He sighed, closing his eyes and trying to banish his lover from his mind.

"Good," Aed said softly after a time. "Good. Focus on the song--feel it."

Perry drew a deep breath and listened, feeling the sounds that seemed to come from deep in the earth rising in him. He suddenly found himself standing amidst a colorful stream of melody, each thread linking him to something, each color telling him about the world around him. He could sense Aed before him, even without opening his eyes, by change of hue in the air, the slightest altering of melody.

"Very good," Aed whispered, drawing the knife to his arm again and cutting another slit. "Listen to the song, listen to its change. Find the discord."

Perry realized he could feel it--he knew Aed had cut himself again, without seeing it--could _feel_ the slight falter in the Fae's inner song that meant pain.

He focused on it, unconsciously beginning a soft humming as he tried to sort the tangled threads around the wound, to put them back in order.

For a moment, he thought he had it. Then, suddenly, a giggle above him as a group of Fae children flew past distracted him, and he started, opening his eyes. The song ended, and he felt the control slipping from him, the threads of melody vanishing back into the earth.

He looked up at Aed, grimacing. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"No need to be," the healer told him. "That was better. You touched the strands. Now, again."

Aed drove him hard until lunch, and then gave him exercises to do on his own, after, to increase his concentration, and his sensitivity to the powers around them. "You have made more progress today than I had hoped," he said, as he led Perry to the rock enclosure at the edge of the camp that Perry had been told was a dining hall of sorts. "We had feared none of your kind could train in our ways--it has been a very long time since you had any real connection to the earth. But you have proven us wrong. Go now, and eat. We will work again tomorrow."

Aleiah appeared then, leading him down to the enclosure, which turned out to be built into the side of a hill. Once Perry ducked inside, he realized it must go back deeper into the hill than he first assumed, for the room, while not exactly cavernous, was much larger than he would have guessed from the outside. There were low tables made of polished slabs of stone, and benches carved carefully from rock and wood; platters of fruit and woven baskets of breads lined the tables, along with silver serving pitchers filled with some sort of wine or juice, Perry couldn't tell.

Perry followed Aleiah in, sliding into a seat. The Faery child slid into the seat across from him, smiling shyly. "Will you tell me about him?" she asked, reaching for a goblet and pouring herself a drink. "The one you feel so strongly for?"

Perry hesitated. Aed had advised him against focusing on JD or Jack, telling him it would make it that much more difficult to stop focusing on them, when he was training. But Aleiah's face was so hopeful, and if he were completely honest, Perry _wanted_ to talk about JD--wanted to share his feelings with someone, even if it was a young child.

"His name is JD. He...we worked together," Perry told her. "I met him about three years ago, when he was an intern at my hospital."

"A hospital is an infirmary..." Aleiah said slowly, face scrunching up as she concentrated. "But...what is an 'intern'? Is he a Healer, too? I am going to be a Healer, like my father. He is the best in our clan."

Perry smiled, amused, and nodded at her. "An intern is...it's like a healer in training, I guess you could say," he replied. "He's technically a resident, which is also like a healer in training only...further up than an intern, but not a doctor yet. Although he's already a much better doctor than a lot of the idiots at that hospital."

Aleiah made a face, but nodded finally. "If he is already better, then he is a Healer," she said firmly. "Why do you miss him so much? Is he a part of your clan?"

"I..." Perry frowned, wondering how he could explain it to a child. "I suppose, in a way...he is part of my family."

He wasn't sure if he would have to explain it further, but it turned out to be a moot point, when she smiled suddenly and nodded. "Oh, you are mated," she said. "No wonder you miss him so. He must miss you terribly as well."

Perry's eyebrows flew up into his hair, but after a moment he simply nodded. "I...yes, we are. But I don't know if he misses me. We...well, we had a bit of a fight, before I left." He sighed, shoulders slumping a little involuntarily. "I don't know if he'll even want me back, when I return."

Aleiah gave him a look eerily like one he'd given most of his interns at one point or another. "He is your mate," she said, as though explaining something terribly obvious. "Of _course_ he will. Fighting does not change that."

"Not for the Fae, maybe," Perry said softly. "For humans, it does all too often. I'm proof enough of that."

Aleiah snorted. "Not with your true mate," she said, tearing off a hunk of bread and spreading some sort of paste onto it. "You humans have just forgotten how to find your true mate. It is part of what the Change is meant to do, along with bringing you back to Earth."

Perry looked at her, curious, biting into a pear. "Oh?" he mumbled around his mouthful.

She nodded. "Of course," she said with the superior air of a child who knows she is right, waving a hand at him, making him smile. "I am sure he is waiting for you right now."

Perry smiled, though it was sad, and swallowed his mouthful before murmuring, "I hope so."


	31. Chapter 31

Five more days passed, and still JD had not snapped out of the strange funk he'd slipped into after finding Perry's letter. He'd taken to carrying it folded in his pocket wherever he went, though the others never saw him read it, and they frequently would find him curled in a corner, when Jack was asleep, staring at the black and white photo the letter had marked. He would trace his fingers over it, outlining the contours of Perry's face, stroking over his hair, his chest, his arms, but though he would occasionally release a faint sigh, he never cried.

By the end of the sixth day, Turk decided he'd had enough.

He waited until the others had left for the field--they took turns staying behind, afraid to leave JD alone--then stalked into the den, determined to confront his friend.

"All right, dude," he growled, planting himself in front of JD while his best friend sat on the floor watching Jack sleeping in his playpen. He'd lost weight, in the past two weeks, and there were dark circles under his blank eyes. Turk understood his friend was hurting, but it was one thing to grieve, and another to shut down like this. It wasn't natural. It wasn't _JD._ "Enough already," he said. "You've got to snap out of it."

JD didn't respond, just watched Jack's wings rise and fall in time with his breathing, until Turk moved in front of him, paws blocking the view. Only then did JD turn his head, looking outside instead.

Turk knelt in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders. That brought JD up a little--the others hadn't tried touching him, not much. Not since he'd pushed Carla away. "JD--I mean it, man," Turk pleaded. "You have got to cut this out. Damn it, LOOK at me!"

JD sighed, his eyes still downcast. "Please leave me alone," he murmured, his voice soft, calm, indifferent. But a thread of worry was pushing itself through the fog around him. Turk didn't seem likely to take no for an answer...

"Unh uh," Turk said, folding his arms across his chest. "I don't think so, buddy. Carla and Elliot might go for that whole 'time to heal' bullshit, but I don't. This isn't _you_ , JD! _Look_ at you--you're wasting the fuck away! You have got to snap _out_ of it!"

JD shook his head, looking out the window again. "Just go away," he muttered. What did they want from him, anyway? He was still alive. Wasn't that enough?

Turk growled, lip curling up a little. "Look, JD, he's _gone_ ," he snapped. "I'm sorry--it sucks, it really does. But this isn't going to bring him back." He lowered his voice, taking JD's face in his hands and forcing him to look up. "He wanted you to be happy, you idiot," he said. "He wanted you to have everything he couldn't. Christ, JD, he wanted you to raise his son. How is this--this _pity_ fest any kind of tribute to his memory?"

JD closed his eyes, but Turk was still there, still holding on to him, and fog was starting to shred around the edges. "You don't _understand_..." he whispered, trying to hold onto it. But there was emotion in his voice, for the first time since he'd cried on Carla's shoulder, the afternoon he'd found the note. It tore at him, the numbness fading, the pain that was ever in the wings rushing in eagerly to take its place.

"Don't I?" Turk said, encouraged by the way his friend's voice cracked and trembled. JD was still in there, somewhere. He just had to draw him out again. Then maybe he'd grieve for real, and start to recover. "Damn it, JD, you've been my best friend for eleven years now, and I never once saw you a fraction as happy as you were with Perry. Don't you think I know how hard this is for you? But you can't give _up_ , man--you know he would never have wanted that."

"No," JD snapped, eyes flashing. "You're right. What he _wanted_ was to go off and die alone in the middle of a fucking blizzard, and to make me think we were over before he did. I could do with a little less of what he _wanted_." JD pushed Turk off of him, standing up and crossing to the window. "And keep your voice down, you'll wake Jack."

Turk stared at him. "You've got to be joking," he said. "You knew him better than that, didn't you? Jesus, JD--why the hell do you think he picked that fight?"

JD didn't look at him, just stared outside, wondering where the unicorn had gone. The 'taurs had probably scared her off... "So I wouldn't follow him," he said. "So I'd stay here, and take care of Jack, and he could...could keep me from going with him, which I would've if I'd known the truth. If he'd just...just _asked_ me..." he shook his head, and continued through clenched teeth. "He played me, Turk, and I let it happen. And now he's dead, and I can't follow him. And yeah, I'm being selfish, and petty, and yeah, I'm hiding, but it hurts too fucking much not to, all right?"

"No," Turk said softly. "It's not all right." He had JD talking, and even if he wasn't exactly sure how yet, he was going to make him face this. "God--you haven't even cried for him, not really. You're not grieving for him, you're grieving for yourself. You can't even let go of your fucking self pity long enough to mourn! How is that fair to _him_ , JD?"

"It's not," JD replied, squeezing his eyes shut, his wings slumping. "It's not fair, and I don't fucking care. I've lost too much...This thing has cost me too much, and now I can't even escape it. So yeah, I'm sorry I'm not in there gossiping about Elliot's hair, or keeping you and Carla from picking at each other, or listening to all of you worry about what's going on in your lives, okay?" He turned, facing Turk, eyes bright with pain. "I just can't do it right now. I finally, finally had what I've been looking for my entire life, and now it's gone, and it's partly my fault, and I need some time to deal with that, all right? And not by telling you all how I feel, not by crying it all out and then being fine. I need some time to just not have to think about how fucking miserable I'm going to be without him, all right? To not have to think about how I'm going to have to explain to Jack what happened to his father. To not have to think about how I had everything, _everything_ , and now it's gone. And yeah, I'll snap out of it eventually, and yeah, I'll go back to being goofy and happy go-lucky and dorky and everything you all expect from the JD you keep saying I'm not, and you people won't have to worry about me, but for right now? That's not what I need. So _back the fuck off."_

Turk was stunned. JD was breathing heavily, staring at him, tears streaking his pale face, though he seemed unaware of them. _Jesus--I wanted him to grieve, but not like_ this.

"JD..." he began, shaking his head. "Jesus, man, I..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, so am I," JD replied, turning back to the window. The gray fog had lifted for a moment, burned away by his anger, but now it flowed back in, cold and safe. "And I'm not going to kill myself, so you can all stop taking shifts with me. Just...just leave me alone."

Turk hesitated, for a long moment, but turned and left again, hating himself for the retreat.

JD listened to his nails clicking against the floorboards, and finally released his hold on the windowsill, his fingers cold and cramped. Somehow, Jack still slept, and JD envied him the escape. He sank to the pile of cushions on the floor, watching the rise and fall of the tiny wings, mind carefully empty, until sleep came for him, as well.

* * *

He'd been careful about dreaming.

For the last two weeks, he'd managed, when he'd fallen asleep, to keep the fog wrapped around him--any dreams he had were vague, and while they were usually melancholy, at least they weren't searingly painful.

This one felt different, though. The fog was still there, and as usual, JD was wandering in it--but this time there was a soft light, a strange sort of glow. He frowned, glancing at his hands, seeing the light outline them, then turning to extend one wing--only to realize he didn't _have_ wings.

That was strange--he _always_ had wings in his dreams. What was going on?

"It's about time you let me in," came a low voice from behind him, quite suddenly, and JD felt his heart falter.

"You can't really be here," he heard himself reply, looking down at his glowing hands again. Maybe if he just concentrated on that, the rest would go away...

"Since when would that stop me?" The voice was amused, but there was a deep undercurrent of concern to it as well. "JD? Look at me."

JD shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to wake up before he started crying. He could feel the tears pricking under his eyelids. If he turned, if he looked and saw Perry standing there...No. No, better to stay numb. "You're not real."

"How can you know if you won't _look_ at me?" The voice was softer still, and closer. "Don't shut me out, JD. It was hard enough getting here in the first place."

"No cheap flights down from Heaven?" JD let out a shuddering breath. He knew he was dreaming, why couldn't he _stop_?

"Awww, Newbie. I'm touched you think that's where I'd end up. But no, actually, _you're_ the one making it difficult for me to be here. You're trying to send me away even now."

"You couldn't end up in Hell, the Devil couldn't take the competition." JD wiped his eyes, shoulders slumping a little. He didn't turn around, but he stopped fighting to wake up. He sighed, wrapping his arms around his middle. "Why are you here?"

"I'm worried about you," Perry replied simply. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd look at me. Staring at your ass is fun, don't get me wrong, but it's not what I came here to do."

"You're dead," JD snorted. "How can you be _worried_?" But he turned around, slowly, bottom lip caught in his teeth. And nearly stepped back. Perry was _right_ there, arms folded over his chest, and JD couldn't help looking up into his face, which was soft with concern and love. He felt his own face start to crumple before he pulled himself back under control.

"Hey." Perry moved forward, a little closer, and reached up to brush his hand through JD's hair. "I'll be worried if I damn well want to be worried. Got it?" His voice was gentle, though, and his eyes were tender, the lines around them somewhat softened in the strange glow that surrounded them. "And right now, I am. You're not doing so well, Newbie."

JD shivered, when Perry's hand touched his hair, and he pressed into the touch without meaning to. But then he pulled away, crossing his arms. "What'd you expect?" he whispered. "You're gone."

Perry sighed. "Look, Newbie... I'm sorry. But God, you can't let this beat you. Come on..." he moved forward and reached out again, sliding his hand under JD's jaw, forcing him to look up. "This isn't the JD I know."

"I'm getting really fucking tired of everyone telling me that..." JD closed his eyes again, before pulling away, if gently. "I can't do it, Perry. I just can't. You're gone, and you didn't let me come with you...Fuck, I told you it'd kill me if you died. I won't leave Jack alone, I promise, but I can't...can't do more than that. Not yet. I'm sorry...I'm just not as strong as you think I am."

Perry smiled. "Yeah, you are," he said. "Look at you. You won't even let _me_ help you. But Newbie...there's nothing wrong with needing a little help, as you've told me time and time again. And there's damn sure nothing wrong with accepting it."

JD's lips twitched, slightly. "That means I'm a stubborn idiot, not strong..." He closed his eyes for a moment, and sighed. "I miss you," he said simply. "The others...it's not the same, and I know they're just trying to help, but...they don't understand. And you didn't let me say goodbye." He broke off for a moment, biting his lip. "Why didn't you let me say goodbye? That wasn't _fair..._ "

"Hey," Perry said softly, moving to cup JD's face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, kid," he murmured. "I really am. I made a mistake, and I can't undo it--not now. But since when do you hold a grudge?"

"Since always. I wouldn't take Andrea Metcalf to the junior prom because she beat me in the science fair in third grade..." A tear slipped down JD's cheek, and he made no move to stop it. "Damn it, Perry..." A soft sob escaped him, and he couldn't push it down.

Perry smiled again, though it was sad. "Listen, JD," he said softly. "I need you to do something for me."

"You can't make me promise to find someone else," JD said firmly, scrubbing at his eyes as more tears followed, and he couldn't stop them. "I mean it, I don't even want to think about that. And I'm already going to stay for Jack..."

"Shh, no," Perry said, shaking his head, wiping at JD's tears with his thumbs. "I need you to forgive me."

"F-forgive you?" JD sniffled. "You did what you thought you had to...I'm not happy about the way you managed it, but...God. Of course I forgive you." Was that what this dream was about? Was his subconscious was tired of being angry? Either way, it was probably pretty telling Perry hadn't asked him to forgive himself...after all, Perry was just a figment of his imagination, and his entire brain knew he wasn't forgiving himself anytime soon.

Perry shook his head. "No," he murmured. "You don't. You think you do. You think all this anger you're carrying around is directed at yourself. But it's not--not all of it. You're so angry at me you can't even grieve, and it's killing you, JD. I can't let that happen. Not to you."

"I..." _Fuck. He's right._ "Okay, fine," JD relented. "Fine. Yes, I'm mad at you. You _played_ me, Perry. You fucking played me, and then on top of that you _died_ , and I don't even know where, I couldn't be there. You left me a goddamn _note_ , and you fixed it so I couldn't follow you. God, you know if it weren't for Jack..." He stopped himself, turning away again. "But what's the point? I'm dreaming, I'm arguing with myself, none of this is real..." Tears slipped down his cheeks again. "You were real. I really had you, you really loved me. It wasn't my imagination, wasn't something I just hoped for, it was _real_. And now it's gone, and I don't...I don't want anything to ever be that real again."

Perry sighed. "It will be," he insisted, voice low and urgent. "JD, believe me, it will be. I can't..." he broke off, clearly frustrated. "I can't say how, or when, but your life isn't over yet. You have to stop living it as though it is. Not because of me. JD, I couldn't bear it, I really couldn't."

"Yeah? Well, I can't bear this. And you're dead, so I guess I win." But JD's voice was broken. "I can't believe I'm mad at you for dying. It's not like you did it on purpose, right?"

"Maybe not," Perry murmured. "But I was an idiot for thinking I couldn't come to you, even if I only meant to protect you. And for that, I'm so sorry, JD. I wish there was something I could do to take it back..."

JD felt his lips twitch again, against his will. "You and me both," he murmured. "And fuck, now I know I'm dreaming...you're being all sensitive and shit." He shook his head, turning back to Perry, deciding to just go with the dream, give Perry what he wanted. Not like it was real anyway. "I'll try," he said at last. "I can promise you that, at least. I'll actually try to live, to get over this. But I..." he choked, swallowing hard, before continuing in a near whisper: "I don't know if I can."

Perry's face broke into a genuine smile at last, and he held out his arms. "Yeah, you can," he said. "I know you can. Now get over here, kid."

JD hesitated only a moment, and then decided he didn't care how much it would hurt when he woke up, he wanted to feel Perry holding him now. He stepped forward, into Perry's arms, and pressed in close, wrapping his arms tight around the other man. Perry felt solid, real...he even smelled right, and JD couldn't help the tears that welled up in his eyes. "I love you..."

"Yeah, you do," Perry whispered, holding JD tightly and closing his eyes. "I love you, too." He swallowed, rocking JD a little--then, softly, began to hum.

JD couldn't follow the tune, but he forgot it, in the pure comfort of Perry's touch, his embrace, his presence. He shifted in his sleep tears seeping from under his eyelids. But a soft smile spread across his face as he slipped deeper, leaving dreams behind.

* * *

Perry smiled sadly as JD faded from his arms, falling deeper into unconscious. When he had faded completely, Perry allowed himself to slip backward, through the song, back into his own body, sitting in the treetops in deep concentration.

He opened his eyes and saw Aed watching him.

The Fae's brow was furrowed, but he smiled slightly when his eyes met Perry's. "You touched his dreams," he said. "As I had expected. But the healing...that should have been beyond you, despite what you have learned here. Still, he sleeps peacefully now, and deeper than I think he has for some time."

Perry closed his eyes. "I wanted to tell him," he replied. "So badly...God, how could I leave him thinking I was dead? He..." he opened his eyes, glancing at Aed, his face a mask of pain and confusion. "He was...it's just...I never thought he'd take it _that_ hard, you know?"

"His love for you is no less than yours for him. Did you doubt that?" Aed shook his head slowly. "And he will remember this only as a dream. To tell him you lived, and for him to wake to what he believes is reality once more...it would be needlessly cruel. Your training moves quickly, you will return to him soon enough. Your bond is deeper than I had suspected..." He trailed off, obviously lost in thought. "In any case, you must be tired now. Rest, and eat, and we will begin anew tomorrow."

Perry nodded, not meeting Aed's eyes. The Fae reached out and gripped his shoulder for a moment before taking off soundlessly, leaving Perry alone, sitting in the soft bedding of his strange, temporary home. A covered basket lay before him, the smell of the freshly-baked sweet bread the Fae were so fond of wafting enticingly from beneath the cotton cloth. He sighed, staring at it, his mind far away; as he sat, the Fae's words echoed through his ears, almost accusing.

_His love for you is no less than yours for him. Did you doubt that?_

The truth was, he'd never thought about it long enough to doubt it. Oh, he'd never doubted JD loved him--at least, not once they'd finally shared their feelings. But somehow, he never imagined that JD's feelings for him could possibly be the same as his for JD. Never imagined JD _needed_ him so desperately and completely--that he'd fall apart so totally, if he lost Perry. Grief, sure; sorrow, for a time, of course. But this...this went beyond grief, beyond any conventional definition of pain. JD had looked like death warmed over.

Perry swallowed, the guilt at the way he left growing more intense. Jesus, if he'd had any idea...he would've just risked JD coming, rather than subject him to the misery he was experiencing now. Carla would have looked after Jack, of that Perry had no doubts, and the Fae had turned out to be friendly after all...

He sighed, reaching into the basket and picking up one of the spiced rolls, biting into it; though it was light, and flaky, he barely registered its sweet taste, the guilt and sadness occupying him too thoroughly.

He'd made more progress in the last few days, and Aed had told him he would only need another week or so of training before he would be ready. He'd already tried to part the barrier, and had even succeeded in opening a gap wide enough to slip his hand through, but he was not strong enough to open it any further. Besides which, he'd been charged with not only knowing how to heal, but being able to teach the others as well, and he knew he wasn't ready for that, not yet.

When he'd looked surprised at the news, Aed had simply smirked. "Why do you think you ended up in a cabin full of other healers?" he said. "Five of you in one place is not a coincidence."

Perry had frowned. "Five...?" he'd asked, then realized the Fae was including Carla.

"She is not a doctor by your rules, no, but she is a sensitive and compassionate person all the same. She will be a good healer," Aed had answered his unspoken query, and Perry had nodded. Carla was certainly all that, and he remembered her telling him once that she'd wanted to be a doctor, when she was little; her family simply couldn't afford it. He smiled, glad to think that now she'd have her chance.

But learning the Song, and learning to teach it to others, were two different things, Aed had told him. Even though Perry was now able to heal more often than not, and less susceptible to distraction, he still had to perfect his ability, and learn to translate it without the empathy of the other Fae.

It was why he'd first began learning to Project.

When he'd first started, he'd started small, projecting himself into already receptive Fae. But once he'd learned what it could do, he began to try to reach JD.

But the distance was too great, and JD was less than receptive, the first few times he'd tried. He'd doubled his efforts, spending much of the time he was supposed to sleep trying to contact his lover--he had to know he was all right. Had to let JD know that _he_ was all right, as well. He hated being so far from him, not knowing if he was suffering, if he was hurting.

Aed had discovered him at it, of course, and had warned him against it.

"You will be doing him very little good," the Fae said. "He will only be receptive enough in dreams, and he will not believe those dreams when he awakens. Any hope you give him will only make his pain worse, when he learns it was only a dream, and believes it untrue."

But Perry was adamant, and Aed had finally relented. "For a short period of time," he said sternly. "And you must do nothing more than comfort him. That you are safe and alive will be revealed to him soon enough."

It had taken several tries to reach JD, though. The younger man had put up defenses without even knowing it, trying to protect himself from his own feelings but effectively blocking Perry as well. It had only been Turk's intervention forcing JD to face a small part of his feelings that had allowed Perry an opening; he'd waited, holding the connection with Aed's help until JD had fallen asleep, watching as the young man had yelled at his friend, listening to the pain in his voice.

 _"I finally, finally had what I've been looking for my entire life, and now it's gone...I need some time to just not have to think about how fucking miserable I'm going to be without him, all right? I had everything,_ everything _, and now it's gone..."_

It had been all Perry could do to hold that connection, faced with JD's pain; it had taken even more to hold it when JD had shut himself down again. But held it he had, and he'd done what Aed had told him he could not: he'd healed JD. Only a very little, sure--but he'd done it through the Projection.

Aed was impressed, Perry knew, but he also knew it had nothing to do with his skill, and everything to do with the strength of his bond with, and love for, JD.

He sighed, finishing his meal and tucking the basket into a gap in the weave of branches surrounding him, then curled on his side, cocooning his wings around his body. JD was okay, or he would be--and he was better now than he'd been for some time. When this was over, Perry would explain everything, and let JD kick his ass for it, if he wanted. Then he would swear to never, ever do anything like this ever again.

And this time, he'd mean it.


	32. Chapter 32

JD awoke to the sound of Jack babbling softly to himself, and he smiled without meaning to. "What're you talking about, bug?" he murmured, pushing himself up.

"Up!" Jack replied, wings popping out and beating quickly, lifting him right over the edge of the playpen, to plop into JD's arms. The young doctor laughed, and hugged him close.

"You're going to get into so much trouble, when you finish learning to use those things," JD informed him. "Have to give you more lessons, soon..." He gave Jack a soft kiss on the cheek, smiling again softly. He knew he'd dreamed; soft, confused images of Perry and an argument were still in his head, but somehow...the dream had taken away the fog. And it didn't hurt as much, without it.

JD scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling the remains of tears and bits of grit in his eyes, before picking Jack up. "Come on, kiddo, you need a new diaper and some food. Let's see what we can find you.."

JD changed Jack and took him to the kitchen, setting him in his high chair, and getting together an array of finger foods for him. To his own surprise, he realized he was hungry, and tried to remember the last time he'd had a decent meal. He couldn't. "Shit," he muttered to himself, "no wonder they're all freaking out..." He shook his head, and made himself a huge sandwich, finishing it off with a piece of pie, watching Jack and teasing him, occasionally retrieving bits of food that got flung to the floor and tossing them into the sink. "You're trouble," he informed the child, shaking his head when Jack threw a grape at him and burst into giggles. "Guess you take after both your parents on that front." He sighed, feeling a momentary flicker of sadness, but to his surprise (and relief) it did not bloom into the bone numbing, paralyzing pain he'd been living with for the last two weeks. It was just grief: the pure, simple emotion of mourning that accompanied any loss. He drew a breath and released it on a shaky sigh, then turned around and smiled at Jack again, moving to help him with the rest of his food.

That was how Turk found them, venturing downstairs to apologize later that morning.

He paused in the doorway, eyes widening in surprise. JD looked...well, he didn't look great, but he looked better. The circles under his eyes were still there, but they'd faded some, and there was color to his cheeks, and a light in his eyes that had been missing since he and Perry had first fought.

JD glanced up, finally noticing him as he handed the last grape to Jack. Turk looked down, feeling guilty, and swallowed. "I...look, JD, I'm...I didn't mean..." He trailed off helplessly, waving his hand.

"I know," JD replied, shrugging. "It's okay, man. You weren't completely wrong...and you didn't deserve me blowing up at you." He smiled wryly. "You're not the one I'm mad at, after all."

Turk looked at him, confused. "Dr. Cox?" he ventured hesitantly.

"Yeah," JD agreed softly. "But he managed to get out of being yelled at. Still doesn't mean I should've taken it out on you." JD sighed, looking into his glass for a moment, before putting it down. "I'm sorry I basically went AWOL on all of you. I just...couldn't deal." He sighed, softly. "But that part's over. I don't know why, but...it is." He looked up at Turk and shrugged, and grabbed a damp paper towel to start cleaning Jack's face. "I'm not one hundred percent, but I guess I'm back among the living."

"That's...that's great, man," Turk said, and there was genuine relief in his voice, even though he still looked a little perplexed. "We really missed you, you know."

"I know. You don't talk very softly. Any of you." JD offered him a shy smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...to shut down like that. I really didn't."

"Nah, man, it's okay--we understood." Turk padded forward, then hesitated, laying a hand on JD's shoulder. "So we're cool?"

JD tugged him close and hugged him for a long moment, letting out a shuddering sigh when he pulled back. "Yeah, dude. We are now."

Turk hugged him tight, then released him, smiling. "Good," he replied. He glanced over at Jack, waving his arms at them from his high chair. "Hey," he said. "Why don't you and Jack come to the field with us today? You haven't flown in weeks, and Jack could use the practice."

JD hesitated for a moment, remembered dreams of one day flying with Perry flickering painfully to his mind, but he shoved them aside, nodding. "Yeah...Yeah, we will," he said. "He needs the exercise, too. I think he's getting a little cabin fever." He made a face. "Truth be told, so am I."

Turk's face split on a broad grin. "Great--man, that's awesome. I'll tell the girls." He turned to bound up the stairs, but paused at the base, glancing back. "JD? I'm glad you're back."

Then he was gone, and JD smiled, listening to the door open and the sound of Turk's excited voice from upstairs.

"Yeah," he replied softly, walking back over to Jack and stroking his hair while the child giggled up at him. "Me too."

* * *

Over the next week, JD began to participate in more and more of the group's activities. He joined them on their trips to the field at least once a day, sometimes more, and tried to join in on their conversations as well. Sean and Elliot were talking about fixing up the shed so they'd have more space--the living room was fine for one centaur but with the two of them it was getting a little cramped.

"It wouldn't really be that hard," Sean told them, arm looped around Elliot's shoulders as she pressed in beside him. "I could rig the generator to power the shed and the house--there's enough extension cord out there, I looked. All we'd really need to do is clear the rest of the stuff out, move it to the garage..."

JD listened half-heartedly, eyes flickering out to the shed, memory drifting back to the day he'd found Perry passed out beside it, unconscious in the snow. The day Perry'd gone into rejection, and the first day he'd learned his lover was growing wings, not a tail. He sighed, drawing one knee up to his chest and resting his chin on it, looping his arms around his shin. He was so lost in thought that it startled him, when Elliot suddenly turned to him.

"You know about that sort of thing, don't you, JD?" she said. "Didn't you redo the floor at your mom's house one Christmas?"

"I...what?" JD said, turning back around and flushing. "Sorry, drifted off on you, there."

Elliot bit her lip and glanced swiftly at the others, then repeated her question more slowly, filling JD in on what he'd missed, but not remarking on his lapse in attention otherwise, for which he silently blessed her. He was trying, after all.

And it definitely wasn't easy. Even as the days passed, he still missed Perry so badly it ached, and often cried himself to sleep, clinging to the pillow that was slowly losing the other doctor's scent. He'd find himself forgetting, unexpectedly, turning to ask Perry a question before remembering that he wasn't there--that he'd never be there again. He'd broken down more than once, in the middle of mundane tasks like rearranging the food stores in the pantry, or changing Jack's diaper.

But he was managing, and that was more than he could have said, those first two weeks.

And, as if in answer to his own healing, the snow had finally begun to melt. The weather went from frigid to pleasant in about three days, and as the snow disappeared, it left behind a world that felt somehow washed and scrubbed clean. The field began to turn green, and the first of the spring flowers were pushing their way out of the mud. It was beautiful. JD smiled sadly, flapping idly along after the others as they ambled up the road. Elliot held Jack in her arms, and the young child would occasionally wave up at JD from where he hovered twenty or thirty feet up, then hide his face and giggle.

 _God, Perry,_ he thought wistfully as he waved back to the child, _I wish you were here to see this._

The coming of Spring, late though it was, brought with it an awakening in the woods. The trees began to fill with the sounds of birds chirping, and the once still, silent forest floor began to rustle, teeming with shuffle-footed creatures that remained mostly out of their sight: squirrels and chipmunks and badgers, and various other furry woodland type things that JD didn't get a good enough look at to identify. From his lofty view, and with his enhanced vision, he watched them scurry about, busily foraging for food to bring back to their newly hatched or birthed younglings.

It also brought the coming of several new creatures, too. JD hadn't seen the gryphon since that morning when...he sighed, forcing himself to finish the thought: the morning he'd defended Perry from her. But he'd seen the unicorn again, and she hadn't been alone. Two foals, golden in color, had followed shyly after her; they'd both scrambled beneath their mother, when JD had flown overhead, but JD had simply smiled, and nodded acknowledgment, before continuing on his way.

He flapped lazily, letting himself dip before giving himself an extra push upward again, gliding easily along the warm spring currents. The field was coming up, and when they got there, he'd take Jack, carrying him up into the air and letting him hover and flit around until he tired out. Then JD would take him to whichever of the others had finished running first (usually Carla), and fly in earnest, working out the muscles in his wings and keeping himself fit.

It had been tricky, the first time he'd returned to the field; the combination of two weeks' worth of inactivity, coupled with his malnutrition, had taken a significant toll on his muscles. He'd only been able to fly to the field; once he'd arrived, he'd had to sit in on a tree branch and catch his breath, waiting while the others ran themselves out.

But his muscles had returned quickly with use, and now JD was as strong as he'd ever been, if a little less joyful in his daily flights.

They rounded the last bend in the road and veered off, making the short trek through the woods to the field. JD dipped down to the ground, landing a few feet away from the others and walking forward, taking Jack from Elliot's arms. He smiled at the boy, who was already pointing toward the sky and giggling. "Ready to go up, bug?"

"Up! Daydee go up, too!"

JD laughed softly, and held the boy tightly, keeping him safe and close as he took a running leap and opened his wings wide, one great flap lifting them both up into the air.

It wasn't until Jack was flitting about on his own, looking for all the world like a drunken moth, that JD started to feel cold.

It reminded him of the first day they'd spent at the cabin, and the sensation of being watched--and then of that day in the lower field, when the gryphon had driven them away from her nest. Eyes going wide, he scanned the sky around them, looking for the danger--and felt his heart plummet.

It was certainly smaller than the gryphon he'd faced down before, but the shape was unmistakable. And it was headed right for them, cawing eagerly.

JD backwinged, gauging the distance, then swore to himself. It would be here any moment--he'd have to play bait, if the others were to get to safety. "Jack!" he cried, whirling in the air and swooping toward the eagerly flapping child. "Jack, hold still...come here, come back to Daydee..."

Jack paused, hearing the fear in JD's voice, and it was enough. JD caught the boy up quickly, and dove sharply to the ground, trying to push away his panic. "Carla!" he cried. "Elliot, Sean, Turk! Get Jack back to the house, all of you get out of here, now!"

Carla dropped from a nearby tree branch and bounded over to them quickly, the hair on her back standing up in alarm at the tone of JD's voice. "JD--what's going on?"

He pushed Jack into her arms, shaking his head, even as the others pounded over to him, looking alarmed.

"Get out of here," he snapped at them. "Get out of here _now._ There's a gryphon coming!"

Coming, and diving even as he said the words. His eyes widened, and as the others made various cries of alarm and fear, a dark resolve formed within him. He'd already lost Perry; he would _not_ lose anyone else.

He didn't think. He just took off again, hoping he could draw it away. Hoping that chasing something through the air would seem more entertaining than chasing things on the ground. Because it was entertainment, JD knew. The creature was obviously young, and just as obviously wanted to play...

Fine then, he decided grimly. He'd play.

He flapped quickly, clawing at the air with his wings, trying to keep an eye on the gryphon at the same time. Fortunately, it decided to follow him; the creatures on the ground clearly held no interest for it. He drew in a sharp hiss, realizing the others had not moved, but couldn't be too angry with them; it was likely their stillness that made the gryphon lose interest. In fact, keeping still was probably the safest thing they could've done, until JD drew the gryphon far enough away that it would not notice them running.

He knew that wasn't what had them rooted to the spot in horror, though.

The gryphon was closing in. It was only about the size of a large dog, but its talons and beak were very, very real, and as it blinked at him, still screeching eagerly, he knew the fact that it was young was not going to stop it from doing some very serious damage.

He dived, trying to gain ground, but the fledgling dived too, and JD cried out as it caught up to him, nipping at his heel and leaving a long, extremely painful gash down his ankle. He drew his leg away, banking sharply, putting some distance between himself and the creature but losing a little momentum--and more than a little altitude--at the same time. He glanced down at his leg, and saw the bright crimson streaking his calf and foot.

This wasn't going to end well.

And sure enough, no matter what he tried, the damn thing not only kept up, but slowed down to nip and scratch at him. It was playing, clearly enjoying itself, while JD was bleeding, fighting the pain and growing weaker by the minute.

He climbed higher, higher, diving, whirling, pulling every trick he'd managed since he'd started flying, and a few that he hadn't. And no matter what he tried, the half grown-gryphonlet out-maneuvered him at every turn. Its beak slashed across his thigh again, then higher, and he could feel himself falter, wings missing a beat, losing more altitude.

He was breathing heavily, physical exertion causing him to weaken as he lost blood through a dozen cuts and gashes, some quite deep. He glanced at the ground, then moaned in despair when he saw the others were still standing below him. He could read the horror on their faces, even at this distance, and silently willed them to run--because after the gryphon was done with him, he had no doubt it would look for something new to play with.

And it would be done with him very, very soon.

"Go..." he sobbed, breathless. "You idiots, _run..._ " He paused for a moment, gathering himself to yell them to get the hell _out_ of there. And though he only paused for a split second, that hesitation was enough for the gryphon to swoop in. He backwinged, almost managing to pull his face back, away from the clacking beak, but claws racked across his belly as the beak scored his temple, and quite abruptly he dropped like a stone.

He felt the wind rushing past his face, vaguely aware of the gryphon chasing after him as he fell; he tried to move, tried to bring his wings around to catch his fall, but he couldn't gather enough energy even for that. The ground rushed toward him, death from below, even as the gryphon followed--death from above. He was done for, either way, and he realized he couldn't even bring himself to care.

 _It's over_ , he thought, oddly detached about the fact as his eyes drifted closed. _It's done. Jack..._ Perry...

Then, suddenly, the gryphon gave a frightened screech, fleeing; over the pounding rush in his ears, JD realized he could hear another sound--a quick, rhythmic whoosh of wingbeats. Powerful wingbeats.

Seconds later, his fall came to an abrupt halt as he was caught in a pair of strong arms and cradled in against a broad, familiar chest.

He forced his eyes open, mildly curious. Then blinked. _I_ must _be dying..._ "...Perry?" he breathed, squinting as he tried to clear his vision, which was graying out around the edges.

Perry's face swam into focus above him. The older man was pale, features tight with fear, which JD found odd. After all, if JD was dying, well...it'd mean they'd be together, right?

"Yeah," Perry said gruffly, and JD felt the air rush by them as Perry tucked in his wings, diving for the ground. "Hang on, kid."

JD smiled softly, reaching up weakly to touch Perry's cheek. "Perry...be together soon..." JD felt his eyes closing, hand dropping limply to his side again, and the part of his brain that wasn't having hallucinations about his dead lover did a quick assessment. Massive trauma, heavy bleeding...he was done for. "Sorry about Jack..." he whispered, thinking that might be the reason ghost Perry looked so worried. "I tried to stay for him..."

"Shh," Perry said, and JD felt a slight thump as they landed in the field. Perry knelt holding JD tightly in his arms, his face tight with concentration. "Hold on, JD. I'm not letting you go."

"Don't think I've got a choice..." JD's voice was softer now, fading out. "Doesn't hurt..."

 _Good,_ Perry thought, gathering JD in--small favors, anyway, and if JD were screaming in agony Perry knew he might not be able to focus.

Vaguely he heard the pounding of hooves, and knew the others were approaching, but he held up a hand to silence their queries. In his arms, he heard JD take a faltering breath, then go limp, passing out as the blood seeped from his wounds and into Perry's clothing.

"Oh, God..." he heard Carla sob; Elliot was whimpering, and Turk and Sean were simply staring, stunned.

"Dr. Cox," Turk whispered after a moment, "I...it's too late, he..."

"Shut it!" Perry snapped, and Turk did, eyes widening.

None of them said what they were thinking--how unfair it was that JD was dying now, when Perry was back--but Perry could read it on their faces.

 _I don't think so, buddy_ , he thought, pulling JD closer, tucking the young man's head in against his neck and wrapping his wings around him to hold him close. _Not today._

He concentrated, clearing the fear and commotion from his heart, and listened.

And heard the song, once again rising from the earth, filling him with its power. It calmed him some, soothing, assuring him, and he turned his attention to JD, felt the younger man's own chords--a dissonant series of screeches and cries, as his body bled its life force into the earth. He began to sing, reaching out calmly and weaving the strands of his melody into JD's, his music repairing the broken chords, enhancing them, making them stronger. He sang, the music aching with the sorrow of their separation, the love he held for JD, the hope for their future. He sang, and slowly, slowly, JD's body began to heal itself.

Elliot whimpered again behind him, clutching Sean's hands, and Jack bounced in Carla's arms, reaching for Perry. "Daddy! Daddy!"

"What's he _doing_?" Turk asked Carla, under his breath, but she just shook her head, too stunned to speak. The whole afternoon was impossible, going in moments from a playful run, to the horror of watching JD batted and tossed about by the gryphonlet, to Perry's sudden arrival, which had somehow driven the animal away. And now JD...she bit back a sob, drawing Jack tight against her chest and lowering her face to the child's hair. She'd been a nurse long enough to know it was too late.

Perry shut out their voices, and his own grew stronger, the song reaching its peak as JD's body healed itself, his heart faltering and straining before beginning again. Perry could hear JD's own song, hesitant at first, and weak, but Perry bolstered it, lacing his own strands of melody through JD's. Soon they were harmonizing, pulses in perfect synchrony as the last of JD's wounds knitted themselves together, and the blood JD had lost regenerated itself within his veins to be pumped through his strongly beating heart.

Elliot had her face buried in Sean's chest, and he'd wrapped his arms around her, his face hidden in her hair. Carla was trying to hold Jack, and so it was only Turk who saw the long gash across JD's eyebrow and temple just disappear before his eyes. And not in a cheesy Hollywood effect, either, but as if the body's process had been sped up, skin knitting and reassembling itself, leaving only a thin white scar. "Dude..." he whispered, eyes very wide. "That is _seriously_ messed up..."

Perry slowly stopped singing, pulling his consciousness back from JD's body, though he kept the younger man cradled securely in his arms. He lowered his head, resting his brow at the crook of JD's neck and shoulder, breathing deeply of his scent.

"I'm here," he whispered, and his voice broke suddenly, the fear he'd pushed away to heal JD suddenly surging forward in a rush of adrenaline that left him weak and shaking. He did not loosen his grip, though, and rocked JD slightly, one hand going up to cradle his head and stroke his hair. "I'm here, Newbie. I've got you, I'm here..."

Just about then, Jack broke free of Carla's hold, buzzing over to squirm in against his fathers, patting Perry's face lightly. "Daddy!" he announced. "Daddy go up!"

Perry finally looked up, chuckling brokenly; he gathered Jack in, scooping him up with one wing and pulling him in against his chest. Jack came easily, wrapping his arms around Perry's neck and giggling; Perry lowered his head and closed his eyes, holding his family securely cocooned in his arms, feeling the rush of gratitude sweep through him. _Safe._ They were finally safe, and they were together.

Even if JD was still unconscious.

Carla finally broke the silence. " _Perry?_ " she whispered, eyes wide as she looked over JD's body.

Perry raised his eyes to the others, and saw they were all staring at him with similar expressions of disbelief. He wondered what had them more amazed: his return, or JD's miraculous healing?

"Yeah," he murmured. "I'm back."

Elliot choked. "But... how... where...?"

Perry shook his head. "Not now, okay, Barbie?" he said, his voice soft and trembling slightly with exhaustion. "Let's get him home first."

Elliot looked like she was going to keep asking questions for a moment, and then abruptly changed gears. "Right. Sean, you're the strongest of us, you get Dr. Cox, I'll take JD. And if no getting fresh with my boyfriend," she added, pointing her finger at Perry, a half smile on her face. "Come on, people, let's move."

Turk was still staring, but Carla poked him. "You heard the doctor, help them up."

"I can walk," Perry insisted, frowning a little. "And someone will need to make sure JD doesn't fall..."

"It's miles and you're exhausted..." Elliot started, but Sean nudged her gently, and shook his head.

"If he thinks he can make it, let him try," he said softly to her. "Look at him, Elliot. He doesn't want to let go."

Elliot looked back at the doctor she'd once feared, who was still cradling her best friend with a tenderness she would've never guessed him capable of. She softened, then nodded at her boyfriend; with Turk and Perry's help, she maneuvered JD up onto Sean's back. They wrapped the unconscious doctor's arms over Sean's shoulders, and Sean gripped his wrists tightly, holding him securely in place. Still, Perry stood next to him, one hand on JD's back under his wings; Elliot moved around to his other side, silently offering support, if Perry needed it. "Well? Shall we?"

They others nodded, and they moved off. It was slow going; Perry, despite his claims to the contrary, was exhausted, knees trembling. Eventually, he lowered the hand that had been steadying JD and put it onto Sean's back to steady himself.

"Perry," Turk said, frowning at him when he noticed the older man going a little pale. "Man, are you sure you shouldn't--"

He got no further before Perry suddenly stumbled, knees buckling. He would have fallen, but Elliot was there, catching him under the arm and moving up next to him. "Dr. Cox," she said softly, when he looked up at her blearily. "This is stupid. Let me help you."

He swallowed, eyebrows drawing together. "I'm fine..."

"You're not," she said gently. "You're dead on your feet." She lowered her voice further, tilting her head toward him. "You helped me, once," she said. "Now stop being such a stubborn ass, and let me return the favor."

Perry studied her for a moment, then smirked a little, defeated. "All right," he said, and Elliot knelt, bending her front knees. Perry wrapped his arm over her back and swung a leg up over her withers, arms going automatically around her waist when she stood again. It wasn't the best arrangement--Elliot was small, only about the size of a large pony, and Perry's feet dangled about two feet from the ground. But he was too exhausted to walk, and Elliot, despite her small size, was strong. "Hang on," she murmured. "We'll be home before you know it."

It was easier going, after that. Elliot walked near to Sean, so Perry could keep an eye on JD, and Carla and Turk flanked them, watching for any sign of the gryphonlet. Fortunately, however, it did not appear again. Whether Perry had frightened it off for good, or whether its mother had corralled it back to its nest, they didn't know, nor did they care to find out.

By the time they reached the cabin, Perry had regained much of the strength he'd lost from healing JD. He slid from Elliot's back, moving to stand in front of her, and reached out to squeeze her shoulder briefly. "Thanks, Barbie," he said softly, the nickname affectionate now, instead of derisive.

She beamed at him. "You're welcome," she replied.

Perry moved over to Sean's side, looking up into JD's face. It was pale, still, but JD was breathing steadily; with Turk's help, Perry pulled JD carefully down from Sean's back. Then, despite his exhaustion, he scooped the younger doctor into his arms, cradling him close, and moved wearily into the house. As he began to climb the steps, Turk stayed close behind him, ready to catch them if Perry should falter, but fortunately, it was not necessary. They reached the bedroom in short order, and Perry laid JD down upon their bed.

JD moaned softly, curling in on his side, and Perry gazed down at him for a moment, the sheer relief of holding him again, seeing him, making him giddy. He reached out, stroking JD's hair, then crawled in beside him, curling around him protectively.

Turk opened his mouth to ask where Perry had been, but Carla suddenly appeared, putting a hand on her fiancé's shoulder. He glanced at her, and she shook her head. "Let them sleep," she said softly. "I'm sure we'll hear all about it later." She didn't say what else she was thinking--that after they woke up, she was certain they wouldn't hear from them for awhile, either--but she knew that they'd eventually have it out, and the rest of them could be filled in on the details afterward. Well, most of the details.

She and Turk backed out of the room, pulling the door shut behind them.

Perry barely noticed. He lay beside his lover, studying him carefully. JD lay on his side facing the older doctor, his wings tucked up automatically, and Perry sighed, reaching out to stroke JD's cheek. The young man had gained some weight since Perry had seen him in his dream, but his eyes still had deep circles beneath them, and his cheeks were hollower than Perry liked to see them. He moved forward, planting a gentle kiss on JD's forehead, then one against his lips.

"Sleep well, Newbie," he whispered, curling close and wrapping his wing around JD, repeating the gesture JD had so often performed on him. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Then, drawing JD's head down to his shoulder, he sighed, and joined his lover in sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is! After nearly five months, we have finally finished editing and posting this story! It’s been quite a ride. You all have been wonderful, with your support and encouragement and ~~death threats~~ feedback, and you’ve really made us strive to give you the very best we could. Fun fact: this story gained over sixty pages in the editing process! So, you see, by being patient with us while we edited and revised, you were really giving yourself more to read. ;)

JD woke up, which instantly confused him. _Wait...that's not right. I'm dead…_

As if to prove him wrong, his eyes blinked open, the darkened room swimming slowly into focus around him. He was lying in the master bedroom, curled on his side on the soft mattress, wings tucked up behind him; as he took stock, he realized he was wearing a pair of scrub pants and nothing else. He blinked again, confusion growing, and took a few deep breaths, then pushed himself up, groaning softly. Every muscle ached, and his head was throbbing, but...he was alive.

"About time you woke up," came a voice from behind him, and he turned to see Elliot standing next to the bed, smiling down at him. "We've been waiting _forever_ , you know. Almost five hours."

"But I'm...I'm dead, aren’t I?" JD muttered, blinking stupidly at her. He pushed himself up further, the blanket falling from where it’d been tucked around his waist, and swung his legs over the side of the bed, shaking his head to try to clear it. He'd been gutted by that gryphonlet--he remembered that much _very_ clearly, and he…he shouldn't be alive at _all_ , and even if he was he at the least should’ve been in agony from the wounds.

But a quick visual assessment revealed no cuts, no stitches…just thin, white scars, crisscrossing his arms, chest, and belly, the only evidence of the injuries he’d sustained.

“You’re not dead, JD,” Elliot said softly in response to his question, her eyes soft with remembered fear.

JD looked up at her, face a mask of confusion. “Why…how am I not?” he said after a moment. “I mean, granted, this…this doesn't seem like an afterlife, but I should be, shouldn’t I? I was dying, I _know_ I was..." He bit his lip, eyes tracing the large scar that ran from his chest down his belly, all the way to the top of his sweatpants. "I remember…” he paused, breaking off for a moment at the memory that assailed him: the strong arms around his mangled body, the broad chest, the worry and fear and love in the piercing, long-missed eyes… “I mean, I thought I…I thought I saw Perry." He bit his lip, daring a glance up at the centauress, almost afraid to see the pity that would certainly be reflected in her eyes.

But what he saw wasn’t pity. "You…you almost _did_ die," Elliot said, biting her lip around a grin, and squirming a little, like an impatient child bursting with a very exciting secret. “But then you didn’t.”

JD stared at her. “Yeah, I’d gathered that much,” he said slowly. “ _Why_ didn’t I die?”

When Elliot didn’t answer right away, he lowered his head a little, keeping his eyes on hers, and lifted an eyebrow. “Elliot? What’s going on?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off, when the bathroom door suddenly opened. JD looked up, then felt his jaw drop.

_What…?_

Perry stepped from the bathroom and into the bedroom, scrubbing his hair with a towel, wearing only a pair of sweatpants; his chest was still a little damp, and the muscles rippled powerfully, looking more solid than JD remembered.

JD made a noise halfway between a yelp and a whimper, mouth working helplessly. "I...b-but..."

Perry blinked, looking up, eyes widening a little when he noticed JD was awake. He stared for a split second, then turned to Elliot. "Hey, Barbie?" he said softly. "Take a hike, will you?"

Elliot nodded, biting her lip and grinning broadly, then turned and clopped out of the room, hooves muffled by the carpet, pulling the door closed behind her and leaving JD and Perry alone.

Perry watched her go, then turned back around, tossing the towel toward the laundry basket and gazing down at JD, who was still staring at him from the bed. "Hullo, Newbie," he said softly, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. JD was gaping up at him, eyes huge, mouth hanging open; all Perry really wanted to do was rush forward, drag him into a crushing embrace and never let him go, but he knew he had to let JD move at his own pace.

JD blinked, shook his head sharply, rubbed his eyes, then blinked again. When it became apparent that Perry wasn’t going to simply vanish, he closed his mouth, swallowed, then tried to speak. "You're...you can’t be here,” he whispered. “You’re…dead. Aren’t you?" Was this real? How could it be? He reached up and pinched the underside of his bicep, hard. Then yelped softly, wincing. All right, yes, he admitted as he rubbed the now-sore muscle. Yes it was.

But… _how?_

“No,” Perry said softly, aching at the look in JD’s eyes, the confusion that hadn’t yet dared to turn to hope. “I’m not dead, kid.”

JD just stared at him for another long moment. Then, swallowing again, he climbed hesitantly to his feet, stepping forward and reaching out slowly, as though Perry might disappear if he moved too quickly or said the wrong thing. His fingers stretched, trembling visibly, and finally touched Perry's arm. He jumped back almost comically when his hand met warm flesh. "Holy fuck, you're _real_..."

"Last time I checked," Perry agreed gently. He studied JD's face carefully, waiting. JD was wound more tightly than Perry had ever seen him, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he snapped.

It took about four seconds. "How _could_ you?” JD whispered harshly, staring at Perry in disbelief. “How could you _do_ that to me? Play me like that, and disappear, and leave me a fucking _note_?"

“I…” Perry trailed off, not quite certain what to say. He’d known this wouldn’t be easy, but somehow, face to face with JD’s pain, it was harder than he’d imagined. “I hadn’t meant for you to find that yet,” he finally murmured.

"Oh, I see,” JD said, voice sarcastic. “Because letting me worry even longer with no fucking clue where you’d gone, or why, would've been a _good_ thing? Letting me think you didn’t lo…Fucking _hell_..." JD ran a hand through his hair and slumped onto the bed again, shaking his head slowly. "I'm so glad to see you I don't know if I want to kiss you, fuck you through the mattress, or just hang onto you for a year. And I'm so angry, I can't consider any of them. Perry…” he shook his head, looking up at the older doctor. “I thought you were dead. I've spent the last _month_ thinking you were dead, and I…I had to move on.” He bit his lip, lowering his eyes. “And now you're back, and somehow I'm not dead, when that fucking gryphonlet gutted me, and I…I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be feeling right now." He looked up again, then, a lost expression on his face. "You…you found the Fae?"

Perry nodded, aching to go to JD but knowing he had to let his lover come to him. He was pretty sure if he got near him at the moment he'd just get punched, anyway. "I did," he confirmed softly.

"I guess I owe Carla an apology,” JD replied. “She said you might've, and I made fun of her." He bit his lip, looking up, almost too afraid to ask the next question, but needing to know. "Did they…did they help you? We…we found the articles, about the rejection, and…you're not going to...to die, or anything, are you?"

“No,” Perry said quickly, heart clenching at the quaking fear in JD’s voice, taking a slow step forward. “No, JD, I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere. Not for a very long time.”

JD slumped a little, bringing a shaking hand to cover his eyes for a moment, pressing them to stall the tears that were stinging fiercely. “Thank God,” he managed, voice a trembling whisper. Then, stronger: “Did…did they tell you how to jump start the Change? Because more people have been dying..."

"Yeah," Perry said, smiling a little; he extended one wing slowly, not wanting to startled JD by snapping it out too quickly. When JD didn’t look up, he flapped it gently, sending a gust of air toward the bed.

JD uncovered his eyes and looked up, confused, but his eyes went wide when he saw the full-grown wing. “Oh,” he gasped, reaching out a little; Perry extended the wing toward JD’s fingers, nudging his lover’s hand gently with the tip. JD’s fingers closed over it, feeling the long, flexible finger joints, and the elastic membrane between them. He swallowed, hard, holding onto the wing for a moment before releasing it almost reluctantly. “This…this is how you got back…” he shook his head. “How did they do it? No one’s been able to figure it out, yet, after rejection…”

Perry withdrew the wing, tucking it in against his back, settling easily into the familiar medical routine, all the while waiting for the other shoe to drop. He could see, looking at JD, it wouldn't be long. "It requires some injury to the new limbs,” he explained. “The healing process starts the growth again."

JD drew a long, shuddering breath, knowing he wasn't far from falling to pieces. He clung to the commonplace of their conversation, trying to figure out a symptom, discuss a treatment...he could do that. But he was shaking, and knew he couldn't hide it much longer. "Th-they..." He shut his mouth, bowing his head, his lips trembling. "They _hurt_ y-you?" Fuck, stuttering _and_ his voice was cracking...

"Well...yeah, but--they had to," Perry said, finally moving forward cautiously, when it became clear JD was not going to be able to make the first move. "They healed me, though," he offered, kneeling in front of his lover and reaching up to lay his hands on JD's knees. "They sped up my change, and finished it for me."

JD grabbed Perry’s hands, hanging on tight, his whole body winding itself tenser and tenser by the moment. Perry’s fingers curled around his own, and Perry’s eyes were softer, more sympathetic, than JD had ever seen them. “Hey,” Perry murmured. “It’s okay, JD. You can fall apart a little, if you need to. I won’t mind, I promise.” He smiled, squeezing JD’s hands. “I may even join you.”

"I...Fuck, Perry..." JD slid from the bed, landing with a thump on his knees, half in Perry’s lap. He tugged his hands free of Perry’s, curling them into fists, and beat weakly upon Perry’s chest, even as the tears he'd been fighting overcame him. "If you ever die again I'll kill you,” he choked.

"Fair enough," Perry murmured, not fighting against JD's onslaught, but accepting it quietly, pulling JD tight into his arms. "Jesus, kid, I'm sorry..."

JD's fists stopped falling in moments, and he collapsed at last into Perry’s arms, huddled against Perry's chest as he sobbed out his fear, his sorrow, his anger...everything that had held him frozen those first two weeks, and had been his nightly companions since. Perry held him all the while, rocking him a little, bringing one hand up to stroke JD's hair.

"Shh," he whispered. "Shh, JD--I'm here now. I'm not leaving, I promise. I'm here."

"You can't ever do that to me again,” JD moaned, shaking his head as he tried to burrow closer to Perry, arms snaking around the older man’s waist, beneath the folded wings; his own wings curled forward, wrapping automatically around Perry, as though JD could hold him forever encased in the dual embrace. “ _Ever._ If you t-try…if you..." JD bit his lip, still shaking softly. "You just can't,” he whimpered. “You have to _talk_ to me, Perry, because I can't lose you again. It nearly...it nearly killed me, this time."

Perry drew back, then, cupping JD's face in his hands and gazing at him intently. "I won't," he murmured, voice low and emphatic. "I promise you, JD--I swear to it. I won't ever try to shut you out like that again."

JD sobbed once, then lunged forward and kissed him, hard.

Perry moaned softly against JD’s mouth, accepting the kiss, returning it with equal ardor. His hands slipped up into JD's hair, fingers curling lightly as he leaned forward, pressing JD back against the bed. He tried to say with his hands, tongue, and body what he could no longer say with words. _I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here._

JD's answer, as he wrapped himself around Perry, pressed against him, pulled him even closer, was obvious. _I'm not letting you go._

Perry decided, as he struggled to maintain his balance, that it was stupid to be pressed up _against_ a perfectly good bed. Without pulling away, he reached out and wrapped one arm around JD's back and tucked one under his legs, then hoisted him bodily up onto the edge of the bed. JD bounced slightly, looking startled but agreeable, and Perry didn't give him much respite; he leaned forward, bracing one knee on the mattress next to JD so he was half-straddling the younger man's lap, and locked their mouths together once more.

JD spread his wings and backed up, tugging Perry after him, wanting to feel the other man's weight, his presence, right against him. He fell back against the mattress, air rushing out of him as Perry lost his balance and landed on top of him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need to breathe. He just needed Perry, here and real and _alive_ , warm and solid atop him, hard against him. His hips bucked up as Perry's tongue slid across his own, exploring and tasting and claiming, and JD could taste the bitter salt of his own tears in both their mouths.

Perry drew a sharp breath through his nose as JD's hips bucked again, whimpering softly. He pressed his own hips down in answer, grinding against him, the pressure and friction building between the layers of their pants and making him moan. Their bare chests pressed together, skin to skin, and as JD's arms came up to wrap around Perry's neck, he knew they would not last long, like this.

"Wait," he gasped, breaking the kiss. He looked down into JD's eyes, which were glazed with lust and confusion and remembered grief. Perry wanted to drive that grief away--wanted to make JD's eyes dark with need and pleasure--and he rather thought he knew how. "Wait,” he said again. “I want..." he trailed off, moving down to press a line of quick kisses to JD's neck.

JD went still beneath him, arching his head back almost imperceptibly to give Perry better access, and Perry took it as a sign to continue; he moved slowly down JD's chest, focusing his attention upon the salty, newly-scarred skin, pausing briefly to suck at a nipple before taking it gently between his teeth.

"Fuck, Perry..." JD groaned, both hands burying themselves in Perry's hair, in curls grown longer than he'd ever seen them. He lifted his head, wanting to watch, as the older man kissed across his chest, hesitating only briefly over the web of white scars.

Perry closed his eyes when JD's fingers clenched his curls, encouraging him. He kept moving, down the line of JD's abdomen to his navel, where he paused again, tongue darting out to tease and taste. He nuzzled below, in the line of hair that started at JD's belly button and dipped down, into the waistband of his scrub pants, before bringing his fingers up to curl around the elastic.

JD realized where he was going, what he was planning, and part of him wanted it, badly. But the rest of him... He reached down, drawing Perry’s hands away, and biting his lip when Perry looked at him, confused. He simply shook his head, tugging Perry up again, gently, until the big man was once again over him, pressed against him, and close enough to kiss. Which JD did, slowly but thoroughly, tears slipping down his cheeks again. "I want...I want you up here,” he whispered brokenly, when they broke free again. “I need to feel you...next time, okay?"

Perry felt his heart clench a little, overriding his initial surprise. He nodded, leaning close to kiss away JD's tears. "Okay," he agreed softly. "Okay--I'm here. I've got you."

"I missed you so much..." JD sobbed softly, bending up to kiss him again, hands moving across Perry's back, skimming over his wings, exploring them, learning the curves and contours. He arched his hips again, still close to tears, but still wanting the other man, desperately, needing to feel him. Wanting to climb into him, become a part of him, so he would never, ever lose him again.

_He’s alive…oh, God, he’s alive, he’s here…_

Perry moaned against JD's mouth, panting. "I missed you too," he replied, voice choked. He fought to keep his own movements slow, fought to prolong their joining, but he knew he could not last. It had been too long, and he'd wanted JD too desperately.

JD arched his hips again, grinding himself up harder, faster, wanting to feel Perry come apart, wanting to do it himself. They'd talk, and for hours, he was sure, but that was later. And right now, he wanted no more than this: to feel his lover finish, to be finished by him, and to lay together afterwards. He lifted his legs, wrapping them up around Perry’s hips, pulling him in tighter still. “Can’t…can’t get close enough,” he admitted breathlessly, arching again at a particularly forceful thrust from his lover.

"I know," Perry gritted, then groaned. "Ah God...close." _Already._ He chuckled, breathlessly, and pressed himself down, hard.

JD gasped, his hips snapping up in answer. "Me too...Want to feel you finish, want to watch you, and later want you to fuck me so hard I feel you for a week..."

"We'll... ah! Have to see...what--what we can... _arrange_ , there-- _oh._ " Perry collapsed, weakly, as his hips jerked and he spilled, burning pleasure ripping through him, out of him.

JD followed, not long after, grinding up against Perry's jerking hips until his own moved in sympathy, and he spurted in slow jerks. It went on for quite some time; he hadn't taken himself in hand during Perry's absence. But finally he went limp, sated, and his legs slid from Perry’s hips to tangle with Perry’s, though he kept his arms wrapped tightly around his lover’s body.

For a very long time after, he merely lay there, comforted by Perry's bulk atop him. But finally, the cooling fluids between them grew uncomfortable, and he squirmed a little, making a face. "Getting sticky..." he explained, when Perry made a soft noise of protest.

"Mmph," Perry mumbled, raising his head to look down at JD. "Can't sit still for long, can you?"

He smiled, though, and hoisted himself off JD, walking into the bathroom to get a couple of washcloths. He wet them both down with hot water in the sink and wrung them out, divesting himself of his own sweats and cleaning himself quickly, then walking back over to the bed. "Allow me," he said, bending to kiss JD briefly before pulling his scrubs down and away, tossing them toward the hamper. JD watched, a shy, slightly trembling smile on his face as Perry gently cleaned his body, large hands moving strong and sure over JD’s belly and groin and thighs. JD lay still, completely trusting, feeling his heart catch a little at the care Perry took.

“I love you,” he whispered, then flushed, feeling suddenly shy when he realized neither of them had said it since Perry’d returned. He looked up, a little bit of fear lingering in his eyes, on his face.

It faded some, at the look on Perry’s. “I love you, too,” the other man murmured, very quietly. “I’m so sorry I ever made you think otherwise, but I do, JD. I mean it. I love you.”

And with that, the last of JD’s fears vanished.

"Come here," he murmured, holding out his arms, and Perry did, climbing up onto the bed and settling in beside him.

JD spent a long few moments just touching Perry, looking him over, taking in the more powerful-muscled chest and abdomen, the fully-scaled forearms, the longer hair, checking him over as if to assure himself he really was there, and was all right. But finally, convinced, he curled close into Perry’s offered arms, leaning up and kissing him very softly. "I love you,” he whispered. “I missed you so much…”

“Missed you too, Newbie,” Perry replied softly.

JD leaned forward, pressing a long, slow kiss to Perry’s lips, then drew back and smiled. “I do want to hear what you’ve been up to, though,” he said softly.

Perry chuckled a little bit at that. "Fair enough,” he said. “We do have a bit of catching up to do, don’t we? You want to start, or shall I?"

JD didn't answer for awhile, just hugging him. But finally he pulled back. "How am I still alive? The gryphonlet laid me open, I know I shouldn't have survived that, and I haven't been out long enough to heal completely, but…I have."

Perry smiled at him. _Leave it to JD to get right to the thing that would take the most explanation_. "Well--long story short, I healed you," he replied.

"You…you did what, now?”

Perry chuckled. “It’s…kind of a long story,” he said.

JD pressed closer, nuzzling into Perry’s neck and hugging him tight. “I’m not going anywhere,” he replied. “Tell me.”

Perry squeezed his hand back, settling in and beginning to speak, telling JD about traveling through the snow, about losing the compass, then having visions of the Fae. He spoke about finding them, about the colony, about Aed and Aleiah and the Song. JD hugged him close the whole time, but didn't interrupt, just stroked Perry’s side, touching the surprisingly soft hide of his wings, slipping his hand under them in the back, reassuring himself Perry was whole and safe and _here_.

When Perry reached the part about flying for the first time, he felt JD stiffen slightly, and turned to him, suspecting he knew what was causing his lover’s distress. “I would have come home then," he said, turning to look at JD intently. "I wanted to. I actually tried. But they told me I couldn't. They said I had been called to them--that I was a healer, and I had to learn their method so I could teach it to others--and they had a sort of…" He waved his free hand, the one that wasn’t buried in JD’s feathers. “I guess you’d call it a shield, over the colony. I had to learn the song before I could alter it enough to slip through--they’d had to take the whole thing down to let me in when they found me, and they didn’t have the power to do it again to let me go.” He lowered his voice a little, eyes flitting down to JD's chest as his hand came up to trace the scars there. "And they told me you would need me, my healing," he said softly. "I had no idea they meant so immediately. God, if I'd been any later..."

He shook his head suddenly, the panic he hadn't allowed himself to feel in the field suddenly overtaking him. It had been close--much closer than he cared to consider, but now that he'd begun, he couldn't seem to stop. He closed his eyes tightly against the sting of tears, but opened them again quickly when the image of JD, pale and broken, with blood on his lips and covering his body, suddenly jumped to his mind.

"But you weren't," JD said, softly but firmly, lacing his fingers with Perry's, tugging his hand away from the scars. "And I'm okay, and so are you...And we can go flying now," he added, grinning softly. "Jack's gotten lots better...I can't wait for you to see him. And I'm back in shape, we'll have to race." He kissed Perry softly, pressing close to him, winding their legs together, wrapping a wing around them both. "We're both alive, and we're together again..."

"Yeah," Perry said, nodding. “And let’s try to stay that way, shall we? I don’t do well on my own.”

JD’s face darkened for a moment. “Me neither,” he agreed. He looked up at Perry, and drew a deep breath, then let it out again, blushing. "I don't really remember much of the two weeks after I found your note,” he explained. “I…well, I sort of shut down."

Perry nodded again, looking sad, but not, JD realized, surprised. "Yeah,” he said. “I know. But at least Gandhi got you to snap out of it for a minute or two. Even if he _was_ a bit clumsy about it."

JD drew back, looking at him strangely. "How...did he tell you about that?"

Perry met his gaze, silent for a long moment. Then, softly, he murmured: "No."

"Then how...how did you know?” JD asked, eyes going a little wide. “We didn't mention it to the others..."

Perry hesitated, then decided it would be best to tell him. "Because I was there," he replied. "JD, when...when I was with the Fae, they didn't just teach me how to heal. They taught me how to…well, they call it Projection. It’s sort of an establishment of a…" he broke off, reaching up to scratch at his head, looking a little embarrassed. “I guess you’d call it a psychic link, between two people,” he said at last.

JD was tempted to ask Perry if he'd been eating funny mushrooms, but the older man was obviously serious, and he bit his lip, eyes going wide when he suddenly remembered something. "I dreamed about you,” he breathed. “Right after that..." Had it been…real? But no, surely not…it was impossible.

Wasn’t it?

_Impossible like growing wings and hooves, you mean?_

"You wouldn't look at me," Perry said softly. "You kept telling me I was dead. You told me you weren't strong enough to move on, and I told you it was okay to ask for help." He looked down at his hand, still laced with JD's. "I asked you to forgive me," he finished softly, looking up at JD, eyes imploring.

JD’s jaw was hanging open, but he snapped it shut, determined to deal with the rest of it later. He bent forward, and kissed Perry, first on the mouth, then on his cheek, along his jaw to the strong line of his neck, his throat. “I forgive you,” he whispered, when he reached the pulse point. “I said it then, but now I mean it: I forgive you, Perry.”

Perry released a sigh, some hitherto unknown tension finally easing within his heart. He drew JD back up into his arms, holding him tightly, and for a long moment, they just clung to one another, drawing strength and comfort from one another’s physical presence.

Eventually, JD shook his head, trembling. “This has been a seriously fucked up month,” he said, and Perry chuckled softly, breaking some of the tension.

"Hey. It’s over now, right?" he reminded him.

JD smiled, pulling back to trace his finger over Perry's cheek, nodding lightly in agreement. He sighed, kissing him softly. "We should get up...the others will be curious, and Jack's been asking for you. But I don't want to let go..."

"They waited for a month, they can wait a few more hours," Perry said. He did want to see Jack, it was true, but right now, JD simply needed him more than Jack did. After all, it was JD who had understood the finality of Perry's absence--or so he'd believed--and it was JD who'd been hurting the most. Perry curled around him, gathering him in close and simply holding him. He brought his hand to cup the back of JD's head, gently drawing it to his shoulder, and tucked his other arm tight around JD's waist. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply of the younger man's scent. "God, I missed you..." he murmured.

"Missed you, too," JD murmured, wriggling in tighter against him somehow. "I...Christ. You're _alive_..." To his embarrassment, his eyes filled with tears again. "And I'm a fountain..."

Perry laughed, lowering his face to JD's hair as his own tears welled up. "I think you've got reason," he said. "I'll let it slide this once." He planted a kiss on top of JD's head and just held him, reveling in the long-missed closeness.

For several long moments they were silent, soaking in one another's presence. But eventually, JD broke the silence.

"This isn't really over, is it?" he murmured. "This--this Change--whatever it's supposed to do for humanity... it hasn't even begun, has it?"

Perry sighed, and shook his head, slowly. "No," he agreed. "It hasn't. I'm not sure what's supposed to happen, but I think everything has to fall apart before we can start to rebuild it."

JD shuddered, burrowing a little bit closer to Perry. "I know," he replied. "I don’t know how I know, but I do. I guess it just…it feels like the beginning, when it should feel like the end, and...I'm scared."

Perry reached down and slid his thumb under JD's chin, lifting the younger man's gaze to his. "Don't be," he said, smiling softly. "Whatever this thing is supposed to do, I think things will end up better for it, in the end."

JD bit his lip, eyes filling. "Yeah," he said. "But things don't change like this without violence, Perry. We've seen that already. People go into the future kicking and screaming."

"Yeah," Perry agreed. "They do. And no one ever said it would be easy. But we've got a part to play in this. Remember when you told me you didn't want to give up being a doctor, because of this?" When JD nodded, Perry continued. "You won’t have to. You're a healer, JD. The Fae told me. They sent me back here to teach you--you, and Carla and Turk and Elliot and probably Sean, if he wants--how to be healers. And once we've done that, I think we're supposed to move on and teach others, too."

JD smirked. "Sounds almost religious," he said. "The six apostles. What's Jack, the Messiah?"

Perry simply chuckled. "Hardly," he said. "Come here."

He pulled JD close again, and silenced him with a kiss.

* * *  


"He's really getting good at this!" JD panted, breathless from chasing Jack down once again.

Perry laughed, landing next to his lover and their squirming son in the field, which was nearly overgrown with weeds and wildflowers, now that the warmer season had set in in earnest. "What do you expect?" he replied. "He's gotta keep his daddies in shape, doesn’t he?"

JD eyed Perry ruefully. "That's easy enough for _you_ to say," he groused. "You're both _built_ for sudden changes and odd maneuvers. I'm more of a distance flier."

Perry grinned, taking Jack from JD's arms. His son was laughing, waving his arms delightedly, but he'd put away his wings--a sure sign he was done flying for now.

"Carla!" Perry called, and from the shady branches of a tree nearby, Carla suddenly dropped, lithe and sleek, onto the ground.

"Time to see Aunt Carla?" she asked as she approached, smiling. She held out her arms for Jack, who popped his wings out again and reached for her.

Perry let go, and Jack flitted over to the nurse, curling up against her shoulder as her arms came around him. "That's my good boy," she murmured to him.

Perry turned back to JD. "Well?" he said, lifting an eyebrow. "You ready?"

JD glowered at him. "Give me a minute," he said, still catching his breath. "For crying out loud, I think you've been sneaking that boy extra sugar or something, just to spite me."

Perry smirked. "You'll never prove it," he said haughtily, before lunging into the air, flapping and sending a gust of wind into JD's face. "Come on, you wuss!"

JD growled, taking a running start and leaping after him, but soon he was laughing as they raced across the sky, each trying to outwit (and impress) one another with a series of aerial acrobatics. Below them, Carla watched, pointing after them and talking to Jack, who clapped and laughed delightedly. Elliot and Sean raced across the field, hooves thundering against the ground, and nearby, Turk stood atop a small outcropping of rock, watching with a small smile on his face: a silent guardian over his friends.

JD couldn't help but grin, gazing down at them after he and Perry had given up their chase in favor of drifting lazily upon the warm summer thermals. Perry had begun to teach them the Song, and they were each progressing at a good pace--even Sean. They came out here at least twice a day, between sessions with Perry, to exercise and just enjoy their time together. They all knew, as JD had that first day Perry returned, their time here in this between world of peace and happiness was limited. Soon, they would have to return, and face the crumbling of civilization--and try, somehow, to lead their fellow creatures through it. It would be dangerous, and they knew their real troubles hadn’t even begun.

But for now, JD didn't think about that. For now, he simply cherished every moment he had, knowing this summer would be the bright point that would have to sustain him during the difficult months and years that would follow. With luck, they would all come out the other side safely. But if not, JD was determined not to take a single moment of this for granted.

"Hey," he heard Perry call from above him. "Race you back down?"

"You're on, old man," JD crowed, tucking his wings in tight in a dive, laughing as Perry called out indignantly and dived after him.

No, this wasn't over, not by a long shot. But whatever came next, JD knew, at least, that he and his friends--his _family_ \--would face it head on.

Together.

* * *  


_Fin_


End file.
